Stoatboy Comments

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  • Humvee suing Activision over Call of Duty

  • Stoatboy 09/11/2017

    @Shagsmith I'm pretty sure FIFA will have licensed the balls though.

    Not because they're balls (I have a couple of my own that I'm definitely not paying royalties on), but because they're branded balls, and whoever's brand it is will be watching them like a hawk.

    (My pair aren't branded, thankfully.)
    Reply +7
  • How a hamster and a vacuum cleaner combined for Monster Hunter World's best new beast

  • Stoatboy 09/11/2017

    "we also got a request from the designers for it to be this middle class monster"

    I'm guessing there's a Waitrose in the Coral Highgrounds then.
    Reply +4
  • Who wore it better - Activision or Thomas Pynchon?

  • Stoatboy 07/11/2017

    @morgan_joylighter Depends on where you were when it hit. If the missile was travelling south and hit the ground north of you, then you'd hear the blast before the sound of the missile's approach. If it flew overhead and hit south of you though, you'd hear the approach first. Reply +2
  • Imagining and deciphering writing systems for games

  • Stoatboy 04/11/2017

    A cracking article - really enjoyed it. More of the same please. I've a fascination for words and language (mostly sated by doing cryptic crosswords), and it's something I will happily read every article I can find on.

    And games are such a rich environment for languages - they've barely scratched the surface of what can be done (even in English language games they've barely scratched the surface of what can be done in the English language - let alone in others, or invented languages).
    Reply +1
  • Here's the first full trailer for the Papers, Please film

  • Stoatboy 27/10/2017

    I was also unaware of this. Actually one of the few times I've seen a game film story and thought - "OH YES! - That's got real potential." And it looks promising... Reply +1
  • How video game difficulty became a cultural battleground

  • Stoatboy 23/10/2017

    @Nikanoru I saw the tutorial section. It was an awful tutorial section - I've just watched it again - it's still bastard AWFUL. Really, really badly designed. The thing with tutorials is they set the tone for themselves - if they start off being very specific, people will follow them slavishly. This one does that very briefly, and then just forgets about it shortly after.

    It goes straight from very clear and obvious single actions - leading you to expect a very clear and methodical tutorial. First duck - there's nothing to duck under, so you just have to duck a couple of times to progress which is a bit crap, but we'll let that pass. Then it teaches you to jump, and there's a box to jump over to progress - that bit is basic, but sound design.

    Next it tries to teach you to "Dash" which apparently is "Quick evade on ground or air". At this point you're between the box from the last tutorial and a much taller box. We're being taught to either "dash" but there's nowhere to dash to, or "evade" but there's nothing to evade. We've gone from following very simple instructions (which leads us to expect more very simple instructions) to "here's a badly explained action you've not used yet, combine it with jump (even though we haven't told you to), but do it whilst standing on the box you think was part of the last tutorial, in order to get over the obstacle - and by crikey - get the timing right, because this is pretty close to pixel perfect.

    I'll admit the guy takes too long to grasp what it was he was meant to do here. But even when he got it he still failed several times, because it's actually much harder to do than it needed to be. If you're failing the tutorial because it's tricky after having had to work out what it wanted you to do from piss-poor instructions, then the tutorial is at fault. It's meant to teach you how to play the game, not actually be the game.
    Reply -1
  • Stoatboy 22/10/2017

    @HotCoffee

    "In order to judge how well game mechanics work together to form a cohesive gameplay experience, you must be able to navigate said game mechanics to at least some minimal level. As we've seen recently with journalists posting videos on Doom and Cuphead, that's sometimes not the case."

    Late to the party with this comment, but here goes anyhow...

    You make some valid points, but that bit above is an issue for me. The recent Cuphead video told me that I will not enjoy Cuphead at all. It was a game I was really looking forward to - until I saw that video, and then it looked like exactly the kind of game I don't want to play - a really finicky Contra- style run-and-gun with constantly-respawning enemies. I would be awful at it, and I'd hate it, and (as a game designer myself) I would question how well designed it is - it looks like a mix of placed enemies, and randomly-respawning grunt enemies which is obviously not tight design (if that is the case).

