Stoatboy Comments

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  • GameStop seeks to fund games in exchange for exclusive gameplay

  • Stoatboy 11/07/2014

    Are they funding the game for exclusive content, or are they funding the exclusive content for the exclusive content? There is a big difference... Reply 0
  • Watch Dogs has shipped over 8 million units

  • Stoatboy 10/07/2014

    an authorization granted by a government or company to an individual or group enabling them to carry out specified commercial activities, for example acting as an agent for a company's products.
    "Toyota granted the group a franchise"
    Nope. It's not one of them.

    the right to vote in public elections.
    "the franchise was limited to Estonian citizens"
    Not one of them either.

    grant a franchise to (an individual or group).
    It's not a fucking verb either.

    That's it for definitions of franchise.

    So it's not a franchise in any sense of the word. Can we stop using that word where it doesn't belong any more, please?

    It's an IP. And a fairly weak one at that judging by the rest of the comments.
    Reply +3
  • "Gamers are not criminals and they do not need DRM"

  • Stoatboy 18/06/2014

    Gee-Oh-Gee? Really? I never called it that when it stood for something - I doubt I'm going to start now. Reply +5
  • Nordic Games buys THQ name to use when publishing

  • Stoatboy 13/06/2014

    @Mar27w As a kid if I didn't know what "f***" meant I'd have asked.

    Swearing without actually swearing?

    So if I call someone a "f****** c***" they don't actually think I've called them a fucking cock, because I haven't really sworn?

    And yes, whilst I probably did mean "cunt", I only wrote "c***" so I can weasel my way out of it and claim that I never actually said it. As I said - cowardly.

    @alexharvey : I'm not in the least bit angry. I just explained why I didn't like censored swearing, is all.
    Reply +2
  • Stoatboy 13/06/2014

    Why is fuck censored at all?

    Using asterisks to try to obfuscate swearwords is absolute cowardice in my opinion. Everybody knows what word you're not writing - everyone has to think it when they read it. You're just passing the buck from writer to reader to actually do the swearing.

    If you're going to make people think "fuck" then have the courage to write "fuck".

    If you're against the use of "fuck" in the first place then don't quote someone who says it.

    Edit: I wouldn't mind so much if it was all asterisks - that would show that there was swearing involved that you didn't want to publish, but leaving the f on the front shows that you wanted us to think "fuck".
    Reply +6
  • Ubisoft holding back an unannounced, finished Wii U game until console sells more

  • Stoatboy 10/06/2014

    @darth_paul - it's not just about the total number of consoles sold though - it's the number of people who own them who are in the target demographic for the game.

    They're supporting the bone because they know they can make money from a smaller user base by making games that most of them want to play.

    We don't know what game they're sitting on, but clearly they don't think enough of the WiiU's users will pay for it at the moment.
    Reply 0
  • Stoatboy 10/06/2014

    Ubisoft management have a legal requirement to make as much money for the company shareholders as they can. That's how business works. To claim they are sitting on the title to be awkward is naive. They're doing it because it's the most cost-effective thing to do. It costs them nothing to wait until there are more machines in the market. And it's Nintendo's job to make that happen - not anyone else's. Reply 0
  • Stoatboy 10/06/2014

    For a lot of games the marketing budget is more than the development budget. Spending a lot on marketing now - even for a finished game - could well be throwing good money after bad if there aren't enough sales to be made. If they just released the game without the marketing spend, chances are it would bomb anyway. Reply +7
  • Gravity Crash Ultra launches in July on Vita

  • Stoatboy 06/06/2014

    @BearFishPie : If you're a fan of Thrust you should like it - it's pretty decent.

    Certainly deserved more from EG in my opinion (specifically in being unfavourably compared to Pixeljunk Shooter which has some neat gimmicks but disappointingly isn't actually a Thrust-like game in any way, and also isn't a very good shoot-em-up*, which is what the name makes you think it's going to be).

    *Don't get me wrong - if you like it as a game in its own right that's fine, but it's by no means a good shoot-em-up.
    Reply +2
  • Stoatboy 06/06/2014

    @kassmageant Except of course Gravity Crash predates Gravity Rush considerably. They're not going to rename their own game to avoid one that came afterwards. Reply +11
  • The power and politics of Make it Rain

  • Stoatboy 05/06/2014

    @telboy007 Of course, but only if I was stuck in double maths. Had better things to do in my own time. Reply 0
  • Forza Horizon 2 announced for 360 and Xbox One

  • Stoatboy 02/06/2014

    Nice choice of location - I'd imagine we'll see some of the amazing roads that feature in Top Gear.

