Ellie writes: Dear readers,
To experience the best of Dead or Alive: Paradise, all you need to do is watch the opening cut-scene. Jiggling boobs! Wiggling bottoms! Hair-flipping! Tree-climbing! Two girls barely old enough to take the Key Stage 3 exam licking an ice cream - at the same time! From the shower scene to the final shot of the lady in the pink canoe, it's a cavalcade of impossibly subtle visual metaphors that serves to remind us just how far women have come in their quest for equality.
Of course, there's no point complaining about all the tits 'n' ass in a Dead or Alive game. That would be like complaining there's too much port and Blue WKD in your pint of Cheeky Vimto. Besides, when it comes to Paradise there's plenty of other stuff to complain about - such as the rotten visuals, flimsy gameplay, poor controls, limited customisation options, lack of online functionality, shoddy AI, lazy presentation and pathetic excuse for a storyline, to name but a few.
The premise is simple, and stupid. Playing as one of the DOA girls (there's a roster of 12, including familiar faces like Tina, Ayane and Kasumi) you get to spend a two-week holiday on Zack Island. There you can visit places like Tranquil Beach, Niki Beach and Bass Island, which are all the same except with the palm trees in a different order. There's the Pool and the Pool Side, which again are remarkably similar. You can buy dull items at a grand total of three shops, or visit the Radio Station, which is actually a music options menu masquerading as a Radio Station.
Tecmo's told Eurogamer that Dead or Alive: Paradise will be released on 2nd April in Europe.
Dead or Alive: Paradise director Yoshinori Ueda has told Eurogamer that his PSP game is not supposed to be softcore pornography nor degrading towards women, despite titillating promotional videos and a marketing slogan that reads, "Paradise in the palm of your hand."
America's ESRB organisation has apologised for classifying Dead or Alive: Paradise as a PSP game filled with "creepy voyeurism" and "bizarre, misguided notions of what women really want"; "Paradise cannot mean straddling felled tree trunks in dental-floss thongs," the Mature rating summary read.
Girls in bikinis. Sorry. Shallow.