kentmonkey Comments

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  • Humble Telltale Bundle offers 12 games for $12

  • kentmonkey 12/04/2016

    Amazing bundle for that price. Up there with the best ever offered. Reply +19
  • Firewatch dev assures a PS4 framerate fix is on the way

  • kentmonkey 10/02/2016

    So is the clock they are working around a little clock, large clock, digital clock, radio alarm clock.....what?

    If they are literally working around a clock, I feel like we need to know more about what that clock looks like to better picture the scene.
    Reply +33
  • Uncharted 4 release delayed until April

  • kentmonkey 23/12/2015

    Good on the developers for trying to release a full product to their audience, rather than the unfinished shite that has been hitting the market from other publishers/developers, especially over the past 24 months. Reply +25
  • Sony mentions new PlayStation 4 Gran Turismo title

  • kentmonkey 27/10/2015

    Hurry, you only have 9 years to get your car designed... Reply +8
  • PES 2016 players up in arms over roster update delay

  • kentmonkey 25/09/2015

    Can we not leave the 'x slammed y' type of journalism to the Daily Mail and Sky Sports, please? Reply +8
  • Fake swatting prank leads to popular Twitch streamer getting banned

  • kentmonkey 04/08/2015

    You say "entertainer", and I say "attention seeking personality vacuum".

    Biggest difference in pronounciation since aluminium.
    Reply +35
  • Meet the man cleaning up after the Godus disaster

  • kentmonkey 17/07/2015

    I knew Simon well years ago. He had a huge passion for videogames, particularly the graphics design side of things, but I sadly lost touch with him late-teens as he moved to Oxford and I found out that I wasn't completely repugnant to girls.

    He's a top bloke, and he always spoken like that. Without any aggression or malice though, just doesn't want to be anything other than "you see what you get".

    I wouldn't take anything he says as prepared or PR spiel as he was never that sort of guy. I can't think of many better people to put Peter in his place and at least try to help him create something at least approaching what he's promised in the future.

    And now I'm off to try and find him online to say hello.
    Reply +13
  • Amazon Prime day deals detailed

  • kentmonkey 15/07/2015

    The Wii U deal that they advertised never went live, and the sale is over now. Reply +2
  • Splatoon stock swiped in Nintendo lorry heist

  • kentmonkey 27/05/2015

    Can't believe they have sunk that low. The suckers. They have their tentacles into anything these days.

    Scum. Pond scum in fact.

    I hope the Police have their feelers out.

    (Anyone who can get Calamari in can do one)
    Reply +13
  • Star Trek Online players pay their respects to Leonard Nimoy

  • kentmonkey 28/02/2015

    That's really quite touching. Reply +14
  • Q*Bert Rebooted review

  • kentmonkey 24/02/2015

    Is the header image a subtle point towards the score it would have got, two weeks ago? Reply -2
  • Woah Dave! review

  • kentmonkey 16/01/2015

    Why is 'the danger zone' playing over and over on loop on this fecking page? It's just woken my kid up by coming blaring out of the speakers.

    But oh, it's so funny. Ho ho ho ho ho. Ho ho ho ho ho. Ho ho. #ifyou'reafuckingmuppet
    Reply 0
  • Games of 2014: The Sailor's Dream

  • kentmonkey 28/12/2014

    All very well and good, but how much did it get on Kickstarter? That's what everybody needs to know. Reply -9
  • This War of Mine review

  • kentmonkey 25/11/2014

    I don't believe you Christine.

    What gave you away is that there is no such thing as a "great" Fiat Panda

    Great the spam has now been removed and I look like a mental patient
    Reply +10
  • Dev who threatened Gabe Newell has returned to Code Avarice

  • kentmonkey 15/11/2014

    Hi Mike

    I think you're an attention seeking arse, and nobody is fooled by your act. I'll happily ignore all of your, and your studio's games, both because of you being an arse but mostly because you have far more "rage" than you do talent.

    Until the next meltdown.

    (This post has been co-written and signed by everybody with even an ounce of sense in the world)
    Reply +17
  • Far Cry 4 review

  • kentmonkey 14/11/2014

    Reads like a preview in all honesty.

    Is it that hard to realise that people that buy games, might actually want to know what it was like to play it, before they go out and spend a shitload of money on it?

