GloatingSwine Comments

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  • New Baldur's Gate expansion Siege of Dragonspear off to a rough start

  • GloatingSwine 06/04/2016

    @Rogueywon Negative steam reviews only mention the bugs because the Internet Shitlord Brigade can't write reviews of a game they haven't bought, so only the things that are actually worth mentioning, which are all things that can and will likely get fixed like multiplayer stability get mentioned. Reply 0
  • GloatingSwine 06/04/2016

    @Shoozle In a world where gender transition can be accomplished as trivially as putting on a belt, people might have a different opinion about what it means and how to discuss it.

    Remember that Forgotten Realms is a high fantasy world where a man being turned into a chicken is not only a temporary inconvenience but is also not even the weirdest thing you've seen since breakfast.
    Reply +3
  • The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess HD review

  • GloatingSwine 02/03/2016

    @Malek86 OoT is the recipient of a healthy dose of nostalgia, which means that people don't quite assess it fairly. There's a lot more criticism of the DS version of the game despite it being basically the same thing with massive quality of life upgrades (not having to go into the pause menu every time for the iron boots is worth it in itself) because the new context makes people reassess flaws that were always there.

    OoT is also kind of a game in transition, the style of dungeon design in Zelda games changed from interconnected room puzzles where the solution was based on figuring out how to access the right part of a room based on the overall layout of the dungeon to much more single room puzzles where all the components of the puzzle exist within the same room.

    That change took place during the development of OoT, which has both styles of dungeon (the former style reaches its apex in the infamous water temple).

    Twilight Princess is easy to see as an apology for the art style of Wind Waker, but more significantly it's an apology for how little content that game had. With only five dungeons in WW and most of the sea filled with pointless islands and busywork treaure hunting, whereas TP has a decent wodge of dungeons and only a little "filler" in the relatively large field area (and the field areas get regularly reused in other events).

    Twilight Princess is structurally similar to OoT but it's refined and improved in almost every way, and only nostalgia stops people seeing it.
    Reply 0
  • Fallout 4 could do with a proper Hardcore Mode

  • GloatingSwine 15/01/2016

    @ubergine When weapons are trivial to repair though, which is approximately every single time a weapon durability mechanic has been introduced, they actually don't stop you using one weapon the whole way through, they just add a bit of fucking-about-in-menus tax to the process of doing it.

    If the intent is to limit use of a particular weapon, then durability is an inorganic, unfun, and trivially defeated means of doing so, and so is so ineffective nobody should ever try and use it for that.

    It was even worse in Bethesda games because they linked the weapon's effectiveness to its durability state, making their already drawn out combat take even longer unless you fucked about in menus even more to keep your weapons in top condition which you couldn't even do until your repair/armorer skill was high enough.
    Reply +1
  • GloatingSwine 14/01/2016

    @ubergine Weapon durability has always been annoying and crap. I don't think there's ever been a game where it really felt like a good addition. Maybe Dark Souls 2 but only because it went so quick and all you had to do was rest at a bonfire to bring it back.

    Every game ever it's been a trivially defeated piece of occasional busywork, and in Bethesda games especially it's just another reason to have to fiddle with whatever invariably terrible UI they've choked up this time.
    Reply 0
  • GloatingSwine 14/01/2016

    Hardcore mode's needs bars weren't what made it the best way to play Fallout: New Vegas. Food and water were trivial to obtain and carry enough of anyway, and the Survival skill made food one of the better ways to stay healthy. That and ammo having weight made you think more about what you take adventuring with you, but that's all it really did.

    The thing that made Hardcore matter was the way healing items took time to take effect, meaning that you couldn't just pause the game and stimpak your way to infinite health, and since stimpak healing rate didn't stack the best way to heal fast was a stimpak and a food item.

    Now, that part of Hardcore technically is present in Survival mode in Fallout 4, which makes healing go very slowly indeed, but you have it at the same time as doubling all enemy damage and halving your own (and makes poison an instant death sentence because you can't outheal it).

    So no, really the inclusion of a few needs bars won't elevate Fallout 4 back closer to New Vegas. The writing will still be bland, the main quest will still be dumb and not feel connected to the world it takes place in because none of the factions have any presence outside their own base. Nor are there any reasonably logical consequences that the player can predict out of any of their victories (or even an epilogue which tells you any of the consequences*). The sidequests won't be any more than an arrow pointing to a dungeon the player hasn't been to yet where the dungeon itself is intended to be more engaging than the task the player was sent there to do, and Preston Garvey will still expect you to deal with every trifling little problem because the Minutemen is basically you and you alone.

