kentmonkey Comments

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  • Watch Dogs PR stunt goes awry, summons bomb squad

  • kentmonkey 29/05/2014

    Was the parcel a countdown clock then, ticking down to when the next Uplay server crash would be? Reply +6
  • Eurogamer readership survey 2014

  • kentmonkey 19/05/2014

    There's this thing called a forum, where many of these topics are discussed daily, and where issues with the site are frequently discussed and pointed out......perhaps one of the things EG is missing is 'engaging with it's community'. It always used to excel at this, but now nobody gives a hoot about keeping up to date with what's being discussed about the site, to the point that issues raised, even when staff members are encouraged to participate and comment via PM or via using the @mugwum type reply are completely ignored.

    One thing EG isn't short of is people offering an opinion. You don't need an anonymous survey to get feedback - people will happily (and do, anyway) give it to you. All that adding the anonymity in a quantitative survey does is disable the ability for you to probe for further detail.

    You've got the best tool possible in the forum for some in-depth qualitative research, for free, that you can use as often as you want, but you completely under-use it.

    TL/DR is that survey is completely shit, like all the other years before it, where again the feedback has been ignored. You can't even use the excuse of not being professional researchers, as I (and others on this forum) have even offered to help you out with it over the past three iterations. All ignored. Says a lot really.
    Reply +3
  • How Road Redemption is reviving a lost genre

  • kentmonkey 16/05/2014

    Great to see so much passion being displayed by the developer, and hope for his sake, and everyone involved that's as passionate about the project, that it ends up being great and well received, critically and commercially.

    Good luck to all involved, and I'll keep an eye out for it, as I'm a fan of the Road Rash game on the 3DO as well. It's all that got me through working in a small computer shop straight out of school some days!
    Reply +1
  • Microsoft won't reward early Xbox One adopters following Kinect-less console

  • kentmonkey 13/05/2014

    As ever, they'll likely change their tune in about...3 hours Reply +113
  • DriveClub micro-transactions will let you quickly unlock cars

  • kentmonkey 12/05/2014

    "Hey, guys. It's Roger Sony here.

    We've got some great news about our launch racing game, DriveClub, which will be free for Playstation Plus members on PS4. Well, when I say free, almost all of the product will be free. Well when I say almost all of the product, it's really a few cars and a handful of modes. A bit like a demo. But NOT a demo. No. It's like a whole complete game free with some modes and cars taken out. Well not some, most, a bit like a demo. But NOT a demo. No. And also when we said 'launch title' it won't launch with the PS4. It's just that it's a title, and we'll launch it when it's ready, therefore it's a "Launch" "Title". Yeah!

    So this almost complete game that isn't a demo is free on PS+. And to get the full game you only have to buy it from a store, or download the full game from PS Network. You can also easily upgrade from the PS+ version, but that will go as soon as you cancel your PS+ subscription...breaking news, we've just made a fantastic upgrade to the full game that's like a demo but isn't a demo and it now WILL unlock the full dem...game and it won't lapse when your subscription ends. We think. Go us!

    Also, it has these things called 'macro transactions' which are nothing like micro transactions at all, as they just offer shortcuts. But not across the track, ha ha ha ha ha ha, no, that would be silly and break the game. Instead you get to shortcut your way to unlocking cars that you could have otherwise earnt via progress. Much like a reward. See, children, in the dark days of videogames, people had to actually earn their rewards, and even enter codes to get extra features or cheat modes. You didn't get the opportunity to spend even more money on content that you can otherwise still earn, or that was made at the point of sale but withheld from sale. No. Those were the dark days. Are the dark days are over.

