ExplodingClown Comments

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  • Mass Effect series "on ice" following Andromeda disappointment

  • ExplodingClown 18/05/2017

    Can't patch out shitty writing, or patch in imaginative design.

    Think how odd and alien the Elcor and Hanar and Rachni were in the original trilogy. They could have doubled down - it's an entire new galaxy, ffs. But nope, we get the same humanoid aliens that could be jerks in latex prosthetics and makeup on Syfy channel, and the same generic biomes.

    At least No Man's Sky doesn't have godawfully voiced characters like Liam.
    Reply +2
  • Julian Gollop launches $500,000 crowdfunder for X-COM spiritual successor

  • ExplodingClown 02/05/2017

    Terror From The Deep, please. Reply 0
  • Alien: Isolation 2 rumour isn't true

  • ExplodingClown 26/04/2017

    If we've been spared a needlessly padded sequel, so be it. First game had strengths but outstayed its welcome badly. Plus...

    -stupid decision to use a player character that will obviously not die at the end (she's got to survive to become a brief glimpse of a smiley, manifestly non-traumatised old lady in a tiny sequence that ended up on the cutting room floor and only served to carry some kind of Reaganite message about how working moms deserve to be miserable)
    - keep your horrible Star Wars lightshows out of Alien
    - keep your CoD pew pew out of Alien
    - silly roars and growls from the Alien, as well as stompy feet (I don't remember any of them in the films having footsteps like a Big Daddy)
    - why did the Sevastopol interior look like the Nostromo, this is like your workplace looking like the bus you got there on. They'd have been better off cribbing the interiors of Con-Am 27 from 'Outland', a movie which featured pretty much the entire production design crew from 'Alien'and was, y'know, actually set in... a factory. In space.
    - plot a pick-n-mix from the Big Book of Alien Cliches. FFS, it's Weyland Yutani again? Couldn't it just have been a bent Seegson executive using the situation to rob the pension fund and expropriate the severance pay of the poor buggers getting picked off?

    Still, senile Uncle Ridley gets to continue marinading his legacy in lukewarm piss with Alien Covenant this year, so fuck it. Dan O'Bannon must be rolling in his grave.
    Reply -3
  • Introducing the Eurogamer Summer Internship

  • ExplodingClown 31/03/2017

    Sheesh, where was this 25 years ago when I still had dreams.... Reply +6
  • Outcast remake reveals first gameplay trailer

  • ExplodingClown 31/03/2017

    Mixed feelings. One of the quotes that stayed with me from reviews of the original was the hero's "sub-Bruce Willis smartarsery". Obviously that was back when Bruce Willis had hit Peak Smug, but playing OUtcast I remember Cutter's schtick got on my tits from the word go. After all these years of Nathan Drake my tolerance for smarmy wisecracking is spent, nostalgia notwithstanding.... Reply +1
  • Mass Effect: Andromeda review

  • ExplodingClown 20/03/2017


    "the ending that was not just bad, but also lazy and felt like from another game. It just left like they run out of budget in middle production and did not have roesources to finish what they planned, so they just put something else as fast as possible.
    After all the quality storytelling before that point it is still mind bending, how they could not keep up the quality for a few more minutes"

    ...to be fair, you could argue that the ME3 retail ending pretty much *was* from another game - certainly not the one originally envisaged. Because of the shitty leaks about the Dark Energy plot and its bearing on the ending, which would have been a knockout, BioWare had to quickly pull a completely unspoilered ending out of their ass. Hence red-blue-green anticlimax :(
    Reply +2
  • Embattled Sinclair ZX Spectrum Vega Plus delayed again

  • ExplodingClown 13/03/2017

    Maybe next these shysters will be crowdfunding a new production run of the C5?

    Or probably they're just taking all the money out the back door in unsecured company loans. The cherry on the cake of those big ol' "consultancy fees". Pray tell, what's their expertise in the world of the Spectrum that they're contributing to this project? Bet they've never typed in a list of pokes from the pages of Crash.
    Reply +1
  • ExplodingClown 13/03/2017


    Amen. Rubber keys or GTFO
    Reply 0
  • Developer hits back at claims his Steam game rips off Banjo-Kazooie and Yooka-Laylee

  • ExplodingClown 27/02/2017

    Sad thing is, 'tribute', 'homage' etc games wouldn't be necessary if inheritor companies didn't sit on beloved older IPs like the proverbial dog in the manger, slapping legal threats on anyone who dares express their affection creatively but not doing a damn thing with said IP themselves, such as - crazy idea - making a game, or maybe selling it on to others who might do something worthwhile with it. Like make a game. Reply +2
  • Escaping Skyrim's shadow