    Eloquently written, no doubt, but hasn't helped me in the slightest understand whether it's any good or not.
    Reply +13
  • Ubisoft details The Crew's £20 Season Pass

  • kentmonkey 06/11/2014

    Is one of the 52 exclusive rims a red, sore one from being shafted to the tune of £20? Reply +3
  • Star Wars: X-Wing and Tie Fighter re-releasing on PC

  • kentmonkey 28/10/2014

    @gregski yes please, I'd like one Reply 0
  • Sony website mentions Resident Evil Revelations 2 for Vita

  • kentmonkey 16/09/2014

    Both the headline and article text make it very difficult to work out what is coming out on what system. Reply +11
  • Why we need more developers like Zoe Quinn

  • kentmonkey 30/08/2014

    I've never agreed with so many comments under an article before, especially SpaceMidget75's post.

    But hey, great number of viewers achieved and also a number of comments to help with the stats for the ad revenue. Mission accomplished.
    Reply +23
  • Defense Grid 2 release date set for September

  • kentmonkey 16/08/2014

    Topped the global leaderboards for a few of the maps on 360, so looking forward to trying to repeat that feat this time. Reply +2
  • Football Manager database licensed for real scouting

  • kentmonkey 11/08/2014

    Go back to any Football Manager from the past 5-6 years and into the database.

    Check how many players aged 16-21 where they have got their ability, and potential ability, correct. Look out how many players they have vastly over rated who never made it anywhere, then also how many great players they under rated.

    Even the current one has some massive flaws with the database, and it's only a year old.

    The fact it's now being lauded as some potential e-scouting time saver is fucking laughable.
    Reply -3
  • Somewhere in the multiverse exists a timeline where Mr Do! is as iconic as Mario

  • kentmonkey 03/08/2014

    Okay, good example Dan.

    Po1ymorph, whilst I understand that, and would rather these games were replayed than forgotten, unless they're abandonware - which more than 99% aren't, it's still pirating.
    Reply +1
  • kentmonkey 03/08/2014

    Do correct me if I'm wrong but if it was a ROM collection you played, have you just written an article based on playing pirated games?

    Let's neg the guy who asks a perfectly legitimate question considering the titles mentioned and previous history.
    Reply -14
  • GAME now selling Vita game download codes

  • kentmonkey 24/07/2014

    Brilliant. Now download games can have pubes too Reply -2
  • Burglary bungled after being transmitted over Xbox Live voice chat

  • kentmonkey 23/07/2014

    XBOX record burglary Reply +66
  • Watch Dogs PR stunt goes awry, summons bomb squad

  • kentmonkey 29/05/2014

    Was the parcel a countdown clock then, ticking down to when the next Uplay server crash would be? Reply +6
  • Eurogamer readership survey 2014

  • kentmonkey 19/05/2014

    There's this thing called a forum, where many of these topics are discussed daily, and where issues with the site are frequently discussed and pointed out......perhaps one of the things EG is missing is 'engaging with it's community'. It always used to excel at this, but now nobody gives a hoot about keeping up to date with what's being discussed about the site, to the point that issues raised, even when staff members are encouraged to participate and comment via PM or via using the @mugwum type reply are completely ignored.

    One thing EG isn't short of is people offering an opinion. You don't need an anonymous survey to get feedback - people will happily (and do, anyway) give it to you. All that adding the anonymity in a quantitative survey does is disable the ability for you to probe for further detail.

    You've got the best tool possible in the forum for some in-depth qualitative research, for free, that you can use as often as you want, but you completely under-use it.

    TL/DR is that survey is completely shit, like all the other years before it, where again the feedback has been ignored. You can't even use the excuse of not being professional researchers, as I (and others on this forum) have even offered to help you out with it over the past three iterations. All ignored. Says a lot really.
    Reply +3
  • How Road Redemption is reviving a lost genre

  • kentmonkey 16/05/2014

    Great to see so much passion being displayed by the developer, and hope for his sake, and everyone involved that's as passionate about the project, that it ends up being great and well received, critically and commercially.

    Good luck to all involved, and I'll keep an eye out for it, as I'm a fan of the Road Rash game on the 3DO as well. It's all that got me through working in a small computer shop straight out of school some days!
    Reply +1
  • Microsoft won't reward early Xbox One adopters following Kinect-less console

  • kentmonkey 13/05/2014

    As ever, they'll likely change their tune in about...3 hours Reply +113
  • DriveClub micro-transactions will let you quickly unlock cars

  • kentmonkey 12/05/2014

    "Hey, guys. It's Roger Sony here.

    We've got some great news about our launch racing game, DriveClub, which will be free for Playstation Plus members on PS4. Well, when I say free, almost all of the product will be free. Well when I say almost all of the product, it's really a few cars and a handful of modes. A bit like a demo. But NOT a demo. No. It's like a whole complete game free with some modes and cars taken out. Well not some, most, a bit like a demo. But NOT a demo. No. And also when we said 'launch title' it won't launch with the PS4. It's just that it's a title, and we'll launch it when it's ready, therefore it's a "Launch" "Title". Yeah!

