We're an hour away from EA, and the office is abuzz as we all catch up with the barnstorming Microsoft conference.
And we're done. Thank heavens - at times I thought it'd never end. Still! Battlefront looks amazing, as does Mirror's Edge Catalyst and the new Mass Effect has a name. Also, EA employs a lot of attractive Swedish people. Oh, and they paid Pele a lot of money to come on stage and tell us about the time someone patted his head.Watch live video from EA on www.twitch.tv
Also, alight with anticipation for the pizzas that are arriving in a bit.
I'm in. EA has gone for an unconventional "big wedding" seating plan this year. Looking forward to some warm Prosecco and some tiny bits of toast with salmon on them.
Go on then Martin. What kind of pizza? You lot are eating pizza with a BBQ base then you are dead to me.
From Hove's own Pizza Face, the most delightfully middle class of delivery joints. I went for a spicy number that may land me in trouble come Sony's conference.
Wait... Callie... Marie...Callie... Christian...Marie... Martin...#OHGOD #CONSPIRACY?
I'm team Callie all the way though!
Right, so what to expect.
First of all, Peter Moore *has* to show us a new outfit.
A onesie that slips off easily enough, revealing a full-body tattoo with EA's full financials and the release date of Mirror's Edge across one buttock and Bjorn from Peggle on the other would do the trick.
That'd win me over. Screw anything on a new Mass Effect or our first look at Mirror's Edge.
Also, we can expect plenty of Star Wars - Battlefront, some Old Republic stuff and if we're lucky a peek at Amy Hennig's new joint.
Best worst conference ever was the Capcom one from a few years back. Anyone that sat through that deserves a medal.
Konami's one from 2011, I think, was a blast if you love disastrous shows as much as I do. Also, never forget Jamie Kennedy's performance for Activision. Legendary.
Which one had Mr. Caffeine? That has to be well up there.
I love Aisha Tyler, but I do wish they'd give him a second chance. I love that man.
Not a chance mate.
A hyper dramatic countdown leads into some western style music. Is Peter Moore going to be wearing a stetson?
Oh, disappointingly it looks like this is for Mass Effect 4, not a teaser for Peter Moore's outfit.
Still, I'll take the return of the Mako.
And we have a name for it - Mass Effect Andromeda, coming late next year.
You could cut your fingers on the lines on Andrew Wilson's suit.
Why you're running your fingers over Andrew Wilson is your own business. I won't ask any questions. Neither will he.
Just go with it. It's all about your passion for play. He'll understand that.
Confirmation from Mr. Wilson that we're getting some new IPs, Mirror's Edge and, to climax, Star Wars Battlefront.
"Thanks," says Andrew Wilson, "You make us better." No, you make *me* better Andrew.
Anyway, enough of that. CARS.
NFS: B&Q car park after closing
Would play, 8/10, Recommended.
Super urban look for the new Need for Speed, and a very Swedish man takes to the stage. Such style! Such confidence!
"This is the least ambitious game we've ever worked on". Is not something they've just said. This one's "definitive".
Full customisation in this Need for Speed, and a big story emphasis. Tellingly, they're telling us that Star Wars Battlefront is on in 50 minutes, so please do stick around.
Is this real or is it Frostbite? You're right, Marcus, I am confused.
That's actually a cool match cut to in-game footage. Though I thought we was over all the story stuff after the last few disastrous times it was in the Need for Speed series.
I love Fast & Furious as much as the next chap, but this is more Tokyo Drift than Fast 7.
Well, as far as down and dirty street racing goes it certainly looks the part - though that dramatic cam on sliding looks a bit obnoxious.
I quite liked Tokyo Drift /hangs head in shame
Han 4 life.
Oh hey, BioWare's making a Star Wars game. It's an Old Republic sequel?
Oh wait, it's that one. Understandable that EA's leaning on its existing, very expensive Star Wars product in the run-up to Episode 7's release.
is anyone still playing the old republic?
I know a few people that do, and are very much into it.
Well it must be doing well if they're still got the budget for these mega trailers.
Patrick Soderlund now, the second handsome Swede on stage and we're only 15 minutes in. This is delivering.
He's teasing some more pretty Swedes who could well take to the stage in a second.
Those are some tight trousers.
Those are some skinny legs!
And we're seeing an all-new IP, Unravel. And Martin Sahlin. Hi Martin!
I think he's got a henna tattoo, which is some weird festival vibe to be bringing to the stage.
Also with this knitted aesthetic and some cute, light philosophy about the power of creativity we have reached peak indie.
No, wait, I was wrong. With this tinkling then soaring and emotive soundtrack, we've now reached peak indie.
It's pretty and it's smart, so fair play to EA for giving it such a big chunk of time.
