Stoatboy Comments

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  • Jason Rohrer's next game requires you to play for real money

  • Stoatboy 30/09/2014

    @aros - Disgusting? Wow - what are you? Amish?

    a) he's not saying it isn't gambling, he's saying it isn't luck-based. There's a big difference. And I'll trust the inventor of the game over some random bloke on the internet as to how true that is until I find out more. It sounds like the only deciding factor in the game are the decisions the players make, so providing they have enough information to work with then it could well be a game of skill.

    b) In the UK our second highest league of football is sponsored by a bookmaker - as are many many other sporting competitions, and other events. Many tv programs are also sponsored by bookmakers. Lottery tickets and scratchcards are available to buy in a huge number of shops (many of which provide funding for charities and other causes), and there are lots of adverts on telly for bingo and bookmakers and online casinos. Good luck getting that made illegal.
    Reply +3
  • Bungie nerfs Destiny's magical loot farming Treasure Cave

  • Stoatboy 25/09/2014

    Not played Destiny so know little about it, but this vid made me laugh:

    Reply +6
  • FIFA 15 bug turns fancy sim into playground football

  • Stoatboy 24/09/2014

    I remember games of about 25-a-side in the park when I were a lad. 48 strikers and two goalkeepers. Football at its finest. Reply +26
  • Digital Foundry: Hands-on with the Forza Horizon 2 demo

  • Stoatboy 18/09/2014

    @chucklepie: The games industry works with holiday season. Games have to try and ship first and foremost for Thanksgiving. That's the most important target. Christmas is secondary, but if you miss Thanksgiving it's a consolation.

    Calling it Christmas is therefore incorrect.
    Reply +1
  • How video games are helping to build a new generation

  • Stoatboy 14/09/2014

    @bobdebob: So are you saying that games are going to play absolutely no part whatsoever in kids changing the way things work? Because the article only suggests they'll play a part.

    Why not fuck off yourself until you have something useful or interesting to say?
    Reply +2
  • Teens react to the NES

  • Stoatboy 08/09/2014

    I'm old enough to be extremely resentful of teenagers due to their youth, good looks, and boundless potential in an exciting future where I'm becoming ever less relevant, but I thought they were OK.

    However I'm determined to be a grumpy old bastard when I reach my 60s, so maybe I should put more effort in at this stage. I fought in the C64 vs Spectrum war for you, you ungrateful little gits. Get off my webpage.
    Reply +10
  • The Sims 4 pirated copies include censoring "glitch"

  • Stoatboy 05/09/2014

    @VideoGameAddict25: It's copyright infringement, not stealing.

    It's still wrong, but by law it is absolutely not stealing. Get that right or you are forever muddying the waters and eroding your own point.


    I speak as someone who is about to release my first indie game - almost certainly without DRM because I hate it - and the thing I'm worried about is copyright infringement. Not theft or stealing, because the only way you can steal my game is to remove the assets and code from my computer (or steal the hard drive).

    If you accuse someone of a crime you'd better accuse them of the actual crime they are guilty of, because otherwise they can legitimately deny it, and any traction you had in the argument is pretty much gone.
    Reply +10
  • Playing Moby-Dick - the card game?

  • Stoatboy 31/08/2014

    Moby Dick's a brilliant book. My favourite bit - it's so right because it's so very wrong:

    BOOK III. (DUODECIMO), CHAPTER 1. (HUZZA PORPOISE).—This is the common porpoise found almost all over the globe. The name is of my own bestowal; for there are more than one sort of porpoises, and something must be done to distinguish them. I call him thus, because he always swims in hilarious shoals, which upon the broad sea keep tossing themselves to heaven like caps in a Fourth-of-July crowd. Their appearance is generally hailed with delight by the mariner. Full of fine spirits, they invariably come from the breezy billows to windward. They are the lads that always live before the wind. They are accounted a lucky omen. If you yourself can withstand three cheers at beholding these vivacious fish, then heaven help ye; the spirit of godly gamesomeness is not in ye. A well-fed, plump Huzza Porpoise will yield you one good gallon of good oil.
    Reply +5
  • Dishwasher and Charlie Murder dev reveals PlayStation-exclusive Salt and Sanctuary

  • Stoatboy 28/08/2014

    @zide: You should probably ignore them then, you daft twat. I don't like horror games so I don't play them or read articles about them. I find not playing or reading about horror games means I don't tend to get sick of horror games.