    So this almost complete game that isn't a demo is free on PS+. And to get the full game you only have to buy it from a store, or download the full game from PS Network. You can also easily upgrade from the PS+ version, but that will go as soon as you cancel your PS+ subscription...breaking news, we've just made a fantastic upgrade to the full game that's like a demo but isn't a demo and it now WILL unlock the full and it won't lapse when your subscription ends. We think. Go us!

    Also, it has these things called 'macro transactions' which are nothing like micro transactions at all, as they just offer shortcuts. But not across the track, ha ha ha ha ha ha, no, that would be silly and break the game. Instead you get to shortcut your way to unlocking cars that you could have otherwise earnt via progress. Much like a reward. See, children, in the dark days of videogames, people had to actually earn their rewards, and even enter codes to get extra features or cheat modes. You didn't get the opportunity to spend even more money on content that you can otherwise still earn, or that was made at the point of sale but withheld from sale. No. Those were the dark days. Are the dark days are over.

    That's all for now. We'll come back next week with yet another Press Release where we'll completely fuck up the launch of this stunning game even further. Stay tuned. PLEASE!"
    Reply +12
  • Massachusetts town lifts 32-year ban on arcades

  • kentmonkey 02/05/2014

    Ah that famous saying..."hony tonk". Reply +7
  • Snoop Dogg to narrate Call of Duty: Ghosts in upcoming DLC

  • kentmonkey 15/04/2014

    'You're dead. You were capped in the ass by a Snooper'. Reply +5
  • kentmonkey 15/04/2014

    Snoop Dogg, don't drop em like they're hot. Just blow on them until they're cool enough to safely manage. Reply +6
  • Fantasia adds censored version of Cee Lo Green's F*** You

  • kentmonkey 15/04/2014

    It was originally F*** You. Then they released it under the title of 'Forget You'. Which is this version. But rather than say that, the headline tries to suggest that they've censored the song for this game. And then attempts to add further 'flame' by censoring a swear word, because, /shock, it's so edgy. Reply -8
  • kentmonkey 15/04/2014

    So they've actually added 'Forget you'. Which was the actual name of the song. Only you decided to make a headline up so people clicked on your article. In a 'desperate news story seeks desperate headline' kind of way. Reply -4
  • The numbers game

  • kentmonkey 05/04/2014

    "As a writer, there's personal ego at play whenever words are sidelined in favour of numbers, of course. It's always depressing to spend days writing a thousand carefully considered words, only for discussion to congeal around whether the figure at the end deviated by one point from the perceived 'correct' score."

    Although in the case of your reviews, discussion normally congeals around the fact that you haven't bothered checking the options menu before criticising the developers for not being able to invert the controls. Or not bothering to do research before informing people that a game is a 'gimped up version' of another, just because the latter came out on a better console (when, in fact, the two games were entirely different games). So you can criticise a whole team's efforts for up to two years, without any valid reason to, all because you didnt' have enough commitment to check your facts for five minutes, but take particular offence to people criticising your work by saying your numerical value is one out from them.

    And the fact of the matter is, most people do read reviews with the primary intention of it giving them an idea as to whether the game is worth them investing their time, or money, in. The fact you don't seem to consider that the primary focus, suggests why you, and others, completely omit vital functions/features out of the review. "Yeah, great, lovely flowery prose. But what's the online like? Any game breaking bugs? What's the number one standout moment from playing it?" I'm not entirely sure the suppliers of your code would agree with the view that a review isn't primarily there to give some sort of purchasing indication either.

    EG has become style over substance in many cases, and that 'style' is often forced on to the reader, without it being required.

    When you can't read a review on the site and get any idea at all as to whether a game is worth investing in, because instead you've spent most of the time reading personally held views about sexism, factually incorrect statements and whimisical attempts at literacy instead of helpful and informative critique of the product that you have been sent by the developers/publishers of the product to do, people will take to other means in order to get an informed opinion. And, rightly or wrongly, Metacritic is often that medium. It gives an at a glance indication whether something might be worth investigating more, and links to read reviews of your choosing for more detail. It's not the essence of all evil.
    Reply +23
  • Ni No Kuni has now shipped 1.1m copies

  • kentmonkey 07/03/2014

    Does that include online copies when it sold for about £5? And if so how many of the sales were related to that? Reply +1
  • Drunken Robot Pornography's full release comes to Steam

  • kentmonkey 21/02/2014

    I don't think that anyone was 'truly' offended. I certainly wasn't and those dismissing criticism as being 'OMG you're the offended police brigade' is more of an overeaction than anything I've seen criticising the thread/article.

