Well good evening everyone.
Look, I'm sorry.
Or is it good morning? Gawd E3 really messes with your head when you're on the home team.
Anyway, I'm just heading down to Easy Hours for a quick beer run before Bethesda kicks off in just over 30 minutes.
Does anyone want anything?
Damn i can't keep my eyes open
I feel your pain. This beer possibly isn't helping.
This is the bleakest E3 live Eurogamer chat I've seen since they began. Bethesda not keeping people up until 2am any more?
I will endeavour to make it bleaker still.
What to expect from Bethesda's show?
Well, lord knows.
They announced everything last year.
Maybe they can announce Elder Scrolls 7 this time out?
Fallout 5 and 6 and 7.
And Wet 2, obviously.
Disappointed that none of you have mentioned Rogue Warrior yet.
Also what celebrity cameo would you like, in the wake of Keanu's appearance at Microsoft?
Oh yes please.
Richard Briers too?
Oh shit, he dead.
Was I the only person who liked Brink at the time? It was more of a noble failure than a sucess but maybe it’s just age, the late hour, and double IPAs talking.
I liked Brink!
So much potential there, and a lot of it wasted, but I still had a fun time with it.
Oh, we've started.
Totally here for Brink 2 btw.
We're starting with *feelings* and a celebration of all of us as gamers.
I hate this.
I, too, hate this.
This vapid shite is certifiably worse than Brink. We can all agree on that right?
We stand together on that simple fact. This intro vid is shite. #betogether
Right, so what really to expect. A new Arkane project?
Er, Rage 2 DLC?
Oh, more on Doom Eternal and Wolfenstein: The Young Ones.
Oh look Pete Hines walks out from the crowd because he's just one of us!
That jacket Pete Hines is wearing is very similar to the one Phil Spencer wore at the MS conference.
It's the latest line in exec chic - the bomber jacket that says they're just regular joes.
We're getting customer feedback piled in through the show, though, which could be lolz.
We're are also getting Todd Howard's regrettable stand-up routine, which is fast becoming an E3 tradition now.
Fallout 76 is up for discussion! It got a lot of deserved criticism, admits Todd.
The community is lovely, apparently.
Also the pre-orders for Todd Howard Live at the Apollo DVD are going live round about now.
We're getting a look at Elder Scrolls Blades, which you might have played already on mobile.
It's not very good!
Well I'm already depressed.
I was already depressed. I don't even know what this new feeling is. I don't like it.
But wait! Elder Scrolls is coming to Switch!
The slightly underwhelming mobile game that is.
Bethesda's E3 conferences are so weird. In a good way I think?
But they could have let us know so much of this in an email rather than hiring out a theatre in LA.
Fallout 76 update now, from two lads who look like they kept their coathangers in their shirts as their arms hang stiffly by their sides.
Anyway, there's an update coming to Fallout 76. And it introduces NPCs!
Wastelanders 76 is the free update, coming this autumn.
As weak as this is, I do really appreciate the announcement of dialogue trees being given a rousing applause.
Drink to forget your mistakes.
And here's a Battle Royale mode for Fallout 76.
There it is.
52-player battle royale, an update called Nuclear Winter and it's coming on June 10th.
Oh that's today!
People are cheering executives as they announce a battle royale for a game they admit they knew was less than brilliant when they first started asking for money for it.
What even is this world.
Anyway here's Todd come tell us a joke son.
Also of note, Todd Howard is wearing his own spin on the exec bomber jacket.
Thank the lord, then for Shinji Mikami, who comes on wearing a hoodie.
As he gets ready to unveil God Hand 2.
It's a new IP!
So not God Hand 2. But it's Ghostwire Tokyo!
Let's see it in action please.
Creative director Ikumi Nakamura is here to take us through the demo, and she's brilliantly enthusiastic about it all.
A cinematic trailer is what we're getting, showing a gritty take on Tokyo where the paranormal juts up against the 'normal'.
Well, I have no idea after that.
Still, new IP from Tango Gameworks, and there's a nice edge to its vision.
Right, there was a quick montage about pepole who like Bethesda games, here's an update on Elder Scrolls Online, I'm going to the fridge.
Games journalists are an embarassing bunch
Well *excuse* me!
But also yeah I'm an absolute embarassment to myself and all who know me.
Martin: "I'm going to the fridge"Bethesda audience: "WOO YEEAAHH!"