    (I also don't watch films from genres I don't like, don't listen to music I don't like and don't tend to eat food I'm not keen on either.)

    I could post that "I'm getting really sick of all these horror games" in the next story about a horror game that turns up, but that would be the action of a total fuck-wit, because the people making the horror game will be making it for people who like horror games, and therefore my opinion would be absolutely worthless, and also make me look like a spoilt, petulant child, upset because all the toys aren't made for me.
    Reply +6
  • Oakland, California lifts its 80-year pinball ban

  • Stoatboy 23/08/2014

    @Rrralphster: A horse race doesn't pay out either. People just bet on the outcome of the race.

    With an early pinball table I'd guess people would bet on whether the ball went through a scoring lane or not.
    Reply +5
  • Xbox boss Phil Spencer makes case for Tomb Raider exclusivity deal

  • Stoatboy 18/08/2014

    I'm trying to work out how many things are wrong with the anatomy of Lara in the picture with the bow in the snow.

    That left leg bothers me. The thigh is too long, and her left foot has to be stuck in a rabbit hole - there's nowhere else for it to be. I'd also guess it's not giving her anywhere near enough support given the position of her right leg. Even if she plants that now, she'll just plop down sideways on to her right thigh.

    The way she's holding her bow seems really awkward - it's at an odd angle to avoid her legs. The left arm is possibly locked out, but has a weird kink in it, and seems to come across her body far too much. The right arm seems to have withered away a fair bit, and that's despite seemingly having eaten her own right shoulder.
    Reply +4
  • Grappling is one of the oldest sports in the world - so why can't video games do it properly?

  • Stoatboy 10/08/2014

    I like the fact that this article sits alongside one called "Why can't games do sex?"

    And answers that question better than the original article.
    Reply +40
  • Twitch vows: we won't bring audio recognition to live streams

  • Stoatboy 08/08/2014

    This is the second story that's been all VOD this and VOD that, and I haven't the first clue what that means. Could you at least include the definition once so that old folk and the incredibly uncool can know what on Earth you're talking about please? Otherwise we'll end up having to guess.

    I'm hoping it's Vertical Otter Display.

    That or Vaginal Onanism Diatribe.
    Reply +14
  • Unsubscribe?

  • Stoatboy 02/08/2014

    If Ubisoft and Activision follow suit it's just another set of subscriptions that no-one is forcing you to pay for. It's a choice - you can still pay forty quid a pop for new releases individually if you want. Or wait for price drops/second-hand.

    This looks like an attempt to try to get some cash from the second-hand market to me - the people who don't care about having things shortly after release. If you subscribe to this you haven't got physical copies of EA games to trade-in (so there's fewer copies on sale), and you obviously don't need to buy them yourself (which wouldn't earn EA a penny).
    Reply 0
  • Dieselstörmers dev in trademark dispute with clothing brand Diesel

  • Stoatboy 31/07/2014

    I now really want someone from the Diesel family to come in and stomp all over this. Reply +8
  • Frozen Endzone re-named to Frozen Cortex, rejigged in large update

  • Stoatboy 23/07/2014

    @Cjail : If you're using dictionary definitions then it's kinda useful to use all of them. Some of the ones you've missed for turn:

    "new direction or tendency, a time or moment of change, a shift, a bout, occasion"

    In this game players simultaneously have occasions (or bouts if you'd prefer (dictionary defintion: a turn or period of time doing something)) where they can make changes to their team, which are then played out in real time.
    Reply +2
  • Oddworld: New 'n' Tasty! review

  • Stoatboy 22/07/2014

    The original was properly great (if tough). I was pretty much allergic to platform games back then, and this was one of the very first I played all the way through, it was that good (got the bad ending - IIRC I was 2 rescues short).

    Great review too. However - "Graphics lose their luster." Oof! Lustre, please.
    Reply 0
  • Codemasters responds to Grid Autosport £2.39 Boost Pack DLC criticism

  • Stoatboy 16/07/2014

    What you've got to take into account is the sheer amount of man-hours that goes into something like this.