    Glad there's a 360 version - I really enjoyed the first Horizon, so will definitely be up for this.
    Reply +2
  • The making of Match Day

  • Stoatboy 01/06/2014

    I was always on the Commodore side of the fence, and had played International Soccer to death. I used to only get to play on a Speccy round at my mate's house, and whilst I loved a lot of what I played on it I have to say Match Day 2 was one of the games that impressed me the most. I only played a little of it, but I seem to remember it being a lot more footy-like than International Soccer with lots more moves etc. One of the games I was truly jealous of. Reply +3
  • Maia Early Access review

  • Stoatboy 23/05/2014

    I also kickstarted this, but I have no intention of playing it for a while yet. I'm happy to wait until it's a little nearer completion.

    I don't think putting a score on these is a good idea at all. This one says it will likely be brilliant but isn't worth playing now. How do you score that? 10 for what it could be, 4 for what it is now or 7 because it's a 4 now, but could maybe be a 10 with fingers crossed and the wind in the right direction.
    Reply +8
  • Wolfenstein: The New Order review

  • Stoatboy 20/05/2014

    Wow - your character isn't just stealthy - he must be practically invisible:

    Or maybe the AI is just utterly piss-poor...
    Reply -8
  • Stoatboy 20/05/2014

    @sanctusmortis: re:

    '"The science-fiction side of things is turned up to eleven, with laser weapons, giant robots and genetically enhanced super-soliders [sic] all part of an alternate 1960s in which racial purity is paramount and the Beatles must sing in German."

    Now, that isn't new to the series. It fits perfectly with the other games in the series. So why bring it up? He genuinely seems to just dislike the very things that define the series.'

    What are you reading into that quoted paragraph? There's no negativity whatsoever there, yet you seem to think it's having a pop at the game, and so suggest it shouldn't have been included.

    I have no interest in the game at all, but the review is being accused of all sorts of things it isn't by people who seem to have taken umbrage at the score and can't then read the words without putting their own spin on them.
    Reply +4
  • Stoatboy 20/05/2014

    Christ on a bike - what an awful comments thread. No-one has even sniggered at your character being called BJ yet. Reply +9
  • Insomniac CEO Ted Price donates $7500 to Harmonix's Amplitude HD Kickstarter

  • Stoatboy 20/05/2014

    @captain_Carl: The Kickstarter failing can only be good for them then. It failed to make a fraction of the amount they asked, and yet they were willing to throw more than that again at it if it succeeded?

    If it actually struggles across the line to being funded that $1 million will be an awful investment for all involved. The chances of it making another million out of the people who didn't care enough to fund it via Kickstarter is vanishingly small.
    Reply +6
  • Stoatboy 20/05/2014

    It's a Sony-owned IP. I'm not sure Kickstarter should be used to fund a new iteration of a global megacorporation's game. If they succeed in raising the money it creates a worrying precedent of super-rich companies being able to let the public pay for the development of a product whilst they reap the profits.

    If Sony don't think it's worth risking the cash to get the game developed then they don't deserve to profit from it succeeding, IMO. Publishers are there to fund projects - that's a huge part of their job. (I'm not judging Sony here - they've clearly decided it's not worth the risk, and this Kickstarter campaign is proving them right).
    Reply +41
  • Inside the world of the Spelunky record-chasers

  • Stoatboy 19/05/2014

    @GamesProgrammer - ha ha - wait until you see what he asks for at the end of the ice caves. :)

    As to getting a shotgun, kill a shopkeeper, obviously (it's what the game wants you to do really). They're all packing heat. Especially easy if you find a shop with a freeze gun - pick it up, zap them, jump on them - grab lots of loot. Sure you have to deal with mad shopkeepers from then on, but it gets easier with practice. Maybe wait until the last cave level or until the jungle because it's often harder to kill the exit-guarders on the 1st world than anywhere else.
    Reply +3
  • Taking arcades out of the underground

  • Stoatboy 18/05/2014

    Sounds like a fantastic event - I may well look into going next year.

    Also, I'd completely forgotten about the C64 piano keyboard overlay shown in the last picture - fond memories...
    Reply 0
  • Eurogamer community members running 24-hour race for charity

  • Stoatboy 14/05/2014

    Well done chaps. It's a brilliant charity, and shows games can be used to change lives for the better. Reply +2
  • Activision to spend $500m getting Destiny off the ground

  • Stoatboy 06/05/2014

    I want to be called Thomas Tipple. Reply +6
  • Grave business: ET, Atari, and the reason some games need to be buried

  • Stoatboy 03/05/2014

    @riceNpea As Dantonir suggests "I could care less" is meant to be sarcastic. I believe it's meant to have Jewish origins, and about the only way it works for me is to imagine Jackie Mason saying it.

