Tit Monday

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  • Deleted user 23 April 2006 14:29:05
    I found this on DangerHere! and thought it was worthy of postage. Respect to whtever visionary wrote it!
    Tit monday:
    Ah, Tit Monday. It's not that far off now, that glorious day when, heading into work on the bus, or walking to the Dart, or sitting on the Luas, you find yourself suddenly chirpier than you have been in months. You find yourself smiling at strangers again. There is a mild involuntary tumescence in your trousers that comes and goes throughout the morning with the comforting regularity of a heartbeat.
    And then you get a text around lunchtime from a mate which says: "At last, Tit Monday!" And you instantly understand why you are so happy. For Tit Monday is that special day in the year when, for the first time, the temperature rises above that magical point which causes girls getting dressed in the morning to decide to show a bit of skin. After months of dull colours and chunky knit, the world's birds suddenly dive into last summer's wardrobe (they've not had chance to buy this season's stuff) and chuck it on without a thought. Your urban landscape is suddenly lightened with acres of naked arm and leg and, after many dark months of burrowing, breasts rising to the surface like moles at dusk.
    Big breasts in white work shirts straining at the buttons. Small breasts braless in vest tops, the nipples frotted by ribby fabrics. Breasts in summer dresses bouncing in the distance so that they catch your eye before you even notice there is someone wearing them. Breasts nudging out from the crowd at traffic islands, quivering to cross the road... and you know it is nearly summer.
    For previous generations, the arrival of spring was heralded by the sound of the first cuckoo. For us, it is Tit Monday. Not that it always falls on a Monday. Like Easter, Tit Monday is a moveable feast. Last year it fell on a Friday. Friday 29 April, to be precise, when temperatures maxed out at 22.1C after nothing much above 16C all year. It last fell on a Monday in 2004, when temperatures leapt to 22C on 24 April. And then, of course, there is Tit Monday Night. You see, in early summer, temperatures drop off very dramatically when night falls (Tit Friday 2005 dropped away to a parky 11.8C). But the dollies are not prepared. Slightly stunned by the morning heat, they drag out the summer clothes but forget to bring a cardie (a mistake they will not make again until next year),so that when they're all standing outside your local after work celebrating the arrival of spring, their barely covered nipples have no protection from the cold. It's like a Bring-and-Buy sale where everyone has brought hat pegs. It's like a prog-rock gig where, instead of lighters, everyone is holding up nipples. So when will Tit Monday fall this year? Will you be the first to text your mates with the announcement? Do not shoot your bolt too early. There will be false starts. You will smell fresh cut grass and see a couple of early starters and feel compelled to declare Tit Monday. But your more level-headed friends will tell you to hold your horses, keep your powder dry, don't fire until you see the whites of their bra straps.

    As the poet said: one bold slapper in a bikini doth not a summer make.
    Sorry if this has already been posted, but I couldn't find it anywhere on EG. /Awaits oldage
  • Deleted user 23 April 2006 14:31:52
    And they say EG has a predominant male membership! psh. Where's the proof? eh?
  • UncleLou Moderator 23 Apr 2006 14:35:04 35,171 posts
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    I've made a thread about this phenomenen, but from a strictly scientific perspective, of course - an experiment running for several years now, with which I will determine whether or not there is global warming.
  • cubbymoore 23 Apr 2006 14:37:31 36,441 posts
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    UncleLou wrote:
    I've made a thread about this phenomenen, but from a strictly scientific perspective, of course - an experiment running for several years now, with which I will determine whether or not there is global warming.
    :D
  • DaM 23 Apr 2006 20:41:36 12,603 posts
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    I always think of this as the opening of The Vault, where these babes are kept over winter.
  • Deleted user 23 April 2006 22:24:35
    otto wrote:
    Happened here last week. And yes I did feel chirpier that day oddly enough. You're on to something.
    Are you certain Otto? I think we're getting into Tit Monday territory here in Galway now, but I'm reluctant to call it... /Is wary of false starts
  • Deleted user 24 April 2006 11:40:19
    UncleLou wrote:
    I've made a thread about this phenomenen, but from a strictly scientific perspective, of course - an experiment running for several years now, with which I will determine whether or not there is global warming.
    Ich will irgendwas Linkage!!!
  • tiddles 2 May 2006 09:46:05 3,555 posts
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    Is it today? It could be today... I know it's not a Monday, an' all, but y'know, Bank Holidays and Leap Years and so on...