    It was silly to expect Bethesda to make a Fallout game that felt like the original Fallout games, it's not in their DNA to make a character and narrative driven RPG with interesting sidequests and attended to consequences. They make playspaces full of Stuff for the player to uncover, where the engagement is intended to be the world and what stories are present are delivered primarily through environmental storytelling. That also means that they deliver stories about things past (mostly things that happened before the war, which the original Fallout games and New Vegas weren't interested in, because they tell stories about the world as it is not as it was), because that's what environmental storytelling is good for. It also means that the world is relatively static, which in Fallout 4 is emphasised by the unending stream of radiant quests Preston Garvey will spew out, because there are always more raiders threatening your settlements, ghouls and supermutants pop back up like a whack-a-mole machine as soon as you turn your back, so you don't ever feel like you're making a difference to the world.

    The settlement mechanic is massively underused as well, because Bethesda wanted it to be optional. The settlers can barely do anything, they can't build stuff, can't look after their own needs, can't defend themselves, get kidnappped or threatened by raiders no matter how many turrets they have, and nobody in the rest of the world even notices they're there. You could be the leader of an nation tens of times the size of the entire population of Diamond City and nobody will even notice. All they're good for is farming glue so you can make more gun mods.

    Still, the levelling system is nice (For this game. Not sure it would translate to a proper Fallout because it's so mechanics focused and not really useful for underpinning roleplay.), you get meaningful power out of each perk, and Survival mode's higher stakes combat makes getting that power matter more. It's like a slower (slightly) less silly Borderlands now, and you have to expect that to get anything out of it.

    * Those epilogues are a real miss, Obsidian put more effort into writing an epilogue for a set of fucking lightswitches than Bethesda have for their entire damn world!
    Reply +8
  • Psychonauts comes out on PS4 this spring

  • GloatingSwine 12/01/2016

    @ControlledChaos With a game as good as the soundtrack this time.... Reply -1
  • Metal Gear Solid 5 just got one of the craziest microtransactions yet

  • GloatingSwine 06/10/2015

    @GAmbrose Yeah, but on the basis that ordinary ship insurance is something you will buy with ingame money so it's mostly a convenience thing.

    Eve Online has had in-game insurance for donkeys, "Don't fly what you can't afford to insure" is one of the golden rules. Again, ingame money though.
    Reply +1
  • Fallout 4 completely revamps the way perks work

  • GloatingSwine 25/09/2015

    @Merdalor On the other hand, the elder scrolls system also means you can't do any of the fun things with a skill until you've spent hours flailing around with the crap version.

    (especially the noncombat skills, grinding smithing by producing a thousand iron daggers wasn't slightly fun but it was necessary to make any actual good gear given how rarely you actually needed smithing to upgrade your kit compared to how much advancement you got out of it)
    Reply +15
  • World of Tanks is coming to PS4

  • GloatingSwine 17/09/2015

    @ithis I've not played in yonks, destructible buildings and stuff was stuff they were talking about a year or so back but I don't think they ever went anywhere with it. Reply +1
  • GloatingSwine 16/09/2015

    @ithis The console version was developed later and by a different team. Mostly the changes are that it's a few patches behind in terms of vehicle and map changes but it looks better graphically (possibly even better than the PC game on max because it has additional particle effects etc, because WoT is not well optimised, it scales down a lot and runs on a toaster, but doesn't run well on basically anything) Reply -1
  • GloatingSwine 16/09/2015

    @OriTheBattleBorn When you get really good at the game, you know exactly how to sneak up on people. Using and abusing the vision system (which to be fair the game never explains) is basically the key to getting purple.

    Now, the meta is changing a little towards a more brawly playstyle (removal of a lot of bush cover etc) but vision control is still the way of kings.

    Also a great majority of the playerbase has the situational awareness of a potato, so it's not so hard.
    Reply -1
  • GloatingSwine 16/09/2015

    @ithis Just Xbox. The game works slightly differently on console to the PC version and it's not cross server. Reply +1
  • The Crew's upcoming DLC and updates detailed in new trailer

  • GloatingSwine 05/08/2015

    If only it weren't so bloody tedious to actually play.... Reply +2
  • Watch Shuhei Yoshida brave Bloodborne's hardest challenges

  • GloatingSwine 02/07/2015

    I didn't find the Defiled Watchdog particularly difficult, took a few goes but not out of line for a Bloodborne boss. (I used the threaded cane which is stronk vs this boss though as standing at its max range in whip mode lets you hop out of range and back in to attack).

    Defiled Amygdala, however, was three assholes in a wanker suit.
    Reply 0
  • Hyrule Warriors headed to 3DS, first trailer leaked

  • GloatingSwine 10/06/2015

    God dammit. For playable Tetra I might just do it.

