How Does One Take Revenge On An Asshole Mother-In-Law?

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  • caligari 3 Jul 2006 19:13:18 17,061 posts
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    Okay, that’s exaggerating things slightly as she isn’t ‘officially’ my mother-in-law; she’s the mother of my lurvely ladyfriend.

    Anyway, it was my aforementioned girlfriend’s birthday today, and her mother didn’t buy her a SINGLE THING! The only thing she received was a rather snide birthday card (the gist being that everything good about my girlfriend is ‘hereditary’)!

    The thing is this isn’t just a ‘once-off’ or that she’s accidentally forgotten my girlfriend’s birthday…she didn’t buy her a single thing LAST year either (or for Christmas now that I think of it).

    I’m so pissed at the stupid old hag, because she’ll happily splash all her money on the ‘black sheep’ of their family (my girlfriend’s older and younger siblings who do nothing but sponge and force out babies).

    So now we’ve decided to start selling off items from around my girlfriend’s house that we’d originally bought for this alcoholic old crone - a coffee machine that she never used, books she never read, CDs that were never listened to. It’s all quite fun and oddly therapeutic!

    Any other bitter and twisted revenge ideas would be much appreciated. :p
  • MrTomFTW Moderator 3 Jul 2006 19:14:24 38,363 posts
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    Shit in her handbag.

    Follow me on Twitter: @MrTom
    Voted by the community "Best mod" 2011, 2012 and 2013.

  • tourlord 3 Jul 2006 19:16:13 2,600 posts
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    Axe
  • Razz 3 Jul 2006 19:17:48 61,288 posts
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    Knock up your missus and move the Australia. Don't send pictures of the kids. Don't even tell her their names. :)

    Edited by Razz at 19:17:22 03-07-2006

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  • Deleted user 3 July 2006 19:21:57
    Go Jack Bauer on her ass. Not literally, on her ass of course.
  • Deleted user 3 July 2006 19:23:27
    First, you need a plank of wood. A decent sized one, maybe at least 4m by 0.5m. Lay this on her driveway so it acts as a kind of a ramp leading up to the front door. Tie a steel cable (must be steel as tensile strength needs to be a lot, so unless you're Spiderman, use steel) around the end closest to the door, and rig up some sort of crane system above the door, so that when the door opens, the plank raises up. Stand in the doorway, and take a photo facing outwards. Blow up this photo to 1:1 size, and stick it to the top of the plank.

    Now, order some sort of delivery for her..just a cheap one, don't want to spend too much. Tell the delivery guy to specifically ignore everything outside and just ring the door as normal.

    Tell her about the delivery so she's expecting it. When it comes, she'll open the door which will raise the plank up, producing the photo that makes it look as if no-one is there.

    In this brief moment where she'll be momentarily shocked, stab her in the back of the head with a soldering iron.

    Job done.
  • York 3 Jul 2006 19:24:00 8,667 posts
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    Go Jack Bauer on her ass. Literally.
  • York 3 Jul 2006 19:24:04 8,667 posts
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    Post deleted
  • Toonster 3 Jul 2006 19:32:53 6,844 posts
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    Hit her weak point for massive damage.

    3DS: 0361-6951-2609 (Tom)

  • Xerx3s 3 Jul 2006 19:40:48 23,944 posts
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    (my girlfriend’s older and younger siblings who do nothing but sponge and force out babies)

    Rofl. We could be related. ;p

    Anyway, i've noticed that a paper bag over the head does wonders when you are having se.... oh, sorry, wrong thread. ;p
  • Pirotic Moderator 3 Jul 2006 19:44:08 20,647 posts
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    just don't buy her anything in the future, problem solved. life's to short to get wound up over stuff like this. either that or get a prostitute to use her toothbrush for a week.

    Edited by Pirotic at 19:44:02 03-07-2006
  • Dragul 3 Jul 2006 19:44:18 5,478 posts
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    Furbs wrote:
    With naked pics.

    Not that... again...
  • Dragul 3 Jul 2006 19:45:13 5,478 posts
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    I know a few "fishermans" that can help you make your problem disapear...
  • Sid-Nice 3 Jul 2006 19:46:31 15,851 posts
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    Dragul wrote:
    I know a few "fishermans" that can help you make your problem disapear...
    Fishermen. You can't speak the lingo; but you know how to get a guy sent off. :)

    NNID Sid-Nice

  • Sid-Nice 3 Jul 2006 20:03:43 15,851 posts
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    How much do you want for the coffee machine? Does it do Cappuccino's?

    NNID Sid-Nice

  • GrayFox 3 Jul 2006 20:36:00 1,698 posts
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    Geez. "Mother of my gf doesn't buy her presents!11!! How should I kill her??"

    FFS grow up
  • sam_spade 3 Jul 2006 20:39:09 15,745 posts
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    Cut them off.

    Fingers first.
  • Dragul 3 Jul 2006 21:28:15 5,478 posts
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    Sid Nice wrote:
    Dragul wrote:
    I know a few "fishermans" that can help you make your problem disapear...
    Fishermen. You can't speak the lingo; but you know how to get a guy sent off. :)

    This is why rooney got mad... Ronaldo can't speak portuguese now imagine english... ;)
  • Deleted user 3 July 2006 21:29:49
    fuck her daughter that will get on her goat !
  • Lukus 3 Jul 2006 21:34:14 19,148 posts
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    Do a big poo in a room/cupboard that rarely gets used but is prominently located in her vicinity. Within a day or 2 her house will reek and you can take pride in being responsible for her nasal misery.

    Paintings & Photographs

  • caligari 3 Jul 2006 22:35:39 17,061 posts
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    Heh, thanks for all the lovely replies guys! My girlfriend found them all rather 'chucklesome' to say the least.

    I locked my girlfriend's mother in the shed at the bottom of the garden with only a flesh hungry rat to keep her company.
  • Lukus 4 Jul 2006 00:08:41 19,148 posts
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    Your mention of a rat has reminded me of a brilliant revenge you could take on your mother in law. Those who have read American Psycho will know what I'm talking about :)

    Edited by Lukus at 00:08:42 04-07-2006

    Paintings & Photographs

  • caligari 5 Jul 2006 11:33:58 17,061 posts
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    GrayFox wrote:
    Geez. "Mother of my gf doesn't buy her presents!11!! How should I kill her??"

    FFS grow up

    Hey, I only just saw that lovely reply. :)

    Didn't you once start a thread about The US Army wanting their enemies to hump themselves to death?.

    FFS Grow Up! ;)
  • darkmorgado 5 Jul 2006 12:04:37 15,561 posts
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    EvilGenius wrote:
    fuck her daughter that will get on her goat !

    Fuck her goat! That'll het on her goat.

    Support the Mowgli Dirty Protest!

  • tourlord 5 Jul 2006 12:07:19 2,600 posts
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    Get on her fuck! That'll goat her duaghter!
  • Retroid Moderator 5 Jul 2006 12:08:01 44,803 posts
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    Fozzie_bear wrote:
    Fuck her goat! That'll het on her goat.
    /At Greek restaurant

    This goat tastes funny :(
  • markypants 5 Jul 2006 12:12:46 2,703 posts
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    Shit in her handbag.
  • jaxon58 5 Jul 2006 12:17:59 2,422 posts
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    Drain all the ink out of her bingo 'dabbers'.
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