    /crosses fingers

    /polishes telescope
  • Blerk Moderator 2 May 2006 09:51:39 48,224 posts
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    I think it started last Friday, if the 'white trousers, no knickers' incident which left our lunchtime gang gasping for air was anything to go by.

    /remembers
    /sweats
  • Murbal 2 May 2006 09:52:57 21,539 posts
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    The real reason cameras were put in mobile phones.


    edit: wonders why Blerk would wear white trousers.

    Edited by Murbal at 09:53:33 02-05-2006
  • Load_2.0 2 May 2006 10:13:53 18,163 posts
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    Murbal wrote:

    edit: wonders why Blerk would wear white trousers.

    Have you not seen Officer and a Gentleman?

    I too think there is more to this phenomenon then clothing. I too favour the summer hotties locked in a vault theory.
  • reality_cheque 13 Mar 2007 17:07:42 7,487 posts
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    *subtle bump*
  • Ginger 13 Mar 2007 17:09:57 6,808 posts
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    but it's tuesday?

    London open taekwondo champion

  • smoothpete 13 Mar 2007 17:11:42 31,016 posts
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    Ginger wrote:
    but it's tuesday?
    Doesn't matter


    Bumped too early I feel, there's a peanut smuggling chill in the air still. Give it a month, then it's all gravy till september
  • kalel 13 Mar 2007 17:12:25 83,839 posts
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    More importantly, tommorow is the best day evah!!
  • smoothpete 13 Mar 2007 17:16:35 31,016 posts
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    Or as I like to call it, "Don't get your hopes up you lazy bastard Day" ;)
  • kalel 13 Mar 2007 17:19:00 83,839 posts
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    It's an offical event, it has to be honoured. You go to hell/jail if you don't.
  • smoothpete 13 Mar 2007 17:21:35 31,016 posts
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    Woah there fella, you're not fishing for the BJ I promised you are you? ;)
  • jellyhead 13 Mar 2007 17:22:32 24,350 posts
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    I've tomorrow off and i'm spending it with some milf, i sent her the link but i'm doubtful it'll work. She'll probably prefer prison or a fine. :(

    This signature intentionally left blank.

  • kalel 13 Mar 2007 17:23:17 83,839 posts
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    I'd forgotten about that. Seeing as you were so keen to remind me though, are you free for a steak after work?
  • smoothpete 13 Mar 2007 17:24:35 31,016 posts
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    lol, no thanks. Did i mention I have kryptonite fillings in my teeth?
  • Ginger 13 Mar 2007 17:24:42 6,808 posts
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    Post deleted at 17:24:57 13-03-2007

    London open taekwondo champion

  • reality_cheque 13 Mar 2007 17:29:23 7,487 posts
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    smoothpete wrote:
    Bumped too early I feel, there's a peanut smuggling chill in the air still. Give it a month, then it's all gravy till september
    It's definitely Tit Tuesday in Rushden today :D

    Might not last til September but for today at least we're all good!
  • smoothpete 27 Mar 2007 12:49:13 31,016 posts
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    Gentlemen, I believe Tit Monday is upon us. Just off to town to confirm. Watch this space.
  • MrTomFTW Moderator 27 Mar 2007 12:50:29 36,269 posts
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    Err... Don't know where you are, but it's definitely a Tuesday here.

    I totally called it.
    Follow me on Twitter: @MrTom
    Voted by the community "Best mod" 2011, 2012 and 2013.

  • UncleLou Moderator 27 Mar 2007 12:53:48 35,171 posts
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    smoothpete wrote:
    Gentlemen, I believe Tit Monday is upon us. Just off to town to confirm. Watch this space.

    I posted in my purely scientific thread the other day, but it didn't get bumped. :/
  • smoothpete 27 Mar 2007 12:54:08 31,016 posts
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    It doesn't actually relate to a day of the week, Tit Monday can be any day
  • Load_2.0 27 Mar 2007 12:56:05 18,163 posts
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    Lets not jump the gun! Tit Monday is a beautiful and wonderous thing. Like a rare blooming desert flower.
  • d0bbo 27 Mar 2007 12:59:35 688 posts
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    This thread is pointless without pics.
  • StarchildHypocrethes 27 Mar 2007 13:03:29 24,557 posts
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    Looking out my window, I can see about 50m ahead before everything diappears into a pea soup-like fog.

    Defintely no breasts out there.
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