    Reply +2
  • Dark Souls 3 is real, aiming for an "early 2016" release

  • GloatingSwine 10/06/2015

    @dkeppens From have made 15 Armored Core games now. At one point three came out in the same year.

    They know all about churning a franchise.
    Reply 0
  • GloatingSwine 10/06/2015

    @Sussudio Maybe because none of it is confirmed other than that the game exists. They were also the "Microsoft to buy Silent Hills" people, so credibility possibly not their speciality.

    To be honest, I expect basically everything in what they leaked to be placeholder or experimental mechanics which anything up to none of might actually be in the finished product.
    Reply 0
  • Windows 10 release in July, AMD spills

  • GloatingSwine 24/04/2015

    @Agente_Silva OEM preinstalls are a seperate market from retail. By retail I mean "go into a shop and buy Windows on CD". Which basically nobody did ever, because if they cared enough to change the copy of windows on their PC they just stole it off the internet instead. I expect OEMs will still be paying for licenses to preinstall Windows 10. Reply 0
  • GloatingSwine 22/04/2015

    @Diablo13 I suspect the story behind Windows 10 being free (for the first year) is that they barely made any money from retail copies of Windows anyway (because everyone has it preinstalled) and people have just been trained to expect new operating system versions for free now because that's how mobile devices work, so there's this huge visibility of the idea of upgrading to the new OS version and it just being a free thing.

    I suspect that's also why OSX has been free for the last few versions.
    Reply +3
  • GloatingSwine 22/04/2015

    @Innocent_Bystander Those are a deadend line of their own from 3. When XP came out it unified the home and business Windows product lines around the NT codebase, so 95/98/ME don't count any more. Reply -1
  • GloatingSwine 21/04/2015

    @mogsy I keep hearing this Win9x version check thing, and whilst it's a cute story I don't think it's actually the reason.

    The real reason is that this is the tenth main version of Windows (1, 2, 3, NT4, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8). It's actually Windows 7 and 8 that have the wrong numbers.
    Reply 0
  • Rich Stanton on: Skill and the random element

  • GloatingSwine 20/04/2015

    @Costarring Overmatch is from calibre not penetration, so your overmatch if you'd hit a 63mm area would have been 2.4x (152mm gun). So you probably hit at over the autobounce angle, which means that shot was far from a sure thing.

    Of course, bouncing off the softest target on the field is a sure thing for the trollcannon.
    Reply 0
  • GloatingSwine 19/04/2015

    @CaoSlayer Believing that the random draw of a card is significantly impactful on "winning" at poker is fundamentally misunderstanding what winning at poker is.

    Winning at poker isn't winning every hand all the time, it's maximising your winnings when your hand is strong and minimising your losses when your hand is weak so that your overall winnings go up over time.

    That's kind of a difference between poker and CCGs like Hearthstone, because a poker game takes place over many many more iterations of random draws than a single player would experience in even a best of three or best of five Hearthstone match, and you can't just fold a bad hand in Hearthstone to cut your losses, because the only stake on the table is "did you win or lose", not how much you won or lost.
    Reply +2
  • GloatingSwine 19/04/2015

    @Costarring If you bounced a BL-10 shot off the front of an Easy 8 which is basically tinfoil and cardboard then you made a bad shot, that could only happen if you hit at a super high angle (and maybe then only the mantlet because otherwise you'd overmatch for days).

    RNG is never going to turn sure shots into bounces, but it might punish you for thinking a shot is sure when it isn't.
    Reply 0
  • GloatingSwine 18/04/2015

    @Costarring WoT demonstrates quite effectively how RNG and skill interact. Despite the randomised elements good players can consistently run 60-65% solo winrates (in a 15v15 format) and bad players hover at 40-45%.

    Given the large number of games played by many players, if RNG had a nontrivial impact on overall outcomes then there would be a much smaller range of winrates.

    RNG affects the immediate outcome of a specific action (introducing a slight element of tension raising uncertainty), but only choosing the right or wrong action to begin with makes you win or lose consistently because over a large sample size its effects disappear, everyone gets an even distribution of good and bad rolls if the dice are rolled enough times.

    (It's also generally the tomato tier players who blame the RNG for their lack of success.)
    Reply +1
  • Media-streaming app Plex now available on PS4 and PS3 in Europe

  • GloatingSwine 17/12/2014

    You know what also organizes your media and streams it to all your devices?

    Everything else.

    Your PC operating system almost certainly does it free out of the box, unless it's linux and then you can probably install something to do it.

