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The official "Stupid Childhood Rhymes" thread...

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  • pjmaybe 6 Jul 2007 13:30:43 70,678 posts
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    OK let's hear 'em then. Stupid childish rhymes you either used at school or when you were a kid, that have stuck with you well into adulthood...(well in some cases you're adults, others I'm not so sure...)

    To kick off - that old classic:

    "Milk, Milk, Lemonade...

    Round the corner, chocolate's made"

    (which is, let's face it, rubbish without the actions)



    Peej

  • crashVoodoo 6 Jul 2007 13:37:02 3,265 posts
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    jeez thats old :)

    i got one that involves 'ching chong' the china man but its not very pc

    do remember reading a book way back when called bogeyman or something and it had a small poem in it.

    scab and matter custard.
    snot and bogey pie.
    dead dogs giblets.
    green cats eye.
    spread it on bread.
    spread it on thick.
    wash it all down.
    with a cup of cold sick.


    /pictures everyone going *eeeww*

    Edited by crashVoodoo at 13:44:24 06-07-2007

    a Nexus a day keeps the apple away

  • MetalDog 6 Jul 2007 13:39:24 23,448 posts
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    Undoubtedly started by a very young Furbs:

    I'm popeye the sailor man
    I live in a caravan
    I live with me granny
    And play with her fanny
    I'm popeye the sailor man!

    And the classic

    Up above the streets and houses
    Zippy flying high
    Zippy opens up his legs
    And craps in Bungle's eye.

    -- boobs do nothing for me, I want moustaches and chest hair.

  • markh 6 Jul 2007 13:41:53 3,596 posts
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    sung to the tune of 'deck the halls':

    Man United are short sighted,
    never scored a goal in history.
    They wear stickers on their knickers.
    Tra la la la la, la la la la

    always makes me smile :D
  • pjmaybe 6 Jul 2007 13:42:13 70,678 posts
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    /has never heard either of MDs but still laughed like a drain.

    Lots were bastardised carols / hymns at my school - like...

    "We three queers from Leicester Square
    Selling kinky underwear
    They're fantastic, no elastic
    why don't you try a pair?

    Oh star of wonder, star of light,
    Charlie caught his pants alight
    He went screaming through the ceiling
    wasn't a very pretty sight!"


    Peej

  • crashVoodoo 6 Jul 2007 13:43:01 3,265 posts
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    MetalDog wrote:
    Up above the streets and houses
    bungle's flying high
    opens up his hairy arse
    and shits in zippy's eye.
    how it was round 'ere

    strange how most people will have the same ones but that they just alter slightly with the location its used :)

    Edited by crashVoodoo at 13:53:39 06-07-2007

    a Nexus a day keeps the apple away

  • Inquisitor Moderator 6 Jul 2007 13:43:21 14,540 posts
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    What a weird coincidence, I've had the OPs rhyme stuck in my head for ages and keep getting urges to perform it avec the actions.
  • StarchildHypocrethes 6 Jul 2007 13:44:37 22,695 posts
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    Jesus Christ Superstar,
    Came down from heaven in a rally car,
    Did a skid,
    Killed a kid,
    Now he's shut away behind some bars

    No idea why we sang this.
  • otto Moderator 6 Jul 2007 13:47:56 49,238 posts
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    Chinese, Japanese,
    What are these,
    Mrs Reeves'
    Christmas Trees.

    (accompanied by the following actions:

    slant eyes upwards,
    slant eyes downwards
    pinch clothing in the nipple area and pull forward to simulate breasts)

    say no to Eurogamer sigs

  • MetalDog 6 Jul 2007 13:49:03 23,448 posts
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    To the tune of He-Man

    I have the power
    To pick up a flower
    It takes me an hour or so


    And to add to the carols list

    While shepards cooked their flock by night
    All sitting round the pot
    The angel of the lord came down
    And scoffed the sodding lot

    We three kings of orient are
    One in a taxi, one in a car.
    One on a scooter
    Papping his hooter
    Wearing a Playtex bra

    -- boobs do nothing for me, I want moustaches and chest hair.

