Stoatboy Comments

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  • NX won't be sold at a loss

  • Stoatboy 02/05/2016

    @FMV-GAMER My point is exactly what I said - Steam's online stuff isn't free, regardless of whether you use it or not. Every Steam user is paying for it. The fact that Sony and Microsoft do what they do is neither here nor there in relation to that. I've never played online via Steam, yet have obviously paid for others to do so... Reply -11
  • Stoatboy 02/05/2016

    @Fragtaster Right. Because Steam is free, yes? Steam - being perhaps the premier gaming service on the planet with huge servers and tech support - it costs no money whatsoever to run,so they're doing it for the fun of it. Is that your suggestion?

    Or are they paying for it with all the money they rake in from their cut of all transactions on their service.

    Quick clue-it's the latter.
    Reply -6
  • Stoatboy 02/05/2016

    @IronSoldier My Xbox Live gamercard isn't gold though, is it? I'm not paying for something I don't use - and I don't expect anyone else to.

    I also don't want to fund someone who wants to play online for free - which is what would be happening if online services were magically free somehow. We'd all be paying a premium for those who want to play online...
    Reply 0
  • Stoatboy 02/05/2016

    @IronSoldier - yeah, because playing online is a basic human right rather than a privilege, isn't it? Why aren't politicians pushing free online play for all as a key policy, I wonder? Reply 0
  • Minecraft maker releases a free new game on Steam

  • Stoatboy 25/04/2016

    @Shinetop Yeah - you got screwed good and proper by a free website pointing you at a free game. It's a fucking liberty, is what it is! Bastards! Reply +22
  • Stoatboy 25/04/2016

    Well, I'm going to check it out based on what I've read, so I'm grateful for the heads-up, at any rate. It's a free game FFS, it's not like I need an exhaustive review. "Kinda like Risk" is enough to pique my interest... Reply +3
  • Why is video game lore so awful?

  • Stoatboy 23/04/2016

    @ZuluHero Surely the point is that Mount Weather and Majestic 12 are real world things, so learning about them is worthwhile in itself, whereas the arcane whittering of an amateur dragon-fancier about a bunch of polygons in I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Middle-Earth is only going to ever be of any use when in the company of other elves. Reply -1
  • Watch: My favourite typing games

  • Stoatboy 23/04/2016

    I think my sole contribution to Typing of the Dead: Overkill is the inclusion of the word "Stranglewank" in the sweary add-on pack.

    Thinking about it, of all the games I've worked on that's got to be my most-consistently good work - all killer, no filler.


    (I had a big long list of words that I was going to put forward to the team who worked on it, but Blitz went bust about that time, and I forgot to take a copy when I left.)
    Reply +1
  • The strange joy of useless machines

  • Stoatboy 16/04/2016

    Back on the Amiga the first game I released was a single-player only version of Rock Paper Scissors. I made it because it was a very simple project, but also I liked the pointlessness of it. As a game it's usually played to resolve an argument, so playing it against a machine seems a little daft. What I found when making it was that once I'd started down the path there was a lot of satisfaction to be had in doing it really well, so I added as many extra features as I could think of - so that even though the whole venture was pretty futile, it was also as well-executed and comprehensive as I could make it (you could set it to best of 3, 5 , 7 etc. rounds, and also keep boosting this target score indefinitely. My memory is dreadful, but I'd imagine it probably tracked winning streaks and so forth too).

    In a similar vein, but very much more magnificent, there's stuff like this:

    Reply +1
  • Former Rockstar North boss is suing Take-Two for $150m

  • Stoatboy 12/04/2016

    @jebus re "$150,000,000 dollers is ridiculous" Errr - why?

    Well, dollers is spelt wrong, and it's completely redundant anyway because of the dollar sign at the start. So basically that says "A hundred and fifty million dollars dollers." See - ridiculous!
    Reply +25
  • The war on the floor

  • Stoatboy 09/04/2016

    I've just realised Little Wars is the only HG Wells I've actually read. As a big fan of sci-fi I should probably get around to reading more.

