Depression Page 214

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  • AceGrace 15 Jun 2017 12:09:41 3,145 posts
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    That did it.

    Just listed to Wichita Lineman and the floodgates opened. Been sitting here sobbing for the last 5 minutes.
  • quadfather 15 Jun 2017 12:25:58 29,600 posts
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    @AceGrace

    It's strange how it hits isn't it. And what makes you go.

    It's all good though overall.

    You've been waiting a year and all it took was 1 song

    I'm glad it worked, if you know what I mean
  • AceGrace 15 Jun 2017 12:40:35 3,145 posts
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    Stopped just now.

    I do feel a lot better and like a weight has lifted off me a bit.
  • quadfather 15 Jun 2017 12:42:01 29,600 posts
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    @AceGrace

    Ball is rolling now.

    Looks like you owe me Ł1000 ;)
  • AceGrace 15 Jun 2017 13:58:33 3,145 posts
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    I didn't listen to your track. :-)
  • quadfather 15 Jun 2017 14:04:52 29,600 posts
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    But you took my sonic advice :)
  • Vortex808 15 Jun 2017 14:16:52 11,735 posts
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    quadfather wrote:
    But you took my sonic advice :)
    Nice try. :)
  • quadfather 15 Jun 2017 14:17:45 29,600 posts
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    I'll settle for a pint :)
  • Dougs 15 Jun 2017 14:24:21 83,919 posts
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    It was this one that got me - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAphofZCkfY. Saw him perform it live shortly after I found out my dad was terminal. Every time I hear it now, it gets me even more.
  • quadfather 15 Jun 2017 14:43:37 29,600 posts
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    It seems people have their own particular pertinent pieces of music that they relate it to.

    Like you Dougs, the more I hear that Max Richter one, the more I get washed away with it.

    It's certainly therapeutic though, all round.
  • Skirlasvoud 15 Jun 2017 14:59:53 2,983 posts
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    @Load_2.0

    Load_2.0 wrote:
    They won't have any upward momentum if you murder them and replace them with scarecrows.
    Any recommendations on the stuffing?
  • AceGrace 15 Jun 2017 20:07:10 3,145 posts
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    quadfather wrote:
    I'll settle for a pint :)
    If I'm ever in Manchester consider it a done deal.
  • DrStrangelove 1 Jul 2017 16:57:46 11,302 posts
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    It was worth a try, living without meds. But it doesn't work. I'm too broken to go on without.

    My father just had a heart attack and is being operated in the hospital. He refuses to take it seriously, making silly jokes as always. Completely refuses to take anything seriously, most of all the feelings of those close to him. He's completely trapped in his refusal to take any feelings seriously.

    There is some perverted logic to that. He's grown up in a radical protestant environment where feelings are a disturbance that must be overcome. That must be controlled. Feelings are illegal.

    He rebelled, and just like his brothers, he rejected the perverted belief his parents taught them. But atheist or not, he remained staunchly protestant in his self-denial and disregard of any meaning in anything but the truest or most extreme.

    I don't know how to feel. He's not dying right now, but he may well be in the near future. I'm being disturbingly unemotional. As much as I hate all this shit, I'm being unemotional. Rational. Protestant.

    It's just how it is. People die, that's the way it is. Don't shed a tear. The world is awful, but that's just how it is. Embrace the misery or die.

    I wonder. Despite his atheism, my father has accepted the "vale of tears", and so did I.

    Sometimes I wonder if I will just bring my family history to a logical conclusion when I die.

    It's kinda difficult. In my life, I've learned to know death as someone that brings peace and freedom. Mercy.

    When my grandfather died, my grandmother, my other grandfather, my uncle... it always felt like mercy. Relief. It's as if death was the most beautiful, merciful thing out there.

    I don't know. I wish my parents didn't have to outlive me.
  • captain_markyboy 1 Jul 2017 17:05:34 846 posts
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    @DrStrangelove

    I've suffered with depression and anxiety for most of my adult life.

