Picture of Patrick Garratt

Patrick Garratt

Contributor

Flatout

A 'hair's breadth' from being legendary, reckons our Pat...

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Metal Slug 3

Aliens, lasers, monkeys and a camel with a machine gun. If it was longer, we'd be settling down together and planning a family.

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Shark Tale

Will Smith, Angelina Jolie and a bucket of fish. You people really are disgusting, you know that?

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X-Men Legends

One-eyed freak and knife fetishist join bald man in effort to save world. And they let children play this, you say...

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Madden NFL 2005

Only EA could make a sport you don't understand about men who think pushing people over and shot-gunning 'Bud' is a way of life massively enjoyable. It's Maddening. We kill ourselves.

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Catwoman

Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is put them to sleep, you know. They go to cat heaven. Apart from Catwoman, which will roast in the most virulent fires of hell. Shame. Nice coat.

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This Is Football 2004

Unless you're from Sweden, you probably won't have much cause to celebrate this evening. Still, at least now you can go online and seek revenge!

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