Well hello there!
This year's slightly disparate, slightly odd E3 kicks off in earnest with Geoff Keighley's all-singing all-dancing Summer Game Fest. Here's all the news as it happened.
And welcome to the start of this year's E3, I guess?
Normally we know it's started when everyone heads to the Saddle Ranch on the Sunset Strip for some jetlagged drinks as soon as everyone's got off the plane.
But now instead of being in sunny Los Angeles I'm in, er, Lewisham. Which is still quite sunny!
Despite it being just a little bit different this year, I'm still excited. I mean, I'm almost always excited, but for the lack of a physical show and the likelihood the ongoing adjustements the industry is making to new working conditions brought about by the pandemic meaning it'll likely be light on big new announcements...
IT'S STILL VIDEOGAME CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!
And already expectations are getting out of check.
What will we see tonight? Elden Ring? Valve's new handheld? SHENMUE 4?!?!?!
Or will it be a dismal marketing exercise stretched out over two hours with a handful of CG trailers?
ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT! By sitting here and getting increasingly despondent at the tiny window on my computer screen for the next two hours.
It's going to be great!
(also not to get your hopes up but Elden Ring does look likely tonight - though I'd imagine it'll just be a tease ahead of Bamco Nandos own show early next week).
My money is on "dismal marketing exercise stretched out over two hours with a handful of CG trailers"
You might be winning big tonight!
ERM isn't video game two words Martin
Shhh don't tell anyone but I always prefer it as videogame...
Incredibly Tim Heidecker energy in that pic of Geoff at the top. Game Awards needs their own version of Oscar Fever.
I have only recently got into On Cinema recently and oh my what a treat it is.
Anyone want to toss in some predictions of their own?
Silent Hill remake
I live in hope...
Hoping for a remake of A Dogs Life
Oh god I really do live in hope.
I think I'm most excited for Geoff's outfit.
I reckon he might try and pull off a hoodie and a blazer all at once.
The absolute nutter.
HERE! WE! GO!
I wonder how quickly until my energy levels dip.
I give it until the inevitable unnecessary music number turns up.
Blazer, t-shirt and sneakers for Geoff, with what looks like a pastel colour t-shirt (alright it might not be pastel I'm colourblind give me a break).
Geoff Goldblum will be here! Geoffcarlo Esposito too!
Fingers crossed for a Wimpy Jeff cameo too please.
We're starting with a proper reveal, which is a cracking way to set things off.
I mean, it's a reveal of a Gearbox game... But you can't have everything.
This doesn't look like Brothers in Arms.
It's a Borderlands spin-off, and I'm way, way too British for this sense of humour. Sorry!
Tiny Tina's Wonderlands, coming early next year.
It is a looter shooter like Borderlands, but high fantasy.
Ultimately though that was a CG trailer reveal.
A new reveal, and another world premiere.
It's METAL SLUG!
Actually, no but. It's turn-based, and I'm fine with that!
Final Fantasy Tactics meets the incredible artwork of Metal Slug?
Well, consider me sold.
I am BEYOND excited for Metal Slug Tactics.
It's being developed by French outfit Leikir Studio, rather than internally at SNK.
Well here's Geoff asking Koj whether he's had his vaccine yet in what's set to be the next instalment in their bizarre bromance, which plays out on an annual basis through these stilted exchanges.
Japan only has a 10 per cent vaccine uptake atm, which is slighlty nuts.
Is anything going to happen in this segment?
No would seem to be the answer.
ONE MORE THING!
It's Death Stranding for PS5.
Or is it?????!!!!
Heavy allusions to Metal Gear Solid, from cardboard boxes to the music from Outer Heaven.
All done in an overly long, none-too-subtle and very drawn out section.
Oh yeah it is just Death Stranding on PS5. As you were.
What other Geoffs would you love to see tonight?
Capes is all I've got.
It's been a long few days.
This got shit quickly though didn't it?
Here's a CG trailer to keep us going though.
Something about dinosaurs.
Oh, Jurassic Park Evolution 2. There you go!
Here's that musical interlude I warned you all about. To the kitchen!
It's Japanese Breakfast, performing a song from the Sable soundtrack.
Sable being the absolutely gorgeous Moebius-inspired sci-fi game that's coming soon - we'll have plenty more about it on the site soon.
But also Japanese breakfasts are really poor.
Like pickles and soup and whatnot.
The disappointment from westerners when you see them line-up at a breakfast buffet in Japan is always palpable.
Fish flakes, not corn flakes. What's all that about?
Sorry this has turned into a casually racist 80s stand-up routine. Apologies.
Cheers @weebleman just cracked one open here
I shall follow suit!
Here's another trailer!
And this one's not CG!
It is an MMO published by Amazon Studios tho...
That looks suitably nondescript.
Call me a pessimist, but I don't think we're going to see Gradius 6 this evening.
I still believe.
Also, given that not-so-subtle tease back then maybe we will see something from Konami?