    That's all for now. We'll come back next week with yet another Press Release where we'll completely fuck up the launch of this stunning game even further. Stay tuned. PLEASE!"
    Reply +12
  • Massachusetts town lifts 32-year ban on arcades

  • kentmonkey 02/05/2014

    Ah that famous saying..."hony tonk". Reply +7
  • Snoop Dogg to narrate Call of Duty: Ghosts in upcoming DLC

  • kentmonkey 15/04/2014

    'You're dead. You were capped in the ass by a Snooper'. Reply +5
  • kentmonkey 15/04/2014

    Snoop Dogg, don't drop em like they're hot. Just blow on them until they're cool enough to safely manage. Reply +6
  • Fantasia adds censored version of Cee Lo Green's F*** You

  • kentmonkey 15/04/2014

    It was originally F*** You. Then they released it under the title of 'Forget You'. Which is this version. But rather than say that, the headline tries to suggest that they've censored the song for this game. And then attempts to add further 'flame' by censoring a swear word, because, /shock, it's so edgy. Reply -8
  • kentmonkey 15/04/2014

    So they've actually added 'Forget you'. Which was the actual name of the song. Only you decided to make a headline up so people clicked on your article. In a 'desperate news story seeks desperate headline' kind of way. Reply -5
  • The numbers game

  • kentmonkey 05/04/2014

    "As a writer, there's personal ego at play whenever words are sidelined in favour of numbers, of course. It's always depressing to spend days writing a thousand carefully considered words, only for discussion to congeal around whether the figure at the end deviated by one point from the perceived 'correct' score."

    Although in the case of your reviews, discussion normally congeals around the fact that you haven't bothered checking the options menu before criticising the developers for not being able to invert the controls. Or not bothering to do research before informing people that a game is a 'gimped up version' of another, just because the latter came out on a better console (when, in fact, the two games were entirely different games). So you can criticise a whole team's efforts for up to two years, without any valid reason to, all because you didnt' have enough commitment to check your facts for five minutes, but take particular offence to people criticising your work by saying your numerical value is one out from them.

    And the fact of the matter is, most people do read reviews with the primary intention of it giving them an idea as to whether the game is worth them investing their time, or money, in. The fact you don't seem to consider that the primary focus, suggests why you, and others, completely omit vital functions/features out of the review. "Yeah, great, lovely flowery prose. But what's the online like? Any game breaking bugs? What's the number one standout moment from playing it?" I'm not entirely sure the suppliers of your code would agree with the view that a review isn't primarily there to give some sort of purchasing indication either.

    EG has become style over substance in many cases, and that 'style' is often forced on to the reader, without it being required.

    When you can't read a review on the site and get any idea at all as to whether a game is worth investing in, because instead you've spent most of the time reading personally held views about sexism, factually incorrect statements and whimisical attempts at literacy instead of helpful and informative critique of the product that you have been sent by the developers/publishers of the product to do, people will take to other means in order to get an informed opinion. And, rightly or wrongly, Metacritic is often that medium. It gives an at a glance indication whether something might be worth investigating more, and links to read reviews of your choosing for more detail. It's not the essence of all evil.
    Reply +23
  • Ni No Kuni has now shipped 1.1m copies

  • kentmonkey 07/03/2014

    Does that include online copies when it sold for about £5? And if so how many of the sales were related to that? Reply +1
  • Drunken Robot Pornography's full release comes to Steam

  • kentmonkey 21/02/2014

    I don't think that anyone was 'truly' offended. I certainly wasn't and those dismissing criticism as being 'OMG you're the offended police brigade' is more of an overeaction than anything I've seen criticising the thread/article.

    What was being said, at least what I meant and what I believe (and what I read into) what others were saying was...."seriously. A site that's meant to pride itself on integrity, professional journalism, high standards, calling developers out on needless inane childish jokes in their games, sexism, etc. etc. etc. can only come up with that? They didn't have anything noteworthy to comment on the game's title? Or why the game has any relationship with that title? But instead came up with a childish 'Beavis and Butthead' style headline and even went so far as to post it up?'

    It wasn't the fact the word 'cum' was used (and Wes, the explanation you provided for the use of the headline doesn't really go with the recent EDF article as that was deemed okay and presumably went through editorial as that was posted during the day and got approved by an editor. This, in comparison, was incredibly tame compared to that), it was more the fact of 'really. That's the very best journalism you could come up with'. On the back of some recent really poor quality articles, probably just made people comment more than they normally would in an attempt to try and return EG to being a bit more adult in it's commentary and have a bit more credibility than it currently has.

    TLDR version, 'not offended, not even shocked sadly, just disappointed that this is what the site is lowering itself to and really, where is it's USP compared to the rest of the internet anymore'.
    Reply +4
  • kentmonkey 20/02/2014

    From the Duke Jukem Forver review, which EG published back in 2011, when they weren't the internet equivalent of an embarassing uncle.