  • ExplodingClown 27/02/2017

    Misleading article title there, EG. Reply +2
  • The Dead Space 3 the developers wanted to make

  • ExplodingClown 24/02/2017

    What a shame. But I remember getting the twitch about which way the series was going to go just from the changes on the series' packaging (when I still bought physical copies on the PC). The back of Dead Space: "There's No Help Coming". Right there, chilling and unambiguous. Then with DS2 if I recall correctly it was "Bring The Terror To Space" or some such nonsensical horseshit, with the blurb going on about 'dominating' (soooooo much power-fantasies-for-the-frustrated baggage loaded into that word right there) enemies or similar, and I think 3 was worse though I got that as a download. Isaac becoming a bellowing macho moron sorely taxed my patience. It was only the revisiting of the Ishimura that I remember from DS2 tbh.

    The spaceship graveyard in 3 was superb though, despite a bug that caused a constant loop of the sound of the door closing which kind of ruined the hushed tension. Just a shame the rest was gash.
    Reply +1
  • Disney ditches Pewdiepie after anti-semitic stunt

  • ExplodingClown 16/02/2017

    Fiverr is what Charlie Brooker described as "wanking for coins". Reminds me of 'Bumfights' only without the pathos.

    No time for Pewdiepie, but this was at the very best utterly fucking dumb and tone-deaf. The sledgehammer censorship isn't very reassuring either though, frankly.

    I guess being a Youtuber is like any other kind of stardom. Once you get big enough, no one wants to tell you any of your ideas is bad for fear of upsetting "the talent" i.e. killing the golden goose. In this case the goose flew into a jet engine.
    Reply +4
  • Frontier pulls standalone Elite Dangerous: Arena from sale

  • ExplodingClown 15/02/2017

    No One's Sky. Reply 0
  • Apocalypse Now game starts its own crowdfunding platform after withering Kickstarter

  • ExplodingClown 15/02/2017

    Having just read the article about Halo's problems, they'd really have been better off doing a game based on Joe Haldeman's 'The Forever War', which would have a setting far more suited to games, more moral nuance while still allowing plenty of shooty bang bang. Haldeman wrote it as an exploration of his experiences during and after his time in Vietnam, it's still a supremely good piece of science fiction/war fiction and a thoughtful and moving human story overall. Reply 0
  • Valve is removing Steam Greenlight this spring

  • ExplodingClown 11/02/2017

    Valve wants to remove the barrier between developers and their audience. In the current Greenlight economy, developers have to campaign for their products to get noticed before they're allowed on the storefront
    So the answer is just to open the floodgates? Does this mean wankers like BMC and Lord Krez will get to clag up the storefront and not just stink up the back room that is Greenlight?
    Reply 0
  • Nintendo's latest Switch ad shows guy playing Mario Kart on the toilet

  • ExplodingClown 26/01/2017


    I'd play the shit out of that.
    Reply +10
  • Apocalypse Now video game comes to Kickstarter via Francis Ford Coppola

  • ExplodingClown 25/01/2017

    Not sure this will make its money. As far as the psychopathology of war and the breaking of the moral compass, we've already had a blistering example in Spec Ops: The Line.

    Now if they flipped it to the Vietnamese side of the story, that'd be worth a look.
    Reply +7
  • The killing joke: How Hitman turns murder into farce

  • ExplodingClown 20/01/2017

    Hitman always had a sly sense of humour though. I mean, did anyone play through Blood Money without at least once dressing up as the party clown? Reply +4
  • Denied: Valve didn't go for that Half-Life 3 plea with its own Steam Awards

  • ExplodingClown 21/12/2016

    If Valve are cagey about putting up the money to develop HL3 or HL2 ep 3, whatever it might be, why don't they just crowdfund it? Let the community vote with their wallets. It would sift out the little twits who just want to make Gaben memes at least.

    If they don't want to do that, at least pay Marc Laidlaw to write a novelisation tying up the story, but put us out of our misery. Hell, I'd even take a TellTale-style narrative adventure with Alyx, Dog et al over this... rudeness.