    Do you know what I've observed almost without exception in myself and others who also suffer with it?

    We all think FAR too deeply about everything.

    Sometimes I really do think it's better to be one of those people like your Dad mate.
  • Skirlasvoud 1 Jul 2017 20:59:05 2,983 posts
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    DrStrangelove wrote:
    It was worth a try, living without meds. But it doesn't work. I'm too broken to go on without.
    It's the most awful realization you'll ever make. That something went wrong and you can't go back to put yourself together. Time itself becomes an enemy. I myself keep going back in time to figure out where it could be different.

    Sorry to hear about your dad DrStrangelove, and how it affects you.
  • GuybrushThreepwood 2 Jul 2017 13:25:09 1,373 posts
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  • GuybrushThreepwood 13 Jul 2017 10:45:13 1,373 posts
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  • TenMinJoe 13 Jul 2017 12:45:21 79 posts
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    Do you have medication for the migraines? I get migraines, but I was prescribed this nasal spray stuff called Immigran - if I use it as soon as the visual aura starts, then it seems to magically kill the migraine before it starts.
  • quadfather 13 Jul 2017 12:53:27 29,600 posts
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    Don't know if it's any help, but I take Clotam Rapid for my migraines - it's the only thing that's ever worked.
  • GuybrushThreepwood 13 Jul 2017 13:04:48 1,373 posts
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  • quadfather 27 Jul 2017 15:27:46 29,600 posts
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    Well, just been speaking to my sister who has visited my mum today in the care home (Alzheimers), and our mum has now lost recognition.

    It was such a weird and surreal experience when we lost our dad last year, and mum was put in the care home practically the week after, because it's effectively losing both at the same time.

    A year and a half on, the world just seems....surreal? It's like you'd be having conversations with people about whatever, talking shite, doing things, being at work, and then suddenly it pops into your head, and you're like, "What? How could that have happened?" and you get brought back down to earth with a bang. But it's all still surreal.

    Am I describing denial of the situation? I was under the impression after a bit of an epiphany earlier in the year, I'd accepted my dads death, but each time something happens with my mum, it drags everything up again, painfully. I go through it each time it happens, as repressing things isn't the way I deal with stuff, but this particular situation is so big, it's still so surreal. I guess more time needs to pass and more experience of it to full accept it, but shit, it's difficult. Not difficult as in mentally painful all the time, but the sort of surreal side of it gives me a side effect where I sometimes have difficulty speaking to certain people, purely because I cannot be arsed with banality anymore.

    It feels sort of like, "ok, Dads gone, mum's nearly gone, sisters are getting on, I'm well over half way" etc. I keep catching myself thinking that life seems to be winding down because of what's happened. It's almost like if your life is a clock face, it feels about half 9 at night to me at the moment.
  • GuybrushThreepwood 27 Jul 2017 15:38:36 1,373 posts
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  • GuybrushThreepwood 27 Jul 2017 15:41:53 1,373 posts
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  • quadfather 27 Jul 2017 16:13:44 29,600 posts
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    GuybrushThreepwood wrote:
    @quadfather Have you read any books on coping with loss? Best thing I did was read one when I was grieving. It made me realise that - funnily enough - I wasn't the first person to experience it. I learn't a lot reading about other's experiences and how they coped.

    Short version of the books was "it hurts". The hurt gets triggered by odd things and odd anniversaries and has differing affects on people when it comes. It "tends" to get easier and less painful, but never seems to quite go away. You get used to it more than anything.

    have you thought of paying for some private counselling? I found a charity (like Mind - can't recall their name) who I paid what I could afford for and who I was able to talk to someone about it a few times. Waiting for something on the NHS is a waste of time unless its drugs.

