Depression Page 108

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  • localnotail 2 Feb 2013 10:55:34 23,093 posts
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    superdelphinus wrote:
    Gansosleftpeg wrote:
    Seriously though, I doubt any of you know what real depression is.
    Nob.
    Obvious troll is trolly. And obvious.

    Edited by localnotail at 11:02:32 02-02-2013

    A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

  • spamdangled 2 Feb 2013 12:17:14 27,355 posts
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    I was put on diazepam this week by my gp. Went to see him with the OH because I've just been randomly bursting into tears for no reason, I constantly have this awful butterflies feeoing in my chest and stomach like something is about to jump out at me, I have a near panic attack if I even leave the front door, and I've barely slept since christmas.

    Thing is, nothing has really happened to me to trigger this sort of response that I can think of. It just crept up on me. I've had things on my mind for the last few months, I don't know if maybe all of that has just decided to come out or something.

    Got an appointment with a psychiatrist next week and my ASD support worker is coming round the house on monday morning to see me. I really hope this feeling goes soon, because it's horrible and I just feel useless. The OH is doing his best to look after me, and the lodger is also off work and keeping check, so at least im not being left to stew in my own thoughts.

    I've been keeping my mind off things as best I can - playing The Secret World, playing boardgames, etc. And that seems to help, because then I'm focusing on something else and not left in my own head, and I think the OH has asked people to come over to see me because people have been popping up nearly every day to say hello for no apparent reason. And the diazepam seems to help take the edge off the anxiety for a little while. But then late at night, when everyone else is asleep and I'm still wide awake at 4am, it just sort of comes creeping over me again.

    I honestly don't know what this is, because I've had depression before and this just feels ten times worse.

    And I know this thread is possibly not the safest place to say stuff like this (as redsparrows sort of pointed out on the last page), but I just sort of want to know if anyone else here has been through this before?

    Edited by darkmorgado at 12:30:21 02-02-2013

    3DS: 4055-2781-2855 Xbox: spamdangled PSN: dark_morgan Wii U: Spamdangle Steam: spamdangled

  • Psychotext 2 Feb 2013 12:27:51 54,225 posts
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    localnotail wrote:
    @Psychotext Sorry to hear that :( Have you been smoking weed lately? Can often give the chronic tidying and listlessness.
    No, not in donkeys years. Tidying is just what I do when I can't bring myself to do anything else (even gaming or watching movies).

    I don't really do just "sitting there".
  • spamdangled 2 Feb 2013 12:31:14 27,355 posts
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    Psychotext wrote:
    localnotail wrote:
    @Psychotext Sorry to hear that :( Have you been smoking weed lately? Can often give the chronic tidying and listlessness.
    No, not in donkeys years. Tidying is just what I do when I can't bring myself to do anything else (even gaming or watching movies).

    I don't really do just "sitting there".
    Hope you feel better soon mate. I guess tidying is at least a productive use of time!

    3DS: 4055-2781-2855 Xbox: spamdangled PSN: dark_morgan Wii U: Spamdangle Steam: spamdangled

  • Deckard1 2 Feb 2013 12:41:30 28,002 posts
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    darkmorgado wrote:
    I was put on diazepam this week by my gp. Went to see him with the OH because I've just been randomly bursting into tears for no reason, I constantly have this awful butterflies feeoing in my chest and stomach like something is about to jump out at me, I have a near panic attack if I even leave the front door, and I've barely slept since christmas.

    Thing is, nothing has really happened to me to trigger this sort of response that I can think of. It just crept up on me. I've had things on my mind for the last few months, I don't know if maybe all of that has just decided to come out or something.

    Got an appointment with a psychiatrist next week and my ASD support worker is coming round the house on monday morning to see me. I really hope this feeling goes soon, because it's horrible and I just feel useless. The OH is doing his best to look after me, and the lodger is also off work and keeping check, so at least im not being left to stew in my own thoughts.

    I've been keeping my mind off things as best I can - playing The Secret World, playing boardgames, etc. And that seems to help, because then I'm focusing on something else and not left in my own head, and I think the OH has asked people to come over to see me because people have been popping up nearly every day to say hello for no apparent reason. And the diazepam seems to help take the edge off the anxiety for a little while. But then late at night, when everyone else is asleep and I'm still wide awake at 4am, it just sort of comes creeping over me again.

