Only *stares at watch* two and a half hours to go!
We. Are. Done. And Bethesda brought the big ones - we got Rage 2, a new Doom, some more details on Fallout 76. Oh, and Elder Scrolls 6. So there's that. Here's it all as it happened.
Seriously though do stick around I've already had a few beers and am planning on more and there's a very high chance you'll get to witness me losing my job, live and in real time here on you're a gamer dot com.
Could you imagine if Huw Edwards tweeted out "Just had a few beers. Time to do the 10 o'clock news. Tune in, I am steaming."?
Wouldn't happen, but there was that time he did the 6 o'clock news off his tits on ket. Was a good watch, that.
Hello...anyone still here?
Martin. Another year and you get the late shift covering e3 conferences ;p.
It's honestly a highlight of my year.
Heads up; seems the video URL has been "removed" by the user.
Ta, have swapped it out with the Twitch stream.
45 minutes to go. We can do this.
There's a certain amount of cabin fever creeping into the office.
There's a Virtual Boy in the corner, screaming out incessant beeps.
Now everyone who's left in the office is just beeping the same song.
I've moved from beers to gin and tonic. My eyes hurt.
But it's okay. We can do this.
Right, hi, hello, I'm here.
I have a banging headache and I can't see out of one eye.
I really don't know what to expect from this.
We know about Fallout 76 and I'm guessing we'll get a lot more detail.
Confirmation, perhaps, that it's an online survival game.
We'll see some Rage 2 gameplay, I'm sure.
The Prey DLC that's been on the cards for a while, maybe some Wolfenstein DLC too.
Beyond that I don't really have the foggiest.
I mean, it's late and Martin is "slightly" drunk but pretty sure that happened.
Yup, they did say that (and I'm not that drunk!) The rumours have pointed to that being the case, though, and both those things mentioned earlier don't count it out!
Would be lovely to get some more Switch announces tonight.
I honestly would be up for Rogue Warrior on the go.
There's an awful lot of Andrew WK in these Rage 2 trailers they're recapping and I'll be honest it's really not helping things right now.
Rocksteady is making a Superman game. Not related, but it's late and nothing is related anymore.
If that happens I would die with happiness on the spot.
That's quite enough of the pre-show, let's get this thing up and running.
Also thanks to everyone who's stuck around for this tonight. You're all legends.
That kind of felt like a life insurance advert but it was a nice message nevertheless. Bethesda is a company staffed by humans.
Pete Heinz is going to be our frontman for the night.
Having awful thoughts about Hines Salad Cream now and I knew that drinking before this was a mistake.
This year's theme, by the way, is 'Create'.
The screamers are out in force.
It's not quite an enthusiastic scream, though.
The high pitch has an edge of terror to it.
Rage 2 now tho.
This isn't Rage 2.
It's Andrew WK.
The cutaway to a bemused audience kind of made it all worthwhile.
There's nothing more beautiful than a completely immobile audience staring, frozen in apathy, at a high energy performance like this.
Some people are going pretty wild, to be fair, and are literally tapping their feet to this.
Just down at the front where the rowdy lot are. mind.
Why is Tim Willits kneeling?
This is slightly awkward, but bless them, this is beautiful.
Onto some gameplay, thankfully.
This game is going to be good. Really good. It might take a while for that to come into focus, though.
It does look every bit as lovely as the original Rage, but with the added bonus of the freedom that an Avalanche game implies.
So, is anyone going to mention Mad Max? No?
I will! This looks like Mad Max. Mad Max was brilliant.
It is Doom 2016 with a bit of Mad Max and a little Bulletstorm and that's going to be just great thanks.
They're going strong on the obnoxious stuff though which isn't helping its cause too much.
Here's Elder Scrolls: Legends.
It's coming to Switch, PS4 and Xbox One, for your i.
There's a Switch game announcement, I guess.
Ha, yup rack it up.
And now Elder Scrolls Online.
This game has come a long, long way since launch.
This, though, seems like a weird victory lap rather than something that should be on during an E3 presser.
This is a strange conference so far, but I kind of like it. It's a throwback to 2009-era E3.
Tonnes of awkward moments, weird musical guests and pauses for applause.
It's all quite warming.
It'll be the G & T warming Martin
Ah, yeah it probably is that.
Was that a trailer for what came out last week?
But hey what's this.
Could it be.
Hell on Earth.
Is it just going to be DOOM 2: Hell on Earth?
Yes and I'm okay with that.
