phatb0y Comments

Page 1 of 3

  • Editor's blog: A brief note about "GamerGate"

  • phatb0y 02/09/2014

    Haven't felt the need to login to EG for quite a while now, after this it'll be abandoned and Eurogamer added to the pastebin list.

    I don't think anyone was naive enough to believe that gaming journalists wouldn't circle their wagons and try and divert attention away from the subject matter, but this is a joke.

    If you really feel the need to sign a petition, sign this one...
    Reply +6
  • Out of nowhere, on-rails shooter Blue Estate launches on PS4

  • phatb0y 25/06/2014

    @FladgeMangle You've sold this game to me. Thanks. Reply +10
  • Warhammer 40K: Storm of Vengeance launches proper this week

  • phatb0y 24/04/2014

    Even by mobile gaming standards this looks like absolute shit. Reply +1
  • Knack review

  • phatb0y 13/11/2013

    'There are two women in Knack; one of them is evil and the other one starts off bad, realises she was wrong and asks the men to save her. These are some last-gen gender politics.'

    We Kotaku now.
    Reply -3
  • Grand Theft Auto 5 patch 1.05 finally released

  • phatb0y 05/11/2013

    @AgentPothead Precisely. After about ten hours you've probably seen everything the game has to offer. All the missions are variations of fetch quests, nobody plays deathmatch because its too expensive and trying to find a race that isn't Criminal Records or Down The Drain is an exercise in futility (as is trying to find either of those races with catchup switched off).

    The only real fun in the game lies in freeroam, but to fund that properly you have to grind missions/races to fund your habit. Or buy Rockstar shekels. And even if you can find a healthy balance between earning money and dicking around in freeroam that 'fun' carries the risk of you being labelled a 'bad sport'.

    Heists? When?

    Mission editor? When?

    For all the hype its hard to believe this is actually a step backwards when you compare it to RDR's multiplayer.
    Reply +22
  • EVE Online, Dust 514 servers will merge tomorrow

  • phatb0y 10/01/2013

    @Dust_514_Overlord instead of being a patronising cunt and trying to tell me what I have and haven't played (quick FYI, I played it for about 4 hours on Monday, so its safe to say I've played the latest build) why not have a quick look around the internet and take your fanboy goggles off?You might like it, but the general consensus is that its shit. I wish it wasn't, I was looking forward to it, but knowing CCP it will be a long time before it can be regarded as even playable. Latency and hit detection might not matter too much in the whacky world of interstellar Excel when you're mining veldspar for hours on end, but it makes or breaks an FPS. If by some miracle this is cured when it goes over to live servers then great, but CCP's history doesn't give me much confidence. I still remember the constant disconnections, rubber-banding and node crashes of EVE's early days. Reply +1
  • phatb0y 10/01/2013

    @Dust_514_Overlord thats great, except all the issues people have raised are still present in the latest build.

    I login in to Dust 2-3 times a week for a couple of hours at least (which I'm sure Widge here has been witness to) and every point that has been raised so far here is valid. Pop-in is still rife, the netcode is piss poor and the game still looks awful (I've played Android games that look better). If you still believe in the 'its a beta' mantra then more fool you.

    CCP need a miracle (or another year) for Dust to resemble anything like a finished product. Just like EVE did.
    Reply 0
  • phatb0y 09/01/2013

    Dust 514, in its current state, is ...Abysmal.

    Like others have said before; the basic FPS mechanics are awful. To say it plays like a poor Unreal Tournament mod circa 1999 would be doing a disservice to half-finished, ill-conceived mods.

    Even the basics like the controls are so poorly executed. The famous 'walking on air' feeling of the Unreal Engine is there, along with the added bonus of feeling incredibly sluggish and inaccurate. You can remedy this somewhat by using a keyboard and mouse, but it might take you a while to configure something you're comfortable with (and even then you'll still turn like you're an oil tanker).

    Graphically its very, very poor. Although this was something that was never part of the appeal for me, Dust 514 has a face only a mother could love. LOD/textures pop-in like something on the PSone. The seeded maps feel bland, generic (thats your procedurally generated content for you) with no character at all. The only difference from map to map feels like a palette swap.