    I can relate to the life winding down thing. The celebrity death thread, my mirror and the faces of those around me don't help at all. My wife's kids are another reminder. They're so damn young and I certainly don't have the energy I did.
    Yes, I did take some steps down that avenue. Went to my GP initially and he was really helpful and we devised a plan which helped. My sister is also a counseller which helps a hell of a lot, plus a lot of my close friends have also lost their parents so I get all kinds of different outlooks, all of which help. I read a few counselling books about it as well, which help. It all helps and I'm ok with going through the roller coaster of triggers and emotions - and I recognise them when they come and I've also recognised that they're slowly fading. They'll never go away, it's like you say, you get more used to it / accepting of it. Today hit a little bit as I had literally just got off the phone to the funeral directors about arranging my dads headstone to be made when I then immediately spoke to my sister about my mum, so it was already half surfaced in my mind.

    I suppose the clock face thing is a normal experience. It is bound to happen as we all get older. I probably focus on it a bit more than normal recently, because of immediate events that are happening.
  • spamdangled 8 Aug 2017 23:26:50 31,040 posts
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    So I went cold turkey abd took myself off sertraline recently, after Panorama's rather worrying special on it. I stopped taking my antipsychotics at the same time.

    Oddly, I'm doing ok. I'm managing to ignore the auditory hallucinations for the most part, and I'm managing the depression mainly by keeping myself busy with things. I've started writing again, as I have always found it helps to have a creative outlet. Basically, I am doing anything to keep myself distracted so I am not focussing on the bad stuff.

    My social worker was a bit worried to start with, but he said today that I seem to be coping ok without the meds so he isn't hugely concerned anymore so long as I am managing to deal with my symptoms in my own way. I'm also maling an effort to get out the house each day and visit my local bar for a coffee and spend time around others - nothing is worse when you have mental illness than to isolate yourself and stew in your own juices.

    Edited by spamdangled at 23:28:06 08-08-2017
  • mrharvest 9 Aug 2017 05:27:23 5,448 posts
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    I've been reading this thread for a while and thinking if I should post or not. But I guess why not. I've been only very recently diagnosed with dysthymia and major depressive disorder. I've been on SSRI fluoxetine, and it seems to have remedied my depressive symptoms altogether.

    The major depressive disorder started when I tried an office job - there were some hidden sales targets I hadn't been told about in the interview. In fact I explicitly said "I'm not a sales guy." They hired me nonetheless, I burnt out and had some really bad times for a while.

    The medication has treated the symptoms of my depression. But I'm also really struggling to do my old work as a sound recordist, I think because of the side effects of the medication. My hands shake in the mornings. I make stupid mistakes because I can't think long term like I used to. I don't know how things will pan out. I have to work to feel good, but I also have to take medication to feel /okay/ when I'm between gigs, but taking the medication makes me unable to do a good job. Catch-22.
  • Rusty_M 9 Aug 2017 06:25:55 6,745 posts
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    There are other medicines and options. It seems it's not easy or maybe even possible to know which one is right for which person in advance. If side effects are causing you trouble, tell your doctor. Hopefully they'll be able to find something to help.
  • Garfy 9 Aug 2017 07:32:43 1,291 posts
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    @mrharvest Exactly what I've been feeling lately.
    Fluoxetine has banished my depression and restored my emotions but my ability to focus and concentrate is becoming a real problem. My performance at work is dropping, as you said lots of simple stupid mistakes.

    I dont know what my next move should be.

    Edit: Oh well with the world ending I don't suppose it matters.

    Edited by Garfy at 07:45:22 09-08-2017
  • GuybrushThreepwood 9 Aug 2017 20:30:03 1,373 posts
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  • mrharvest 9 Aug 2017 23:59:55 5,448 posts
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    Yeah, this is quite new thing for me so I'm still working with my psychiatrist on the medication. I don't get anxiety as such, just physical twitchyness. In fact I'm feeling way too blasé about everything. My mother had a brain surgery (non-malignant tumour pressing on her optic nerve, she's fine) and I was thinking "Hmm, maybe I should go visit her to make sure she's fine, you know if I never see her again or something. Eh, I guess I'll go in a few days." It's like I'm unable to really care or worry about anything and everything is just fine.
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