    However, the game mentioned in the article is called "Civilization", not "Civilisation". Yes, I know the English spelling of the word "civilisation" is with an ess, but names are different, and you use the spelling provided (Stevens and Stephens will attest to this, as will any number of flavours of Shaun, etc...)
    Reply 0
  • In Play: Scratch that pitch

  • Stoatboy 08/04/2016

    Hmm - I agree with the point, but in the example of Gungeon I did need telling it was Gun-geon, and not Gunge-on. I was assuming it was kinda messy in there... Reply +6
  • Dark Souls 3 speedruns have already gotten under 90 minutes

  • Stoatboy 05/04/2016

    @NefariousBIG - an example that feels "righter" for me is saying that something "has gotten out of control". I'd tend to use "got" there out of habit, but it feels a little bit off. Reply +1
  • Stoatboy 05/04/2016

    @moroboshi "Gotten" is a perfectly good English word, if a little archaic. Whilst we tended to stop using it, we kept on using things like forgotten, and misbegotten that are formed exactly the same way. We still do use it in the phrase "ill-gotten" though.

    I like "gotten" - it sounds properly old-English. I wish it came naturally to me to use it, but I'm too set in my ways...
    Reply 0
  • Doomlike roguelike Bunker Punks: That's a lot to like

  • Stoatboy 30/03/2016

    @PixelJumper "The same game-play experience over and over" describes things like sport. A basic set of rules allowed to play out differently each time. It doesn't artificially extend the experience - it is the experience. It's exactly why they're popular. If sport was scripted so you got the same thing each time nobody would play it or watch it. Reply 0
  • The Binding of Isaac dev announces The Legend of Bum-bo

  • Stoatboy 23/03/2016

    @ZoidbergForPresident He says the same about you. Oh wait - no he doesn't - because you've only ever posted pissy comments on the internet, rather than doing anything worthwhile... Reply 0
  • Serf and turf: A week in Stardew Valley

  • Stoatboy 14/03/2016

    @sheadriscoll Nothing wrong with "short" to mean a spirit. I guess "shot" is much more common these days, but they're pretty much interchangeable to me. Probably shows my age... Reply +4
  • Fable developer Lionhead Studios to shut down

  • Stoatboy 07/03/2016

    Sorry - did they just use "sunset" as a verb?

    "Additionally, we will close Press Play Studios in Denmark, and sunset development on Project Knoxville."

    I've read that several times, and that's the only way I can make sense of that sentence.

    Fuck me, closing Lionhead is bad enough, but that's going too bloody far.
    Reply +37
  • Here's your latest RollerCoaster Tycoon World footage

  • Stoatboy 02/03/2016

    It's just as well the acronym "UGC" trips off the tongue quite so easily otherwise that video would have been fucking painful to listen to.

    Oh wait...
    Reply +1
  • The Flame in the Flood review

  • Stoatboy 26/02/2016

    @Apostate I take your point, and to some extent I agree. I didn't reach the end of the review and think "I know how that game plays". The thing is - I don't actually care that much. It sounds like the kind of thing I want to play, regardless of the actual implementation of individual mechanics. It might be nice to have a little more certainty about minute-to-minute gameplay, but from the text and the screenshots I reckon I have a pretty good idea. I may be wrong, of course, but even if I am, I'm not that bothered. (Personally I'd rather it wasn't point-and-click for example, but I loved Don't Starve so it wouldn't be a deal-breaker anyway).

    So whilst I concede I think you do have a minor point, my main thing is I hate the way you put it across. Your first post said the review was pointless. Really? Pointless? You took nothing from it whatsoever? Sorry - I don't believe you. That kind of hyperbole winds me up.

    Ok, so then there's this:

    "Is it a third person game, is it point and click, is it halfway between both like Don't Starve, is the camera fixed, how are the timers for the survival meters, are crafting parts reasonably available, is i a constant scrabble to just stay alive or is it more leisurely?
    Absolutely none of this is covered here, not even vaguely."

    Here's the thing - I don't think even you want all of this. This feels like a knee-jerk over-reaction to not quite getting what you were after.