    And I'm fine with that - I'm happy if other people like that style of game, even if I don't.

    But I'm a pretty good gamer. I've finished Super Meat Boy - one of the games you gave as an example of difficulty. I'd put SMB in perhaps my top 30 games ever, because whilst it's fairly tricky, it's also superbly designed, and that allowed me to get good at it. But if you ask me to play Cuphead I know damned-well I'd look at least as bad as that reviewer did during the Contra-esque sections. It would be like gaming kryptonite to me. I've beaten Demon's Souls several times over, I finished Spindizzy back in the day (if that means anything to you), but Cuphead would make me look like a clown.

    This isn't about basic gaming literacy, is my point. I've been gaming for over 30 years, I've worked in game dev for over 20 - I'm a little beyond that now. But if I hadn't seen the Cuphead video, there's a really good chance I'd have bought the game and I would have absolutely hated it. That reviewer is probably pretty good at games too - just came up against something that wasn't their (ho-ho) cup of tea.
    Reply +2
  • How Jon Hare's Sociable Soccer went from Kickstarter flop to Steam Early Access

  • Stoatboy 12/10/2017

    @DangerousDave_87 I read the article - can't get past the first page of comments. Bloody annoying. Reply +2
  • The doors close on The Chinese Room - for now

  • Stoatboy 25/09/2017

    @SuperSoupy They said offers, they didn't say good offers. If an offer is unreasonable you turn it down.

    Even if it's a decent offer you have to want to make the game. If you're doing anything creative you have to care about what you're working on. Spending eighteen months trying to be passionate about something you couldn't care less about or have no belief in will grind you down something fierce, and also show in the final product.

    I've been in that position as part of a large company - it's not fun. I'm currently working part-time in a low-paid manual job to fund my own Indie game development, and I can honestly say I enjoy my life more now than I did earning decent wages but working on a project I knew was bad from day one.
    Reply +7
  • Shadow of War developer discusses the game's controversial loot boxes

  • Stoatboy 25/09/2017

    @Duffking That's exactly it. I had a dig above, but I've worked in games all my life, and know that no developer wants to do any of this stuff - it's the publishers who force it in.

    But as an ultimate insult some poor bastard who hated putting it in the game in the first place then has to try to justify it to the consumers at the end of the day.
    Reply +36
  • Stoatboy 25/09/2017

    "It's the same design philosophy as us adding in difficulty modes."

    Not quite - it's actually the same design philosophy as making people pay for difficulty modes.
    Reply +180
  • EGX 2017: Ten of the best games from the show floor

  • Stoatboy 24/09/2017

    Hmm - wanted to like Raging Justice, but the trailer doesn't appeal. I like the use of 3D, but it looks like they've tried to ape the 2D look with low frames of animation, and that looks a bit pants. (It probably saves them a lot of hassle for things like allowing foot-sliding on walk anims (which would probably look awful with smooth animation) but it looks quite clunky to me. Maybe a tad on the uncanny valley side of things - something I could live with in sprites that becomes a bit weird when the fidelity improves...)

    Edit: The tractor is cool though.
    Reply +2
  • Purrfect Date is a cat lover's dream dating simulator

  • Stoatboy 23/09/2017

    Hehe. Picking usernames is a tricky business. I've had this one for over a decade without an issue, and then this happens. And I walked right into it...

    Well played. :D
    Reply +18
  • Stoatboy 23/09/2017

    Bestiality, not beastiality (there's no such word). Reply +8
  • Mugsters is a physics-based adventure perfect for gifs

  • Stoatboy 21/09/2017

    @Nikanoru I'm not stuck in the past. Nobody has communicated to me what the future (or indeed present is). If gif is so bad, why am I (as I said fairly tech-savvy) unaware what is so much better?