    "Despite failing so badly in so many areas, Duke keeps quipping away, masking the gaping holes in his gameplay with lunk-headed bon mots and politically incorrect prattle. That's what he's always done, of course, but the world has moved on and Duke's relevance has dimmed.

    In 1996, Stallone and Schwarzenegger were on the wane, so Duke's beefcake eighties action movie clichťs carried some satirical weight. In 2011, he's a parody of something that no longer exists, the gaming equivalent of an embarrassing uncle who still says "Whaaaaassup?" and pretends to breakdance at wedding receptions."

    Glass houses now.
    Reply +2
  • Earth Defense Force 2025 review

  • kentmonkey 18/02/2014

    "At that point, you are merely just shooting countless giant ants and spiders off buildings by yourself, in your house, in your underwear."

    Pretty much guarantee you lost 80% of the EG readership for at least....20 seconds, at that point.
    Reply +17
  • Dead Island is tomorrow's free Games With Gold offering

  • kentmonkey 31/01/2014

    @jonc24 Cheers - shame but totally understandable. Reply 0
  • kentmonkey 31/01/2014

    I'm guessing the answer is 'no' but would a 48hr Gold Live code enable me to snag this? Reply +11
  • Microsoft rebrands SkyDrive to OneDrive after copyright dispute

  • kentmonkey 29/01/2014

    One Love. One Drive. Let's get together and feel nauseous.

    No wait, that's not how it goes.
    Reply 0
  • Unlicensed SNES game Super 3D Noah's Ark to be reprinted

  • kentmonkey 14/01/2014

    Hopefully the Daily Mail will soon be running an article about the drug being rohypnol or something. Reply +3
  • Christmas storms flood No Man's Sky dev Hello Games

  • kentmonkey 02/01/2014

    @Bertie I was only joshing. I should have added a winky! ;-) Reply +2
  • kentmonkey 02/01/2014

    "Riding high on a wave of enthusiasm"

    Bit insensitive.

    Good luck to all at Hello Games.
    Reply +34
  • Games of 2013: Candy Crush Saga

  • kentmonkey 24/12/2013

    "Reflecting on 2013, my Christmas wish is for an internet where everyone is allowed to like different things and have diverse perspectives. Where we can have interesting, reasoned and constructive debates. Where people are free to offer up opinions and ideas without being told they're stupid, or "bias", or talking out of their vaginas."

    For my Christmas wish I'll wish for you getting through a whole article without trying to shoehorn in tired rants about sexism, while simultaneously being sexist to men and generalising the population in the process. Or for a review you write to concentrate providing more information on the game and less "humour" which ends up with the article reading like an emo 'pay me attention or I might stick REM on again and cry' article.

    Like you though, a Kindle White is probably more realistic.
    Reply +18
  • Games of 2013: Ni no Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch

  • kentmonkey 22/12/2013

    A diary of Ni No Kuni (some spoilers, don't read if you're intending to play and don't want to find out plot elements before hand)

    Day one

    Mom, I miss you. And I've decided that somehow, someway, I'm going to make things right and bring you back. I've met this really neato guy called Drippy. He's swell. And Welsh. He's Lord High Lord of the Fairies, and I just know he's going to help me find you. Which would be really neato.

    Day two

    Although I miss you, mom, I'm really enjoying this journey to bring you back. It's been really neato. My adorable little Welsh friend, Drippy, has taken me to his world and he's even taught me this new trick to mend broken hearts. It appears that there are a few people in Drippy's world who have been left broken hearted. Which is a terrible thing. But I'm going to put that right. This world is really neato as well, dangerous, but I feel like I've got the powers, alongside my Welsh sidekick, to tackle anything.

    Day three

    Although I canít wait to see you again Mom, this place is so beautiful I never want our journey to end. Iím getting used to using familiars to do battle for me and Iím learning some really neato spells. Iíve even met a tree that spoke to me.

    Day four

    I've met this really cool girl called Esther, Mom. I managed to mend her broken heart and she has agreed to join me on my quest. She has a familiar too, and I just know we're going to get on swell.