    The only strong point is the meta game. CCP have once again scratched the stat itch and given you a nice toolset for creating your own personalised loadouts (anyone familiar with the shield extenders, armour repairs, damage modifiers etc of EVE will have a field day here; its virtually identical) and even at this early stage theres quite a comprehensive amount of stuff to play around with. IF the game ties into EVE as they've said and the market opens up with even more items that will be a game in itself.

    All this is moot though. Already the game is filled with spawn camping wankers and teams made entirely of snipers who sit back at the edges of the map too afraid of losing their k/d or equipment to actually contribute to their team. Imagine your shittest round of Bad Company 2 on hardcore and multiply it tenfold. This is the level of gameplay currently on offer.

    Dust 514 could end up being a decent game. It will probably follow the same path as EVE; hilarious in beta, shite for the first 12 months, then competent enough until you get bored of the endgame. CCP certainly have their work cut out for them though.
    Reply +6
  • Battlefield 3: Aftermath review

  • phatb0y 29/11/2012

    6/10? Maybe if you're scoring on value for money, otherwise its a clear 9/10.

    The maps are a massive improvement on previous DLCs, both in quality and layout, and Scavenger is a genuinely fun game mode. Couldn't ask for much more really.
    Reply 0
  • Is the PlayStation Vita worth 230?

  • phatb0y 20/01/2012

    More EG derponomics. Please stick to the games.

    There are a myriad of costs to figure into any product besides parts and labour.

    'That means that Sony is earning around 108 on every 3G Vita sold in the UK, give or take currency conversion factors.'

    WAT? I'd be surprised if Sony is making even half of that. The profit margin in consumer electronics aren't very large at all. Just because something costs a lot doesn't mean theres a huge amount of profit in it for the manufacturer.
    Reply +4
  • DC Universe Online

  • phatb0y 21/01/2011

    Herp comments derp Reply -4
  • Killzone 3 Multiplayer Beta

  • phatb0y 03/11/2010

    We dun got trolled, Ron. All those times we've spent playing alongside Progguitarist and he was never really there. He was on his 360.Commentard paranoia/logic ftw Reply 0
  • phatb0y 03/11/2010


    I think 32 player Radec was so popular because it was just 'action' packed. The ADHD crowd and the kids probably loved it, but to anyone who wanted to do anything more than build bots, throw grenades or fire rockets into spawns then it was a pretty piss poor experience.

    Some maps just didn't suit 32 players at all (and were probably never intended to judging by the design), they were probably kept in the map rotation in case supplies of ritalin got low. There aren't even many games that suit 32 players properly let alone maps.

    Salamun Market was/is an outstanding map. One of the best in any FPS. Even that felt like complete bollocks with 32 players running around.
    Reply +2
  • phatb0y 03/11/2010

    'I don't need to read all your bantering no matter how much is can be amusing. You guys seriously need to get a grip, always the same crap. Doesn't this get old?'

    Translation - I didn't read what you said but I'm going to whine about it anyway.
    Reply 0
  • phatb0y 03/11/2010

    Realistically speaking its a couple of months away. On a project of this size and scope thats not much time at all. Considering what needs fixing.

    I'd love the game to turn out to be a winner. The feedback so far doesn't hold much hope of that though.

    At this stage Killzone 2 was in far better shape.
    Reply 0
  • phatb0y 03/11/2010

    I wondered when we'd get the 'you do know its a beta?' fantard mantra.

    And for anyone looking for validation from 'professional' websites with regards to beta impressions - don't. At this stage all they're interested in reporting are the graphics and gameplay features. At no point does anything regarding the actual gameplay itself get more than a cursory mention.

    God forbid a website or old media article actually turn around and say 'You know what, this actually plays like a sack of shit at the moment'. Then again, maybe if they did their 'exclusives' would dry up.