    What was being said, at least what I meant and what I believe (and what I read into) what others were saying was...."seriously. A site that's meant to pride itself on integrity, professional journalism, high standards, calling developers out on needless inane childish jokes in their games, sexism, etc. etc. etc. can only come up with that? They didn't have anything noteworthy to comment on the game's title? Or why the game has any relationship with that title? But instead came up with a childish 'Beavis and Butthead' style headline and even went so far as to post it up?'

    It wasn't the fact the word 'cum' was used (and Wes, the explanation you provided for the use of the headline doesn't really go with the recent EDF article as that was deemed okay and presumably went through editorial as that was posted during the day and got approved by an editor. This, in comparison, was incredibly tame compared to that), it was more the fact of 'really. That's the very best journalism you could come up with'. On the back of some recent really poor quality articles, probably just made people comment more than they normally would in an attempt to try and return EG to being a bit more adult in it's commentary and have a bit more credibility than it currently has.

    TLDR version, 'not offended, not even shocked sadly, just disappointed that this is what the site is lowering itself to and really, where is it's USP compared to the rest of the internet anymore'.
    Reply +4
  • kentmonkey 20/02/2014

    From the Duke Jukem Forver review, which EG published back in 2011, when they weren't the internet equivalent of an embarassing uncle.

    "Despite failing so badly in so many areas, Duke keeps quipping away, masking the gaping holes in his gameplay with lunk-headed bon mots and politically incorrect prattle. That's what he's always done, of course, but the world has moved on and Duke's relevance has dimmed.

    In 1996, Stallone and Schwarzenegger were on the wane, so Duke's beefcake eighties action movie clichťs carried some satirical weight. In 2011, he's a parody of something that no longer exists, the gaming equivalent of an embarrassing uncle who still says "Whaaaaassup?" and pretends to breakdance at wedding receptions."

    Glass houses now.
    Reply +2
  • Earth Defense Force 2025 review

  • kentmonkey 18/02/2014

    "At that point, you are merely just shooting countless giant ants and spiders off buildings by yourself, in your house, in your underwear."

    Pretty much guarantee you lost 80% of the EG readership for at least....20 seconds, at that point.
    Reply +18
  • Dead Island is tomorrow's free Games With Gold offering

  • kentmonkey 31/01/2014

    @jonc24 Cheers - shame but totally understandable. Reply 0
  • kentmonkey 31/01/2014

    I'm guessing the answer is 'no' but would a 48hr Gold Live code enable me to snag this? Reply +11
  • Microsoft rebrands SkyDrive to OneDrive after copyright dispute

  • kentmonkey 29/01/2014

    One Love. One Drive. Let's get together and feel nauseous.

    No wait, that's not how it goes.
    Reply 0
  • Unlicensed SNES game Super 3D Noah's Ark to be reprinted

  • kentmonkey 14/01/2014

    Hopefully the Daily Mail will soon be running an article about the drug being rohypnol or something. Reply +3
  • Christmas storms flood No Man's Sky dev Hello Games

  • kentmonkey 02/01/2014

    @Bertie I was only joshing. I should have added a winky! ;-) Reply +2
  • kentmonkey 02/01/2014

    "Riding high on a wave of enthusiasm"

    Bit insensitive.

    Good luck to all at Hello Games.
    Reply +34
  • Games of 2013: Candy Crush Saga

  • kentmonkey 24/12/2013

    "Reflecting on 2013, my Christmas wish is for an internet where everyone is allowed to like different things and have diverse perspectives. Where we can have interesting, reasoned and constructive debates. Where people are free to offer up opinions and ideas without being told they're stupid, or "bias", or talking out of their vaginas."

    For my Christmas wish I'll wish for you getting through a whole article without trying to shoehorn in tired rants about sexism, while simultaneously being sexist to men and generalising the population in the process. Or for a review you write to concentrate providing more information on the game and less "humour" which ends up with the article reading like an emo 'pay me attention or I might stick REM on again and cry' article.

    Like you though, a Kindle White is probably more realistic.
    Reply +18
  • Games of 2013: Ni no Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch

  • kentmonkey 22/12/2013

    A diary of Ni No Kuni (some spoilers, don't read if you're intending to play and don't want to find out plot elements before hand)

    Day one

    Mom, I miss you. And I've decided that somehow, someway, I'm going to make things right and bring you back. I've met this really neato guy called Drippy. He's swell. And Welsh. He's Lord High Lord of the Fairies, and I just know he's going to help me find you. Which would be really neato.