    I've had my heart broken by many sequels-that-never-were: TerraNova: Strike Force Centauri never got its expansion pack after Looking Glass went under, S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 2 fell victim to some highly shady Ukrainian government business with GSC Gameworks, SiN Episodes never getting to part 2, and so on. But that was usually because companies went under or hit a crisis. When the company becomes an industry behemoth with more money than God it's just plain galling. If you care about the IP, make the damn game. If you don't, sell the IP to someone who will. But don't just sit there paralysed by the fear that you won't make the Sistine Chapel of videogames, or the inertia of easy money from Steam.
    Reply +1
  • Steam Winter Sale start date confirmed

  • ExplodingClown 01/12/2016

    Is this memes? Reply -1
  • No Man's Sky studio breaks silence, announces base building and more in huge Foundation update

  • ExplodingClown 27/11/2016

    They really should have allowed for user-created content. The first developer to put out Skyrim-in-spacesuits will do very nicely indeed. Reply +1
  • Sharing Watch Dogs 2 genitalia got someone banned from PSN

  • ExplodingClown 16/11/2016

    Anatomy 101 folks: that's a vulva. The vagina is inside the body.

    Vulva=the door, vagina=the hallway. Doormat optional.
    Reply +4
  • A new Metro game has been teased for next year

  • ExplodingClown 09/11/2016

    I hope they leave the books and poster ads for them out of the game this time. Those were a massive immersion breaker and felt like a smug wink into the mirror. Product placement be damned. Oh, and no strippers with perfect balloon tits please. Keep it grimy and gloomy.

    Otherwise, great news, though I'm hoping the winter comes back again. Last Light was beautiful, but the snow over the ruins of Moscow just gave that perfect desolation. The little bits of ambient worldbuilding too - I've not seen anything in videogames as quietly tragic as the old man doing shadow puppets of animals and birds, and the children shouting which mutant they think it is because they've never known anything else.
    Reply +2
  • Doritos VR Battle is nacho usual arcade shooter

  • ExplodingClown 05/11/2016

    I'm guessing this is the game development equivalent of wanking for coins. Just keep a fixed grin and remember it pays the rent. Reply +1
  • Utility belter: in praise of Arkham Origins, the overlooked Batman chapter

  • ExplodingClown 22/10/2016

    It's not the gameplay I found most objectionable, it was the art style. Insipid sub-COD body armour and Batwing, nothing like the comic-book gothic confections of Asylum and City, and a marked lack of the inspired use of colour that makes Rocksteady's Gotham so simultaneously beautiful and horrible, dazzling and seedy.

    The Joker reveal was the least surprising twist in gaming history. It felt kind of gutless too - yeah, here's the old familiar baddies like Penguin etc, been there done that. And Electrocutioner? Really??

    I'd rather they'd gone balls-out batshit (no pun intended) and thrown in some really goofy old villains like Clock King.
    Reply 0
  • Valve refutes gambling commission's accusations of illegal activity

  • ExplodingClown 18/10/2016

    Think you mean Valve rejects gambling allegations. You can only refute an accusation if you conclusively disprove it with evidence. Reply +17
  • The cancelled Metallica game looked like Mad Max

  • ExplodingClown 17/10/2016

    Achievement: Metal Up Your Ass.

    And if you don't remember when that was their band catchphrase, you don't remember when they were the best damn thing in Metal.

    Anyone else think a Slayer tie-in game would be a hoot?
    Reply +1
  • Battleborn will be free to play soon - report

  • ExplodingClown 30/09/2016

    Reply 0
  • Watch: Zombies invade Croft Manor in Lara's Nightmare DLC

  • ExplodingClown 27/09/2016


    Hear hear. New 'Daddy Issues Lara' ("I've *got* to do this!" ad nauseam) is boring as fuck, and Rhianna Pratchett can't write her way out of a wet paper bag.
    Reply 0
  • ExplodingClown 25/09/2016

    Can we have a reboot of rebooted Tomb Raider now please? Maybe make Lara an unmedicated schizophrenic, or something. Because putting zombies in is accompanied by the scraping sound of the barrel's bottom. Reply +2
  • Failbetter Games announces Sunless Skies

  • ExplodingClown 24/09/2016

    Is Zubmariner out yet...? Reply +2
  • Report: Oculus Rift creator Palmer Luckey secretly funded pro-Trump meme website

  • ExplodingClown 24/09/2016


    A politician who puts principles before image? How awful!

    Because we so need more image-doctored middle management professional politicians looking to cosy up to Rupert Murdoch.
    Reply -1
  • ExplodingClown 23/09/2016

    Whatever your views on Trump/Clinton, this really isn't relevant. Henry Ford was a revolutionary industrial innovator and also a nasty, vicious jew-hater: does this mean everyone driving a Fiesta should check the glovebox for a hidden copy of 'The Protocols Of The Elders Of Zion'? Luckey sold Oculus, he can do what he wants with his money now.