    It's not just a case of changing something like this:

    totalExperience += raceExperience;

    to something like this:

    totalExperience += (raceExperience * 150.0f);


    Oh wait - yes it is. It's pretty much exactly that. You needn't even bother with the brackets if you're especially pushed for time.

    Now I'm perfectly happy with anyone trying to sell me anything for whatever price they want - I'll happily ignore them if it seems like a bad deal. But I also reserve the right to judge the seller too, and in this case I can't help but think they're a bunch of shameless money-grabbing twats who would happily destroy the industry for a short-term gain.

    Edit: Basic maths fail - should've been * 1.5f; That'll teach me to comment whilst coding. You'd expect to pay a whole lot more for 150 times the experience points, obviously.
    Reply +14
  • Blurred lines: Are YouTubers breaking the law?

  • Stoatboy 16/07/2014

    @Sir_Walter_Rally: Wasn't Wolfenstein meant to be bloody awful until it was patched? I haven't played the game, but I seem to remember it got panned for things that were patched out shortly after release. The reviewer can only review what they were given - the fault here was with the publisher pushing the game out before it was finished. Reply +5
  • GameStop seeks to fund games in exchange for exclusive gameplay

  • Stoatboy 11/07/2014

    Are they funding the game for exclusive content, or are they funding the exclusive content for the exclusive content? There is a big difference... Reply 0
  • Watch Dogs has shipped over 8 million units

  • Stoatboy 10/07/2014

    franchise
    ˈfran(t)ʃʌɪz/
    noun
    1.
    an authorization granted by a government or company to an individual or group enabling them to carry out specified commercial activities, for example acting as an agent for a company's products.
    "Toyota granted the group a franchise"
    Nope. It's not one of them.

    2.
    the right to vote in public elections.
    "the franchise was limited to Estonian citizens"
    Not one of them either.

    verb
    1.
    grant a franchise to (an individual or group).
    It's not a fucking verb either.

    That's it for definitions of franchise.

    So it's not a franchise in any sense of the word. Can we stop using that word where it doesn't belong any more, please?

    It's an IP. And a fairly weak one at that judging by the rest of the comments.
    Reply +7
  • "Gamers are not criminals and they do not need DRM"

  • Stoatboy 18/06/2014

    Gee-Oh-Gee? Really? I never called it that when it stood for something - I doubt I'm going to start now. Reply +5
  • Nordic Games buys THQ name to use when publishing

  • Stoatboy 13/06/2014

    @Mar27w As a kid if I didn't know what "f***" meant I'd have asked.

    Swearing without actually swearing?

    So if I call someone a "f****** c***" they don't actually think I've called them a fucking cock, because I haven't really sworn?

    And yes, whilst I probably did mean "cunt", I only wrote "c***" so I can weasel my way out of it and claim that I never actually said it. As I said - cowardly.

    @alexharvey : I'm not in the least bit angry. I just explained why I didn't like censored swearing, is all.
    Reply +2
  • Stoatboy 13/06/2014

    Why is fuck censored at all?

    Using asterisks to try to obfuscate swearwords is absolute cowardice in my opinion. Everybody knows what word you're not writing - everyone has to think it when they read it. You're just passing the buck from writer to reader to actually do the swearing.

    If you're going to make people think "fuck" then have the courage to write "fuck".

    If you're against the use of "fuck" in the first place then don't quote someone who says it.

    Edit: I wouldn't mind so much if it was all asterisks - that would show that there was swearing involved that you didn't want to publish, but leaving the f on the front shows that you wanted us to think "fuck".
    Reply +6
  • Ubisoft holding back an unannounced, finished Wii U game until console sells more

  • Stoatboy 10/06/2014

    @darth_paul - it's not just about the total number of consoles sold though - it's the number of people who own them who are in the target demographic for the game.

    They're supporting the bone because they know they can make money from a smaller user base by making games that most of them want to play.