Quite appreciate the applause really. It is quite a walk!
Hi I'm back did I miss anything.
Another prerendered trailer, you say?
Can we please find out who else makes their own yarn? What's with all this games shit??
I'm making my own yawn right now if that's any use.
Anyway I'm ignoring the fact that a cat is killing a dragon, which is something.
It looked like the cat might be hurt but the cat's okay, we'll find out more about the cat in the expansion.
People are out of their seats in the front row, screaming at every sentence that comes out of the presenter's face.
So much screaming.
The screaming gets louder.
It gets more aggressive.
'We're humbled by your enthusiasm' he says as the screams ring out, louder, more desperate.
That's not enthusiasm.
It's horror. Despair. An emptiness in the pit of the stomach that can only be expressed by opening your mouth as wide as it goes and letting out a low, guttral noise.
Anyway here's a new game it's a free-to-play mobile Commander Keen game thanks.
So yeah, Commander Keen is back. But...
Why does this hurt? WHY DOES THIS HURT?!
I don't know, but if you scream loud and hard enough the pain goes away, if only for a short while.
I cant believe you've done this
Don't blame me!
Also I don't know what's going on but you can go helmet to helmet apparently I don't know if this is even real anymore.
Someone just let a fox into the auditorium then stood on its tail and now I think it's just dead there.
It let out this horrible yelp and now its corpse is just there, lying in one of the aisles, maybe even blocking one of the fire exits I hope they see to it soon.
That poor fox.
It sounds like another fox just got its tail stamped on. The poor things.
In amidst all that, there was something on Elder Scrolls Legends and now here's an update on Rage 2.
Who the fuck even uses VHS any more?!
I'm still Betamax all the way.
Right, all that's done, let's have a good look at Wolfenstein.
Wolfenstein Youngblood will have more weapons than before, more Nazis to kill.
It looks fun and energetic going from that trailer but good lord stop with the 80s schtick.
Also I'm a fan of this lad sticking with the trad exec outfit of t-shirt, jeans and blazer.
Because bomber jacket chic is back as Arkane Lyon take to the stage.
It's an all-nw Arkane game, which I'm very much behind.
A 70s vibe, which is a bit different, and it's about two assassins but this is another cinematic trailer so honestly I have no idea.
It's Deathloop - proving that time loops are the new big thing in games after 12 Minutes and Outer Worlds.
It's Spy v Spy?
'It's really fucking cool' they say.
'Swearing isn't cool' I say. Pricks.
So, Deathloop - an all-new game from Arkane Lyon, and something to very much look forward to.
*Outer Wilds, for the other looping one? I know, I do it all the time too
Sorry! I do it all the time and will continue to do it becuase frankly it's silly. And also I'm an idiot.
Here's a look at all-new technology, dubbed Orion - I believe it's centred around streaming.
It optimises performance for streaming games and I'm not sure this is the time for this lads.
Here's Doom Etarenal, I hope to end this sorry show.
WTF is with the audience? They practically gave an expansion pack for mobile microtransaction based card games a standing ovation. I have never heard an audience so obviously planted as this one.
Glue-sniffing is the only reason I can come up with for the screaming. That or all the foxes that are either fucking/being slaughtered in there right now.
Doom Eternal! It looks bloody brilliant.
The irony of slayersclub.com currently not loading due to people trying to sign up to Bethesdas streaming tech is not lost on me.
At last! A look at a video game in action, what feels like a first this E3.
A goddamn wonderful looking video game too. A lot more environmental stuff in there than Doom 2016, and I like how intricate it all looks.
Apologies for the radio silence - I'm kind of lost in reverie as Doom Eternal fills my sleep-deprived mind with all sorts of garish, gorey brilliance.
I shouldn't really complain about this press conference. It's all the weirdness and awkwardness that I missed in MS's slick presentation earlier on, bundled together.
And we get a Doom Eternal release date thrown in for good measure too - it's out on November 22nd.
The one weakside to Doom 2016 - the multiplayer - is being addressed now as they talk about Battlemode.
We're also going to get a proper look at Doom Eternal's multiplayer in motion - and there'll be plenty more details at Quakecon later this year.
And that was Bethesda's show. Kind of awful in places, but I'm still grateful for it all. Thanks Bethesda!
They're not seriously going to not mention elder scrolls... Are they?
They mentioned Blades! And Legends!