I mean I'd take a Xexex sequel.
Calling it Death Stranding Directorâ€™s Cut seems like an odd choice. I really liked the original, but you canâ€™t tell me there was a single batshit crazy element of that batshit crazy game that didnâ€™t come straight from batshit crazy Hideo himself.
Also does anyone want a longer version of it? Unless it's one of those amazing director's cuts that trims the length.
Something something Call of Duty Season 4.
Iâ€™m just here for Martinâ€™s descent into offline boozing and barely concealed contempt for the entire industry
Happy to oblige! *takes a sip*
We're onto Call of Duty eSports now!
We've made it to a quarter of the way through though! Well done everyone.
'One thing everyone's been talking about online is who the captains will be' says Geoff.
I'm not on Twitter anymore, but... Is that true?
Ryan Reynolds here, with an Elden Ring joke - lol - and a plug for Free Guy.
The actually-pretty-decent-looking video game movie that was coming out last July then a bit later then a bit later and now is coming out this summer.
I'm not even following the build up to the Euro's so my interest in Warzone eSports is even less.
I can't believe it starts tomorrow! The hype seems to be pretty non-existent?
I played through all of England's qualifying matches with a friend last night in PES.
Which probably didn't help.
A new mode for Among Us!
So, how many beers you in for now Martin? lol
Just the one!
A little tiny one.
HERE COMES THE SECOND THOUGH!
Ah wonderful, here's Shuhei Yoshida - who's now the head of indies at PlayStation.
Ah, it's been too long Shu!
Maybe put some pictures up on the wall though?
He might have just moved in, to be fair.
It's really good, and we'll have a review for you on the site soon.
Sword and Sacrifice, the follow-up to Sword and Sanctuary, is getting its debut here.
I missed the original, to my shame, but this looks bloody splendid.
And bang! Here's a trailer for Solar Ash - the new game from the people behind the brilliant Hyper Light Drifter.
Confirmed for a 2021 release, it looks brilliantly fluid and bizarre. Yes please.
Are we all a bunch of grumpy old folks?
I suspect so...
Chivalry 2 gets a trailer as it gets released, and we're just getting a Valorant update.
How longs this on for?
Just under two hours, we believe.
That tease for a new agent in Valorant was a whole lot of shrug.
But behold! A look at the very atmospheric Streets of Tarkov, a forthcoming expansion for Escape from Tarkov.
Which I haven't played, but which I now might do something about after this show ends. This looks kind of brilliant?
I love a moody shooter.
My sister bought me a bottle of Prosecco as part of my birthday present. Even though the hay fever is playing up I'm tempted to crack it open. Never tried Prosecco before.
I wouldn't tackle a whole bottle though...
Here's the new game from Two Point Games - Two Point Campus. It's a CG trailer but I'll take it - it looks wonderful.
For a moment there, I thought we were getting a sequel to Curiosity.
That would be quite something.
It's got a massive paella in it.
And that's coming in 2022.
A tease for Netflix's forthcoming video game shows - there'll be more on it in a show tomorrow.
I won't be live reporting that. Sorry.
Are they going to do a Gradius show? I'd watch that.
I did actually watch Lensman the other day, the anime which informed so much of Gradius.
I got confused.
It's a Stranger Things game perhaps? I thought we already got one of those.
Oh it's a Stranger Things-themed update for Smite.
SMITE oh dear lordCatch everyone next time
We'll be sure to post everything for you on the site! Have a better evening!
Here's a new publisher in town!
And here's 12 games it's publishing.
Payday seems to be amidst that lot, and a few other familiar games.
So it's actually Koch Media.
And they forgot to announce Shenmue 4 *sadface*
Prime Matter is the name of the publisher, and we also get very brief news that a new Painkiller games is in the works.
NEW IP! NEW STUDIO!
It's a cartoonish, slightly blunt looking four person co-op shooter.
WE'RE ALMOST HALFWAY THERE PEOPLE!
Looks like shit sci-fi Left 4 Dead
You said it...
DOM'S CAR IS COMING TO ROCKET LEAGUE!
I can't believe it's only two weeks until F9 comes out.
Anyone else booked the Thursday it comes out off work?
Sod you then. I'm excited!
Sharkmob's Vampire: The Masquerade battle royale up next - again, we'll have more on the site later tonight on this.
Disappointed in the lack of Conor Daly Rocket League DLC after he tried it in real life during the Indy 500
I GET THIS REFERENCE!
An update on the Dark Pictures series' latest instalment.
We're over halfway everyone! I'm so proud of each and every one of you.
Anyway yeah monsters in Iraq.
A Trails trailer!
Sorry, I've turned this live report on a series of game adverts into an advert for Eurogamer.
Tales of Arise! Out later this year.
"A Trails trailer! We have something special Falcom-themed coming up a bit later this month on the site."Tales (Bamco), Martin. Not Trails.
Ugh I'm an idiot. It's been a long week!