    Fundamental gameplay issues rarely get resolved in a beta. Theres nothing to resolve; they're core parts of the game. Counting on GG to change the game from a spammy, meatgrinding clusterfuck into something close to KZ2 (providing you chose the right server) would be akin to asking Polyphony Digital to turn GT5 into a fighting game a month before the game goes gold.

    Yes, it is a beta, and as such some problems are past the point of no return. Some developers do take notice of the feedback they're given and act on it. Most treat betas as nothing more than stress tests. We'll see which category GG fall into when the game launches. But from what I've heard so far it would take more than a few weapon tweaks and some class balancing to cure the game.
    Reply +3
  • phatb0y 03/11/2010

    Look at VH getting with the downs kids.

    You're wasting your time if you're after any kind of discussion in the comments section fella. Its like pissing in a sea of piss.
    Reply +7
  • Transformers: War For Cybertron

  • phatb0y 25/06/2010

    More an 8 than a 6 for me. This game is no more guilty of the usual crimes that most shooters are guilty of. It just doesn't have the benefit of a credible license behind it.

    Well worth a purchase. Especially for multiplayer.
    Reply 0
  • No cross-game chat with PS Plus

  • phatb0y 24/06/2010


    My feelings exactly. I've bought more than my fair share of stuff on PSN already (including Wipeout and Zen Pinball). The 'Classics' have maybe 4-5 titles worth shelling out for (which I've already bought). Avatars and themes? Meh.

    I can't really see this appealing (initially at least) to people who have had their PS3 for a while and already picked up the decent titles from the PSN store.
    Reply +3
  • phatb0y 24/06/2010

    If what TTP says is true theres no way I'm getting Playstation Plus yet. There just isn't enough stuff in there to justify a sub.

    Okay, its very early days, but knowing Sony's track record it'll be at least a year before this thing starts warranting a purchase.

    Cross-game chat would be fantastic. I use the chat room function a lot to organise games with people. In between the limited/awkward character input, stupid fucking nanny filter and having to hit the PS button every time I'm in-game and want to 'talk'; a voice option would be much better. For me this is a no-brainer.
    Reply 0
  • Twisted Metal

  • phatb0y 18/06/2010

    This is looking like a cross between Twisted Metal and Warhawk to me so far.

    This could be very, very good.
    Reply +5
  • Sony cancels PlayStation Room plans

  • phatb0y 16/04/2010

    As shit as Home is, I could actually see this sort of thing working on the PSP. Especially in Japan.

    It'd probably be about as popular as the messenger service over here though, ie abandoned after a few months.
    Reply +3
  • FBI using PS3s to catch paedophiles

  • phatb0y 16/11/2009

    Straight out of Brasseye. Reply +9
  • Aliens vs. Predator

  • phatb0y 27/10/2009

    If this can induce the same brick-shitting sensation as AVP2 multiplayer then I'm in.

    Sounds very promising so far.
    Reply +1
  • Operation Flashpoint: Dragon Rising

  • phatb0y 06/10/2009

    'Likewise, nestle yourself into a good spot by a window, your gun pointing over the frame, and more often than not your bullets will just thud into the woodwork, despite the clear shot on the enemy presented down the rifle's scope.'

    That one statement alone has put me off. This was a fault that pissed me off no end in the original OpFlash. Is it cover? Isn't it? Who knows?

    If there was one thing the editor taught you it was that the engine just couldn't handle interiors or anything more complex than a waste-high wall without baffling the AI or causing clipping/FOV issues.

    It sounds like Dragon Rising has more of the same, which is a great pity as I was really looking forward to a bit of OpFlash. I just don't know whether I can be arsed with the same niggling issues that plagued the original.
    Reply +9
  • Uncharted 2: Among Thieves

  • phatb0y 29/09/2009

    Christ. This is going to be carnage. Reply +27
  • Three free games for PSPgo upgraders

  • phatb0y 24/09/2009

    Thats just confirmed a non-sale of a PSP GO here, unless theres a way to transfer titles across in the future. Though judging by Sony's stance on backwards compatibility in general I can't see that happening. Reply +2
  • White men over-represented in games

  • phatb0y 23/09/2009

    Developers should just take a leaf out of Capcom's book and homogenize every single game.