    Hell, my NAS box has a DNLA server built in, that means it can stream on its own to every device on my network.
    Reply +1
  • BioWare announces Mass Effect 3: Citadel, the final single-player DLC

  • GloatingSwine 21/02/2013


    1) The ending is bad.

    2) The multiplayers is good.

    3) EA is indifferent.
    Reply +5
  • Far Cry 3's writer argues critics largely missed the point of the game

  • GloatingSwine 19/12/2012

    @kupocake Spec Ops has an unreliable narrator and it's fucking awesome because of it. Reply +6
  • GloatingSwine 19/12/2012

    See, I heard it was a story about how the Big White Man saves all the poor brown people who are actually secretly evil and corrupting him with drugs....

    And its writer obviously needs beating around the head and face with a copy of Spec Ops: The Line until he Gets It.
    Reply +1
  • GLaDOS voice in new Guillermo del Toro film

  • GloatingSwine 14/12/2012

    @mstrsystm You realise that NGE has basically no original elements at all, because as a genre deconstruction of super robot shows it has a limited palette of elements it gets to play with (ie. super robots, monsters of the week, and the fighting of the latter with the former), and stepping outside of those elements would make it not a super robot show and not a deconstruction of super robot shows.

    Giant robots punching equally giant monsters has basically been a staple of Japanese TV, animated and otherwise, for the last 40 odd years, so saying that this is a ripoff of NGE basically only shows your own limited frame of reference.

    TL;DR, giant robots punch godzilla in the face, it's what they're for.
    Reply -1
  • BioWare: Mass Effect 4 due "late 2014 to mid-2015"

  • GloatingSwine 13/12/2012

    @Cobalt_Jackal If only Javik and his revelations about the Protheans had been a real part of the game, rather than a disposable DLC. I would have traded everything to do with Cerberus for that as part of the core experience. But, sadly, Bioware are terrible at deciding what to cut for runtime, so we're left with weeaboo space ninjas. Reply +2
  • GloatingSwine 12/12/2012

    @Arcturas Harbinger didn't handle fame well, his demands got increasingly extreme and strange, and, well, would YOU like to fill a Reaper sized bowl of M&Ms with only the blue ones?

    So, despite contractual obligations for him to appear, he was restricted to a cameo at the end.
    Reply +2
  • Huge free Mass Effect 3 expansion sees return of the Collectors

  • GloatingSwine 04/10/2012

    If only the MP wasn't based on a totally random progression system where your ability to play higher difficulties is entirely based on you getting the right magic cards in your booster packs. Reply +4
  • The Secret World post-mortem: "No, it's not going free-to-play any time soon"

  • GloatingSwine 03/10/2012

    @Stoneboy You'd be surprised how much a free to play game can make for a publisher. I mean Zynga make over a billion a year for basically no effort.

    The advantage of F2P is that you get a truly massive userbase, and if your microtransaction payments are small enough you will get a constant trickle of income because people are buying cheap things because what the hell, it's only a quid., for instance, only need each of their players to average 4 a month spend in order to match Blizzard's income from WoW, and some people are spending a good deal more than that (The Lowe premium tank will set you back around 35 equivalent for instance, for one in game purchase, and that thing is hells popular).
    Reply 0
  • GloatingSwine 03/10/2012

    @Stoneboy WoW might still have a large subscriber base, but it's dwindling now, and there's no upswing in any other subscription based MMO. People are exiting that whole business model, whereas F2P games like League of Legends or World of Tanks are picking up huge numbers of registered users. Reply 0
  • Why Firaxis' XCOM remake had to have multiplayer, and why you shouldn't worry

  • GloatingSwine 10/08/2012

    @jabberwoky Except none of those things would have taken development time because they're just copy and paste jobs.

    How many bases did you ever use in UFO? 1. Because the only thing extras did for you was detection.

    How many squad members did you use? About 6, and the rest were just there to open doors and soak up plasma.

    This is not "less features", it is better designed features.
    Reply +5
  • GloatingSwine 10/08/2012

    @lmfsilva The original Chryssalid was also the Alien with minor cosmetic changes. Releasing a game with it today would have all sorts of lawyers crawling up your ass. Reply 0
  • Lost Humanity 6: Killing Pirates

  • GloatingSwine 01/08/2012

    might they not do greater work on their own? In small groups? Forming daring little companies? Working to progress gaming and earning goodwill from people who will pay and pay again to see their work?

    No, because some 'orrible little scrote would just nick their game and then they'd have no food money.