Or Doom Eternal, call it what you want.
It's more Doom and I am so, so up for that.
Let's please have a look at it in action.
It's a proper sequel.
Hold up I just got wind of the time.
This whole late night thing was just Bethesda setting up that perfect moment. Thanks pals.
Aaaannnnd we're not going to see the game in action - it's being saved for Quakecon in August.
That kind of sucks.
They're justified, and they're ancient.
And now onto Quake Champions.
I want one these guys to fart on stage, just to hear the audience woo at it
That was Quake.
This is Prey.
I've had East 17's 'Stay Another Day' in my head all day and have been trying to wrangle Prey-relevant lyrics into it.
I'll spare you any of my efforts so far, but please do have a crack yourself.
This is a stealth drop - the new stuff you've just seen is available naaaaoooowww.
And a multiplayer mode which sounds kind of awesome, with players disguising themselves as mimics.
Wolfenstein time now - perhaps a DLC announce?
Wolfenstein is coming to Switch later this month, as you know.
And the next chapter of Wolfenstein, Young Blood, takes up the story of BJ's twin daughters.
And it's a co-op game.
Sounds more like a smaller spin-off than a standalone. And we're going to get to see it in action.
So - is this a Death of the Outsider style side entry or Wolfenstein 3 without a number?
The former, I'd reckon.
Oh no we're not going to get to see it in action.
That's a trend, it would seem.
We're also getting two new VR experiences - one for Wolfenstein and one for Prey.
I'd kind of forgotten that Fallout 76 was part of this.
Here it comes. Take it away Todd Howard.
I just went for a whizz and I came back to a weird Jason Manford routine.
Is this still the comedy bit?
So many parts of this conference have felt like an April Fools or an extended Clickhole riff.
the site that puts puns under every article, is getting cranky about a comedy skit
Rumbled (sorry I'm being grumpy because it's very much past my bedtime)
This is the same trailer we saw at Microsoft earlier today.
Here we are, getting a proper look at Fallout 76 in action.
It's a much more detailed world, and it does look *gorgeous*.
This looks very much like a bonafide single-player Fallout, so maybe those rumours about it being an online-focussed game was wide of the mark.
Oh no they weren't.
You'll only be in a world with dozens of people at a time rather than 100s or 1000s.
Not sure he can take this routine to an arena, tbh, and I'm certainly not buying the DVD for my mum.
This actually looks like a load of fun - forming a band, raiding with friends.
And shooting the shit out of massive sloths. I'm in.
You can build settlements, and then see them be wrecked by monsters.
Also a photo mode.
Oh and you can nuke other players.
It might sound a bit, well, OP, but you do have to work with other players to get the nuclear code, which seems like a pretty neat mechanic.
Getting your buildings wiped out seems less neat, but I'm sure they've got a solution somehow for that.
There's a beta - called the 'Break-It-Early-Test-Application'.
They've become self aware!
We've gone straight from talk of a beta to collector's editions and oh god the apocalypse will be next.
So yeah there's a glow in the dark map and a helmet.
It's out on 14th November. That's a busy, busy month with Battlefield and Red Dead too.
A few little bonuses - Fallout Shelter is coming to PS4 and Switch naaaaoooow.
And now onto Starfield.
Or The Elder Scrolls Blades, as it's actually called.
It's an all-new Elder Scrolls game! But...
I like big BUTS and I cannot lie...
You can play in portrait! Also I think Todd made a wanking joke and I'm just about ready to go to bed.
It's a console game *on a phone*! This really is the most 2009 conference I've seen since, well, 2009.
It's a free-to-play game, and it's coming out this autumn.
Also you can... pre-order this free-to-play game?
Now I'm confused.
Oh now here's one last thing which might be interesting.
This'll be Starfield, right? It's a next-gen game.
Next-gen is really here, right now. I wonder if Sony will 'fess up that half of the games it's showing tomorrow are next-gen too.
Also Starfield could be amazing.
But also good luck getting Elder Scrolls 6 anytime in the next decade.
Oh wait lol.
Nah here's Elder Scrolls 6 because today's had everything.
You can't really end a show on a bigger note than that.
Elder Scrolls 6.
Hope it's more than just an SEO play Todd.
A lumpy show, but some amazing moments, and some great-looking games.
Also Andrew WK.
I really, truly, am done.
Thanks so much for joining us. I want to go to bed before the sun rises.
See you all tomorrow at 6pm for Square. Not sure how tomorrow can top today given all the big reveals, but let's see it try.