Stoatboy Comments

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  • Ultra Street Fighter 2: The Final Challengers review

  • Stoatboy 25/05/2017

    @Der_tolle_Emil But Top Gear ALWAYS pulled up cars for being stupidly expensive. They'd sometimes recommend expensive cars over cheaper ones because they felt so much better, even if they were lacking in features, but the reasoning was always explained. Things can cost a bomb and be worth it, but they really are absolute exceptions for the most part. But if one car is 100 grand more than another and isn't really super special, it tends to get marked down for the ridiculous price tag.

    I've been gaming for over 40 years, and whilst I find it hard to pick my favourite game ever Spelunky is top 3, definitely. If I get talking to a gamer who hasn't played Spelunky I will bore them senseless about why they should buy it immediately and play the hell out of it. (I've bought it 3 times myself at full price on various formats - so I've paid my dues). If it cost £500 I would tell people not to buy it. I'd tell them it was brilliant but not worth the money. I absolutely couldn't recommend the game at that price. I'd hope they'd remember and pick it up if they ever saw it at a sensible price, however.

    As much as it galls me to say it, a game review is definitely a buyer's guide. It's not like most film reviews, which can stand the test of time. The medium of games is very different and still changing too fast, whereas cinema is largely fixed (and the cost is fixed too).

    To push the analogy to breaking point, this game is like the most edited enhanced version of the original Star Wars film being sold at 3 times the price of the original. There are some plus points, and some big negatives, but the base material was definitely a classic. The reviews for that still stand.

    The review for this acknowledges the classic status of the original, but absolutely cannot recommend paying for this version.
    Reply +2
  • Stoatboy 24/05/2017

    I used to think that reviews shouldn't take the price into consideration, but I've changed my mind of late - possibly because there's so much more competition now, possibly because I'm much poorer.

    But games are just a commodity, and almost everything else gets reviewed on value. Car reviews will tell you a car is great but not worth the money. Food and restaurant reviews will always take price into consideration. You might be fine eating a nicer sandwich from the deli than something bog-standard from Tesco for a couple of quid more, but would you do it for ten times the price?

    To use Eurogamer's ratings at a fiver your deli sandwich might be "Recommended" or even "Essential", but at 50 quid it would be a definite "Avoid". It doesn't matter how good it is, you'll probably be able to find something nearly as good for a lot less.

    This for £35? Nope!
    Reply +2
  • Stoatboy 24/05/2017

    @AndyboyH I like this one:

    Reply +12
  • Searching for a video game hero

  • Stoatboy 20/05/2017

    @spongebob You've jumped to the conclusion that it's a bullshit article, just because Twin Peaks is suddenly newsworthy again. When the likelihood is that the article is a genuine response to Twin Peaks becoming newsworthy again.

    I've only watched Twin Peaks once - back in the day when it was originally broadcast, and I loved it. TO THIS DAY on the very rare occasion I buy myself a cake there's a quote of Agent Cooper's that springs to mind - something like "Every day you should take time out to be nice to yourself". That's a really good rule to try to stick to.

    It wouldn't occur to me to mention that to anyone else ever unless the topic of Twin Peaks had already been raised, but it is entirely genuine. I wouldn't call him a hero of mine, but I've definitely been influenced by him for well over half of my life.
    Reply +5
  • Watch: Johnny cooks Rigglefuzz's BBQ Buzzard Wings from WoW

  • Stoatboy 18/05/2017

    I have absolutely no idea why unsalted butter is a thing. Even for sweet things a little bit of salt helps the flavour, but here the recipe actually states that you use unsalted butter, and then add an unspecified amount of salt. Why not just add regular butter, and then a slightly smaller unspecified amount of salt? Reply 0
  • Watch: Johnny cooks Kwama Egg Quiche from The Elder Scrolls Online

  • Stoatboy 03/05/2017

    "How, and why, does that taste of fish?" - haha, great!

    Again, another recipe clearly written by someone who's never cooked anything more complex than toast. It's such a minor part of a game as huge as TES obviously, but for anyone who has even the first smidgeon of cookery knowledge this recipe just breaks any illusion of authenticity.

    For starters, by definition a quiche is open - it's a flan, and those don't have a top on, let alone a middle layer of "pastry" (never gonna work in a million years).

