You need your eyes tested. Once a day, if Nintendo has anything to do with it. Now our brains have been trained they're out to improve our looks with Face Training, our bodies with Wii Fit and our vision with Sight Training. Who knows what'll come next - blood pressure, lung capacity, vaginal elasticity?
Let's stick to Sight Training for now. Nintendo's not pretending it will actually improve your eyesight. It's about developing your "focus ability", which is how good you are at seeing moving objects, taking in different bits of information at once, seeing over a wide area, moving your eyes quickly and hand-eye co-ordination.
They're not just making it up. Sight Training is endorsed by Hisao Ishigaki, a professor of management and information science at the Aichi Institute of Technology. Underneath his picture in the manual, it says he is considered a leader in the field of "Visual Training" practiced by professional athletes. In the picture, he is wearing glasses.
When you're Britain's premiere Womens In Games apart from the other four, attending press events can be a tiresome business. As almost invariably the only woman there, you'll find yourself endlessly photographed and filmed. You'll flatter yourself this is because you are so attractive, but then you'll remember an ex-boyfriend once describing you as looking "a bit like a white Bill Cosby", and realise it's about your novelty value. Just as you did back then. A picture of a lady playing a videogame, apparently, is always more interesting than a picture of someone who looks like 90 per cent of people who play videogames playing a videogame.
The winners of the Best in Show awards from this year's Games Convention in Leipzig have been announced, GamesIndustry.biz reports, with Pro Evolution Soccer 2008 taking two awards for Best PlayStation 2 game and Best PlayStation 3 game.
It's hard to think back to a time when the all-consuming success of Nintendo's DS was in any doubt. But, as with so many new and different things, videogame consumers at first struggled to put their faith in what appeared to be an unfocused hotchpotch of whimsical design ideas.