    On a very basic level it's quite simply wrong - (the game is quite obviously 3rd person - look at the screenshots - they're part of the review) - so claiming all of that isn't covered even vaguely is utter nonsense.

    On another level I don't even understand what this point is about: "Is the camera fixed?" What? Who cares? What possible difference would that make to anything? "Well, I was thinking of getting it but apparently the camera is fixed, so I'll pass". Or would you rather it wasn't fixed? Would that be the bad one? I don't understand what possible issue you could have with this, one way or the other. Again - I'm not convinced you want this info really. There's perhaps a little something missing from the review, but this isn't it.

    And then there are the survival meters. If you didn't get the same impression from the text that I did that it's closer to a constant scrabble to stay alive than something more leisurely then I'd suggest that one or other of us has piss-poor reading comprehension, or again you don't actually really care about this info.

    Anyhoo - big old post, and I had better things to be doing of a Friday night. To reiterate - I think there was a point here, but really badly made. There was a little *something* I didn't quite get from the text that I'd have kind of liked to have been there. I don't know what it was - but I do know it wasn't fixed cameras and the behaviour of survival meters. Regardless I enjoyed the review as it was, and the game is going straight on my wishlist due to it, but seeing as there's a discussion here I thought I'd stick my oar in.
    Reply +3
  • Dino Dini's new Kick Off looks like Kick Off should

  • Stoatboy 24/02/2016

    I loved Kick Off 2. Played it to death on my miggy back in the day. To the extent that it is largely responsible for the fact that, to this day, my left wrist makes a loud crunchy double crack noise every time I clench my fist (it's one of my less-entertaining party tricks). Countless hours spent holding a Competition Pro left a permanent mark.

    I loved Sensi too, but the two games were very different beasts. If I'd had to choose between them back in the day I'd have picked Kick Off - when you get good at it it's a thing of beauty. If I had to choose one now I'd take Sensi. I haven't got the time or patience (or wrists) now to get good enough at Kick Off all over again.
    Reply +6
  • Descent creators launch Kickstarter for spiritual successor Overload

  • Stoatboy 10/02/2016

    @SwissTony1994: I know. The thing is I played them both back in the day, SP and MP,and Descent needed the MP far more than Doom did. I loved the bit of coop Doom I played,but the game is just fantastic on its own.

    Descent was brilliant multiplayer, but on its own it feels a bit empty. (I bought it for my Amiga - I've never felt lonelier..)
    Reply 0
  • Stoatboy 10/02/2016

    @SwissTony1994: Yeah - who'd want Doom without the multiplayer?

    Waste of fucking time...
    Reply -5
  • Shenmue 3 PayPal backers denied Kickstarter-exclusive reward options "as originally promised"

  • Stoatboy 06/01/2016

    @Calverz. Anyone not prepared to undertake the back-breaking labour of setting up a Kickstarter account clearly doesn't deserve the rewards that can be gained for undergoing such hardships. I only hope you also got some kind of medal to reward your selfless endeavours. Reply +11
  • Stoatboy 06/01/2016

    @shehzaanshazabdulla

    RE: "Don't dare for a second tell me this was a mere accident..."

    A MERE ACCIDENT! FOOLISH MORTAL - HOW DAREST THOU!

    It's like the worst written video game of all time. Brilliant. More posts, please. :)
    Reply +8
  • Brilliant Fallout 4 mod shows you exactly what your character will say during dialogue

  • Stoatboy 18/11/2015

    This will have been done by design (there's lots of extra work in maintaining two versions of the text in multiple languages - it would be far easier to just use one).

    I doubt they did it for the sake of dumbing down - It's more likely about ambiguity. If you don't know what your character is going to say, then the choice is a little trickier to make. The stupid thing is, you are your character essentially, so you should bloody well know what you're going to say.