    I honestly don't know what this is, because I've had depression before and this just feels ten times worse.

    And I know this thread is possibly not the safest place to say stuff like this (as redsparrows sort of pointed out on the last page), but I just sort of want to know if anyone else here has been through this before?
    You want my honest opinion? Get a job.
  • romelpotter 2 Feb 2013 12:55:01 148 posts
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    @darkmorgado Hi mate, I had a couple of times when I went through something that sounds similar, although not the same.

    I would get times that would start off with the feeling of butterflies in my stomach, and the feeling would then get worse over about half an hour or so. Exactly as you said, the feeling that someone is about to jump out at you (which in my case was silly as I was in the house on my own). It would get progressively worse and I would end up walking around the house until I ended up at my bed, in a heap on the floor or curled up on my bed. Sometimes the feeling would just slowly go away, othertimes something would happen and it would be gone (onetime a box fell from the top of my wardrobe and landed on my shoulder and the shock triggered the release of the feeling, it was very strange).

    Sometimes when I was at work, I would be talking to senior members of staff and all of a sudden, it was like I had been punched in the stomach and all the air had gone out from my lungs. I had to carry on talking but it was like when you breath out, as much as you can, and then force yourself to talk (please don't try this, its not fun!) I would have to get out of that situation after going red and then running off.

    I have spent the last 13 months off work and I have now left work under medical advice. I feel much better now that I did twelve months ago and the councillor I am seeing is really helping, as well as the 150mg Seretalline.

    I know that everyone is different but I wanted to post my experiences as they are similar feelings that were experienced. I never got any treatment for those feeling specifically, the medication I am taking is for my depression but the feelings I put down to anxiety. I hope your ok mate.
  • spamdangled 2 Feb 2013 13:03:28 27,355 posts
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    Thanks romel. That does sound very similar to what I'm feeling at the moment, especially the talking thing. The anxiety makes my head all muddled, my words get mixed up, and I end up getting REALLY frustrated because I can't get out what I want to say, then I just end up so frustrated and confused and anxious I end up in tears.

    Like I said, I don't know where it came from. I've been stressed for the last few months, but nothing this like. This just all started a couple of weeks ago. Over christmas I just thought it was the normal annual insomnia I always go through, but then it never went away and just seems to have become all this other stuff too. Maybe it's just been creeping up on me and I didn't see it coming.

    The diazepam is taking the edge off things at least. It's stopping the constant shakiness at least, which is at least a blessing.

    I'm glad to know you're feeling better now. I hope this doesn't stick with me for as long as it did with you though (if it is indeed something similar). It's nice (? seems like the wrong word to use) to know someone else has gone through this. I really appreciate you sharing that.

    The stupid thing is that I have nothing to be anxious about. I have a great home, a loving partner, I'm doing little bits of contract work here and there, no worries at all really. I can't think of any reason I would feel like this, other than just this lingering stress from overstretching myself for so long.

    Edited by darkmorgado at 13:06:57 02-02-2013

    3DS: 4055-2781-2855 Xbox: spamdangled PSN: dark_morgan Wii U: Spamdangle Steam: spamdangled

  • localnotail 2 Feb 2013 21:49:41 23,093 posts
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    Are you doing any exercise Dale? Sometimes that can take the energy out of anxiety a bit.

    A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

  • spamdangled 2 Feb 2013 22:33:23 27,355 posts
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    In the middle of the night, when I have excess energy, I go on a spree of tidying the living room and kitchen, scrubbing things down. I try and run up and down the stairs for about fifteen minutes twice a day as well, if that helps?

    3DS: 4055-2781-2855 Xbox: spamdangled PSN: dark_morgan Wii U: Spamdangle Steam: spamdangled

  • Deckard1 2 Feb 2013 22:41:51 28,002 posts
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    I wasn't trying to be off with saying get a job by the way there morango I'm serious, you should get a job. Sitting around the house in you're underpants playing cluedo or whatever the fuck it is all day will fuck you up. You need to have some kind of purpose in your life beyond hoovering, creating ridiculously complex spice combinations and sucking the occasional cock. I've spent a bit of time unemployed when I was younger and it fucking makes you mental.
  • spamdangled 2 Feb 2013 23:00:04 27,355 posts
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    Deckard, I've tried. And Ive had bits and bobs of contract work here and there. Im not a completely lazy layabout you know.

