Work/Office pet hates

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  • Razz 3 Oct 2007 13:11:11 59,994 posts
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    Anyone got any pet hates in the office?

    Today mine are people that nuke their homemade turd lunch in the microwave and open the f**ker at thier desk so everyone can smell what they made.

    It smells like s**t and you can't cook for s**te, no wants to smell your crap food that you massacered at home. ;_;

    And you over there... yeah you! Stop bloody staring at me every few minutes. What am I? A f**king mediative point in space? I'm not your bloody thinking post. You want to ponder on something then look out a bloody window or go for a walk FFS.

    And when you want to explain somethign to me on my PC don't reach over me and start using my PC like I gave you permission! FFS! It's Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine! No touching! You want to explain somethings to me then use your mouth and I'll do the clicking. o_o >:I

    And YOU! Yes bitch... you! Stop disturbing me every 10 minutes with your senseless banter! I don't give a shit abot your personal life or your opinions of the people in this company. If you want to talk to me ask if I'm busy first and don't just start talking, FFS! Have you no effing manners?! One day! I swear to GOD I'm just going to turn look you in the eye and tell you to STFU! ;_;

    What? WHAT?! Why is my monitor so effing interesting to you? Why do you feel the need to stare at it everytime you walk past! Yes motherf***ker I feel your bloody eyes on my effing back can see you silently juding the content on my screen. You know what? Yes. F**k you. I don't give a sh*te. Stop looking at my monitor you twunt barstarts.

    :)

    /goes for a fag

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  • kalel 3 Oct 2007 13:14:27 83,875 posts
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    Too many to mention, but number 1 is the very loud and aggressive alpha male type that sits behind me shouting in my ear about what a lad he is all day long and generally being sexist, homophobic and really not very funny. Fuck off you repressed insecure wanker.
  • cubbymoore 3 Oct 2007 13:15:13 36,441 posts
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    They're only staring cos you keep on ROFLing,
  • bivith 3 Oct 2007 13:18:33 2,466 posts
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    kalel wrote:
    Too many to mention, but number 1 is the very loud and aggressive alpha male type that sits behind me shouting in my ear about what a lad he is all day long and generally being sexist, homophobic and really not very funny. Fuck off you repressed insecure wanker.

    If he's being sexist, and homophobic, and it offends you, lodge a formal complaint, and have him hauled in front of a tribunal! :)
  • cubbymoore 3 Oct 2007 13:19:25 36,441 posts
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    But kalel works at the Daily Mail.
  • kalel 3 Oct 2007 13:19:58 83,875 posts
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    bivith wrote:
    kalel wrote:
    Too many to mention, but number 1 is the very loud and aggressive alpha male type that sits behind me shouting in my ear about what a lad he is all day long and generally being sexist, homophobic and really not very funny. Fuck off you repressed insecure wanker.

    If he's being sexist, and homophobic, and it offends you, lodge a formal complaint, and have him hauled in front of a tribunal! :)

    I used to work in the kind of place where you could do that, but this place isn't like that. I know technically all places are like that, but in reality my position is too fragile, and his too important for anything good to come from doing that.
  • S.J.Rogers 3 Oct 2007 13:20:37 3,557 posts
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    RAZZ is having a bad day...

    Group HUG for RAZZ..!
  • RabidChild 3 Oct 2007 13:20:54 2,283 posts
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    Probably mindless bureaucracy, personified by my idiotic boss who has a head like a giant glans with a mustache badly fixed to it. He wants full detailed plans of everything in advance and reviews of what went wrong afterwards, nice idea in principle but it never works. Case in point - my colleague has a strict deadline of two weeks to do about four week's work and our boss wants him to spend *at least* one weeks planning. Rantyrantrant.
  • morriss 3 Oct 2007 13:21:47 70,749 posts
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    kalel wrote:
    bivith wrote:
    kalel wrote:
    Too many to mention, but number 1 is the very loud and aggressive alpha male type that sits behind me shouting in my ear about what a lad he is all day long and generally being sexist, homophobic and really not very funny. Fuck off you repressed insecure wanker.

    If he's being sexist, and homophobic, and it offends you, lodge a formal complaint, and have him hauled in front of a tribunal! :)

    I used to work in the kind of place where you could do that, but this place isn't like that. I know technically all places are like that, but in reality my position is too fragile, and his too important for anything good to come from doing that.
    £250 and I'll fly to London, me and Spanky'll sort him out, down the pub, curry and back to Denmark again the same day.

    Deal?
  • smoothpete 3 Oct 2007 13:22:01 31,017 posts
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    kalel wrote:
    bivith wrote:
    kalel wrote:
    Too many to mention, but number 1 is the very loud and aggressive alpha male type that sits behind me shouting in my ear about what a lad he is all day long and generally being sexist, homophobic and really not very funny. Fuck off you repressed insecure wanker.