    But this is the kind of stupid trick game designers pull when trying to make games more meaningful, without thinking about the logic behind things. (I say this as a game designer myself, but I'm too shallow to bother with this sort of nonsense, and would rather spend time making more stuff to blow up.)
    Reply +1
  • Downwell review

  • Stoatboy 22/10/2015

    @dean0null Winnable. IIRC there are 4 worlds with 4 levels each. I'm hopeless at it so can only confirm the existence of 1 and a half worlds though. Reply +2
  • PixelJunk Shooter Ultimate is out now on Steam

  • Stoatboy 21/10/2015

    I only played the first one, and it was a nice tech demo, but not a very good shoot-em-up.

    I found it hard to care about it one way or the other. It's not good enough to like, but not bad enough to hate. The fact that the name suggests it's a shoot-em-up, and it's nothing of the sort, tips me toward the negative.

    It's a proper full-on meh, for me. And I wanted to like it. How damning is that?
    Reply -5
  • The truth about cats and dogs (playing video games)

  • Stoatboy 12/10/2015

    "The dog plays with a dog toy - currently a Red Kong Wobbler in the prototype"

    Sounds like a very different type of toy to me...
    Reply +1
  • Minecraft movie is being directed by Rob McElhenney

  • Stoatboy 22/07/2015

    If act 1 isn't building a huge column of mud to show where you'll respawn when you die it'll be a lie. Reply +1
  • Going up? The mindless pleasures of Clicker Heroes

  • Stoatboy 22/05/2015

    Surely Progress Quest is the daddy of these games? And it at least had the courage of its convictions and didn't make you do anything other than roll a character. And you can choose to be a double hobbit lunatic bastard, which is a major plus point.

    http://progressquest.com/
    Reply +1
  • Video: The best b-movie games in history

  • Stoatboy 18/05/2015

    I really enjoyed Wet too. It was a nailed-on 7-out-of-10, but some of the most fun games often are. Reply +1
  • Actually, Assassin's Creed: Syndicate, I think you'll find…

  • Stoatboy 15/05/2015

    @Markusdragon That's the thing - everyone has their own flavours of pedantry. Want to piss off a sci-fi fan? Tell 'em your favourite film is Aliens 2, or for maximum effect that your favourite character in Star Wars is Doctor Spock.

    Gamers are just as bad as everyone else. Try referring to Samus as a he, or the player's character in Ocarina of Time as Zelda, and you'll soon find out what pedantic twats we can all be.
    Reply +16
  • Gradius 5 downloadable today on PlayStation 3

  • Stoatboy 22/04/2015

    Brilliant game - my fave scrolly shooter. I still have my PS2 under my telly - the only thing it's played in years is this (and the very occasional game of Mad Maestro).

    Needs to head to the Vita though, for sure.
    Reply +3
  • You now have to spend at least $5 to access some Steam features

  • Stoatboy 20/04/2015

    @IronSoldier - it's not sensationalist - it pretty much tells you exactly what the situation is. It might be better if it read "You now have to have spent at least $5 to access some Steam features", but that's a bit clunky for a strapline, and they've got an entire page to explain further.

    Even if it did use my version, would it make any difference to the number of people who read the story? I doubt it very much.
    Reply +3
  • The best PC games

  • Stoatboy 20/04/2015

    I'm not too bothered about the list for the most part, but not including Dwarf Fortress is a glaring omission, IMO. That's the quintessential only-on-PC game, and a masterpiece to boot (if unfinished). If I was only allowed to play one game for the rest of my life it would be an easy choice to make. Reply 0
  • Xenoblade Chronicles 3D digital version requires bigger SD card

  • Stoatboy 23/03/2015

    @jamyskis1981 As someone who has thrown away the boxes for most of their games and all of their CDs in favour of keeping them in disc wallets, can I assure you that some of us do genuinely hate clutter. I could probably fit a medium-sized bear in the space cleared from getting rid of my CD cases alone, and the less of that Xbox green colour I see on a day to day basis the better. Reply -1
  • Video: Most wanted indie games of 2015

  • Stoatboy 20/03/2015

    @arcam I doubt I'd ask what "oss" or "oh-ess" anyone's running. I'd say "operating system" because it's much clearer, but with names like DOS and iOS it's clear enough already IMO. Reply 0
  • Stoatboy 20/03/2015

