Mobile Games Roundup

Bird! Horse! Robot! Unicorn! Jump!

For the last four years there's been a metronomic precision to the release of a new iPhone, and now is usually the time that the rumour mill goes into overdrive as the tech blogs try to suss out what form the next iteration is going to take. But not this time.

For once, Apple has decided to hold fire, and not simply release another handset for the sake of it. Without knowing any of the reasons behind the change of strategy, it seems like a smart move to wait until a substantially superior model is ready, than, say, rush out a '4GS' with only incremental improvements.

Plus, of course, speculation is building that Apple may be readying a massive Apple TV reboot with gaming at the heart of its strategy. If that is the case, it would make perfect sense to make further inroads into a market that it has the potential to dominate in the years to come. And knowing Apple, the product will probably be available to buy the day after it announces it.

Unpleasant Horse

  • iPhone/iPad - Free (universal binary)

Just how unpleasant can a horse be? Well, if you've ever been kicked in the face by one, or stood just that little bit too close while one is engaging in fierce urination, the answer is quite unpleasant.

It's unlikely, though, that you'll have ever been dragged screaming into spinning metallic blades of death in the name of points accumulation. If you have, then it's probably academic, because you'll be dead, or lacking the limbs required to relive the experience via PopCap's oddball freebie.

I'm your father!

Born out of PopCap's desire to make a game in 24 hours, a name was drawn out of a hat, and 'Unpleasant Horse Racing In The Sky' came into being. For reasons best know to their shrinks, the 4th & Battery team elected to make a game where you control an evil black horse on a mission to drag white ponies into a meat grinder. Classy.

Despite having wings, your Unpleasant Horse's flying abilities are poor to say the least, so getting around requires leaping from cloud to cloud while stealing passing birds. But the real fun, evidently, comes from taking the opportunity to jump on the backs of passing ponies and send them plummeting into the mincer.

As bones and gristle spray into the sky, it's advisable to beat a hasty retreat and leap away before you meet a similar fate. The longer you delay your departure, the more points you score. Points!

And that's all there is to this slightly deranged gorefest. If Extreme Noise Terror had provided the soundtrack, we would be tempted to crown it the satanic Robot Unicorn Attack.


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About the author

Kristan Reed

Kristan Reed


Kristan is a former editor of Eurogamer, dad, Stone Roses bore and Norwich City supporter who sometimes mutters optimistically about Team Silent getting back together.


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