    And whilst I've never cooked a quiche I do know that the eggs are there to set the milk or cream that would be the bulk of the mix, rather than just being baked egg.

    As to the pastry - I'm no baker but there are only two things I know you can make from just flour and water. One of them is a chapatti (needs wholemeal flour, and benefits from a pinch of salt but otherwise it's all you need - mine worked out really well FWIW). The other is the glue for papier-mâché - which is probably what the middle layer of this turned out like..
    Reply +2
  • On NASA, the video game developer

  • Stoatboy 29/04/2017

    The easiest response to the nutjobs who think we didn't land on the moon is to ask why didn't Russia debunk it at the time?

    They were the ones who got beat by their most hated enemy. If there was a shadow of a doubt about it, Russia would have put all their resources behind proving it was bollocks as the most epic slap-down in cold war history, and yet they didn't. Because they couldn't.
    Reply +4
  • Watch: Johnny makes Cook Cook's Fiend Stew from Fallout New Vegas

  • Stoatboy 19/04/2017

    I'd have thought 2 bottles of Punk IPA would be a bit feisty for a stew, but then I guess with so little else to give it any flavour you probably need something with a bit of zing. Reply +1
  • Why Dwarf Fortress started killing cats

  • Stoatboy 14/04/2017

    @VoxyGon The main point of the article is a ten minute long YouTube video that goes over it at length from the outset. The soundcloud link is an extra. Ten minutes ain't much of an ask. Reply 0
  • Stoatboy 13/04/2017

    Fantastic. I haven't played DF in at least 5 years, and it's still comfortably my favourite game ever. It's bonkers on a completely different level to anything else that's bonkers.

    Nice fun video. I don't generally like video content, but you can talk to me about Dwarf Fortress in whatever format you like, as far as I'm concerned. Do it in Braille, and I'll probably have a stab at learning that (I've learnt to play DF - how hard can Braille be?)
    Reply +5
  • Watch: Johnny cooks monster lasagna from Don't Starve

  • Stoatboy 12/04/2017

    Good stuff again. I'd have cooked the flour for the white sauce out a little more personally - but that might be because of the nice biscuit smell you get rather than because it helps at all.

    How about making something from Stardew Valley? I'd suggest the Strange Bun - you just need some flour, some periwinkles and some Void Mayonnaise.
    Reply +1
  • Sine Mora EX slated for Switch via Brazilian ratings board

  • Stoatboy 11/04/2017

    @Samildanach : I'm pretty awful at shoot-em-ups too. I'll never get a 1CC - I wouldn't even try.

    But it's my favourite genre regardless.

    And yet Sine Mora disappoints. The real issue is that it "feels" wrong on a very fundamental level. It doesn't push the right buttons at all, for me. The pacing, the challenge, the attitude - it's all slightly wrong for me.

    It's in the right ballpark, but it never quite works. YMMV, of course.

    And finally, I 've recognised where your user name comes from. One of my favourite books, but it's been a bastard-long time since I read it. Man, I miss David Gemmell...
    Reply +8
  • Stoatboy 11/04/2017

    This is a shoot-em-up for people who don't generally like shoot-em-ups.

    Exposition-heavy nonsense shoved in your face at every opportunity, and not that brilliant when it comes to the gameplay.

    Great for getting people who wouldn't normally play a shmup to give it a go, but nowhere near good enough to convince anyone else that this is the absolute best and purest genre of gaming ever...
    Reply +4
  • Watch: Johnny makes the Sandvich from Team Fortress 2

  • Stoatboy 29/03/2017

    Lovely looking loaf - shame it was a tad under. If I had the time to make it by hand I'd love to, but for now I use a bread machine (5 minutes to set up, 5 hours later lovely fresh bread, 2 minutes to wash ready for the next time - best kitchen gadget ever).

    Got to say though - I hate the skewering of sandwiches and burgers with sharpened sticks - even if they do have goodies on them. I think it goes back to watching Scooby Doo - where he'd chuck the sandwich in whole - stick and all - and I'd just imagine it impaling the roof of his mouth. Ew!
    Reply +2
  • Watch: Johnny plays Crusader Kings 2 for the first time, sleeps with daughter-in-law

  • Stoatboy 24/02/2017

    Such a fantastic game. If I had more time I'd waste it playing this.