    Like I say - I've never made one myself, but I can understand why people do - simply because there's very little awareness of what should be used instead.

    It's not Joe Public's job to research and evangelise file formats - it's their job to post animations of their cat being a dick all over the internet, and most people's first thoughts turn to gif for this. Somebody else is doing a really bad job of convincing them to use something else.
    Reply +3
  • Stoatboy 21/09/2017

    @Nikanoru People know small anims as gifs, so people use the gif format. I've never made any myself, but even as someone who is pretty tech savvy I wouldn't know immediately what other format to create that I know for sure would embed in a forum post or a webpage (or whatever) easily.

    Video formats are perhaps one of the most tedious things I know of (I've had to faff around making YouTube videos, and it bores the bejeesus out of me getting something that just behaves itself the way I'd like it to), and that's for something I have a vested interest in making look good.

    If I just wanted to spaff out a humorous clip as quick as possible, damned right I'd make it an animGif, and to hell with the inefficiency. I'm guessing I can find the software to do it in seconds, and will be pretty sure it'll work wherever I want to use it.

    Maybe "literally any other available format" would be better, but accessibility on every level is key, so animGif looks pretty good for this purpose, regardless of all the downsides.
    Reply +1
  • Tempest 4000 is real, Jeff Minter is developing it and Atari is publishing it

  • Stoatboy 08/08/2017

    @SpaceMonkey77 Van Gogh painted a silly number of pictures of sunflowers. They're all pretty good, I reckon. Revisiting a familiar theme is stupidly common across all media - and often by some of the very best artists. Evolution is as valid as revolution. Reply +4
  • The Overwatch dialogue that everyone remembers but doesn't exist

  • Stoatboy 27/07/2017

    "It received its namesake from troops of people claiming, assuredly, that Nelson Mandela died in prison in the 1980s. Of course, Mandela didn't die until 2013. It's far from the only cited example. Hannibal Lecter never says 'Hello Clarice' in Silence of the Lambs, the Berenstain Bears was never spelt with an 'e' instead of an 'a', and Sinbad never made a genie movie."

    I'm 45 and I honestly don't remember anyone claiming Mandela died in prison (or maybe if I did the fact that he was famously released and became president of South Africa made any such claims ridiculous). I've never seen Silence of the Lambs, but I'll admit that makes me the outlier. I'm only vaguely aware of the name "Berenstain Bears", but haven't the first clue what they are. And I'm not really sure what the Sinbad genie movie thing is even referring to. (Then again I know nothing about Overwatch either, so perhaps these examples are fitting.)

    Surely something like "Play it again, Sam" or "We're gonna need a bigger boat"
    would be better examples though?
    Reply +8
  • Pyre review

  • Stoatboy 24/07/2017

    @Nobunaga Whenever somebody starts a post with "I'm sorry" I'm pretty sure they're not sorry in the slightest, and use the fact that they opened with a lie as a handy pointer that anything that comes afterwards is probably equally not worth caring about. Reply +15
  • Behold the Kickmen: the football game from a developer who doesn't like football

  • Stoatboy 24/07/2017

    @mrcheesyelf It's not sneering. It's parody and mockery. There's no ill-will or maliciousness. It's just a send-up. The kind of thing grown-ups accept as a given in any other medium.

    It's in a similar vein to the Alan Partridge sports commentary from The Day Today, and this Mitchell and Webb sketch, which no football fan with half a brain would accuse of being "sneering":

    Reply +11
  • Stoatboy 24/07/2017

    @Brave27heart Sports journalist for the Guardian. Very good at his job (which sadly makes him a bit of a rarity). Reply +3
  • How developers really deal with bugs

  • Stoatboy 20/07/2017

    @Foxtrot-Oscar The current situation is not acceptable. The problem is that the blame for the current situation lies all over the place, and IMO the developer is actually often the least of the problem.

    The publisher is the main problem - they set the release date. They fund the game, and set the required feature list (often changing it many times during development, frequently very late in the day).