    We don't know what game they're sitting on, but clearly they don't think enough of the WiiU's users will pay for it at the moment.
    Reply 0
  • Stoatboy 10/06/2014

    Ubisoft management have a legal requirement to make as much money for the company shareholders as they can. That's how business works. To claim they are sitting on the title to be awkward is naive. They're doing it because it's the most cost-effective thing to do. It costs them nothing to wait until there are more machines in the market. And it's Nintendo's job to make that happen - not anyone else's. Reply 0
  • Stoatboy 10/06/2014

    For a lot of games the marketing budget is more than the development budget. Spending a lot on marketing now - even for a finished game - could well be throwing good money after bad if there aren't enough sales to be made. If they just released the game without the marketing spend, chances are it would bomb anyway. Reply +7
  • Gravity Crash Ultra launches in July on Vita

  • Stoatboy 06/06/2014

    @BearFishPie : If you're a fan of Thrust you should like it - it's pretty decent.

    Certainly deserved more from EG in my opinion (specifically in being unfavourably compared to Pixeljunk Shooter which has some neat gimmicks but disappointingly isn't actually a Thrust-like game in any way, and also isn't a very good shoot-em-up*, which is what the name makes you think it's going to be).

    *Don't get me wrong - if you like it as a game in its own right that's fine, but it's by no means a good shoot-em-up.
    Reply +3
  • Stoatboy 06/06/2014

    @kassmageant Except of course Gravity Crash predates Gravity Rush considerably. They're not going to rename their own game to avoid one that came afterwards. Reply +11
  • The power and politics of Make it Rain

  • Stoatboy 05/06/2014

    @telboy007 Of course, but only if I was stuck in double maths. Had better things to do in my own time. Reply 0
  • Forza Horizon 2 announced for 360 and Xbox One

  • Stoatboy 02/06/2014

    Nice choice of location - I'd imagine we'll see some of the amazing roads that feature in Top Gear.

    Glad there's a 360 version - I really enjoyed the first Horizon, so will definitely be up for this.
    Reply +2
  • The making of Match Day

  • Stoatboy 01/06/2014

    I was always on the Commodore side of the fence, and had played International Soccer to death. I used to only get to play on a Speccy round at my mate's house, and whilst I loved a lot of what I played on it I have to say Match Day 2 was one of the games that impressed me the most. I only played a little of it, but I seem to remember it being a lot more footy-like than International Soccer with lots more moves etc. One of the games I was truly jealous of. Reply +3
  • Maia Early Access review

  • Stoatboy 23/05/2014

    I also kickstarted this, but I have no intention of playing it for a while yet. I'm happy to wait until it's a little nearer completion.

    I don't think putting a score on these is a good idea at all. This one says it will likely be brilliant but isn't worth playing now. How do you score that? 10 for what it could be, 4 for what it is now or 7 because it's a 4 now, but could maybe be a 10 with fingers crossed and the wind in the right direction.
    Reply +8
  • Wolfenstein: The New Order review

  • Stoatboy 20/05/2014

    Wow - your character isn't just stealthy - he must be practically invisible:



    Or maybe the AI is just utterly piss-poor...
    Reply -8
  • Stoatboy 20/05/2014

    @sanctusmortis: re:


    '"The science-fiction side of things is turned up to eleven, with laser weapons, giant robots and genetically enhanced super-soliders [sic] all part of an alternate 1960s in which racial purity is paramount and the Beatles must sing in German."

    Now, that isn't new to the series. It fits perfectly with the other games in the series. So why bring it up? He genuinely seems to just dislike the very things that define the series.'


    What are you reading into that quoted paragraph? There's no negativity whatsoever there, yet you seem to think it's having a pop at the game, and so suggest it shouldn't have been included.

    I have no interest in the game at all, but the review is being accused of all sorts of things it isn't by people who seem to have taken umbrage at the score and can't then read the words without putting their own spin on them.
    Reply +4
  • Stoatboy 20/05/2014

    Christ on a bike - what an awful comments thread. No-one has even sniggered at your character being called BJ yet. Reply +10
  • Insomniac CEO Ted Price donates $7500 to Harmonix's Amplitude HD Kickstarter

  • Stoatboy 20/05/2014

    @captain_Carl: The Kickstarter failing can only be good for them then. It failed to make a fraction of the amount they asked, and yet they were willing to throw more than that again at it if it succeeded?