    Because the 'orrible little scrote who never grew up, who lived on copied tapes and amiga discs and never grew out of it won't make that distinction between Call of Generic Shooting of Honor 7 and Sparkly Indie Adventure Darling, they'll just download both of them.
    Reply +4
  • Saturday Soapbox: The Trouble with Ouya

  • GloatingSwine 15/07/2012

    @KDR_11k Well, no. Free to Play is a business model whereby money is made by microtransactions that allow the player to access in game content faster than they would otherwise.

    It would be interesting IF this console turned out to be a natural home of free to play console games, because some of the PC ones look really cool now, but I really can't be arsed with playing games on PC any more.

    But I very much doubt this console will get those type of f2p games, it will get the shitty kind that phones already have where they're basically just glorified farmville clones with micropayments.
    Reply 0
  • Mass Effect 3: Leviathan DLC confirmed by voice actor

  • GloatingSwine 10/07/2012

    None of this means anything because the war assets are completely ignored by the ending, even in the "fixed" versions.

    I mean it's not like you'll complete this DLC and then go on to get some acknowledgement of it in the rest of the game.
    Reply +5
  • Rezzed Sessions: Peter Molyneux on Curiosity, Molydeux and targeting 100 million gamers

  • GloatingSwine 07/07/2012

    @grassyknoll If a designer can't monetise their designs they need to get a job sweeping floors to feed their family. Reply +3
  • Dead Space 3 changes are about "opening up to a larger audience"

  • GloatingSwine 15/06/2012

    @ChiefGB Uh-oh EA strikes again.
    if it were down to them we would live in a world where controllers have one button, you press it and it drains your bank account and sends it to EA.

    Fixed that for you.
    Reply +11
  • Warren Spector: "The ultraviolence has to stop"

  • GloatingSwine 15/06/2012

    I think Jim Sterling's argument was better. It's not the fact that the games are all violent, it's that they're all the same violence.

    There's not even a variation of things to shoot at any more, it's all brown people now. And that's not even a gripe about the unconscious racism of videogames either. Seriously, once you've seen one terrorist's head burst like an overripe watermelon you've pretty much seen 'em all.

    Remember when we could take our shotguns to the multicoloured legions of hell itself?

    I think the only thing from E3 this year that has me dripping is X-Com, because it's not yet another modern military FPS.
    Reply +10
  • Lara Croft attempted rape will make Tomb Raider players want to "protect" her

  • GloatingSwine 13/06/2012

    @AOFanboi It's not "topics games shouldn't touch" it's "topics shit writers shouldn't touch".

    It's even in the guy's public statement that this scene is only included to "make you want to protect" Lara, because she's a woman, and you want to protect women, right, and to underscore that here's a bad thing which, in the public perception, only happens to women to make you really aware that she's a woman and needs protecting.
    Reply +2
  • GloatingSwine 13/06/2012

    @Okamiwolf One of the problems is that it's lazy storytelling. Rape is used by lazy writers as a "Bad thing that happens to women" because they can't actually be bothered to come up with personal stories for female characters.

    This is not just a problem with videogames (mostly because they haven't been able to get away with it) but with wider media as well. It's a giant red flag that the writers are shit and have put no effort in to writing the character as a person.

    I will one up my previous post, in retrospect. This is worse than Other M, at least that had half a personal story for Samus as an individual, even if it was a fucking stupid one. (the other half was, of course, "character is woman therefore motherhood").
    Reply +1
  • GloatingSwine 13/06/2012

    That's not the fucking point of Lara Croft. The point of Lara Croft is that she's a confident, gun toting, kick-ass female character in a medium which is still notably bereft of them.

    It's Other M all over again. Fuckwits.
    Reply +4
  • Mass Effect 3 update 1.03 patch notes

  • GloatingSwine 30/05/2012

    Kind of too late now. The only thing that might tempt me back is to stop character cards appearing in the packs once that character has max dressup. Until then, the metagame is too mired in failure, and the actual game has too little variation with only three enemy types.

    (What? The game had a story mode? Don't believe you.)
    Reply 0
  • Dead Space story producer says Gears of War has "literally the worst writing in games"

  • GloatingSwine 20/04/2012

    Dead Space 2 pissed away the only interesting story element of Dead Space 1, which was Isaac's self-deception over the fate of Nicole, culminating with his eventual acceptence of it when the player is allowed to see the whole of her video message. Reintroducing her in any way at all was a terrible idea because it undid that, only to do it all over again in a far less interesting way.

    Of course, Gears of War 3 pissed away literally everything that was interesting about the first two games in favour of stupid Karen Traviss fanfiction self inserts.
    Reply +2
  • EA accused of copying Warhammer 40k tanks for Command & Conquer Tiberium Alliances

  • GloatingSwine 12/04/2012

    Hmmm.. Maybe more Baneblades aren't always the answer... Reply 0