    Eveyone I know says "OSS" for OS in these cases. No one ever said Dee Oh Ess for DOS (or AmigaDOS if you were one of the truly righteous), so why start saying the letters now? STOS, AMOS, Glados... all osses. Reply 0
  • The day I killed my hero

  • Stoatboy 09/03/2015

    @bigfriendlygamer There's a CVG archive here: https://archive.org/search.php?query=collection%3Acvg-magazine&sort=-publicdate&page=3 Reply +1
  • Video: Games that remember when you die

  • Stoatboy 06/03/2015

    Crusader Kings could do with a mention. You actually have to make your own heirs or it's game over when you pop your clogs.

    Edit: That doesn't half look like "pop your dogs" on my monitor. Ew!
    Reply +2
  • Screamride review

  • Stoatboy 03/03/2015

    @fuglyfugger Ironic. You want a score on a review, but aren't keen on the score your comment is getting. Reply +5
  • Fruit Ninja Kinect 2 for Xbox One in March

  • Stoatboy 27/02/2015

    @Bander I actually really liked Fruit Ninja too. It was surprisingly good, and actually did make you feel like a fruit ninja too (I'm not even sure what a fruit ninja is - but that game made me feel like one anyway). Reply +2
  • Q*Bert Rebooted review

  • Stoatboy 24/02/2015

    @goneski Space Panic predates them both, coming out in 1980.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_Panic
    Reply 0
  • Defender creator Eugene Jarvis is teaming up with Resogun dev Housemarque

  • Stoatboy 13/02/2015

    @zzkj : I agree. Resogun was OK, but nothing more. It looked amazing, but didn't play all that well IMO. Too many abitrary rules in the scoring system for starters.

    Also all Housemarque's games are too long form. Arcade shooters need to be short, spiteful and snappy. Geommy Wars 1 and 2 knew this (haven't played 3 because it looked like it got this wrong). As much as I love Super Stardust I'd rather it kicked my arse quicker - I spend an awful lot of time playing levels I could finish with my eyes closed when I'd rather be struggling for survival.
    Reply -6
  • Molyneux's broken promise to Curiosity winner honoured by Devolver

  • Stoatboy 13/02/2015

    @spamdangled "gotten" is a word in UK English - we invented it a silly time ago. It's just so old it's passed out of regular usage. Shakespeare used it - he was pretty good at English, apparently.

    We still use it in "ill-gotten" and "misbegotten" though, so it's not gone entirely. Strange we haven't dropped "forgotten" as well, because it's formed the same way.

    I like "gotten". I don't use it because I was taught differently, but I don't object to it, since it's inherently English. The Americans just didn't stop using it, is all.
    Reply +7
  • Rez's perfect 60 minutes

  • Stoatboy 08/02/2015

    Rez! The one word argument for boss fights in video games. Whenever someone says all boss fights are rubbish, 3 little letters say otherwise (admittedly they only say "most boss fights are rubbish, but there are exceptions", but that's not the point). Reply 0
  • Sid Meier's Starships announced for PC, Mac, iPad

  • Stoatboy 19/01/2015

    @Plankton1975 Exactly what I was thinking. Not sure I need that much Joan Baez in my life, but we'll see. Reply +1
  • Geometry Wars 3: Dimensions has pre-order DLC and platform-exclusive levels

  • Stoatboy 20/11/2014

    @Baban_Iesu: My point is that leaderboards work in Super Stardust because everyone's playing the same game.

    But if a subset of players had a few extra levels to score points in they'd automatically have an unfair advantage on the leaderboards.
    Reply +1
  • Stoatboy 20/11/2014

    @Baban_Iesu: I got the impression from the trailer (50 levels and boss fights) that the game would be less like traditional Geommy Wars (single arena, ever-increasing difficulty) and more like Super Stardust (series of ever-tougher levels). In which case additional levels screw the leaderboards.

    I could be wrong though, so maybe not...
    Reply +1