    Good video - showed why it's worth learning the awful interface to then royally fuck with everyone else in the game whilst your luck lasts.

    And then enjoy reaping the whirlwind.
    Reply +2
  • For the first time ever, Australia is in Civilization

  • Stoatboy 21/02/2017

    It'll be the first civ where most of the Great Leaders are mentioned in Wisden.

    Their special power should have been sledging to demoralise enemy troops. And they'd automatically get massive combat bonuses against England until 2005.
    Reply +4
  • You can spend £8 on a hat in Pokémon Go

  • Stoatboy 20/02/2017

    @The-Doctor Um. If they were trying to nickle and dime you to death these would cost a nickle or a dime. £8 for a hat or thousands of dollars for a ship is very definitely not that.

    Also, some people actually like paying for things they've enjoyed to show their appreciation - even if they don't have to. If the game is free, and especially as in this case, the item for sale does nothing to affect the game then you can view it as voluntarily paying for something you appreciate - sticking money in the tip jar, as it were.
    Reply -1
  • Minecraft adds textured terracotta blocks

  • Stoatboy 09/02/2017

    Good grief - I can make a hell of a mess with those! Top stuff.

    I'm thinking using the darker of the two pinks for all the floors and ceilings, and the lime green for all the walls would make a somewhat bold statement...
    Reply +1
  • Broken dragons: In praise of Morrowind, a game about game design

  • Stoatboy 07/02/2017

    I loved Morrowind too. It was just such an interesting and fantastic world. Still one of my favourite moments was turning up in one of the early locations where there was an ash-storm raging, and all the inhabitants were shielding their eyes from the stinging wind - it genuinely felt like a properly hostile alien place. I was so disappointed when Oblivion turned up and much of it looked like rural Warwickshire.

    And reading earlier posts reminded me of another moment. I was a fair way into the game, had stolen myself a home after killing the previous owner, so was fairly settled. I was working my way through the missions for one of the Houses, and it asked me to assassinate some chap. I can't remember how long it took me to figure out that it just happened to be the old owner of my home, and the game didn't register that he was already dead. So I had a quick look online and found the console command to bring a dead character back. So I used it and brought him back to life, just so I could kill him again to complete the quest. Poor bugger!
    Reply +12
  • Watch: We made etoile blanche from The Witcher 3: Blood and Wine

  • Stoatboy 05/01/2017

    @robg Well played! That may well be comment of the year (and it's only January) :D Reply +1
  • Ariana Grande is a Final Fantasy character

  • Stoatboy 03/01/2017

    @Trinitron I have also honestly never heard of her, or the doughnut incident.

    I have absolutely zero interest in celebs, or pop culture in general, and beyond a quick scan of the Guardian online's front page before I have a crack at the day's cryptic crossword I don't check the news because experience tells me it's almost always a pointless waste of time (if anything's genuinely newsworthy you'll hear about it fairly quickly without wasting any time trawling through meaningless non-events involving baked goods (you say it was a politically-charged moment, but did it have any lasting repercussions? Because if it didn't then it's not worth knowing about, IMO)).

    It's actually really remarkably easy to exist online, and not know that much about celebrities and their comings-and-goings (however major or minor) - even if they do somehow make the news from time to time. If you're surprised that I'd not heard of this one, I could probably blow your mind with some of the stuff I don't know about even major superstars.
    Reply +7
  • Assassin's Creed film review

  • Stoatboy 21/12/2016

    @vert1go Yeah - and what you did was nonsense, because you compared something that is always only negative - lots of pain, bleeding, potential disfigurement, with something that you can only guess at until you've seen it - whether a film is enjoyable.

    It's like trying to review a pint of beer without drinking it. It doesn't matter a jot what you say about it, your opinion is still meaningless unless you've actually drunk the stuff. Saying "It looks like it tastes bad" is utterly worthless, and would make you look like an idiot - spaffing off ideas as fact without anything to back them up.
    Reply +6
  • 'The bug isn't good enough'

  • Stoatboy 21/12/2016

    @oldskooldeano The sound in William's games is phenomenal. When I think back to the arcade I pretty-much lived in as a kid, the sound I imagine is full of the menacing drones and chirps and chattering of Robotron, Joust and Defender. Sublime. Reply 0
  • Dara O Briain's Go 8 Bit gets second and third series

  • Stoatboy 15/12/2016

    Good to hear. It obviously needs a bit of work, but it was a decent start point,and it's ideal fodder for Dave if they can get it right. Reply +1
  • Watch: We made Pig Oat Mash from Dragon Age

  • Stoatboy 15/12/2016

    I've been meaning to try experimenting with making savoury porridge - I'm thinking lots of garlic and herbs, maybe onions and cheese. Sounds like it might work (or possibly be utterly minging). Will give it a go - but in very small batches.