EA's idea of crazy is no way near as convincing as Ubisoft's, as witnessed by the forced zaniness of this Plants vs. Zombie Garden Warfare reveal.
I admit I never gave the first Garden Warfare a chance, which is my mistake - those that have played it tell me it's great.
PVZ fails in a post-Splatoon world.
This isn't a post-Splatoon world, it's a Splatoon world. Long may its brilliance reign over us.
DON'T FORGET BATTLEFRONT IS ON IN 35 MINUTES.
For now, though, the news that bots will be in Garden Warfare 2, and that you can transfer progress from the first game.
EA sports is next, time to tune out
I might have tuned out during that Garden Warfare section. Apologies!
33 MINUTES TO BATTLEFRONT.
Oh, and now for some ice hockey. Popping to the kitchen - anyone want anything?
Hang on, is this year's NHL the one with the beard tech? Maybe I'll stick around for a couple more minutes.
These parts do baffle me - I wonder if they realise a global audience is watching when they parade all these sports.
When face scans go wrong.
Who's hoopohmygawd? Anyone?
A Google search tells me she's called Moné and, as of an hour ago, her back hurt.
And she was still in school an hour ago, so it's impressive she made it to the stage. Traffic in LA round there at this time must be a 'mare.
Hang on, my mistake. Apparently it's Ashwin Gowda, who made $106 in December 2012 just by doing surveys.
Oh, it's time to talk about mobile! This bit always goes down well with all those tuned in to these conferences.
It's EA's turn to do a Hearthstone clone, after Bethesda's Elder Scrolls spin-off. At least this one has Star Wars in it.
It's at times like this I really wish I could say naughty words in these livetexts to really get across how I feel about things like this Minions game.
No, Phil. Just no.
12 MINUTES TO BATTLEFRONT EVERYONE.
Oh god is Pele dead?
What a loss.
He lives! Reborn on EA's stage!
It's like that time that Jesus guy came back, but with more presentations about mobile games.
I *think* we're still watching a video game conference, but right now Pele's just slagging off American football.
SIX MINUTES TO BATTLEFRONT EVERYONE!
I think we've just lost our first look at Mirror's Edge to accommodate this anecdote about... A Swedish girl patting his hair?
Wait, there's a video game here too!
I wanted to hear more about what happened in Sweden though, to be honest.
FIFTEEN MINUTES TO BATTLE... Hang on, where's that extra 10 minutes come from? PELE!
Right, got distracted there for a second by the most distasteful joke that sadly can never make it to this livetext. FIFA 15 has some new features in it.
I've heard from people who've played it that it's a huge improvement over last year's effort - keen to try it out, having shifted over to PES in recent years.
NO MORE MINUTES TO BATTLEFRONT - the trailer has released early. Or on time, before Pele came along and stole ten minutes.
Mirror's Edge now, though, so you might want to stick around.
It's open-world, it looks a lot less shooty than before and overall it looks pretty bloody good.
Please no guns, please no guns.
What a bummer it must be to have the surname Kruger - you're just destined to be a bit evil.
We get a release date for Mirror's Edge Catalyst too - February 23rd next year.
American Football - where's Pele now, ey?
Actually, I'd welcome him back on stage to present this one.
Nope, it's just some big face wearing jeans, a blazer and a pale blue shirt. Also, the blazer's cream. That's so much no on one man!
Star Wars Battlefront's new gameplay is here, if you can't bear to wait.
Callie and Marie are unimpressed. UNIMPRESSED, EA.
That gif has pretty much been me the whole conference.
Twitch has just died. Or done the decent thing and pulled the plug.
We're back up over here. And it's Battlefront time.
Oh, and I'd forgotten to pick up this thread.
Peter Moore *has* had a costume change.
He's in his afternoon wear - more casual, but still smart as hell. Nice one Peter!
There is a head on a completely inanimate body telling us about how scared she was as a child.
The body is moving, it's okay.
SO MANY MORE MINUTES OF THIS UNTIL WE GET TO SEE BATTLEFRONT.
This'll be the demo Aoife was lucky enough to see a few months ago.
It's captured from a PS4, but it does seem very, very scripted.
Lovely, lovely grenades.
Lovely snow! So many lovely noises!
Sorry for the silence, I've just been squeeing to myself the past couple of minutes.
I think I'll be buying this later on this year, and I don't think I'll be the only one doing so.
squeeing? a combination of squeeling and weeing?
Yeah, it's a smelly scream basically.
People are actually screaming in the office. Well, Bertie is, but it's quite a scream.
And that's a wrap. I'm diving out to get Ubisoft up and running - which is mere minutes away!
Thanks for joining us. And thanks for the stories, Pele.