This week's release list threw up the usual bollocks, with loads of games claiming to be out that clearly aren't, leaving only a thumbless handful of dead certs, two of which are almost entirely the same. That's right, it's Pokémon time again, with Ruby and Sapphire versions appearing on the Game Boy Advance this week in a hail of "fever" and "excitement" according to Pika-powered platform peddlers Nintendo. Of course, they'll both sell stupendous amounts even though the 30-odd quid price point is arguably better specced for a double-pack.
Still, you can't argue with fluffy and electrifying pseudo-RPGs, and you certainly can't argue with Pokémon's fans, because most of them are younger than you and you'd look like a total git standing in GAME hurling abuse at a 10-year-old child. "You're feeding the coffers of a xenophobic monster of a company whose criminally overpriced software is an atrocity, you insolent little whelk!" you might yell, only to regret it seconds later as said whelk's burly parents beat you round the head with a cardboard cut-out of Lara Croft.
Anyway, this week's other mostly-confirmed attractions include Airport Tycoon 2, which isn't really very attractive on any level if all the reviews are to be trusted. We'd have written something ourselves, but when we tried to install it yesterday we leapt out of the window and flattened a skyscraper. For shame. Otherwise, you've got Charlie's Angels on the Cube, which is about a group of women in tight outfits overcoming the machinations of somebody-or-other we're not too interested in bothering to look up. According to the reviews we've read it's somewhere between intensely horrifying and the work of Lucifer. Go see the movie a few times instead.
And with that the summer (hurrah for rain!) is truly upon us. We've got Pokémon to fiddle with on imaginary beaches during imaginary sunny spells, and enormous amounts of guff fizzling its way to market betwixt quarters and fiscal reports. Once again, we're left suggesting that you buy something that you didn't buy a few weeks ago, or download a mod for one of your existing games. We've been rather enjoying Desert Combat, tearing around BF1942 with AK-47s screaming "down with the infidels!", and Martin found a Marble Madness mod for UT2003 this morning, which he says is the best use of the engine yet. He must mean with the exception of UT2003 itself. Mustn't he.
Mods, eh? Of course, if Goblin Games would stop fibbing about stock and ship our copy of Knights of the Old Republic then we'd be set for the weekend, and wouldn't have to tidy the flat, go to the post office or reformat our ailing hard disks...
- Airport Tycoon 2 (PC)
- Charlie's Angels (Cube)
- Pokémon Ruby (GBA)
- Pokémon Sapphire (GBA)
Disclaimer: [Usual stuff about trying very hard to verify dates on Gameplay, Amazon, Play, GAME and anywhere else that'll help, followed by unpleasant threat of bodily harm, involving some sort of sharp instrument preferably plucked from a searing fireplace.]