    Game set in Africa? 'Mo white folk!
    Reply -1
  • Titan busy fixing Fat Princess

  • phatb0y 03/08/2009


    I don't know what criteria the search function uses (it seems very random) but either way the game would be much better with a browser. Theres no excuse for not including one in an online game nowadays.
    Reply +3
  • phatb0y 03/08/2009

    I can't understand all the WAAAAAAAAAAHMage bleating thats been going on.

    Okay, Ice Mages score a lot of points, but if its encouraging people to exercise a little crowd control (after all, ice does fuck all damage) then it can only be a good thing.

    Point whoring cocks most Ice Mages may be, but at least they're doing something useful. Even if they don't realise it.

    Lets hope its a tweak and not a sledgehammer fix.
    Reply +1
  • Fat Princess

  • phatb0y 03/08/2009

    'I think there should be a way of damaging enemy hat machines (so they lose their upgrades), is this already in the game? Not sure. It would certainly help the stalemate that frequently occurs once both teams are fully upgraded.'

    Catapult and chicken bomb does the job nicely.
    Reply +1
  • phatb0y 03/08/2009

    Some fair points made there, if a little sensationalist.

    Single player Fat Princess IS just a tutorial and a trophy grind, but I can't see anyone imagining it to be any different given this type of game.

    The gameplay seems more chaotic than it actually is. I'd put this down to the graphical style and the amount of players on-screen when things get busy. If you approach Fat Princess with a FPS team-orientated game in mind you're going to be disappointed, if anything it plays like PVP in an MMO. If you've ever spent more than a couple of hours fucking around on the battlegrounds of WoW or DAoC you'll be well at home here. The mechanics are absolutely identical. Healing, crowd control, tanks - its all there.

    People are starting to get their shit together already in this game and some great teamplay is emerging. Sure, you'll always get the bellends that want to play lone wolf, but they'll either get bored and go back to sniping in COD 4 or eventually they'll realise that they have to play as a team or they'll be bottom-feeding on the scoreboard every time. Although it looks like a novelty title I honestly think this has the potential to eclipse most team-based games doing the rounds on the PS3 at the moment. If only half of one side plays together properly they can completely dominate the opposition.

    Technical issues aside (which like every other game will get patched out in due course) its a great little game and in my book worthy of a much better mark than the one thats been born of frustration here. Personally I'd have gone for a solid 8, but there you go.
    Reply +21
  • Fat Princess to cost 12 quid

  • phatb0y 29/07/2009


    Looks like I'll be putting my wizard hat on this Thursday.
    Reply +2
  • WipEout, Killzone packs top PSN bill

  • phatb0y 24/07/2009

    I take it back about saying the Wipeout HD DLC being a rip-off. Fury is like a whole new fucking game.

    Studio Liverpool can have my manbabies.
    Reply +5
  • EndWar sequel in development, says Ubi

  • phatb0y 23/07/2009

    I thought this was pretty underrated. Its not an amazing title by any stretch of the imagination, but the nuts & bolts were there and the voice control actually worked.

    The standard controls weren't as shit as people make out once you were used to them. Once you started using voice and pad together you were given a degree of control you rarely get in an RTS game (especially on a console).

    Its just a shame the actual strategy side of things was over-simplistic.

    When it worked it was a good, fast-paced RTS that you could play online without having a boring shitsock war of attrition for hours on end.
    Reply +4
  • Sony's new motion controller

  • phatb0y 21/07/2009

    The one thing that struck me about this from the videos was the precision.

    Who HASN'T wanted an FPS with accurate motion control and the ability to write 'also cocks' on the corpses of you opponents?

    Just me then.
    Reply +3
  • KZ2 Napalm & Cordite this Thursday

  • phatb0y 20/07/2009

    I'm guessing a fiver. Maybe a little more.

    Good opportunity to take the piss on price here seeing as they're including a couple of extra weapons that are already in the game.