    When it comes to the crunch the publisher will prioritise whether to fix bugs or add new features, or later on whether to ship the game as it is with loads of bugs still present.

    But they want to have their cake and eat it, so they won't move the deadline, but will keep adding features and demanding changes, even while the known bugs are piling up in the database.

    The developer is hired by the publisher, and whilst they'd like to make the best game possible with as few bugs as possible, they have to deliver what the publisher asks for. They're paying the wages, after all. If the publisher asks for feature X and it prevents you fixing a dozen bugs then so be it. They're the customer as far as the developer is concerned, and they're always right.

    This is perhaps the key problem with the way the industry works. The developer has to please the publisher, rather than the player they're aiming at. And the publisher is most interested in pleasing their shareholders, who couldn't care less about gameplay features, game-breaking bugs, or poor user experience. As long as the money rolls in they're happy. So if gamers put up with day-one patches whilst still pre-ordering games that's fine, as far as they're concerned.


    A developer working autonomously would have the choice to push the deadline back and fix everything, or remove a couple of features and bring everything in on time with no-one else any the wiser. That's the ideal situation - but it happens very rarely these days.

    So you end up with a game that may ship on time with a dozen more features than was originally planned, and a database full of unfixed bugs still in it, because that's what the publishers think will make their shareholders money.
    Reply +3
  • Stoatboy 19/07/2017

    @Foxtrot-Oscar Yours is a big old post, but the bit I want to respond to is this:

    "I've read on many occasions that once a game is 'finished', in the couple of weeks it then takes before the game hits stores, and online services that this time is spent making final fixes, bug testing, etc, with the result being the now inevitable day one patch"

    This is wrong. There IS a period at the end of development when nothing else happens other than bug fixing, and it may only be a couple of weeks - that much is true. But bug fixing happens throughout the entire duration of the development, and QA testing will start many months before the game is finished.

    Even before QA come on board the game always has to be in a playable condition because it's impossible to develop a game if you can't actually play it. Artists need to see their work in game, and designers have to constantly play their levels to make sure everything works - so when it doesn't they'll raise bugs to get it fixed.

    When QA IS assigned to the project the number of bugs reported ramps up massively. From my experience how this huge swathe of bugs is dealt with is the big problem, but it's too big an issue to go into here, and almost certainly varies from developer to developer.

    As a game nears completion you get to a point where you stop adding new stuff in case it breaks things, later you may then stop everything bar bug fixes, and then finally for a short period everyone steps away, and only class A bugs will be fixed - crash bugs, TRC fails, and show-stoppers. It doesn't matter how many other bugs are left at this point - they won't get fixed for release.

    The reason lower priority bugs may not be fixed in this period is that any changes you make anywhere risk breaking other more important things elsewhere, and there will be a deadline looming that the publisher absolutely has to hit.

    One final note, all the QA people I've worked with have been really good, and as thorough and helpful as you could wish for. They report all the bugs they find, and if more detail is needed they're always happy to help. The problem exists after the bug reports have been filed - either with prioritisation, scheduling, procedure, and any other number of issues. Edit to clarify - if a game goes out with bugs in, QA are probably the last people I'd look at blaming. They're probably reading the reviews at the end going "yep - reported that one", "and that one", and "that one"...
    Reply +7
  • Stoatboy 19/07/2017

    A couple of stories from my time in development.

    First - the bug that was put back in. Working on Fuzion Frenzy - we got right up to the day before master when a bug was found on one of the mini-games (Volt Vault IIRC). Basically one number that controlled the speed of the game wasn't initially set to zero at the start of a new round. This meant when the game was first run it was fine, but if you keep replaying it, the number just keeps getting bigger, because it's never set back to zero. So the game gets faster and faster the more you play it.

    This was a stupidly easy fix, and almost certainly couldn't have led to any repercussions whatsoever, so it was made and sent off to Microsoft. Microsoft then got back and said - nope - if you make that fix we will have to retest the entire game all over again, and we're mastering tomorrow - put the bug back in. So the code was rolled back, and the bug stayed.