    I still cringe whenever I read it mind, but I think this one's ingrained enough that no amount of complaining is going to change things.
    Reply +1
  • Block rockin' beeps: What's behind gaming's greatest soundtracks

  • Stoatboy 30/04/2014

    Either I've missed it or no-one's mentioned Monkey Island yet.

    How about Super Hexagon for a newer nomination?
    Reply +1
  • Stoatboy 30/04/2014

    Oh go on then let's have another. All Tim Follin's C64 Bionic Commando tunes are great and well worth a listen, but this is my fave:

    Reply +4
  • Stoatboy 30/04/2014

    And maybe this too:

    Reply +4
  • Stoatboy 30/04/2014

    I'll just leave this here:

    Reply +11
  • Hitman GO review

  • Stoatboy 26/04/2014

    @Rayn : It's perhaps clinically stylish, but actually really fucking dull to look at. You'd never put shots of this on your wall as the art of games. It's style over substance writ real fucking large.

    In motion nothing actually animates - it looks the same as it does stationary. I'm not sure what you're seeing that I'm not.
    Reply -4
  • Stoatboy 25/04/2014

    I wanted to like this but found it really tedious. I can see how some folk might like it, but it just wasn't my cup of tea at all. If you don't like sliding block puzzles best steer clear - that's essentially all this is. Reply +1
  • The Hong Kong Massacre gets a bloody good debut trailer

  • Stoatboy 16/04/2014

    @Faramis: Nope - copying a game design is perfectly legal (if morally dubious depending on how closely and how soon you do it). The ideas aren't protected.

    IP law only covers the actual implementation of the ideas - the artwork, the audio, the fiction. They can copy the game design entirely, but if they ripped a couple of Hotline's sprites they'd be in trouble.
    Reply 0
  • Video: Let's Replay Robotron: 2084

  • Stoatboy 14/04/2014

    Brilliant game. I love the audio in particular - the Williams games always sounded amazing.

    It's not my absolute favourite shooter and I'm not particularly great at it, but it might also be the game I'd take to a desert island because I'd never get bored of it (or good at it probably).
    Reply 0
  • In search of the perfect bug

  • Stoatboy 10/04/2014

    @Der_tolle_Emil: I'm not convinced the Space Invaders example is a bug really - more an unforeseen consequence of an intentional design.

    The game only ever moves one invader a step sideways each frame by design. When there are 55 invaders at the start of the game it therefore takes 55 frames for all of them to move one step, before the first one can move again. Hence they tend to shuffle rather than move as a unit, and are really slow.

    When you shoot your first invader that comes down to 54 frames for all to move, then 53 etc. The difference is so small at first that you don't notice, but not only is it always getting faster as each invader dies - it's getting faster faster.

    By the time it's down to 2 invaders left it's only taking them two frames to each take a step so they're motoring, and shooting one of them then doubles the speed of the last one who gets to step every frame.

    It's actually really elegant.
    Reply +3
  • Stoatboy 10/04/2014

    Nice article, but a feature on bugs should probably reference Dwarf Fortress. From the dev logs...

    stopped vampires from bragging about their kills
    dwarves no longer have relative/etc. death thoughts until body is found
    stopped ghosts from maintaining secret identities
    stopped zombie cats from adopting dwarves
    stopped vampires from pinning their crimes on babies and children
    stopped reraised corpses from bleeding to death
    vampires won't try to pin crimes on animals
    demons masquerading as gods will try a little harder
    stopped dwarves from ripping patients out of traction to bring them to bed
    decreased triggers for cleaning a bit to try to stop paranoid over-cleaning of patients
    Fixed some capybara and panda typos and tweaked giraffe and reptile eggs
    allowed dwarves that can't stand even with a crutch to move around instead of never moving again
    Stopped heroes in world gen from picking fights with dead megabeasts
    Adjusted value of bees
    Reply +12
  • Oculus recruits Valve's Michael Abrash as chief scientist

  • Stoatboy 28/03/2014

    @Additive: If I had the holodeck I'd recreate the arcade in my old home town and then play Robotron and pinball in it.

    I've had a quick play on an Oculus Rift and thought it was brilliant, but I'm not playing Crusader Kings or Dwarf Fortress or Death Smiles on it, so it ain't replacing my big old telly or PC monitor any time soon.
    Reply 0
  • Luftrausers turned a profit in two days on Steam alone

  • Stoatboy 26/03/2014

    I kinda like the game, but the cumulative goals are definitely a hangover from mobile games and start to feel like grind rather than challenge. I don't mind this in achievements, but for actual game progress it's far too slender and unsatisfying. Reply +1
  • Demon's Souls retrospective

  • Stoatboy 23/03/2014

    After struggling to get on with Demon Soul's at first it eventually became one of my favourite games. Other games teach you bad lessons, Demon's Souls will eat you alive if you don't unlearn them. I was getting killed then rushing back in to try again getting more and more careless. Bad move. I was ready to give up at one point, but stuck with it because clearly other people were getting more out of it than me. Use the right tools for the job, learn your enemies, keep that bloody shield raised etc.