    Day five

    Fixed a few more people with broken hearts. I'm sure pleased to help people, but there are so many of them, and it's tiring running around town swapping pieces of heart around.

    Day six

    Apparently we each have another version of ourselves in the other world and when something happens to us in one world, it can affect the Ďusí in the other world. So to cure some of the people in this world, I need to travel back home to Earth to cure them in my world, which is neato. As Iím from Earth and not from this world, I wonder who the Ďmeí in this world isÖI canít wait to find out and so far there have been no clues whatsoever. Not one. Iím sure I really have no idea who it could be.

    Day seven

    Some of the people here have started to display some odd communicational behaviour. Now only about one in ten conversations are spoken, while the rest are mimed. Iím trying to adjust and do the same, so Iíve restricted myself to saying just a few words, such as neato. Which the locals seem to really like.

    Day eight

    More broken hearts fixed today, including a couple of people I'm sure I've already fixed before.

    Day nine

    Okay, this is getting slightly weird. So before, while the majority of conversations were mimed, at least those that were vocal were spoken through to the end of the conversation. Now some conversations start off as mime, have a bit of speaking in the middle and then end up as mime again. Just a minute ago I even had a whole conversation where only one person spoke and the rest was mimed. It was very off-putting.

    Day ten

    Although I like my new friends, they are a bit backward. When we battle against the creatures of this world with our familiars, theyíll often let me do all the hard work while they run around the sides casting spells that we donít need. Iíve tried to give them instructions, to make them more effective, but they ignore me most of the time. We could act better as a team. Also, Drippy has started doing this dance which helps heal us all, which is really kind of him, but he chooses to do it at the oddest moments and Iíve no idea why itís taken him so long to start doing it. Still, theyíre all such neato friends I shouldnít complain.

    Day eleven

    More broken hearts fixed.

    Day twelve

    Iíd never noticed before but Drippy says ĎTidyí a lot.

    Day thirteen

    More broken hearts fixed, more minor quests solved and more diaries found.

    Day fourteen

    Mom, donít take this the wrong way, but I really canít wait to see you now. I mean, I wanted to before, but this journey is turning into a bit of a grind. Iím not finding it challenging at all, the situations I find myself in are starting to feel very repetitive and although I really like helping people, Iím finding the amount of people that continue to get broken hearted a little irritating.

    Day fifteen

    Today we met a dragon. An actual dragon, Mom. Although I wasnít as excited about it as I thought I would be as Iím sure Iíd seen that we would meet a dragon before it happened. Sort of like a premonition that happened one day as I waited to begin my journey. Which was a shame, as it slightly spoiled the surprise. Still, a dragon! It helped break up the monotony and now I can journey this world even quicker and get to you sooner.

    Day sixteen

    Drippy is still telling me what to do every time we meet somebody whoís broken hearted. Heís been constantly holding my hand throughout the whole journey and wonít let me work things out for myself. I mean, bless the neato little welsh Lord High Lord of the Fairies and all, but itíd be rather nice if he trusted me to work things out for myself. I feel like I can't enjoy myself while he's constantly telling me what to do.

    Day seventeen

    I want to shit down Drippy's throat until he dies, the annoying hand holding little welsh Lord High Lord of the annoying fucking pricks.
    Reply +7
  • GOG Winter Sale gives Fallout 1, 2 & Tactics free

  • kentmonkey 12/12/2013

    Ooh, two articles one after the other using ****. Very edgey.

    I genuinely am wondering if the sudden usage of * is because the shift key has got stuck down alongside the 8 key.
    Reply 0
  • Xbox Live bans users from Skype and Upload. But why?

  • kentmonkey 25/11/2013

    "Because of past behaviour you cannot XBOX Live Gold all your bases are belong to us on XBOX One" Reply +94
  • EA PS4 games cost an eye-watering £63 from PlayStation Store

  • kentmonkey 25/11/2013

    Hi my name is TIM KANE. When I have a POINT to PROVE and I'm COMMUNICATING via a KEYBOARD I like to PRETEND that I'm BARRY SCOTT and use CAPITAL LETTERS to SHOUT different WORDS out. Reply 0
  • Sony investigating reports of defective PS4s

  • kentmonkey 14/11/2013

    Pulsing blue light of death

    PBLOD
    Reply +3
  • The Wolf Among Us, Epsiode 1: Faith review

  • kentmonkey 12/10/2013

    @MisterCraig It is quite sad times when you have to go to IGN to obtain (rather important) missing information. Reply +1
  • Dragon's Crown to receive cross-play between Vita and PS3

  • kentmonkey 09/10/2013

    If you stopped reviewing games while sat on high horses you might find them more enjoyable.

