Destroy All Humans!

Destroy All Humans

Destroy All Humans


For a long time Destroy All Humans looked like it had the potential to be one of the games to look forward to this year. Full of smart humour, the hugely original premise turns the alien invasion concept on its head, puts you in the shoes of the bug-eyed extra terrestrial, sets it in the bubble-headed carefree environs of 1950s American suburbia and makes the 'pathetic humans' the villains for once. With flying saucer shoot-'em-up destruction, mind control, telekinesis, jackpacking, and holographic identity theft all in the mix, the game looks like a banker. Little wonder our early impressions of the game suggested nothing less than brilliance.

This loving homage to 1950s sci-fi gets off to a roaring start with a great back-story and hilarious opening salvo that sets the scene perfectly. The slightly agitated Furon people are a race with big problems: no genitals, and cloning issues. Quite how they ended up without reproductive organs is never fully explained, but suffice to say these midget, bug-eyed, grey-skinned aliens have realised that after successive generations of cloning they need to replenish their fast-deteriorating stocks of DNA fast. Having identified that Furon DNA is buried deep within the Human genome, Cryptosporidium 136 is sent on a mission to Earth to rob some unwitting humans of their brain stems and solve this Furon crisis.

Fists of Furon

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Having spent the best part of the last quarter of a century fighting off the alien hordes, today was the day the tables were finally turned and we got to see the war on humanity through bug eyes, and we have two things to report: firstly, having big bulbous eyes doesn't mean you see anything bigger (or, you know, have automatic zoom functions/night vision or anything useful like that), and secondly, yes they can see in colour. If Eurogamer designed aliens they'd have 360-degree vision that doubled up as heat-seeking missile launchers, with missiles that ate their foes. Slowly.

FeatureDestroy All Humans!

Maybe not ALL humans, just the ones that make wilfully bad games and the reckless idiots that then give them good scores (you know who you are).