    The maps themselves don't look anything special compared to the last pack though.The Flash & Thunder pack was excellent. Its just a shame that nobody plays them.
    Reply 0
  • WipEout HD Fury here on Thursday

  • phatb0y 20/07/2009

    Good. But eight fucking quid?

    You are having a laugh.
    Reply -20
  • Darkfall Online

  • phatb0y 17/07/2009

    This is quite disappointing. I was expecting an appearance from the worlds most gormless hive-mind, but they've yet to make their presence felt.

    More YouTube death threats plz.
    Reply 0
  • phatb0y 17/07/2009

    Good review I thought. Not for the Darkfall fans, obviously.

    EG weren't obliged to do this piece, but in doing so have proven that Darkfail is indeed a stinker.

    Shit game is shit.
    Reply +2
  • EyePet

  • phatb0y 18/06/2009

    This looks much more believable and entertaining than the Milo groom-'em-up. Reply 0
  • Darkfall Online

  • phatb0y 27/05/2009

    The comments here have given more entertainment than Darkfall could ever dream of.2/10 is generous for that sub-Neocron waste of disk space. I considered calling a priest after I uninstalled, just to be sure. Reply 0
  • Disgaea 2 enhanced for PSP this year

  • phatb0y 08/05/2009

    Oh great. More time on the toilet until my legs go to sleep. Reply 0
  • Demon's Souls

  • phatb0y 25/04/2009

    Where were JRPGs mentioned?Ooooooh ...You were just here to try and show off, I see.Man, the world of the commentard is serious business! Reply +1
  • phatb0y 24/04/2009

    Maybe. It has its fair share of insta-deaths. Reply 0
  • phatb0y 24/04/2009

    @designerheadache - Along with...

    'Take a step out' - 50/50 chance of death or loot the first time you see it.

    'I want to go home' - You're probably going to die soon.

    'If only I had more friends' - Its BOSSTIME.
    Reply +2
  • phatb0y 23/04/2009

    @Irien - Bosses don't re-pop but standard mobs do.

    Pro-Tip - DON'T forget to touch the archstone after you kill a boss. Bosses don't drop loot as such. They just drop their soul (the importance of which you'll discover as you progress!), which is stored in the archstone you use to return to the Nexus.

    Personally, I always return to the Nexus after killing a boss. Although you could feasibly carry on through the rest of the level, I always go back to store all the shite I've accumulated and get repairs or boost my stats if I've got enough souls.
    Reply +1
  • phatb0y 23/04/2009

    Slabbathepave - Online play is pretty seamless. Basically you're given items in your inventory to start it all off. To invite other players into your 'world' you use your blue eye stone by an archstone (entrance/exit, basically) which creates a blue glyph on the floor which other players can click on to join you. To invade another player's world you use your black eye stone and the game finds you an (un)willing victim. Your red eye stone you use for a duel (whoever wins gets all the souls the loser was carrying).

    At no point do you *have* to go online. You won't miss a thing if you play it in offline mode. Granted, some things will be a little harder to accomplish, but it can be done.
    Reply 0
  • phatb0y 23/04/2009

    Apologie take it to fucking GameFAQs you bellend. Reply +4
  • phatb0y 23/04/2009

    If you're in any doubts over the difficulty or harshness then please don't buy it. I can guarantee if you're one of these people who cries the blues if they have to backtrack 5 minutes (or less!) of a level then you will hate this game.

    There is no hand-holding in this game (well, apart from hints left by other players). If you fuck up, the chances are it'll be your fault and you'll pay for your mistakes. Dearly and frequently. It teaches you very early on to *think* before you fight and to pay attention to your surroundings. Its the gaming equivalent of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman.

    Once you get into the combat, you're pulling off that Yojimbo shit with some consistency and you have more weapons than the boot of Charlton Heston's car - you'll love it. Demon's Souls takes a while to click, but when it does you'll be hooked for a long, long time.

    ...And if you're not you probably stand to make a tidy profit on eBay.

    PS - shadowslol
    Reply +7