Best Man's Speech Page 3

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  • localnotail 20 Jul 2009 13:40:50 23,093 posts
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    wasn't there a thread on this before? I'm not shouting OLD I'm just saying that might have some good stuff in it already. I remember talking about being my Dad's best man on here at some point.

    A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

  • markh 20 Jul 2009 13:42:00 3,598 posts
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    I just searched for 'best man', so if it's in a thread that's any more ambiguous than that i won't have found it :p
  • rutter 20 Jul 2009 13:42:03 1,919 posts
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    There was certainly a Groom's speech thread recently....
  • DJCopa 20 Jul 2009 13:42:28 1,055 posts
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    StarchildHypocrethes wrote:
    DJCopa wrote:
    StarchildHypocrethes wrote:
    The groom has to say bugger all though.

    At weddings you've attended that may be the case - All the ones I've been to (including mine) groom has done a speech..... thought it was the norm, obviously not.
    They've always done a speech, but it's basically just a list of people to thank. Not the horrific thing the best man has to go through :)

    True - BestMan is the one who carry's the weight of the world...............I get rumbles in my gut thinking about it ;)
  • Dougs 20 Jul 2009 13:43:43 64,887 posts
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    kalel wrote:
    Yeah, that's just weird. Pretty important everyone is pissed and slightly sleepy from the meal for me, it's part of the whole vibe.

    At my wedding my dad did a speech before the meal, which was really nice, but it doesn't feel a little odd and you don't quite sit back and engage in the same way you do with post-dinner speeches.

    I'm doing my 3rd best man speech this weekend. First time I've been fairly relaxed about it.

    We did ours before the meal too, as I wanted to enjoy the meal and not worry about doing a speech. I'm not much of a public speaker so just wanted to get it out of the way. The good thing was that it was a late-ish wedding with the bar open before the service and while photos etc were being taken so most would've had 2 hours+ drinking time before we got to that point.

    Been Best Man twice, 1st time was hell, 2nd time was a blast
  • StarchildHypocrethes 20 Jul 2009 13:44:55 24,558 posts
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    I still get flashbacks to the gut-wrenching slience that greeted my first joke, until thankfully everyone finally got it and started laughing. For what seemed like an eternity I just wanted to be anywhere else or dead :)
  • kalel 20 Jul 2009 13:46:21 83,871 posts
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    Look, fair play to those that chose to do it before, but imo they're traditionally after the meal for good reason.

    In my experience the majority of people can't wait to eat something proper by that point, whereas after the meal it's nice to sit back with a drink and enjoy the speeches, and let your meal go down a bit before the dancing. All makes good sense in my mind, and it's pretty tried and tested to be fair.
  • Dougs 20 Jul 2009 13:46:24 64,887 posts
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    StarchildHypocrethes wrote:
    I still get flashbacks to the gut-wrenching slience that greeted my first joke, until thankfully everyone finally got it and started laughing. For what seemed like an eternity I just wanted to be anywhere else or dead :)

    Same here. 1st time I was Best Man to a guy I hadn't seen for 7 years (and nor since) and didn't really know him at all. In hindsight, I should've said no.
  • localnotail 20 Jul 2009 13:48:37 23,093 posts
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    rutter wrote:
    There was certainly a Groom's speech thread recently....

    ah yes that was it

    there might be some useful bits in that. I dunno. I had

    A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

  • pjmaybe 20 Jul 2009 13:49:22 70,676 posts
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    At no point during the speech should you get your knob out / perform a hitler salute
  • the_dudefather 20 Jul 2009 13:50:32 8,976 posts
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    Start rapping

    and feel free to 'raise the roof' when appropriate

    (ง ͠ ͟ʖ ͡)

  • pjmaybe 20 Jul 2009 13:51:22 70,676 posts
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    Refer to the gathered guests as "your homies". Take a sip from a bottle, and pour some on the floor in 'respec' for them turning up.
  • markh 20 Jul 2009 13:51:43 3,598 posts
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    I've planned out the order of mine. So far it goes:

    Thankyous
    How i know him
    Few stories about the the last 15 years
    How they met/I introduced them
    Some sort of serious ending/toast

    So, not too disimilar from yours localnotail! :)
  • superted1974 20 Jul 2009 13:51:44 201 posts
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    I started with....

    "FORNICATION...(said quickly)

    For an occasion such as this I should speak slowley so you don't misunderstand me."

  • JuanKerr 20 Jul 2009 13:53:20 36,094 posts
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    localnotail wrote:

    I had 24 hours to write mine, the internet told me to split it into 5 sections IIRC. hello thanks for coming & aren't the bridemaids lovely? / how I know him / some stuff he has done/likes / how he and the bride met / closing stuff about the future.

    it was hard making jokes about my Dad but it worked all right in the end since fortunately he is a Leeds United fan, so that was easy. I suggest getting really really drunk and then you won't be able to remember it. Worked for me.

    oh, and after the meal, for sure. people are more drunk then and will laugh more.

    I always thought it was called Best 'Man' for a reason ...
  • markh 20 Jul 2009 14:01:16 3,598 posts
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    I do like the "It's been an emotional day, even the cake is in tiers" joke. Was considering using that one anyway :)

    I'm thinking of straying away from jokes and more towards funny anecdotes though since jokes can really bomb.
  • rutter 20 Jul 2009 14:05:10 1,919 posts
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    markh wrote:
    I do like the "It's been an emotional day, even the cake is in tiers" joke. Was considering using that one anyway :)

    I'm thinking of straying away from jokes and more towards funny anecdotes though since jokes can really bomb.

