Capcom has been churning out Resident Evil games to the greasy horrification of weak-minded gamers like myself for many years, but with Resident Evil Zero the publisher has finally faced up to the problems that its interminable survival horror series is responsible for. Today, the publisher launched a Resident Evil Zero terror helpline for those in the UK, aimed at calming the zombie-addled minds of petrified gamers as they sit, huddled next to the radiator, with a flaming rag stuffed into a bottle of hooch and a look of stark raving lunacy smudged across their faces.
The helpline can be reached on 08700 46 55 20 (national rate), and plays a soothing, two-minute message scripted by a top psychologist. The soothing tones of a woman's voice will remind you that whenever you hear bumps in the night, "it's never the guy in the mask," and that although you care (and should care) about Rebecca Chambers and Billy Cohen, Zero is a work of fiction and that zombies will not come bumbling up to your door in the middle of the night demanding roast brain at a moment's notice.
"It's our duty to look after our consumers properly," said Ben Le Rougetel, Capcom PR supremo (hi Ben). "Resident Evil Zero is a ridiculously scary game. We want players to know help is at hand if they become too frightened. The phone line's message is simple: it's important to realise that this is just a game. Fear is all the mind, and that's what we want our players to remember."
Resident Evil Zero is due out on GameCube tomorrow. You can read Kristan's review here.