Though I'll be honest that massive error on my behalf just then did give me a bit of a jolt and woke me up.
I'd recommend making a huge cock up if you're also struggling to stay awake!
I've just noticed that Geoff's trainers match his t-shirt
Ever the professional, our Geoff.
A new adventure game from publisher Thunderful, and it does look absolutley gorgeous.
Planet of Lana, which is now very much on my radar.
For all the snark - and I do apologise for it! - it's fantastic that this platform is being used to bring so many smaller games to attention.
And also Overwatch 2.
If they say nothing about Elden Ring the YouTube chat is gonna catch fire
It'll be the closer, I'm sure.
The enjoyably chunky looking Dungeons & Dragons Dark Alliance gets a not-so-enjoyable celeb playthrough here.
Still, it's out soon! June 22nd, and it'll be on Game Pass too.
I haven't fallen asleep!
I just had to pop back into my house lol.
I don't think I missed much, mind - a Monster Hunter Stories 2 trailer.
I wonder what geoff is watching in that thumbnail pic.
Ah shit I just got back in time for Weezer. *sadface*
They've been shit since Matt Sharp left. There, I said it.
Please please please play some royalty free music over this
Would be up for that.
Weezer USED to be great.
The first two albums are great!
This is dirge. Aren't they like 50 too?
This has been incredibly underwhelming.
Solid review, that.
Modern Weezer are the band version of this show; much duller than you expected they'd be
Modern Weezer are the band version of this show; much duller than you expected they'd be
I was so hung up on Weezer's zero energy performance there I missed Endless Dungeon, which looks fun.
All this and I'm missing some week 13 action in iRacing tonight.
A reminder that we're only a day away from Ratchet & Clank: A Rift Apart's release!
It's Maximum Overdrive's Giancarlo Esposito!
One of the worst things you'll ever have to do as a games jurnlist.
Is the 'celeb' interview.
Witness nothing be said beyond a few parroted lines!
Fall Guys is getting a Nier costume!
This isn't good is it?
A quick ad for Genshin Impact there.
Some ex-Treyarch devs are here to lift the lid on their new studio - Deviation Games.
Iâ€™ll be honest so far this hasnâ€™t been great, but thereâ€™s been a couple of small things. Considering they are likely having to deal with the scraps of E3 itâ€™s not much worse than I expected. A couple of (mid sized) bangers could turn it round
Aye, some of the smaller games have been genuinely wonderful - and there's still time for something a bit more headline-grabbing.
They have nothing to show.
Ah, they're a PlayStation studio - first-party perhaps?
I love Renault Lagunas! Will it look good with the classic BTCC Nescafe livery?
And as if this event wasn't cursed enough.
Here's the music of Sonic Unleashed performed by a live orchestra.
Would anyone mind if I did some heroin? Just to take the edge off.
Is this the worst gaming event ever?
It's having a crack at the title!
Back4Blood getting a new CG trailer here.
Ah, we are seeing some gameplay - and it does look as entertaining as it did when we first saw it eaerlier this year.
Dear Tunic! I'd forgotten all about you!
This really looks delightful.
There's a new demo coming for EVERYONE to enjoy!*
*everyone with an Xbox
It's no Giant Enemy Crabs, daft Halo tattoos and embarrassing Wii-mote demos is it?
If only we had something so memorable!
Sadly, Martin, I think those glorious E3 days are behind us...
I do miss the chaos of live shows.
This is slick and professionally done - so credit to Geoff and team for pulling it all off, as it's an incredible undertaking.
But it's not getting the heart racing is it?
Hang on, my heart's racing.
It's Evil Dead: The Game.
With Bruce Campbell looking more and more like Morrissey.
Like a less problematic Morrissey.
With a chainsaw for an arm.
It's from Saber Interactive - where Tim Willits is now, which is news to me! - and it looks like a slick and enjoyable third-person action game with its tongue firmly in its cheek.
Which is what you want, really.
Anyway here's Elden Ring.
It looks exactly what you'd imagine a new FromSoft game to look like. With horses and a bit more fancy lighting.
I'm not complaining.
And we even get a release date.
January 21st, 2022.
And I'm sure we'll be seeing more next week.
That went in such a blur I couldn't pick out too many details - I can't wait to watch through the trailer again once this has wrapped.
And oh my god it's about to wrap.
We did it everyone!
We sat through it, but that was worth it
It was in the end, wasn't it?
Thanks all and thanks Martin. Whisky time!
Hang on! I thought whisky time kicked off at 7!
Lets get a bit of applause for geoff. Not the best show but fair play for even getting something together.
Elden Ring stole the headlines, but a shout out to Salt and Sacrifice, Planet of Lana and Metal Slug Tactics which all looked sublime.
And we all get to play Tunic next week! See, it's not all bad is it?
Thanks for joining me here tonight. I'm off to get some rest before the onslaught of shows over the weekend and beyond - hope to see some of you back here then!