    Just a thought.
    Reply +41
  • SimplyGames: Your pre-ordered PS4 now costs at least £65 more

  • kentmonkey 08/10/2013

    @DouubleDog :-)

    Quite pleased with how people have reacted to SimplyGames.

    EG have they responded yet with a "but, but, but we used to be friends. We sponsored you and everything. Why are you being so nasty?"
    Reply +1
  • kentmonkey 08/10/2013

    "Is it disgusting behaviour!"

    I don't know! It sounds like it might well be. But that question needed a question mark or you got your is and it around the wrong way so, either way, you're not welcome on this forum. Get out.

    Signed

    The plethora of grammar nazi police
    Reply +1
  • F1 2013 review

  • kentmonkey 03/10/2013

    This is a great example of EG's reviews over the last 12-18 months really. Lacking in the detail potential buyers are after, and instead seems to exist more to demonstrate the writing ability and 'character' of the writer. Style over substance.

    This is especially annoying considering this is a review of the latest iteration in a franchise that has been plagued with bugs, AI deficiencies and other major errors throughout all previous releases, which Codemasters never seem to correct post-release. What about those? You've never bothered picking up on them before, they've always been completely overlooked and left to others to pick up in the forum to warn others of (and usually within just a few minutes of playing), but as you've basically written little more than a preview and stated that it's largely similar to last year, it required even less effort this year to cover them.
    Reply +7
  • Putty Squad and The Pinball Arcade are PS4 launch titles

  • kentmonkey 27/09/2013

    If Putty Squad ends up having DLC, they've really got no excuse. 20 years is more than enough time to get it all ready for release. Reply +3
  • Phil Harrison on Xbox One: "digital is an unstoppable force"

  • kentmonkey 26/09/2013

    I look forward to the headline next week:

    'Phil Harrison on XBOX One: Digital is not a force, we've listened to fans. Sorry.'
    Reply +3
  • Viewtiful Joe retrospective

  • kentmonkey 15/09/2013

    I loved this game and, have to say, I don't remember any terrible difficulty spikes. Once the mechanics kicked in, slowing down time, speeding up, etc. I didn't have an issue. Loved it through to completion. Reply +1
  • Xbox One will function without Kinect plugged in

  • kentmonkey 14/08/2013

    Reference the update; it's doubtful Microsoft actually "plan" anything these days. There whole decision making process appears to be centred around shaking an eight-ball and going with whatever it says. Reply +4
  • I've decided which console I'm buying this year...

  • kentmonkey 10/08/2013

    It's weird how the 'reveal' of which console you'd buy deserved its own paragraph, and the preceding paragraph is set up as a slow reveal, and that the image is there as a tease, almost a 'if you think really carefully about what this image is suggesting, then it's likely to be an older console', but you contained the answer in the headline. Reply 0
  • F1 2013: An instant classic?

  • kentmonkey 15/07/2013

    Surely the question that should be asked is...will you actually play the game long enough this year to discover the many bugs and faults the game will almost undoubtedly launch with given it's predecessor's track record and the fact it's from Codemasters. And if you do play it for long enough, will you actually include them in the review and factor them into the score? Reply +1
  • Ubisoft accounts hacked, publisher recommends changing your password

  • kentmonkey 02/07/2013

    Did anyone get logged in as a different user? Reply 0
  • EA and Nintendo: the collapse of the "unprecedented relationship"

  • kentmonkey 26/06/2013

    Listen, when you have to say "Listen" at the start of every sentence, just to get somebody to actually 'listen' to the drivel coming out of your mouth, you're a shit spokesperson. Reply +2
  • Ouya boss apologises after consoles fail to arrive for some Kickstarter backers

  • kentmonkey 25/06/2013

    My money's on Yodel being the delivery partner in the UK. Reply +23
  • Microsoft sticking with Xbox One Kinect requirement despite ditching DRM

  • kentmonkey 20/06/2013

    Why does Wesley go by the name of Frankly? Reply 0
  • This is how Xbox One game trade-ins will work, apparently

  • kentmonkey 24/05/2013

    Well, all those people (three, I think) who kept harping on about this being for the benefit of the consumer in the second hand games thread in the forum have been proved right.