    Day two

    Although I miss you, mom, I'm really enjoying this journey to bring you back. It's been really neato. My adorable little Welsh friend, Drippy, has taken me to his world and he's even taught me this new trick to mend broken hearts. It appears that there are a few people in Drippy's world who have been left broken hearted. Which is a terrible thing. But I'm going to put that right. This world is really neato as well, dangerous, but I feel like I've got the powers, alongside my Welsh sidekick, to tackle anything.

    Day three

    Although I canít wait to see you again Mom, this place is so beautiful I never want our journey to end. Iím getting used to using familiars to do battle for me and Iím learning some really neato spells. Iíve even met a tree that spoke to me.

    Day four

    I've met this really cool girl called Esther, Mom. I managed to mend her broken heart and she has agreed to join me on my quest. She has a familiar too, and I just know we're going to get on swell.

    Day five

    Fixed a few more people with broken hearts. I'm sure pleased to help people, but there are so many of them, and it's tiring running around town swapping pieces of heart around.

    Day six

    Apparently we each have another version of ourselves in the other world and when something happens to us in one world, it can affect the Ďusí in the other world. So to cure some of the people in this world, I need to travel back home to Earth to cure them in my world, which is neato. As Iím from Earth and not from this world, I wonder who the Ďmeí in this world isÖI canít wait to find out and so far there have been no clues whatsoever. Not one. Iím sure I really have no idea who it could be.

    Day seven

    Some of the people here have started to display some odd communicational behaviour. Now only about one in ten conversations are spoken, while the rest are mimed. Iím trying to adjust and do the same, so Iíve restricted myself to saying just a few words, such as neato. Which the locals seem to really like.

    Day eight

    More broken hearts fixed today, including a couple of people I'm sure I've already fixed before.

    Day nine

    Okay, this is getting slightly weird. So before, while the majority of conversations were mimed, at least those that were vocal were spoken through to the end of the conversation. Now some conversations start off as mime, have a bit of speaking in the middle and then end up as mime again. Just a minute ago I even had a whole conversation where only one person spoke and the rest was mimed. It was very off-putting.

    Day ten

    Although I like my new friends, they are a bit backward. When we battle against the creatures of this world with our familiars, theyíll often let me do all the hard work while they run around the sides casting spells that we donít need. Iíve tried to give them instructions, to make them more effective, but they ignore me most of the time. We could act better as a team. Also, Drippy has started doing this dance which helps heal us all, which is really kind of him, but he chooses to do it at the oddest moments and Iíve no idea why itís taken him so long to start doing it. Still, theyíre all such neato friends I shouldnít complain.

    Day eleven

    More broken hearts fixed.

    Day twelve

    Iíd never noticed before but Drippy says ĎTidyí a lot.

    Day thirteen

    More broken hearts fixed, more minor quests solved and more diaries found.

    Day fourteen

    Mom, donít take this the wrong way, but I really canít wait to see you now. I mean, I wanted to before, but this journey is turning into a bit of a grind. Iím not finding it challenging at all, the situations I find myself in are starting to feel very repetitive and although I really like helping people, Iím finding the amount of people that continue to get broken hearted a little irritating.

    Day fifteen

    Today we met a dragon. An actual dragon, Mom. Although I wasnít as excited about it as I thought I would be as Iím sure Iíd seen that we would meet a dragon before it happened. Sort of like a premonition that happened one day as I waited to begin my journey. Which was a shame, as it slightly spoiled the surprise. Still, a dragon! It helped break up the monotony and now I can journey this world even quicker and get to you sooner.

    Day sixteen

    Drippy is still telling me what to do every time we meet somebody whoís broken hearted. Heís been constantly holding my hand throughout the whole journey and wonít let me work things out for myself. I mean, bless the neato little welsh Lord High Lord of the Fairies and all, but itíd be rather nice if he trusted me to work things out for myself. I feel like I can't enjoy myself while he's constantly telling me what to do.

    Day seventeen

    I want to shit down Drippy's throat until he dies, the annoying hand holding little welsh Lord High Lord of the annoying fucking pricks.
    Reply +6
  • GOG Winter Sale gives Fallout 1, 2 & Tactics free

  • kentmonkey 12/12/2013

    Ooh, two articles one after the other using ****. Very edgey.

    I genuinely am wondering if the sudden usage of * is because the shift key has got stuck down alongside the 8 key.
    Reply 0