Mitch Hedberg

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  • Flightrisker 2 Nov 2005 17:19:40 18,096 posts
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    Anyone else like this guy. Couldn't believe it when he died.

    Here's some of his quotes for the unaquinted.
  • Flightrisker 2 Nov 2005 17:34:34 18,096 posts
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    I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number. Something like, 222-2222. I would say sweet. People would say, "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I would say, "Press 2 for a while, and when I answer, you will know that you have pressed 2 enough."

    He truly was a genius.
  • Flightrisker 2 Nov 2005 17:37:26 18,096 posts
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    Sorry to reply to my own reply but I had to post this

    I wrote a script for a guy, and he said he liked it but he thought that I needed to rewrite it. I said, "Fuck that, I'll just make a copy."

    EDIT:
    and this....


    I fuckin' hate arrows man, its like "fuck you I'm not going that way .... line... with two thirds.. of a triangle at the end. Could you imagine being killed by a bow an arrow? That would suck, an arrow killed you, they would never solve the crime, "hey look at that dead guy.... let's go that way"
    Edited by Flightrisker at 17:44:37 02-11-2005
  • ilmaestro 3 Nov 2005 01:54:38 32,406 posts
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    Yeah, Mitch is possibly my favorite comedian of all time. I never get tired of listening to his stuff, I was pretty upset when I heard he died. Two of my favorites:

    I saw a wino; he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait!"

    My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, and I said "No. But wait - maybe I'll want a regular banana later, so yeah..."

    4235

  • Flightrisker 3 Nov 2005 09:10:42 18,096 posts
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    I'm thinking of picking up some of his live stuff. Is there a dvd or just cd's. I would probably just downloaded them but I'd feel a bit bad downloading from a dead guy. Although I'm sure he'd be cool with it, seemed like that kinda guy.

    I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.
  • smoothpete 3 Nov 2005 09:46:03 31,362 posts
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    My god, he is so funny! Why haven't i heard of this guy? Cheerrs for the heads up, I'll try and buy some of his stuff now. This just made me spit coffee:

    "The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much you play, you'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once, they're fucking relentless"

    LOLOLOL :D
  • Flightrisker 3 Nov 2005 10:04:00 18,096 posts
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    Yeah, I didn't hear about him till after he died. Seemed like a genuinely good guy.



    I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.




    I order a club sandwich all the time. And I'm not even a member. I don't know how I get away with it. "I like my sandwiches with three pieces of bread." "So do I." "Lets form a club then." "Okay, but we're gonna need more stipulations." "Yes we do." "OK... instead of cutting it once, lets cut it again." "Yeah, four triangles." "And we will position them in a circle. And in the middle we will dump chips." "Or potato salad." "Ok." "Let me ask you a question, how do you feel about frilly toothpicks?" "I'm for 'em!" "Well, this club is formed. Spread the news on menus nationwide." "I like my sandwiches with alfalfa sprouts." "Well you're not in the fucking club!"
    Edited by Flightrisker at 10:23:40 03-11-2005
  • smoothpete 3 Nov 2005 10:28:39 31,362 posts
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    One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is of when you were younger. "Here's a picture of me when I am older." "You son of a bitch, how'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera."
  • Flightrisker 22 Dec 2005 11:44:22 18,096 posts
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    I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. Man, I'll just give you money, then you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut, I've got the documentation right here. Oh wait, it's at home, in the file... under D... for doughnut"


    Just watched a stand up video of him. Crying with laughter here!
  • Deleted user 22 December 2005 11:47:21
    He's.........dead? I didn't know that. ;_;
  • Flightrisker 22 Dec 2005 12:06:40 18,096 posts
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    Early in the morning on March 30, 2005, Hedberg was found dead in a New Jersey hotel room, reportedly from heart failure. He was 37 years old. His death was first announced by Howard Stern on his morning talk show and later confirmed by the Saint Paul Pioneer Press from his home town of Saint Paul, Minnesota. Many people that learned of his death thought it to be an April Fool's joke, because it was announced April 1st on his official website. Hedberg had reportedly been preparing for his first HBO special.

    The specific cause of his heart failure remains unknown. He was born with a heart defect for which he received extensive treatment as a child, and the effect of drugs on this condition has been cited as a possible cause of death.