    (for my money, Trump is a circus tent conman, a carnival barker building up his own 'brand' whose hype train seems to have lost its brakes. Clinton is a Wall Street shill who seems likely to touch off the next World War through unthinking bellicosity. So it goes.)
    Reply -1
  • Sony's Shuhei Yoshida on No Man's Sky

  • ExplodingClown 18/09/2016


    Thanks for sharing that, it's the best and most thoughtful post-mortem on NMS I've seen. I'll be following the author from now on.
    Reply 0
  • The battle to fix Britain's internet heats up

  • ExplodingClown 06/09/2016


    "why do Sky get so much hate these days?"

    Because they're owned by Murdoch, who is poison in human form.
    Reply 0
  • The Walking Dead Season 3 gets title and release date

  • ExplodingClown 03/09/2016

    Yeah, so I guess as I haven't finished season 2, Clem coming back in season 3 is a spoiler....

    Much as I love Clem, the sheer emotional punch of season 1's ending left me hoping we'd have new characters for season 2. If they do a 4th season, they should probably have her as a cameo but that's it.

    Personally I'd rather have another season of The Wolf Among Us.
    Reply -1
  • Sonic boom: Ellie Gibson on nostalgia, novelty, and that 9/10

  • ExplodingClown 06/08/2016


    Aaah, Wavy Line - whose logo was of course a couple of wavy lines, as if when they were planning the shops it was 4.30 on Friday afternoon, they'd got to the brand identity meeting, looked at their watches and gone "fuck it, this'll do" then gone to the pub.

    Wavy Line's high point was having one of their carrier bags appear in an episode of Tank Girl. Deadline ftw.

    And I still remember when Sainsbury's bags had "It's Clean, It's Fresh at Sainsburys" as the slogan. Implying that produce in all other shops was filthy and putrid.
    Reply 0
  • People think the Mario & Sonic Rio Olympics game shouts a really bad word

  • ExplodingClown 29/07/2016

    To be fair, this is the reaction of most fans of the original games to pretty much every Sonic title in recent memory. Reply +1
  • Will Richard Garriott's Lord British survive the night?

  • ExplodingClown 28/07/2016

    if you jumped on a ship and shot him with canons
    That's some hardcore clergymen they've got there.
    Reply +6
  • Headlander review

  • ExplodingClown 25/07/2016

    decapitated heads
    Think you mean 'disembodied heads' (or even 'severed heads') there Jeff. A decapitated body is one with the head removed, from the Latin caput. A decapitated head would be a head without a head. Very meta, but nonsensical.

    I'll get this in a Steam sale.
    Reply +9
  • Heroes of the Storm troll threatens Blizzard with violence and now faces jail time

  • ExplodingClown 23/07/2016

    Hmm. He's 28 and lives at an address where his 5 year old niece and two other children live? Reeks of 'socially incompetent manchild'. As for "an interest in serial killing", you're too old for that shit when you outgrow listening to Korn, but I'm curious about the previous incident with the police. Probably pulled in regarding a rash of thefts of women's underwear from neighbourhood washing lines.

    OK, so if this nitwit is the same Stephen Cebula whose Facebook page intro reads

    "Underling at SerialKillers Scanlator
    Studied Anything & Everything at Serial Killers
    Went to Serial Killers"

    and who posted on 24th May this gem of wisdom,

    "Hmm..Interesting. People are so naive. These "keyboard warriors" act much like teenagers. They fail to think of the consequences of their actions. With about 1.5 billion people in the world and most of them having access to the internet, you would think that they would gain clarity and the wisdom to know that the more people they purposely try to upset, the more likely they are to find one who will "disagree" with what they type and pay them a visit. Even more so with them posting pictures of the ones they care about. This situation is like a reputation. It takes years to build, but can be destroyed instantaneously. It is amazing how one little mistake due to your aggression can tear your whole life down. One little post to upset someone and your loved ones fall like angels with no wings. Careful, oh foolish "warriors". You do not want to upset the wrong person. Do you? Take a breath, step back. Before you do something that everyone around you will regret. Actions, consequences. Cause and effect, essentially."

    then my irony meter just overloaded.And comparing the writing styles and diction, I'd say they're one and the same. The self-importance/self-delusion quotient certainly seem to match. The shirtless profile picture with the kris knife adds flavour, to say the least.

    mod edit: Facebook link removed. No dox please. We don't care how easy it is to find.