    3DS: 4055-2781-2855 Xbox: spamdangled PSN: dark_morgan Wii U: Spamdangle Steam: spamdangled

  • Deckard1 2 Feb 2013 23:13:15 28,002 posts
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    I didn't say you were. Just trying to help. I've always found a kick up the arse and a "stop being a cunt you stupid cunt" have helped me more than "I hope you're OK" when I've been down.
  • spamdangled 2 Feb 2013 23:18:05 27,355 posts
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    I've never needed a kick up the arse to look for work, trust me!

    Never been unemployed in my life for more than a couple of months at a time really. Even when I'm not employed by someone else, I've managed to find bits and bobs of paid work I can do for other people. And I do bits of stuff on the side (mainly comic trading) to keep a bit of money coming in during the quiet bits. I do want the reassurance that permanent employment brings though.

    Edited by darkmorgado at 23:18:55 02-02-2013

    3DS: 4055-2781-2855 Xbox: spamdangled PSN: dark_morgan Wii U: Spamdangle Steam: spamdangled

  • Jazzy_Geoff 2 Feb 2013 23:25:51 7,767 posts
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    Don't you live in fucking Corby or somewhere like that?
  • Deleted user 2 February 2013 23:26:40
    Where do you live and what kind of jobs you going for? Sorry but there are always jobs unless you in a very bad area or there is something really wrong with you.

    Surely even working in Tesco or something is better?
  • spamdangled 2 Feb 2013 23:29:33 27,355 posts
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    Jazzy_Geoff wrote:
    Don't you live in fucking Corby or somewhere like that?
    Irthlingborough atm with the OH, though I have my own place in Northampton. Neither are exactly bustling hubs of excellent employment prospects these last couple of years, especially for something like Data Analysis.

    But seriously, employment/money is really not the problem here I don't think. If it is, it is probably all the free time to myself between the occasional couple of weeks work and things like that, but even then I try and keep myself busy with cooking, housework, etc. I'm the master when it comes to trying to keep myself occupied (and you have to when you're alone in the house all day during those periods!). If I knew what the problem was, I could deal with it, work it out, etc etc.

    I don't know. I shared it, because I've never heard of this sort of thing before. Obviously I know about insomnia, anxiety, agoraphobia (if that's what it is), etc etc. But all at once, coming down like a brick wall?

    I just wanted to see if anyone at all had been through something similar, and figured this thread might be the place to find someone who had. That's all. I wasn't even looking for advice really, just someone else who had been through it.

    romelpotter's post earlier really meant a lot to me, and I mean that genuinely. There are times when this thread can be a horrible clusterfuck. There are other times when it can be a godsend. Today, and romelpotter's post, was an example of the latter.

    Edited by darkmorgado at 23:36:10 02-02-2013

    3DS: 4055-2781-2855 Xbox: spamdangled PSN: dark_morgan Wii U: Spamdangle Steam: spamdangled

  • Deleted user 2 February 2013 23:31:42
    darkmorgado wrote:
    Jazzy_Geoff wrote:
    Don't you live in fucking Corby or somewhere like that?
    Irthlingborough atm with the OH, though I have my own place in Northampton. Neither are exactly bustling hubs of excellent employment prospects these last couple of years, especially for something like Data Analysis.
    So get a shit job and keep applying for data analysis work.
  • dominalien 2 Feb 2013 23:43:24 6,861 posts
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    I can't believe I'm agreeing with Deckard, but having something to do does wonders for one's well-being.

    I took a 3-year-long holiday recently and it's messed me up in way I couldn't have imagined. Apart from the obvious "I'm so well off I don't need to work any more", doing nothing is just harmful.

    I started a new business last year and, even though it's not going even remotely as well as I'd like it to, the day-to-day running of it has straightened me out no end. I can't imagine going back to working for somebody else, but just having to get up in the morning (and REALLY appreciating the days I don't have to) and knowing it all hinges on what I get and don't get to do during the day, is making me want to live again.