    Secondly, Pac Man World 3. I designed a lot of the levels for this, and was a bugger for hiding secrets in hard to find places. Towards the end of development, as often happens, some of my levels were given to other designers for finishing off and bug-fixing. We got right up to the last couple of days before master, and I spot someone playing one of my levels and I see that something has changed - a door that I had always planned to stay open, now slowly closes over time (the change had been made as an easy fix to help level streaming - if the door shuts behind you, you can never go back, meaning the game can ditch all the assets that are no longer needed).

    I was horrified. The setup for the room was that you opened the door from a switch in the middle of the room. The door stayed open so that it formed a narrow channel with the side wall of the room. You could then run over to it and repeatedly wall jump between wall and door to get up to a hidden area where there were some minor trinkets, but also the hidden Galaxian collectable for that level, that unlocked a classic pacman level, and would also contribute to 100% completion of the game.

    But now the door slowly slid shut, meaning the channel you needed to wall jump up was getting wider and wider all the time. I grabbed the controller and had a quick go at reaching the secret, but failed miserably. It was too late to change the level back - it was a huge amount of work, but if you can't make that jump you can't get 100% completion.

    So all we could do was sit there and try to make this impossible-looking set of jumps. Three or four of us took turns. We were at the stage of dev where we were actually not at all busy - the lull between the mad crunch in the run up to mastering, and confirmation that we were done, with only occasional essential bug fixes to deal with, so we had plenty of time. I honestly can't remember how long we spent attempting this - it seemed like hours. Press the button, run across the room, leap into the channel, wall jump, wall jump, wall jump, miss the ledge, fall, run back, try again.

    We tried every trick we could think of, getting achingly close to making it sometimes, but it looked hopeless. Then finally my mate nails it somehow - some fluke combination of timing that allowed him to finally grab the ledge by a hair's breadth and clamber up, after hundreds and hundreds of failed attempts.

    Sweet! It's gettable then. There's a wafer thin difference between impossible and almost impossible, but it's better than nothing. I wasn't happy that my level went out with perhaps one of the hardest platforming sections in video-gaming in it (especially because the original design was rather elegant I thought), but if it had gone out impossible I'd have been gutted.
    Reply +14
  • Nine Inch Nails' new music video features Polybius

  • Stoatboy 14/07/2017

    There's an article on Ars Technica about the collaboration here: NIN Polybius video Reply +1
  • Tony Hawk's Pro Skater HD to be removed from Steam next week

  • Stoatboy 11/07/2017

    It's true that this isn't quite right, but it's far from being as bad as many folk are making out. For the price of half a sandwich, it's well worth a punt IMO. There's an awful lot of game there for the price, and a little clunkiness and slightly shonky physics isn't enough to stop it being well worth a play.

    It's true it ain't no THPS2, but then, what else is? (although if you can get hold of a copy of the PC version of THPS2 that's a better option, since it's actually a decent port).
    Reply 0
  • The making of Barbarian: The Ultimate Warrior

  • Stoatboy 09/07/2017

    @stonybridgeironhole Probably my favourite move - the sound made it feel so satisfying.

    There aren't enough head butts in games. Such a simple move, but wonderfully visceral.
    Reply 0
  • Watch: Johnny cooks peanut butter nachos from Overwatch

  • Stoatboy 06/07/2017

    Bananas in cookery is a bad call IMO. They're OK as they are (providing they're not too ripe), but cooked they tend to be minging - sickly sweet, overly-powerful and cloying. Banana bread is pretty much a crime. Reply 0
  • Microsoft allows Halo PC fan project to live

  • Stoatboy 29/06/2017

    Microsoft have been comparatively good on this stuff in the recent past. I seem to recall them releasing a fair few assets for non-commercial use a while ago. Maybe they understand that fan-created content never really hurts the brand?