    If it actually struggles across the line to being funded that $1 million will be an awful investment for all involved. The chances of it making another million out of the people who didn't care enough to fund it via Kickstarter is vanishingly small.
    Reply +6
  • Stoatboy 20/05/2014

    It's a Sony-owned IP. I'm not sure Kickstarter should be used to fund a new iteration of a global megacorporation's game. If they succeed in raising the money it creates a worrying precedent of super-rich companies being able to let the public pay for the development of a product whilst they reap the profits.

    If Sony don't think it's worth risking the cash to get the game developed then they don't deserve to profit from it succeeding, IMO. Publishers are there to fund projects - that's a huge part of their job. (I'm not judging Sony here - they've clearly decided it's not worth the risk, and this Kickstarter campaign is proving them right).
    Reply +41
  • Inside the world of the Spelunky record-chasers

  • Stoatboy 19/05/2014

    @GamesProgrammer - ha ha - wait until you see what he asks for at the end of the ice caves. :)

    As to getting a shotgun, kill a shopkeeper, obviously (it's what the game wants you to do really). They're all packing heat. Especially easy if you find a shop with a freeze gun - pick it up, zap them, jump on them - grab lots of loot. Sure you have to deal with mad shopkeepers from then on, but it gets easier with practice. Maybe wait until the last cave level or until the jungle because it's often harder to kill the exit-guarders on the 1st world than anywhere else.
    Reply +3
  • Taking arcades out of the underground

  • Stoatboy 18/05/2014

    Sounds like a fantastic event - I may well look into going next year.

    Also, I'd completely forgotten about the C64 piano keyboard overlay shown in the last picture - fond memories...
    Reply 0
  • Eurogamer community members running 24-hour race for charity

  • Stoatboy 14/05/2014

    Well done chaps. It's a brilliant charity, and shows games can be used to change lives for the better. Reply +2
  • Activision to spend $500m getting Destiny off the ground

  • Stoatboy 06/05/2014

    I want to be called Thomas Tipple. Reply +6
  • Grave business: ET, Atari, and the reason some games need to be buried

  • Stoatboy 03/05/2014

    @riceNpea As Dantonir suggests "I could care less" is meant to be sarcastic. I believe it's meant to have Jewish origins, and about the only way it works for me is to imagine Jackie Mason saying it.

    I still cringe whenever I read it mind, but I think this one's ingrained enough that no amount of complaining is going to change things.
    Reply +1
  • Block rockin' beeps: What's behind gaming's greatest soundtracks

  • Stoatboy 30/04/2014

    Either I've missed it or no-one's mentioned Monkey Island yet.

    How about Super Hexagon for a newer nomination?
    Reply +1
  • Stoatboy 30/04/2014

    Oh go on then let's have another. All Tim Follin's C64 Bionic Commando tunes are great and well worth a listen, but this is my fave:

    Reply +4
  • Stoatboy 30/04/2014

    And maybe this too:

    Reply +4
  • Stoatboy 30/04/2014

    I'll just leave this here:

    Reply +11
  • Hitman GO review

  • Stoatboy 26/04/2014

    @Rayn : It's perhaps clinically stylish, but actually really fucking dull to look at. You'd never put shots of this on your wall as the art of games. It's style over substance writ real fucking large.

    In motion nothing actually animates - it looks the same as it does stationary. I'm not sure what you're seeing that I'm not.
    Reply -4
  • Stoatboy 25/04/2014

    I wanted to like this but found it really tedious. I can see how some folk might like it, but it just wasn't my cup of tea at all. If you don't like sliding block puzzles best steer clear - that's essentially all this is. Reply +1
  • The Hong Kong Massacre gets a bloody good debut trailer

  • Stoatboy 16/04/2014

    @Faramis: Nope - copying a game design is perfectly legal (if morally dubious depending on how closely and how soon you do it). The ideas aren't protected.

    IP law only covers the actual implementation of the ideas - the artwork, the audio, the fiction. They can copy the game design entirely, but if they ripped a couple of Hotline's sprites they'd be in trouble.
    Reply 0