    Fun video again (liked Lunar). You're maths is out on the liquid though - if a cup is 236 mils then 2 is well under a pint (568 mils) - which only makes the hour cooking time even more ludicrous.

    As a game designer this recipe annoys me a little, because it's so incredibly inauthentic. Firstly the name "Pig Oat Mash" has been deliberately chosen to sound unappealing (probably as a cheap way to make it sound very peasant-y), but no-one sets out to make food sound unappealing. They'd do the absolute opposite in fact - especially if the ingredients were ropey as hell.

    Secondly the cup measurement is typically an American standard which would have no basis in a fantasy realm where a cup would be whatever size the local potter made them. If everything was measured in cups this wouldn't be an issue, but the oats and apples aren't, so cup size is important (as the actress said to the vicar).

    Finally that cooking time is ludicrous (as Johnny spotted immediately), so it's clearly been written by someone who doesn't have the first clue about cookery. It's not even in the right ballpark, so anyone who knows how to boil an egg probably knows instantly that this recipe is absolute bobbins.

    It's this lack of attention to detail that often lets the writing in games down, IMO. "Game designer" is one of the few jobs where you can legitimately spend ages browsing the net researching this kind of thing, and yet still people crank out nonsense like this that doesn't stand up to the most basic scrutiny.
    Reply 0
  • "She can't understand how someone she's never met would be so kind"

  • Stoatboy 07/12/2016

    @xaml Asking the internet is a perfectly legitimate approach once you've taken care of the short-term necessities, especially if you know online communities that are likely to have had similar experiences and will give you trustworthy advice. It's very likely that the guy had a list of other people to contact anyway, but just wanted feedback from people who'd "been there and done that already" to approach things forewarned.

    Your suggestion that they should first talk to the management of the facility where the incident happened on the other hand is really bad advice, because, unless you go into that properly informed, it only gives them opportunities to distort facts and suppress any wrongdoing on their behalf.

    Also, it wasn't just an individual who sent a gift, it was loads of them all from the same forum, who rallied together as a community because it seemed like a really nice thing to do.
    Reply +1
  • PaRappa the Rapper spotted on Korean ratings board

  • Stoatboy 03/12/2016

    Always preferred UmJammer Lammy to Pa Rappa, personally. Pa Rappa was more iconic maybe, but Lammy had the tunes.(She was also more likeable.) Reply +2
  • Watch: We made a hoorntooth pie from Final Fantasy 15

  • Stoatboy 01/12/2016

    @emysdk Yeah - I think a vent certainly wouldn't have hurt. I've only made shortcrust myself though.

    Also, I personally don't bother draining tinned beans these days if they're going in something wet. The water they come in is nice and gloopy with beany-ness and it helps to thicken whatever you're making (and it saves faffing about with colanders or losing a few beans as you try and drain them through a small gap between the tin and lid).
    Reply 0
  • The best Cyber Monday deals

  • Stoatboy 28/11/2016

    Mad Max for PC is £3.29 on CDKeys right now. Grabbed it earlier, and it's just finished downloading... Reply +5
  • Watch: We found a recipe in Dishonored 2 and decided to cook it

  • Stoatboy 25/11/2016

    Nice idea. I wouldn't normally watch a video article, but the cooking angle lured me in. A plus point for the decent knife-technique. Reply +1
  • Capcom Vancouver defends Dead Rising 4's "super-polarising" changes

  • Stoatboy 24/11/2016

    @kangarootoo I agree on some levels, but I think the timer WAS the spine of the game. After I wrote my first reply I went for a walk, and the extra time helped a few thoughts crystallise.

    I'd meant to add a point about the need to restart meaning you became more and more familiar with the mall, which became your "turf". Dead Rising is a game where knowing the lay of the land is super-important, and having to retrace your steps helps you learn it intimately. Very few games have that sense of "home turf" (it's something GTA tends to get right in many of its instalments).