    Even if this is wildly successful it will only help to grow the market for official Halo products. No-one who loves Halo is not going to buy the next Halo game because of this, and chances are it'll create new fans who're also potential new customers.
    Reply +10
  • Watch: Johnny cooks a chicken dinner from PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds

  • Stoatboy 28/06/2017

    Whilst I don't bother peeling spuds for most things, mash is the exception. I know even bad mash is actually pretty good, but I think it really benefits from being done well (and it's really easy to do well).

    Peel them, boil them, pass them through a ricer*, add lots of butter and a little milk and salt and mix in with a fork. Glorious.



    *I've bought silly numbers of kitchen gadgets in my time, but there are only about 3 I'd actually recommend, and a ricer is one of them. A pain in the arse to wash, but worth it for brilliant mashed spuds (also works well on swede, turnips etc.)
    Reply +1
  • Sniper Ghost Warrior 3 dev admits it screwed up, explains why

  • Stoatboy 27/06/2017

    @leeroye They generally don't. Developers don't choose how games turn out, publishers do.

    Publishers see that the most successful games are often open-world, and these can make vast sums of money.

    If there's one thing publishers really like it's money, so they will then look at every project on their books to see which ones they can make into open-world games in order to try to get a piece of the action.

    Then they get the developer to redesign the game accordingly - even if it's completely unnecessary, unsuited to it, or down-right damaging to the original vision.
    Reply +7
  • One of the ugliest controllers ever is about to make a comeback

  • Stoatboy 12/06/2017

    I thought the Duke was great, and I have fairly small hands (my party trick is that I can just about get my fist in my mouth - but then I've got a pretty big mouth, and I do end up with severe tooth marks in my knuckles).

    It was big and kinda heavy, but it was super comfy - felt just right.

    Remarkably it's the only controller I've ever smashed. (I was so annoyed at myself after fluffing a crucial shot in Links that I flung it across the room, and it hit probably the only thing I own that was tougher than it - my dumbbells. Probably for the best in hindsight, otherwise it would have damaged the wall...)
    Reply 0
  • Watch: Johnny cooks Crab Rangoon from Far Cry 4

  • Stoatboy 01/06/2017

    Crikey - I use a tad over 400 grams of flour to make a nice loaf in my bread machine. 500 grams for a few crab-wraps is verging on the feeding of the 5000 territory. Reply +2
  • Ultra Street Fighter 2: The Final Challengers review

  • Stoatboy 25/05/2017

    @Der_tolle_Emil But Top Gear ALWAYS pulled up cars for being stupidly expensive. They'd sometimes recommend expensive cars over cheaper ones because they felt so much better, even if they were lacking in features, but the reasoning was always explained. Things can cost a bomb and be worth it, but they really are absolute exceptions for the most part. But if one car is 100 grand more than another and isn't really super special, it tends to get marked down for the ridiculous price tag.

    I've been gaming for over 40 years, and whilst I find it hard to pick my favourite game ever Spelunky is top 3, definitely. If I get talking to a gamer who hasn't played Spelunky I will bore them senseless about why they should buy it immediately and play the hell out of it. (I've bought it 3 times myself at full price on various formats - so I've paid my dues). If it cost £500 I would tell people not to buy it. I'd tell them it was brilliant but not worth the money. I absolutely couldn't recommend the game at that price. I'd hope they'd remember and pick it up if they ever saw it at a sensible price, however.

    As much as it galls me to say it, a game review is definitely a buyer's guide. It's not like most film reviews, which can stand the test of time. The medium of games is very different and still changing too fast, whereas cinema is largely fixed (and the cost is fixed too).

    To push the analogy to breaking point, this game is like the most edited enhanced version of the original Star Wars film being sold at 3 times the price of the original. There are some plus points, and some big negatives, but the base material was definitely a classic. The reviews for that still stand.

    The review for this acknowledges the classic status of the original, but absolutely cannot recommend paying for this version.
    Reply +2
  • Stoatboy 24/05/2017

    I used to think that reviews shouldn't take the price into consideration, but I've changed my mind of late - possibly because there's so much more competition now, possibly because I'm much poorer.