    EC edit: fine by me, mod. Please don't assume I'm encouraging doxxing. More an online anthropology lesson, however depressing. The goon didn't make his page private, but if it *is* him - and I'd bet my back teeth on it - then right now that's the least of his problems :/

    A prosecutor of my acquaintance once described Facebook as "flypaper for imbeciles". Give 'em enough rope, and all that.
    Reply +5
  • Why No Man's Sky fans are worried about a patented Superformula

  • ExplodingClown 22/07/2016


    Procedurally created soundtrack FTW!
    Reply 0
  • ExplodingClown 21/07/2016

    Short version - buy NMS from GOG in case the shit hits the fan and it gets yanked. Reply 0
  • Hitman's next Elusive Target lets you kill Gary Busey

  • ExplodingClown 20/07/2016

    Gary Busey. Is this memes? Reply +1
  • Pro Super Smash Bros. player dumped by sponsor after "molesting" woman while she tried to sleep

  • ExplodingClown 18/07/2016

    Silly boy should've just shot up some epic smack and gouched out. Alcohol, pfft. Reply 0
  • Elite Dangerous players accuse Frontier of "god modding"

  • ExplodingClown 15/07/2016

    I was an early backer. Heart sank at the announcement of no offline SP, but I stuck with it for a while because of the beautiful ship designs and promise of hard-science fiction content like I hadn't played since I-War 2: Edge of Chaos. But the trading model was borked, getting interdicted every five minutes is serious bullshit, and no Thargoids. I was hoping for the stuff I read eagerly about in the manual for the C64 version: generation ships a mile long, all that good stuff, but it's just been too dull to hold the attention. Horizons seems completely unnecessary unless you really dig the Mako from Mass Effect enough to spend stupid money recreating the experience from the cockpit perspective.

    I'd get back into it if they'd patch in offline SP play with mod support. You'd see the creativity levels in the game go off the charts. No Mr. Braben, I don't want to pay Ł3 for an insipid ship skin, I want to fire up Paint Shop Pro and make my own. Hell, allow people to create their own plotlines like in Elder Scrolls games. That's the kind of 'community generated content' that would make the game breathe. Not one bunch of jerks with too much time on their hands pissing in the cornflakes of another.

    Plus shortening it to ED makes me think of Erectile Dysfunction. Too much time working in the NHS maybe, but it seems somehow appropriate.
    Reply +3
  • Fallout Shelter will be released on PC this week

  • ExplodingClown 10/07/2016

    I'm guessing that's without micropayments? Reply +2
  • What's going on at the end of Inside?

  • ExplodingClown 10/07/2016

    I'm not sure the scientists are cheering when the boy gets into the blob tank, I think they're panicking and banging on the glass to stop him.

    But Jesus, I certainly didn't expect it to go full Cronenberg. Up to that point I was getting a HL2-Combine society vibe, through the urban/rural decay and shuffling lines of floppy clone-slaves (though their clothes did make me think they were maybe humans under some control?).

    Must go back for the orbs and see the hidden ending.

    Edit: having watched the video of the secret ending, is the the Konami Code he's putting in on the door control? No, can't be, there's no 'down' slot. So what is it??? Or was that just the person playing trying random directions??
    Reply 0
  • Zoids not zombies: Horizon presents a brighter post-apocalypse

  • ExplodingClown 10/07/2016

    Naughty Dog's post-apocalyptic masterpiece The Last of Us
    Yeah thanks for that Wes. Not everyone was quite as impressed as you evidently were. But hey, if your tummy was tickled by move-ladder-find-pallet puzzles and an ending that seemed to set you up for a moral choice but instead just sat there until you did what the game railroaded you to, so be it. Just save the superlatives for opinion pieces, eh?
    Reply 0
  • Have a look at the unfinished Call of Duty set in the Roman Empire

  • ExplodingClown 07/07/2016

    Yeahhhh... so, having had to study Gallic War a very long time ago (in Latin, no less), the trouble is that Caesar made up all kinds of bullshit about his opponents to make his victories sound more impressive. Plus the experience of the Roman legionary - which would be most closely analogous to the enlisted men of the WW2 CoD games - was pretty much one of acting in lockstep and being a very small cog in a huge machine (probably not all that much fun to play tbh, but it's how they beat the European tribes who followed a 'hero' philosophy of individual combat). Probably no bad thing this didn't see the light of day.... Reply 0