Depression

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  • AHiFi 25 Mar 2007 19:47:27 1,665 posts
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    Hey there. Just need somewhere to post. I've been battling depression for about five years and I've been unhappy for the majority of my life. Today, is the worst though. I have a Uni essay due in tomorrow which I haven't even started, my girlfriend wants us to be friends (it's because of me being depressed/bipolar) - but she is visiting me tomorrow, so I hope I can talk her out of it somehow and a phone call to my Mum didn't help. She told me I wasn't trying hard enough at University instead of telling me that everything's gonna be okay.

    I was close to cutting my wrists today and wanted to od on paracetamol and die like the dog I am. Did neither, wish I had though. I've been crying for about 6 hours straight now. Waited on my girlfriend to phone all day and I got four minutes off her. I'm so sad; I'm lost.

    Anyway, I was wondering if anyone else has a bad day too?

    EDIT: At 20, I'm certainly not old. But I'm so lonely on this Earth.

    EDIT: [Oct 2010 update] Hello all, three and half years on...happy to report that I'm doing much better now. :) Just updating the post to recommend this website:

    http://www.livinglifetothefull.com/

    If you're depressed, and even if you're not depressed, it offers some great life advice that you may want to consider and is based around Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) techniques. Give it a wee go, might be what you need.Edited by AHiFi at 19:48:32 25-03-2007
  • NewYork 25 Mar 2007 19:51:54 24,838 posts
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    Nothing intelligent I can say, but please don't do anything silly!

    Look! Happy stuff!

    Hope you feel better for sharing, I guess :s
  • NewYork 25 Mar 2007 19:54:38 24,838 posts
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    And on a practical note, perhaps your university could offer you an extension if they were informed of your situation?
  • Deleted user 25 March 2007 19:54:55
    AHiFi wrote:
    Hey there. Just need somewhere to post. I've been battling depression for about five years and I've been unhappy for the majority of my life. Today, is the worst though. I have a Uni essay due in tomorrow which I haven't even started, my girlfriend wants us to be friends (it's because of me being depressed/bipolar) - but she is visiting me tomorrow, so I hope I can talk her out of it somehow and a phone call to my Mum didn't help. She told me I wasn't trying hard enough at University instead of telling me that everything's gonna be okay.

    I was close to cutting my wrists today and wanted to od on paracetamol and die like the dog I am. Did neither, wish I had though. I've been crying for about 6 hours straight now. Waited on my girlfriend to phone all day and I got four minutes off her. I'm so sad; I'm lost.

    Anyway, I was wondering if anyone else has a bad day too?

    EDIT: At 20, I'm certainly not old. But I'm so lonely on this Earth.

    Edited by AHiFi at 19:48:32 25-03-2007

    I am sorry to hear that man. I have been there believe me, I have scars across my wrists where I have come too close to ending it.

    It is not easy dealing with these type of feelings, but at the end of it you become, a better and stronger person for it. That is not to say to those feelings ever leave, I "locked" them away for 4 years and the last few weeks, with work being shit and and my girlfriend leaving me, I felt I had nothing in the world. Everything comes down on you and you feel there is no escape. But ride it out and it will get better, remember there are always people who love you and care about and taking your life is not the answer

    Edited by prawnking at 19:55:24 25-03-2007
  • JediMasterMalik 25 Mar 2007 19:55:20 11,826 posts
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    I have to hand in a draft for a 2K essay tommorrow. Though I only have around 500 words + references left to do.

    This doesn't help does it?

    Are you on any medication? Have you been previously?
  • AHiFi 25 Mar 2007 19:56:17 1,665 posts
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    NewYork wrote:
    Nothing intelligent I can say, but please don't do anything silly!

    Look! Happy stuff!