    But games are just a commodity, and almost everything else gets reviewed on value. Car reviews will tell you a car is great but not worth the money. Food and restaurant reviews will always take price into consideration. You might be fine eating a nicer sandwich from the deli than something bog-standard from Tesco for a couple of quid more, but would you do it for ten times the price?

    To use Eurogamer's ratings at a fiver your deli sandwich might be "Recommended" or even "Essential", but at 50 quid it would be a definite "Avoid". It doesn't matter how good it is, you'll probably be able to find something nearly as good for a lot less.

    This for £35? Nope!
    Reply +2
  • Stoatboy 24/05/2017

    @AndyboyH I like this one:

    Reply +12
  • Searching for a video game hero

  • Stoatboy 20/05/2017

    @spongebob You've jumped to the conclusion that it's a bullshit article, just because Twin Peaks is suddenly newsworthy again. When the likelihood is that the article is a genuine response to Twin Peaks becoming newsworthy again.

    I've only watched Twin Peaks once - back in the day when it was originally broadcast, and I loved it. TO THIS DAY on the very rare occasion I buy myself a cake there's a quote of Agent Cooper's that springs to mind - something like "Every day you should take time out to be nice to yourself". That's a really good rule to try to stick to.

    It wouldn't occur to me to mention that to anyone else ever unless the topic of Twin Peaks had already been raised, but it is entirely genuine. I wouldn't call him a hero of mine, but I've definitely been influenced by him for well over half of my life.
    Reply +7
  • Watch: Johnny cooks Rigglefuzz's BBQ Buzzard Wings from WoW

  • Stoatboy 18/05/2017

    I have absolutely no idea why unsalted butter is a thing. Even for sweet things a little bit of salt helps the flavour, but here the recipe actually states that you use unsalted butter, and then add an unspecified amount of salt. Why not just add regular butter, and then a slightly smaller unspecified amount of salt? Reply 0
  • Watch: Johnny cooks Kwama Egg Quiche from The Elder Scrolls Online

  • Stoatboy 03/05/2017

    "How, and why, does that taste of fish?" - haha, great!

    Again, another recipe clearly written by someone who's never cooked anything more complex than toast. It's such a minor part of a game as huge as TES obviously, but for anyone who has even the first smidgeon of cookery knowledge this recipe just breaks any illusion of authenticity.

    For starters, by definition a quiche is open - it's a flan, and those don't have a top on, let alone a middle layer of "pastry" (never gonna work in a million years).

    And whilst I've never cooked a quiche I do know that the eggs are there to set the milk or cream that would be the bulk of the mix, rather than just being baked egg.

    As to the pastry - I'm no baker but there are only two things I know you can make from just flour and water. One of them is a chapatti (needs wholemeal flour, and benefits from a pinch of salt but otherwise it's all you need - mine worked out really well FWIW). The other is the glue for papier-mâché - which is probably what the middle layer of this turned out like..
    Reply +2
  • On NASA, the video game developer

  • Stoatboy 29/04/2017

    The easiest response to the nutjobs who think we didn't land on the moon is to ask why didn't Russia debunk it at the time?

    They were the ones who got beat by their most hated enemy. If there was a shadow of a doubt about it, Russia would have put all their resources behind proving it was bollocks as the most epic slap-down in cold war history, and yet they didn't. Because they couldn't.
    Reply +4
  • Watch: Johnny makes Cook Cook's Fiend Stew from Fallout New Vegas

  • Stoatboy 19/04/2017

    I'd have thought 2 bottles of Punk IPA would be a bit feisty for a stew, but then I guess with so little else to give it any flavour you probably need something with a bit of zing. Reply +1
  • Why Dwarf Fortress started killing cats

  • Stoatboy 14/04/2017

    @VoxyGon The main point of the article is a ten minute long YouTube video that goes over it at length from the outset. The soundcloud link is an extra. Ten minutes ain't much of an ask. Reply 0
  • Stoatboy 13/04/2017

    Fantastic. I haven't played DF in at least 5 years, and it's still comfortably my favourite game ever. It's bonkers on a completely different level to anything else that's bonkers.