    What occurred to me after is that Dead Rising makes you do it not just for space, but time too. You become familiar with the mall over a period of time, and that bundle of space-time is now your turf (if that makes sense).

    That's something rather special. You're essentially playing Groundhog Day, and each replay you're aiming to try to nail the perfect run, building on the experience of all the runs that came before. It doesn't work half as well as a one-shot rinsing affair - you have to have tried and failed again and again to build up the knowledge to finally succeed.
    Reply +1
  • Stoatboy 24/11/2016

    @kangarootoo I do. The timer forced you to make difficult (and therefore interesting) decisions. And as Sid Meier says - a game is a series of interesting decisions.

    With no timer you're free to just hoover up whatever the game has laid out for you at leisure. There's no jeopardy, bar the second-to-second fight to stay alive. If you can just survive you'll see everything. No planning required, no forethought - you can just brute-force your way through the game until it's done, then move on to the same cookie cutter experience in the next game you play.

    With a timer you have to set goals for what you want to achieve this run, and adapt as the situation changes. If you fail, you move on to the next thing, but now you probably have a bigger urge to do it next time. And when you finally crack it, it'll be far more rewarding for the planning it took to get there, than just doing it because it was the next mission that needed checking off the list.
    Reply +3
  • Outlast 2 dev launches Kickstarter for "companion diaper", really

  • Stoatboy 23/11/2016

    I'd imagine this is probably entirely sincere and not just a gimmicky way to achieve easy press coverage for the new game. Reply +9
  • Black Friday deals for Saturday 19th November

  • Stoatboy 19/11/2016

    "Black Friday deals for Saturday..."

    I don't blame Eurogamer for reporting this, but seriously this is very much part of the problem. If you're going to call an event Black Friday it should probably fall on actual Black Fucking Friday, not the Saturday before it, and then everyday afterwards.

    It'll start in September soon at this rate, like Christmas. Then the Black Friday advent calendars will appear - starting in bastard July if these fuckers have their way...
    Reply +18
  • Harvest Moon successor Birthdays the Beginning dated for March

  • Stoatboy 16/11/2016

    On a basic level it looks like the Bio deck from Startopia (which was perhaps the least good bit from a brilliant game). Reply +1
  • FIFA 17 player takes trolling to the next level

  • Stoatboy 09/11/2016

    Sounds like real football - players acting cynically to gain an advantage over the opposition.

    "Whatever happened to the beautiful game?" It's still here. It's called cricket.
    Reply +2
  • Some guy visited a typewriter museum and some other guys made a game about keyboards

  • Stoatboy 28/10/2016

    That twitter thread is fantastic. I'm not a typewriter fan particularly, but love a nice bit of machinery/engineering, and there's some lovely stuff in there. Thanks for the heads-up. Reply +1
  • Armature's space MOBA/shooter Dead Star is being shuttered seven months after release

  • Stoatboy 20/10/2016

    @grassyknoll: I'm getting negged for observing that the English language has had the word "shuttered" for bloody ages.

    It's had the word "negged" for about 20 minutes however, but apparently that's OK...
    Reply +4
  • Stoatboy 19/10/2016

    @The_Lopper: Shuttered is in my Chambers English dictionary. It means "closed with shutters". We've had shutters for bastard ages... Reply +1
  • New Dishonored 2 trailer shows us just how creative killing can get

  • Stoatboy 21/09/2016

    One of the problems with the first game for me was that the stealth was nowhere near as much fun as the killing, and since a lot of the powers and collectibles dealt noisy murder you spent the game gathering a massive arsenal of fun toys that was largely useless to you - which I found kinda frustrating. I absolutely love stealth games normally, but I felt it was patchy in Dishonored - occasionally very good, but frequently annoying, frustrating or downright tedious. As an action game it was pretty good though. Reply +2
  • Watch: Games nearly ruined by one terrible level

  • Stoatboy 04/09/2016

    @mostro The warthog level from Halo is bloody awful. I know some people stick up for it, but having a last level that requires you to be pretty bloody good at something that up until then had been non-critical and controlled so poorly you probably enjoyed being shit at it rather than trying to get better at it - was an awful decision. If I needed to be good at it, the game should have required me to be good at it before this point.