    Hope you feel better for sharing, I guess :s

    Thanks. Made me smile. =] I'm not going to do anything silly. I don't think I will anyway. I just wish I could have been a better boyfriend. It's so hard when you're living with this stigma.
  • NthSimulachum 25 Mar 2007 19:57:22 785 posts
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    Depression...it's a horrible cycle thats incredibly difficult to break out of, and will essentially dog your life for ever. I know it well..

    May I ask, what have you eaten recently? Have you been outside today, done a little light exercise? A good brisk walk and something decent to eat usually helps me stave it off for a while. Regarding your essay, have you talked to your tutor, or student support about these difficulties? If not, I strongly recommend it, they helped get me out of a particularly difficult hole regarding coursework.

    Don't end it all, please. True, life is full of pain, but its our only opportunity to experience joy.

    Edited by NthSimulachum at 19:59:55 25-03-2007
  • Deleted user 25 March 2007 19:57:54
    I could give advice, but really you'd be better asking someone who actually knows what they're talking about. All I'd say is stuff about learning to accept being down and depressed which might have some small semblence of truth or logic to it somehow, but if it did it'd probably just be some dumb luck.

    If you're at uni there might be services available to you to get some actual help though.

  • AHiFi 25 Mar 2007 19:59:55 1,665 posts
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    Thanks for your comments everyone, I really appreciate you taking your time to hear my whinge. I don't whinge often, maybe that's my problem. I've hide it away for years. I was diagnosed with BiPolar NOS last year. My current - soon to be ex, I'm guessing - Girlfriend got me to go back to the Doctor to see about conselling recently. I've never been on meds. I've seen them change friends and they scare me.

    I'm gonna go down tomorrow and book an appointment. I need something. I understand that now.
  • JediMasterMalik 25 Mar 2007 20:01:08 11,826 posts
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    AHiFi wrote:
    Thanks for your comments everyone, I really appreciate you taking your time to hear my whinge. I don't whinge often, maybe that's my problem. I've hide it away for years. I was diagnosed with BiPolar NOS last year. My current - soon to be ex, I'm guessing - Girlfriend got me to go back to the Doctor to see about conselling recently. I've never been on meds. I've seen them change friends and they scare me.

    I'm gonna go down tomorrow and book an appointment. I need something. I understand that now.

    Good for you. Don't be afraid to ask for help, there are plenty of people who would be willing to help you out I'm sure.
  • UncleLou Moderator 25 Mar 2007 20:02:39 35,421 posts
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    Sorry to hear that. I know (or have an idea) how you feel, both my mother and an uncle had depressions.

    Can't you call someone? Talk to someone, whether it's a family member or a counselling hotline (that's what they're there for).
  • AHiFi 25 Mar 2007 20:03:42 1,665 posts
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    I don't know who to contact at the Uni to see about getting an extension. It's really getting to me.
  • NthSimulachum 25 Mar 2007 20:04:00 785 posts
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    Don't have unrealistic perceptions of meds though, they sure as hell ain't a magic bullet. SSRTs take weeks to take effect, and the effect they do have is very subtle. However, they may help you a lot more than they helped me.

    I highly recommend counselling, or group therapy, as a counterpart.
  • Micro_Explosion 25 Mar 2007 20:05:54 9,695 posts
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    AHiFi wrote:
    I don't know who to contact at the Uni to see about getting an extension. It's really getting to me.

    Your tutor first and then the subject lecturer will do it. I'm sure they'll do everything they can to help.
  • NthSimulachum 25 Mar 2007 20:05:59 785 posts
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    AHiFi wrote:
    I don't know who to contact at the Uni to see about getting an extension. It's really getting to me.

    I'd recommend to start off with Student Support Services if you don't know who is marking your essay(science subject?). They should be in your Union building or website
  • Deleted user 25 March 2007 20:07:49
    AHiFi wrote:
    I don't know who to contact at the Uni to see about getting an extension. It's really getting to me.
    Go see a tutor and ask, you might need to fill out some kind of extenuating circumstances form.