    Nice fun video. I don't generally like video content, but you can talk to me about Dwarf Fortress in whatever format you like, as far as I'm concerned. Do it in Braille, and I'll probably have a stab at learning that (I've learnt to play DF - how hard can Braille be?)
    Reply +5
  • Watch: Johnny cooks monster lasagna from Don't Starve

  • Stoatboy 12/04/2017

    Good stuff again. I'd have cooked the flour for the white sauce out a little more personally - but that might be because of the nice biscuit smell you get rather than because it helps at all.

    How about making something from Stardew Valley? I'd suggest the Strange Bun - you just need some flour, some periwinkles and some Void Mayonnaise.
    Reply +1
  • Sine Mora EX slated for Switch via Brazilian ratings board

  • Stoatboy 11/04/2017

    @Samildanach : I'm pretty awful at shoot-em-ups too. I'll never get a 1CC - I wouldn't even try.

    But it's my favourite genre regardless.

    And yet Sine Mora disappoints. The real issue is that it "feels" wrong on a very fundamental level. It doesn't push the right buttons at all, for me. The pacing, the challenge, the attitude - it's all slightly wrong for me.

    It's in the right ballpark, but it never quite works. YMMV, of course.



    And finally, I 've recognised where your user name comes from. One of my favourite books, but it's been a bastard-long time since I read it. Man, I miss David Gemmell...
    Reply +8
  • Stoatboy 11/04/2017

    This is a shoot-em-up for people who don't generally like shoot-em-ups.

    Exposition-heavy nonsense shoved in your face at every opportunity, and not that brilliant when it comes to the gameplay.

    Great for getting people who wouldn't normally play a shmup to give it a go, but nowhere near good enough to convince anyone else that this is the absolute best and purest genre of gaming ever...
    Reply +4
  • Watch: Johnny makes the Sandvich from Team Fortress 2

  • Stoatboy 29/03/2017

    Lovely looking loaf - shame it was a tad under. If I had the time to make it by hand I'd love to, but for now I use a bread machine (5 minutes to set up, 5 hours later lovely fresh bread, 2 minutes to wash ready for the next time - best kitchen gadget ever).

    Got to say though - I hate the skewering of sandwiches and burgers with sharpened sticks - even if they do have goodies on them. I think it goes back to watching Scooby Doo - where he'd chuck the sandwich in whole - stick and all - and I'd just imagine it impaling the roof of his mouth. Ew!
    Reply +2
  • Watch: Johnny plays Crusader Kings 2 for the first time, sleeps with daughter-in-law

  • Stoatboy 24/02/2017

    Such a fantastic game. If I had more time I'd waste it playing this.

    Good video - showed why it's worth learning the awful interface to then royally fuck with everyone else in the game whilst your luck lasts.

    And then enjoy reaping the whirlwind.
    Reply +2
  • For the first time ever, Australia is in Civilization

  • Stoatboy 21/02/2017

    It'll be the first civ where most of the Great Leaders are mentioned in Wisden.

    Their special power should have been sledging to demoralise enemy troops. And they'd automatically get massive combat bonuses against England until 2005.
    Reply +4
  • You can spend £8 on a hat in Pokémon Go

  • Stoatboy 20/02/2017

    @The-Doctor Um. If they were trying to nickle and dime you to death these would cost a nickle or a dime. £8 for a hat or thousands of dollars for a ship is very definitely not that.

    Also, some people actually like paying for things they've enjoyed to show their appreciation - even if they don't have to. If the game is free, and especially as in this case, the item for sale does nothing to affect the game then you can view it as voluntarily paying for something you appreciate - sticking money in the tip jar, as it were.
    Reply -1