  • StarchildHypocrethes 6 Jul 2007 13:50:36 22,695 posts
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    MetalDog wrote:
    To the tune of He-Man

    I have the power
    To pick up a flower
    It takes me an hour or so


    And to add to the carols list

    We three kings of orient are
    One in a taxi, one in a car.
    One on a scooter
    Papping his hooter
    Wearing a Playtex bra
    \o/ I remember those ones!
  • MetalDog 6 Jul 2007 13:50:45 23,448 posts
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    otto wrote:
    slant eyes upwards,
    slant eyes downwards
    pinch clothing in the nipple area and pull forward to simulate breasts
    Hahaha, I remember doing that =)

    -- boobs do nothing for me, I want moustaches and chest hair.

  • otto Moderator 6 Jul 2007 13:50:46 49,238 posts
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    StarchildHypocrethes wrote:
    Jesus Christ Superstar,
    Came down from heaven in a rally car,
    Did a skid,
    Killed a kid,
    Now he's shut away behind some bars

    No idea why we sang this.
    We did a version of that.

    Also, to the tune of the Battle Hymn of the Republic,

    Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school,
    We've tortured every teacher and we've broken every rule,
    We plan to hang the headmaster on Friday after school,
    As we go marching on.
    Glory, Glory Hallelujah!
    Teacher hit me with a ruler,
    I stabbed him up the arse,
    With a piece of broken glass,
    As we go marching on.

    say no to Eurogamer sigs

  • Inquisitor Moderator 6 Jul 2007 13:52:04 14,540 posts
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    They're quite clever really.
  • otto Moderator 6 Jul 2007 13:52:50 49,238 posts
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    MetalDog wrote:
    While shepards cooked their flock by night
    All sitting round the pot
    The angel of the lord came down
    And scoffed the sodding lot
    While shepherds washed their socks by night
    All seated on the ground.
    The angel of the lord came down
    And charged them each a pound.

    Not as good as yours I fear. :/

    say no to Eurogamer sigs

  • pjmaybe 6 Jul 2007 13:53:24 70,678 posts
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    One banana
    two banana
    three banana
    four

    Three big bogeys knocking at the door

    One with a tommy gun, one with a stick...

    And one with a hand grenade hanging from his LA LA LA, LA LALA LA
    LA LA LA
    LA LA LA LA

    Peej

  • pjmaybe 6 Jul 2007 13:54:10 70,678 posts
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    otto wrote:
    MetalDog wrote:
    While shepards cooked their flock by night
    All sitting round the pot
    The angel of the lord came down
    And scoffed the sodding lot
    While shepherds washed their socks by night
    All seated on the ground.
    The angel of the lord came down
    And charged them each a pound.

    Not as good as yours I fear. :/
    Ours was

    When shepherds washed their socks by night
    all watching BBC
    The angel of the lord came down
    and switched to ITV

    Peej

  • Ocrovastru 6 Jul 2007 13:54:24 601 posts
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    "Down at fraggle rock, grab a fraggle by his cock, swing him in the air, catch him by his pubic hair!"

    I'm pretty sure we didnt even know what pubic hair was when singing this.
  • pjmaybe 6 Jul 2007 13:56:37 70,678 posts
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    On reflection, I think this one was a bit iffy but here goes anyway..

    If you go down to the woods today, be sure to avert your eyes
    If you go down to the woods today, you're in for a big surprise
    'Cos mum and dad are having a shag
    and Uncle Frank is having a wank
    And Auntie Floss is having a toss with Grandad...


    Peej

  • Ocrovastru 6 Jul 2007 13:58:42 601 posts
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    pjmaybe wrote:
    On reflection, I think this one was a bit iffy but here goes anyway..

