Flushed Away

Flushed Away

Flushed Away

Absolute toilet.

I can guess what you're thinking. You're probably thinking that Flushed Away is just a hastily constructed effort created by a development studio in sweatshop conditions over just a couple of months in a cynical bid to jump on the marketing bandwagon of a moderately successful movie, by a publisher that reckons it's safe in the knowledge that the vast majority of the people who will be shelling out on it will be parents (who will put up with any old tat if it shuts the kids up for a few hours), and the vast majority of the people who will be playing it will be young kids (who will put up with any old tat if it's got moving bright colours and it's on their telly).

You'd be precisely right, of course. It's an awful, cynically conceived, badly composed travesty, of the sort that most gamers will be all too familiar with. Obviously the first part of the publisher's plan has failed: even moderate success eluded Flushed Away at the box office. The chances are the movie will have passed you by when it was released at the start of December. So here's a summary: Flushed Away is a collaboration between Nick Park's Aardman Animations (of Wallace and Gromit fame), and DreamWorks Animation. It's a CGI movie, made to look like traditional clay animation, starring the voices of the likes of Hugh Jackman, Kate Winslet, Ian McKellen. And it's about a pet mouse from a posh house who gets flushed down the loo and ends up finding action and romance in the sewers.

The game, by contrast, features the voice talent of the likes of Susan Duerden and Zachary Throne, and sees you take on the role of Roddy (the posh mouse) across various bog-standard (sorry) platform challenges. And it's awful. Just about everything about this game is irksome, from the too-small menu font, to the pointless dialogue in the cut-scenes and the voice acting that's straight (or should that be strite?) from the Eliza Doolittle school of cockerney. It opens with a tutorial assault course set in a giant living room, which, neatly, incorporates just about everything wrong with the game.

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