    If he's being sexist, and homophobic, and it offends you, lodge a formal complaint, and have him hauled in front of a tribunal! :)

    I used to work in the kind of place where you could do that, but this place isn't like that. I know technically all places are like that, but in reality my position is too fragile, and his too important for anything good to come from doing that.
    Does he have a favourite pen that he uses, and perhaps occasional chews? Borrow it, stick it up your arse then put it back
  • kalel 3 Oct 2007 13:23:03 83,875 posts
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    To be honest, all I need is Spurs to utterly spank Liverpool this weekend and he'll be too shamed to ever speak a word in my presence again.

    /sells soul
  • morriss 3 Oct 2007 13:23:15 70,749 posts
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    smoothpete wrote:

    Does he have a favourite pen that he uses, and perhaps occasional chews? Borrow it, stick it up your arse then put it back
    :D
  • S.J.Rogers 3 Oct 2007 13:25:50 3,557 posts
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    smoothpete wrote:
    kalel wrote:
    bivith wrote:
    kalel wrote:
    Too many to mention, but number 1 is the very loud and aggressive alpha male type that sits behind me shouting in my ear about what a lad he is all day long and generally being sexist, homophobic and really not very funny. Fuck off you repressed insecure wanker.

    If he's being sexist, and homophobic, and it offends you, lodge a formal complaint, and have him hauled in front of a tribunal! :)

    I used to work in the kind of place where you could do that, but this place isn't like that. I know technically all places are like that, but in reality my position is too fragile, and his too important for anything good to come from doing that.
    Does he have a favourite pen that he uses, and perhaps occasional chews? Borrow it, stick it up your arse then put it back


    I have actually done that once...

    The funniest thing i ever watched..!
  • Razz 3 Oct 2007 13:28:33 59,994 posts
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    You put fings in your bum? o_O

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    Steam/PSN/XBOX: Razztafarai | 3DS: 1246-9674-8856
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  • Razz 3 Oct 2007 13:28:34 59,994 posts
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    Fruit_Salad wrote:
    Today Razz is at home. All the annoying people are played by his mum.

    /roll credits.

    Angry Sailor
    Played by Razz

    Microwave Meal Guy
    Played by Razz's Mum

    Looking at Razz confused every 5 minutes guy
    Mirror reflection

    Tap on my keyboard and show me how guy
    Played by Razz's Mum

    Senseless Banter Woman
    Played by Razz's Mum

    Monitor walk-by checkout
    Played by Razz's Mum
    LMFAO! :D

    fixed a little. :)

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  • jonsaan 3 Oct 2007 13:30:18 25,251 posts
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    Just bet a co worker he wouldn't go out on the street and breakdance in front of the bus stop, finishing with a backspin.

    He did it.

    /is 5 pounds poorer. But it was sort of funny.

    FCUTA!

  • yupyup 3 Oct 2007 13:32:06 3,669 posts
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    Razz wrote:
    One day! I swear to GOD I'm just going to turn look you in the eye and tell you to STFU! ;_;

    Esss Tea Efff You!!!!!!

    Hands Off Our Penises

  • catterz 3 Oct 2007 13:32:17 8,763 posts
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    Yea, I get lots of stares laughing at the stuff I read on here.

    Suppose my number 1 pet hate here is all the gossip in the office. As soon as anyone leaves the office to go for a shite or a cigarette or lunch someone'll start talking about them. Everyone's keeping tabs on everyone around here. Who gives a shit? Lemme sit down and do my job, I don't care about Derek, Daisy or Dave. And why's everything that goes wrong here my effing fault.

    I was on holiday last week and somehow I've fucked up invoicing that was done during that week. I must be a miracle worker or something. The boss here is a c***. Always demanding shit, telling bullshit to suppliers and customers, making impossible promises, then when things go tits up is my fault or Dennis' fault or Dot's. If he could spend one fucking day in my seat he might realise how difficult in can be to meet the demands we're getting. He once said he'd be no use working in the admin office because his expertise is needed in management. Well he's no fucking use in there either. No people skills, no real skills whatsoever really, but the owner of the company has no idea. I don't suppose they talk about that though when they're out every Thursday playing golf for "Customer Relations".

    And what's with all the work people give me to do? There're 4 other people in this office capable of doing it, can't you see I'm a bit snowed under as it is? Wankers. Fuck off and leave me alone, I've got more important things to do than make an Issue level change on a piece of paperwork which you could quite easily do yourself. It's not rocket science, you hit backspace to delete the A, and then type B. You may want to hold the shift key to make it a capital letter or it'll look a little silly, muppet.