    If you go down to the woods today, be sure to avert your eyes
    If you go down to the woods today, you're in for a big surprise
    'Cos mum and dad are having a shag
    and Uncle Frank is having a wank
    And Auntie Floss is having a toss with Grandad...


    Peej
    I have never heard that one before but its fucking brilliant!
  • pjmaybe 6 Jul 2007 13:59:27 70,678 posts
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    I thought this was a daft idea for a thread but reading some of these is giving me the stupid giggles...

    Peej

  • TheSaint 6 Jul 2007 14:00:10 11,813 posts
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    I guess the grown up version of these are songs you sing at football.
  • Fozzie_bear 6 Jul 2007 14:01:44 15,171 posts
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    pjmaybe wrote:
    One banana
    two banana
    three banana
    four

    Three big bogeys knocking at the door

    One with a tommy gun, one with a stick...

    And one with a hand grenade hanging from his LA LA LA, LA LALA LA
    LA LA LA
    LA LA LA LA

    Peej
    \o/

    Support the Mowgli Dirty Protest!

  • jellyhead 6 Jul 2007 14:13:11 24,348 posts
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    You've said most of the ones i remember but here goes...

    D.I.S.C.O.
    Dickens is a pro

    Mrs Dickens was one of our teachers, we sang this in the playground and i'm sure we elaborated on the letters like in the song but i can't remember them. She didn't like the song much. :)

    The old classic of "Hitler has only got one ball."
    Being Welsh, Sospan Bach was sang lots too.

    Some memories are stirring from deep down so there may be more to come.

    This signature intentionally left blank.

  • Fat-Boy 6 Jul 2007 14:16:01 4,300 posts
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    Ocrovastru wrote:
    "Down at fraggle rock, grab a fraggle by his cock, swing him in the air, catch him by his pubic hair!"

    I'm pretty sure we didnt even know what pubic hair was when singing this.
    We had:

    "Down at Fraggle Rock,
    Grab a Fraggle by his cock,
    Swing him round and round,
    Drop him, watch him hit the ground,
    Grab another one,
    Stick a chainsaw up his bum,
    Turn the power on,
    Wheres the Fraggle gone? *clap clap*
    Where's the Fraggle gone?"
  • Ocrovastru 6 Jul 2007 14:22:18 601 posts
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    Fat Boy wrote:
    Ocrovastru wrote:
    "Down at fraggle rock, grab a fraggle by his cock, swing him in the air, catch him by his pubic hair!"

    I'm pretty sure we didnt even know what pubic hair was when singing this.
    We had:

    "Down at Fraggle Rock,
    Grab a Fraggle by his cock,
    Swing him round and round,
    Drop him, watch him hit the ground,
    Grab another one,
    Stick a chainsaw up his bum,
    Turn the power on,
    Wheres the Fraggle gone? *clap clap*
    Where's the Fraggle gone?"
    Excellent! The full length mix.
  • tombo 6 Jul 2007 14:22:57 2,059 posts
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    "I went to a chinese restaurant to buy a loaf of breadbreadbread,
    he wrapped it up in a five pound note and this is what he saidsaidsaid
    my name is...
    Andy Pandy,
    Sugar and candy,
    Chinese chopsticks,
    Rolly-polly,
    Bow to the king,
    curtsey to the queen,
    Boy go ,
    Girls go WOOOOO!"
  • Murbal 6 Jul 2007 14:24:04 19,664 posts
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    Get your flares today,
    From your Oxfam store,
    You can fly away,
    When you get your flares!

    To the tune from Fraggle Rock ;-)
  • McGeeza 6 Jul 2007 14:24:24 770 posts
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    Jack be nimble,
    Jack be quick,
    Jack jump over the candlestick,
    Silly boy should have jumped higher,
    Goodness gracious your cocks on fire.
  • pjmaybe 6 Jul 2007 14:25:14 70,678 posts
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    Rather irreverent one but.

    IN 1966
    the queen pulled down her knicks
    she licked her bum
    and said "yum yum!"
    It's better than weetabix!


    Peej

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