Armed and Gorgeous is stupid and tacky and repetitive and annoying and I can't stop playing it. I'm genuinely starting to worry. The merest glimpse of the app sitting there on the iPhone's pretty little screen makes me embarrassed. The sight of its opening menu makes me genuinely sad. Worst yet, the thought of all the time I've spent hammering away at those virtual buttons when I could have been out tending the sick, protesting injustice, or at least stopping the weirdo down the road from kicking pigeons, makes me feel properly ashamed.
And yet I play it again and again. This is quite a short game - mercifully - but that just means I've been through the whole thing several times at this point, and I can't even pretend I'm exploring hidden depths. There are no hidden depths to Armed and Gorgeous. I haven't even found any hidden shallows. I just spam the main attacks, control the space, and then wait to pull off a special. Then I do it all over again.
So what's the idea, then? Armed and Gorgeous casts you as a female demon and sets you off against a cloned gaggle of peasants, knights and sorcerers. It's an arena brawler, really, with a very basic moveset, a series of small environments, and a limited collection of weapons and outfits to unlock.