What's New today announced that Trendy McZeitgeist has decided to go and sit in the garden in order to be closer to his family.
He will be replaced by leading womensingames evangelist Feisty McSpunk.
"Trendy has contributed enormously to What's New since being made up a few weeks ago when we were bored," said McSpunk. "Since that time, he has presided over several important lunches [surely "launches" - Ed], gotten us out of having to do any real work on Fridays, and really deserved a new man after all he's been through."
McZeitgeist has decided to play a bit of football with the dog and then probably have a beer or something or maybe do a crossword. He will remain upstairs until we've done enough paragraphs.
Eurogamer editor Kristan Reed denied that Trendy had been "sent downstairs" because he ordered two bottles of wine from the hotel bar at E3 and billed the room before shouting at Laurent "Clooney" Fischer from Nintendo.
"Trendy McZeitgeist is a fictional character," he said. "This is entirely to do with his family, who really wanted him to go downstairs and have a bap or something because he's been typing all day, and they wanted that long before he offended Nintendo so much they all ignored him when he bumped into them at the Loews two days later."
According to documents made up to spin this out a bit longer, the garden will be paying Trendy McZeitgeist USD 1,500,000 in recognition of the compensation value he will be foregoing by not playing online poker all day.
"It was a really hard decision for money to make," McZeitgeist told What's New in an emotional podcast. "I mean 'me to bank'."
"I mean 'one-point-five-million dollars'."