    When it clicked it clicked hard, and I came to love it. I lost my first save game of about 50-odd hours when I swapped my hard drive for a larger one. Undeterred I started again right away with a new character and went in smarter and better than before. I then played at least another 100 hours well into NG+ (I spent a lot of time going after rare drops).

    I just love the atmosphere. I don't like horror (I'm probably a bit of a wuss), but dark, malevolent, hopeless and bleak I adore.

    But the Tower of Latria still gives me the willies.
    Reply +3
  • 2014's funniest game just got funnier

  • Stoatboy 12/03/2014

    @lylebot: Traditionally, in development an alpha version is the version where bug-testing starts, but features can still be added. A beta version is when it's feature complete, so nothing gets added, but bugs are squashed. After that you go on to make release candidates until one is good to go.

    Pre-alpha is anything that comes out before the alpha phase.

    Reply +3
  • Fans are making Double Fine's rejected pitch Bad Golf 2

  • Stoatboy 25/02/2014

    "And yes, the ideas are copyrighted."

    The ideas aren't copyrighted. Copyright does not protect ideas. Whoever is saying this stuff is talking utter nonsense. I'd be scared if the person saying this was part of my legal team. :/

    You can't copyright ideas!

    Their implementation of the ideas would be copyrighted had they actually implemented them, but here they haven't, so they can't protect them in the slightest.
    Reply +1
  • Stoatboy 24/02/2014

    Sounds like it was inspired by Golf? to me - twatting around whilst your mates are taking their shots, and dicking around in buggies was great fun.

    Reply +1
  • TxK review

  • Stoatboy 13/02/2014

    @arashi256: The guy's made over 60 games of which 3 are Tempest remakes (4 if you count Space Giraffe). That's less than one fifteenth of his output, so yes - he can clearly code quite a lot of other things. Reply +8
  • Dark Souls 2, now with more Peter Serafinowicz

  • Stoatboy 30/01/2014

    @Ged42: Frantastic! Reply +1
  • OlliOlli review

  • Stoatboy 21/01/2014


    It's another go at Tempest, and it looks the business. Not as mad as Space Giraffe (sadly, if you like the weird stuff), but even so it looks magnificent:

    TxK video
    Reply 0
  • Stoatboy 21/01/2014

    I'd already checked the store twice this morning before finding out that it's out tomorrow over here. Boo! I've really been looking forward to this.

    And then Minter's glorious-looking TxK is out Feb 11th (12th for us I guess), so the Vita really is starting the year in style.
    Reply +1
  • Letter from America: Our fave PS1 and PS2 games

  • Stoatboy 18/01/2014


    Bushido Blade
    Vagrant Story
    Umjammer Lammy
    Wipeout 2097 (still my favourite - after 2097 they gave the craft less extreme handling - I liked it best when you had to give a Qirex about a fortnight's notice that you wanted to turn a corner).

    Edit: Forgot Rollcage Stage Two. Fantastic game!
    Reply +3
  • Ubisoft is developing Tetris for PlayStation 4 and Xbox One

  • Stoatboy 16/01/2014

    If you owned a Miggy, Super Twintris was where it was at:

    Reply +1
  • Inside Monopoly's secret war against the Third Reich

  • Stoatboy 12/01/2014

    A brilliant read - properly fascinating stuff. Great work. Reply +2
  • SWIV retrospective

  • Stoatboy 15/12/2013

    I also seem to recall preferring Banshee to Swiv. Swiv's adaptive difficulty sounded like a good idea, but I remember it became a slog to kill anything if you survived for too long. It was a blessed relief when you died simply so that you could get back to blowing stuff up.

    One tiny detail that stuck in my mind about Banshee back then (that I've only just thought to look up) was that when you blew up enemy trucks the passengers run out on fire - but it was just their heads on fire. Amused the hell out of me for some reason.

    You can see it just after 3.50 in the video below.

    Reply +1
  • Peggle 2 review

  • Stoatboy 10/12/2013

    @dfooster: I'd love to drive a Ferrari around Asda. Sounds like fun. As does Peggle 2. Good analogy on that count at least. Reply +2
  • "A future that has a history": Introducing No Man's Sky

  • Stoatboy 09/12/2013

    @7M7: I preferred it when it was called "Tiger! Tiger!" over here.

    I'm showing my age. :(

    Cracking book though.
    Reply +1