    Or, failing that, so and see the Student Union, especially if your Tutor acts like an arse about it (which they shouldn't, as you have been recently diagnosed with a pretty serious condition).
  • AHiFi 25 Mar 2007 20:09:11 1,665 posts
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    I know, I've tried to hide it for years but it has reached point break (No Keanu Reeves in sight) now. The problem is my girlfriend has blanked me, she's had enough. My Mum pretty much got rid of me because she has a lot on her plate at the moment. My Gran's been dumped at her bit because my Mum doesn't have a job while the rest of the family members too. So she was very upset by this and my Gran is driving her up the wall. My Dad works most of the time. I don't have many friends; they're all back home. I'm at Stirling Uni so it's quite out of the way. I'm living with a bunch of kids who have been given independence.

    Add to that I've got no money on my phone. I don't have anyone to talk to at the moment.
  • NewYork 25 Mar 2007 20:11:21 24,838 posts
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    Samaritans may sound a bit "why would I call these guys?", but that's what they're there for.

    Your uni may even have a nightline-style service.
  • bauhaus 25 Mar 2007 20:11:31 3,511 posts
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    I`ve had depression, twice in the past it got so bad that I visited GP to get help. Luckily my depression was reactive in its nature (ie. triggered by external events)

    Both times I was prescirbed Prozac and used it for just under 3 months. Good god its good stuff. Takes a couple of weeks to kick in, but during the time you use it, it just gives you a break from it all, gives you the chance to see things a little clearer and perhaps tackle issues/situations that need addressing but are hard to take on once your under the black cloud. Certainly no cure, but a powerfull tool to help you get a grip of things.

    Incidently, another side effect of prozac is that it completly turns off your sex drive. That in itself is fantastic, being able to converse with a woman while not imagining cuming in her hair is a whole new perspective (for me) Do not underrate this neglected side effect.

    See your Doc, get some help and get through it.

    All the best
  • Deleted user 25 March 2007 20:12:26
    There's always the Samaritans, though it still costs a local phone call - there's always a phone box if you've got spare change. You can apparently write or email them instead.
  • NthSimulachum 25 Mar 2007 20:13:47 785 posts
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    Does anyone you know have Skype? You could call them through that...
  • JediMasterMalik 25 Mar 2007 20:14:29 11,826 posts
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    bauhaus wrote:
    Incidently, another side effect of prozac is that it completly turns off your sex drive. That in itself is fantastic, being able to converse with a woman while not imagining cuming in her hair is a whole new perspective (for me) Do not underrate this neglected side effect.

    I probably shouldn't laugh, but that is hilarious. :D
  • StixxUK 25 Mar 2007 20:15:06 7,229 posts
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    And that is why the internet can be great. If nothing else, you get to put your feelings into words in the knowledge that someone, somewhere has read them and you are not alone.
  • generica 25 Mar 2007 20:16:16 4,273 posts
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    You've always seemed like one cool frood, which is something as I hate this forum.
  • coastal 25 Mar 2007 20:17:59 5,377 posts
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    NthSimulachum wrote:
    I'd recommend to start off with Student Support Services if you don't know who is marking your essay(science subject?). They should be in your Union building or website

    I'd second that AHiFi. As soon as you talk to your support services (and there will be one) you'll feel at least slightly better - just by airing your problems with someone that can actually help you. They'll assist in you in finding some breathing space with your work schedule.

    And if you can i'd recommend some fresh air and exercise. I use to cycle a fair bit and after going out on a ride your head feels a hell of a lot better. And it's not something you have to get into the right frame of mind for - those natural endorphins will do the work for you.

    Edited by coastal at 20:22:12 25-03-2007

    bf3: sergeant_shaftoe

  • NewYork 25 Mar 2007 20:19:44 24,838 posts
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    My uni has a freephone nightline service:

    08000 274750

    They don't have to know you're not one of their students ;)
  • NthSimulachum 25 Mar 2007 20:20:28 785 posts
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    Best of Luck
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