    I really do feel that this pricing structure will benefit me, the consumer, greatly. I feel all warm and fuzzy towards the Xbox One now.
    Reply -3
  • Molyneux teases mystery appearance at Microsoft's next Xbox reveal event

  • kentmonkey 01/05/2013

    Well hopefully if we bash him often enough, we'll get through to his core and really help change his life.

    Annoyingly though EG keep paying to add more layers to him.
    Reply +4
  • kentmonkey 01/05/2013

    We asked 100 people what they thought about Peter Molyneux's recent hype and conjecture on Eurogamer.

    Our survey said
    Reply +13
  • Advance Wars retrospective

  • kentmonkey 21/04/2013

    This game single-handedly sold me a GBA SP.

    A friend of mine kept stating how I should get a GBA and how games were great, but back then my only experience of playing on one was in stores where they had all sorts of kiddie nonsense in the cart slots. Ergo, I assumed that it was mainly for kids and that games would be too simplistic. How wrong I was.

    The pnly reason I ended up buying one was I ended up downloading an emulator with the view of playing a few games for about 10 minutes to see if I liked them and ultimately the system. I downloaded Advance Wars, Sonic, Golden Sun, WarioWare and F-Zero.

    The first game I tried was Advance Wars. Nearly three hours later, I searched for stock in the local area and ended up going to a Virgin Megastore where I got a GBA, Advance Wars and Wario Ware for £110. The pack actually had Sonic in it, but I managed to convince the store assistant to let me have Advance Wars instead.

    Piracy, which is essentially what I was doing I guess in trying the games on an emulator before making my purchasing decision, doesn't always have to be a bad thing after all.

    Brilliant game, even to this day.
    Reply +11
  • Saturday Soapbox: Leave me alone

  • kentmonkey 20/04/2013

    @mannyYearsAgo But imagine the joy you would get if your Kindle told you how far your friends were through the book. What chapter they were on. How many words per minute they were reading at. How they finished chapter three in 12 mins and 32 secs and you could only do it in 12 mins and 57 secs. How you'd get 'Kindling' pts for reading so many chapters in a day or reading a chapter with your pants on your head.

    Then the same for a movie. Who on your friends list is watching the movie too? Would you like to sync up with livestreaming video so you can see they're reaction to the same explosion you're watching too? Would you like to watch the film with them too, at the same time, so you can talk to each other about watching the film.

    And lastly don't forget the excitement of listening to an album with the same person and talking about it all the way through. Both being able to skip songs at the same time. Having headphones on, so as not to disturb the rest of the house, but speaking or....wait for it....singing into a microphone so your friend can sing along with you.

    How can you not want these features? Why do you want to do things on your own?

    Are you mad? If so, please join me in the nut house too. Because all that nonsense would and, in the context of videogames, does annoy the shit out of me too.
    Reply +24
  • Wii U Aliens: Colonial Marines misses launch window, is it still alive?

  • kentmonkey 05/04/2013

    "Rest assured that we have some fantastic developments for Wii U in the pipeline which we will announce at a later date."

    Are the fantastic developments trailers of games? Must admit, you seem to be pretty good at those.
    Reply +10
  • Sega adds disclaimer to Aliens: Colonial Marines trailers after admitting they didn't accurately reflect final game

  • kentmonkey 03/04/2013

    @self_titled blurgh Reply 0
  • kentmonkey 03/04/2013

    Disclaimer: Imagine if you typed an article in arial font and printed out loads of drafts to send to people to read before submitting the final letter.

    Now imagine, upon submitting that article to print, that somehow, and you're still not quite sure how, the font has changed to wingdings. And it all looks like shit.

    Now watch the following footage, and apply the same logic. Enjoy.
    Reply +1