    Couple that with a story that asks you to stop and wait for a dropship very early on - on a time-critical mission - which then goes and crashes, so you waste time waiting for something that will never arrive.

    And then when you replay the mission because you failed the first time the story tells you to wait for the dropship you know won't survive, so even the story gets trashed as you ignore it and speed on without waiting for the scripted cutscene to kick in and kill it.

    And then the physics screws up and kills you for the umpteenth time, and you end up playing the game out of sheer-bloody mindedness rather than because you're enjoying it, and wondering why you need to be good at an awful driving game to finish the first person shooter you bought.
    Reply +6
  • The THQ name lives again as Nordic Games rebrands

  • Stoatboy 12/08/2016

    Because the world needs uDraw 2! Reply 0
  • No Man's Sky has a game-breaking exploit which is letting users farm rarest items

  • Stoatboy 11/08/2016

    @tomphillipsEG As a game developer of over 20 years I'd only call a bug "game-breaking" if it could prevent progress in a game. That's a class A, must-fix issue.

    This clearly isn't one of them. It's just a bug that can be used as an exploit - a pretty glaring one admittedly, and one that will have devastated the developers (but really should have been found for such a major release (seriously - allowing a blatant save-abuse bug through? Have stern words with the QA department - that's pretty basic stuff...))
    Reply +4
  • Salt and Sanctuary dev pleads people calm down over delayed Vita port

  • Stoatboy 03/08/2016

    @Avaloner Have a neg. (I'm just communicating with you in the way a comments thread affords).

    Seriously though - no! You're basically defending people acting like utter twats.

    You'd rather the victims of twattish behaviour found ways to deal with it, than stop the twats from being such hateful human beings?
    Reply +36
  • Watch: Starting a new game in Civilization 6

  • Stoatboy 03/08/2016

    @SuperDannyG Strange, I don't remember Beyond Earth having hermits in it.

    Or did you mean aesthetics, rather than ascetics?
    Reply +5
  • Dead Rising series remasters reveal first screenshots

  • Stoatboy 25/07/2016

    @carmagainagain Um - these probably are being made instead of something else. Capcom will only want a limited number of projects on the go at any one time, and if this is one of them, then something else isn't. That's how publishers work.

    If they weren't funding this they wouldn't be just sitting watching the money it's costing idling in the bank for a couple of years - they'd have been investing it in something else instead.
    Reply -1
  • Heroes of the Storm troll threatens Blizzard with violence and now faces jail time

  • Stoatboy 24/07/2016

    @MaHi Except of course I never criticised the American style at all, and also never suggested any ignorance on their behalf. I'm fine with it, tbh.

    I just pointed out the difference. and suggested that therefore the "[sic]" (which is there to highlight when a mistake has been left in by the editor) probably isn't necessary, because it isn't in fact a mistake.

    So I was defending the American style, by suggesting that it was correct. (Actually I think it's probably fine to use the singular in the UK too anyway - we just tend not to.)
    Reply +3
  • Stoatboy 23/07/2016

    ' he wrote. "I live in California and your headquarters is [sic] here in California...'

    I'm not sure that "[sic]" is necessary. Headquarters being singular would be par for the course for America, where bands and sports teams and companies are all dealt with as singular. So what he said is fine for an American, and since you're quoting one it probably shouldn't be treated as a mistake. I'm not an editor mind...
    Reply +6
  • Watch: Six terrible games from awesome developers

  • Stoatboy 14/07/2016

    The original Tron arcade game is actually pretty decent, so it'll probably beat Ricochet hands-down itself.

    But best Tron-inspired game is almost certainly the magnificent PC multiplayer light-cycles game Armagetron Advanced. We used to play it with a gentlemen's no-braking agreement, because it was much more fun that way. If we were feeling properly daft we'd play it first person too.

    Edit: Not the best video since they don't have instant death on impacts, but it'll give you the idea...

    Reply +4
  • The Swindle dev reveals first footage of football game Behold the Kickmen

  • Stoatboy 13/07/2016

    @Badoink Which definition of "edgy" do you think it's trying to be that deserves a FULL CAPS pissy comment?

    Because to me it just looks like a silly idea for what should be a fun little game.

    Edgy? Really?
    Reply +11