    Temps, temps, temps.... Temps don't give a shit about the work they're doing. Don't bring in any old A-level student on holiday to do the work, they don't care, they'll be gone in a few weeks. All temps really do is create more work for you when they're gone, let alone the time you have to spend teaching them how to do simple tasks. Some Temps have absolutely no skills in Excel; these people shouldn't work in offices. I used to be a temp, and you know what people called me? Super Temp, that's what. That's what every temp should be like. Grrr.

    /stares at Temp

    I like this thread.

    /joins Razz for that fag

    Still stalking this place, old-school style (UID: 1053)

  • PES_Fanboy 3 Oct 2007 13:36:34 11,637 posts
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    My main gripe is normally specific to these British Isles.

    Working long days = Being Productive.

    No, it doesn't, it means you can't manage your workload and / or you're too chickenshit to take the concerns higher to get more resources working on it.
  • redlander 3 Oct 2007 13:38:55 1,039 posts
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    I HATE:

    The guy behind me that whistles all fucking day
    The old cow that has on too much perfume to cover up the fact she stinks
    Anyone that touches my monitor leaving finger prints all over it
    The water cooler I sit next to that bleeps continually till you empty the drip tray
    Anyone who uses the water cool and lets water spill into the drip tray
    The bloke next to be that speaks to himself
    The skinny lass from the other side of the office with the loudest squeaky voice

    /go's for fag too….
  • jonsaan 3 Oct 2007 13:40:36 25,251 posts
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    Bad luck. At least I can just close the door when people get on my tits.

    FCUTA!

  • smoothpete 3 Oct 2007 13:42:15 31,017 posts
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    I mentioned yesterday, it's the baby related talk that does my head in. I don't fucking care if Joshua did his first solid poo yesterday!
  • heyyo 3 Oct 2007 13:42:17 14,374 posts
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    The other day in work I was dying for a smoke, so I pulled out my smokes and lit up. Suddenly, a wasteman turned up and told me I had to smoke outside! I agreed and then when I was smoking outside he told me I had to be 10m from the entrance.

    Engraged, I pulled out my mack10 sub machine gun with auto aim and proceeded to shoot up the place. The scared fucker was shouting "hey yo! Be cool ¬_¬!"

    He died last.
  • Razz 3 Oct 2007 13:42:20 59,994 posts
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    catterz wrote:
    Temps, temps, temps.... Temps don't give a shit about the work they're doing. Don't bring in any old A-level student on holiday to do the work, they don't care, they'll be gone in a few weeks. All temps really do is create more work for you when they're gone, let alone the time you have to spend teaching them how to do simple tasks. Some Temps have absolutely no skills in Excel; these people shouldn't work in offices. I used to be a temp, and you know what people called me? Super Temp, that's what. That's what every temp should be like. Grrr.

    /hastily hides multiple temp of the month certificates

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  • Razz 3 Oct 2007 13:42:21 59,994 posts
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    redlander wrote:
    I HATE:
    The old cow that has on too much perfume to cover up the fact she stinks
    Mystery Solved!

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  • NeoGoaT 3 Oct 2007 13:42:29 290 posts
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    Stupid fucking laughing baby message ringtone.

    Noxious fucking perfume sprayers.

    Peoples inability to use any electronic equipment no matter how simple. "face down or face up?" LOOK AT THE FUCKING MACHINE! YOU DONT EVEN HAVE TO BE ABLE TO READ! THERES A FUCKING LITTLE PICTURE!

  • catterz 3 Oct 2007 13:42:56 8,763 posts
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    jonsaan wrote:
    Bad luck. At least I can just close the door when people get on my tits.
    You are my boss AICMFP.

    Still stalking this place, old-school style (UID: 1053)

  • jonsaan 3 Oct 2007 13:43:43 25,251 posts
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    There's always someone who wears half a bottle of perfume a day in an office.
    Do they not realise that smelling something like that a 7am is likely to bring on severe vomitting?

    FCUTA!

  • jonsaan 3 Oct 2007 13:44:28 25,251 posts
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    catterz wrote:
    jonsaan wrote:
    Bad luck. At least I can just close the door when people get on my tits.
    You are my boss AICMFP.

    /is hurt

    FCUTA!

  • kalel 3 Oct 2007 13:44:58 83,875 posts
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    jonsaan wrote:
    There's always someone who wears half a bottle of perfume a day in an office.
    Do they not realise that smelling something like that a 7am is likely to bring on severe vomitting?

    Oh god yeah. Only thing worse are the ones that do it to cover up the smell of smoke. Well done, now you fucking stink of two things.
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