    I'm not depressed, though. No, no. Me? Never.

    PSN: DonOsito

  • Deleted user 2 February 2013 23:45:35
    My life is so hectic the thought of 3 years off is amazing!!! Just one lye in would be heavenly.
  • dominalien 2 Feb 2013 23:50:10 6,861 posts
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    @Pepsipop

    I know. I made very, very sure I would not be involved with anything that could stress me even one bit.

    It's been working very well for me all this time. Too bad I just found out my life has no meaning at all.

    PSN: DonOsito

  • graysonavich 2 Feb 2013 23:50:58 7,355 posts
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    Yeah sorry, no. There is always work. People that say there isn't are just fooling themselves. I've cleaned toilets, dug holes, lifted scrap metal, stacked shelves. There is always work if you /want/ to work.
  • dominalien 2 Feb 2013 23:53:15 6,861 posts
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    graysonavich wrote:
    Yeah sorry, no. There is always work. People that say there isn't are just fooling themselves. I've cleaned toilets, dug holes, lifted scrap metal, stacked shelves. There is always work if you /want/ to work.
    This is true... The problem is the ego.

    PSN: DonOsito

  • spamdangled 2 Feb 2013 23:54:33 27,355 posts
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    Pepsipop wrote:
    My life is so hectic the thought of 3 years off is amazing!!! Just one lye in would be heavenly.
    I can't imagine not working for 3 years. I think I would go insane.

    Ahem.

    3DS: 4055-2781-2855 Xbox: spamdangled PSN: dark_morgan Wii U: Spamdangle Steam: spamdangled

  • spamdangled 2 Feb 2013 23:57:05 27,355 posts
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    But honestly, this really isn't an issue to do with employment, money, or anything like that. Honestly.

    At least, i dont think it is. If it was, then surely it would be caused by things like finance worries, lack of direction or something. This just seemed to... I dont know. It just happened. Like I said, I had problems sleeping over christmas, but then I get that every year. Never had anything like this.

    Edited by darkmorgado at 00:12:00 03-02-2013

    3DS: 4055-2781-2855 Xbox: spamdangled PSN: dark_morgan Wii U: Spamdangle Steam: spamdangled

  • Deleted user 2 February 2013 23:57:25
    Can someone come round mine, just for a week and have the kids every morning? I really really really need so sleep.
  • dominalien 2 Feb 2013 23:57:54 6,861 posts
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    Yeah.

    The issue is doing something you think is worth doing. And getting satisfaction from it.

    PSN: DonOsito

  • Jazzy_Geoff 2 Feb 2013 23:58:26 7,767 posts
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    I've been through periods in my life where basically all I've done is sit around taking drugs and sleeping. Looking back I was seriously losing it. Not depressed but just...nothing worth getting out of bed for, days all merge into one, going to bed at 6am, getting up at 6pm, never seeing the sun for weeks at a time, massive blackouts containing periods of behaving very strangely that I didn't find out about until years later...

    You're a young man, move out of your house in the shithole arse end of the East Midlands and move to somewhere that isn't an employment black spot populated by unambitious wasters and scum. Get up at 7am every day. Maybe get a bike or something.

    Honestly I'd be depressed if I was doing what you're doing and I don't mean that in an insulting way. You're stuck in a rut.
  • dominalien 2 Feb 2013 23:59:13 6,861 posts
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    Pepsipop wrote:
    Can someone come round mine, just for a week and have the kids every morning? I really really really need so sleep.
    No. You made 'em, you get to take care of 'em.

    Having kids is so, so much worse than the gaping, empty void every day of my life is.

    PSN: DonOsito

  • Deleted user 3 February 2013 00:02:45
    It is very rewarding to but I've forgotten what it is to do what you want. I pretty much post on here as a little escape on my phone.
  • dominalien 3 Feb 2013 00:06:45 6,861 posts
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    I'm told having children is a sure-fire way to give your life meaning.

    So unless you're wildly successful in your professional life, like perhaps Steve Jobs (just don't get cancer) or Bill Gates was/is, having a little human grow one day at a time is the way to go.

    PSN: DonOsito

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