  • Fozzie_bear 22 Dec 2005 12:10:55 15,489 posts
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    Never heard of the guy. But by Christ he's funny. Going to have to track some of his stuff down now.

    Support the Mowgli Dirty Protest!

  • Flightrisker 22 Dec 2005 12:24:59 18,096 posts
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    Fozzie!
  • Singularity 22 Dec 2005 12:38:39 2,434 posts
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    "My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?"

    (: ))
  • ecureuil 1 Jan 2006 02:00:15 76,536 posts
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    He's one of my favourite comedians. The thing is, you have to listen to him to really appreciate him, just reading the quotes isn't enough. He's got such a laid back, original style, it really makes a difference. GREAT stoner comedy.
  • Flightrisker 7 Jan 2006 02:21:24 18,096 posts
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    I think Mitch was reincarnated as this guy.


    Demitri Martin says:

    "Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time."

    "I think they named the orange before the carrot."

    "I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' "Dude, these are isotopes." "Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine." "Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize.""

    "I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you're saying: "Hope I don't get chased today.""

    "I saw a guy at a party wearing a leather jacket and I thought "that is cool." But then I saw another guy wearing a leather vest and I thought "that is not cool". Then I figured it out: it's all about leather sleeves."

    "My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal."

    "'Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say. Sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of - it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like after "I love you" or "You're going to live" or "It's a boy."

    "I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable."

    "When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws. Only catapults."

    "I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like "Huh? What the hell is this?", but if it's in a fruit basket you're like "This is nice!"

    "I feel stupid when I write the word banana. 'Cause I'm like 'Bana ... keep going. Bananana ... damn.'

    "I like clothes, you know. I dig fabrics. One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.' But when you're in the woods you're like, 'Is there an asshole out here?'"

    "I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says "go outside.""

  • BlindDumbDeaf 7 Jan 2006 02:41:58 206 posts
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    !
  • Deleted user 7 January 2006 06:19:43
    Fozzie_bear wrote:Never heard of the guy. But by Christ he's funny. Going to have to track some of his stuff down now.
    Same here, the name didn't even look familiar.

    Will check him out soon, I like the innocent tone as opposed to the filth mouthed comics that usually do standup.
  • Teeth 7 Jan 2006 07:40:27 7,987 posts
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    Flightrisker wrote:
    I think Mitch was reincarnated as [Demitri Martin]

    LOL!
  • ecureuil 29 Mar 2010 19:16:23 76,536 posts
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    It was 5 years ago today. :(
  • smoothpete 29 Mar 2010 19:21:19 31,362 posts
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    Fucking massive :(

    Such a funny bloke. Why do the good ones die and the shit ones live on? Mind you, I guess it's like Spaced. Leave it at 2 series, cult classic.
  • warlockuk 29 Mar 2010 20:37:55 19,134 posts
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    Fuck. I was listening to one of his recordings earlier. Awesome.

    I'm a grumpy bastard.

  • wafflemaker 29 Mar 2010 20:48:26 238 posts
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    A truly funny guy who died way too soon. You knew he'd barely even started before he popped his clogs. Bill Hicks, the pretender, Mitch Hedberg the pro.
  • warlockuk 29 Mar 2010 21:05:03 19,134 posts
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    Er, I'd not really call Bill Hicks a pretender... They're two entirely different comedians in pretty much every way possible.

    I'm a grumpy bastard.

  • ecureuil 29 Mar 2010 21:07:52 76,536 posts
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    Yeah, now I love Mitch, but Bill was the man.
  • Flightrisker 29 Mar 2010 21:08:14 18,096 posts
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    Bizarrely I put this as my Facebook status today without even realising what the date was: "I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long."

  • ecureuil 29 Mar 2010 21:10:32 76,536 posts
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    PS.

    This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were omitted.
  • wafflemaker 29 Mar 2010 21:12:02 238 posts
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    George Carlin was better than Bill Hicks at what Bill Hicks did, and died at the age of 71. Mitch Hedberg died way before his prime, and was hilarious. Ergo, out of dead comedians Mitch wins.
  • ecureuil 29 Mar 2010 21:13:50 76,536 posts
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    Erm, what? Why the fuck does it have to be a competition?
  • wafflemaker 29 Mar 2010 21:14:43 238 posts
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    Because I said so.
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