    I've used that line in 2 best man speeches and my Groom's speech. It's got a great response every time. But as I said earlier - any whiff of a gag and people will laugh. They'll be willing you to be funny.
  • kalel 20 Jul 2009 14:07:07 83,871 posts
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    Just don't tell the 'Bangor' joke whatever you do. That joke was used at Adam and Eve's wedding.
  • StarchildHypocrethes 20 Jul 2009 14:07:43 24,558 posts
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    I sat next to the brides dad at dinner, and found out around half an hour before doing my speech that he was a preacher.

    That led to wine being downed very quickly for courage, as the first sentence of my speech revolved around me being in my bedroom, nervously fingering the brides ring.

    After the previously mentioned uncomfortable silence, even he laughed. That is why waiting until everyone is drunk before doing the speeches is a good idea :)
  • localnotail 20 Jul 2009 14:10:32 23,093 posts
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    as someone said in the other thread (I think) your audience is 0-90, so it's best to try not to be too filthy even though the young'uns won't understand and the old ones are generally deaf. But it is your job to make him squirm, so don't let him off too easily.

    JuanKerr wrote:
    I always thought it was called Best 'Man' for a reason ...

    Yeah, but in my Dad's case, he had asked his brother to be his best man but their father became too ill to travel (and died 9 days after) so my uncle stayed with Grandad and I stepped in at the last minute (found out on Friday evening, wedding was on Saturday) as both of my brothers are rubbish at public speaking. It went ok in the end - the bride was given away by her son, so we balanced quite well.

    A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

  • mrpon 20 Jul 2009 14:11:44 27,643 posts
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    Only one tip from me, have a printed copy of it. I thought I had it all memorised, stood up, got one line out then bottled it!

    Paper for the win!

    Give yourself 5 or gig, you're worth it.

  • kalel 20 Jul 2009 14:12:55 83,871 posts
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    Yeah, nothing wrong with reading it out. Take it nice and slow, and if you're not miked up makes sure you're loud and clear.
  • JuanKerr 20 Jul 2009 14:13:16 36,094 posts
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    localnotail wrote:

    JuanKerr wrote:
    I always thought it was called Best 'Man' for a reason ...

    Yeah, but in my Dad's case, he had asked his brother to be his best man but their father became too ill to travel (and died 9 days after) so my uncle stayed with Grandad and I stepped in at the last minute (found out on Friday evening, wedding was on Saturday) as both of my brothers are rubbish at public speaking. It went ok in the end - the bride was given away by her son, so we balanced quite well.


    Ah, I see I was getting a bit confused there for a minute! Very noble of you to step in like that - I bloody hate public speaking.
  • markh 20 Jul 2009 14:15:17 3,598 posts
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    I really hope I get a mike - hate talking too loudly and avoid it if at all possible.

    It's quite nice writing the speech, I'm remembering all the funny thing me and my mate have done over the past 15 years :)
  • mrpon 20 Jul 2009 14:17:09 27,643 posts
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    Just the one thing then eh?! Make it stretch! :p

    Give yourself 5 or gig, you're worth it.

  • markh 20 Jul 2009 14:26:43 3,598 posts
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    mrpon wrote:
    Just the one thing then eh?! Make it stretch! :p

    :) It was very funny to be fair :p
  • localnotail 20 Jul 2009 14:28:26 23,093 posts
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    I don't like public speaking much but I didn't really have a choice and when faced with that, I found I was actually glad to be a part of it - brothers were involved in ushering etc, I was just supposed to be providing the disco stuff.

    Remember to breathe occasionally. I talk quite fast when I am nervous and so my Dad kept squeezing my hand every time I got gabbly.

    as others have said - people will be totally on your side and want to be entertained - it's actually pretty easy really - just relax, stay calm and enjoy it if you can.

    A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

  • loungelizard 27 Jul 2010 11:57:34 1 posts
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    If you really aren't all that confident in public speaking then I wouldn't tread this path on your own. It is very tempting to go down the route of many a comedy film in which the Best Man makes a hilarious speech about ex girlfriends, and sex trips abroad. Works in films, not so cool in real life.
    Get some help, theres tons of stuff on the net to help you here, a lot of it for free. I personally used http://www.makingweddingspeeches.com. I just signed up to their free email series on weddings and went from there. Of course they aren't doing this for their health, and there is a certain amount of selling products (I didn't buy any further products, but they didn't seem so unreasonably priced for what they were offering.)
    If you do want to go it alone then I would suggest that you do everything in consultation with the Bride [u]and [/u]Groom: it is their big day, and do you really want to spoil it for them? Of course slip the odd thing in there to embarress the Groom, but don't use anything that the Bride doesn't already know, you will be as popular as a fart in a submarine if you ruin the day for the Bride.
  • Load_2.0 27 Jul 2010 12:05:21 18,190 posts
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    I used "make-wedding-speeches . com.

    And I recieved a blistering torrent of email abuse directed at my family and workmates. It was a never ending stream of garbled hatred and drudic chanting that drove me to the brink of insanity.




  • otto Moderator 27 Jul 2010 12:11:14 49,291 posts
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    I also used www.makeweddingspeeches.com for my best friend's big day. The speech I read out was so repulsively scatological that the bride's mother suffered a pulmonary embolism and vomited blood all over her daughter's white dress; the groom's father projectile vomited over the cake and twelve guests succumbed to spontaneous dysentery on the dance floor leading to numerous broken limbs. The lawsuits alone cost me over fifty thousand pounds in damages and the couple divorced twelve weeks later as a direct result of www.makeweddingspeeches.com.

    say no to Eurogamer sigs

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