The Onion On Form Page 4

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  • fingersthebeaver 19 Jul 2007 12:54:09 1 posts
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    http://www.theonion.com/content/node/40076 Google announce plan to destroy all infomation they can't index &
    http://www.theonion.com/content/node/40982 Two Publicists, Stylist, Personal Assistant Injured As Nicole Kidman Turns On Handlers
    The ones really stick out in my mind
  • smoothpete 27 Jul 2007 13:48:51 32,029 posts
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    Butterfly Fuck-Swing Filled With Junk Mail

    Containing the line - "I was just thinking yesterday, Boy, I can't remember the last time I had my fist up my wife's asshole," Moscone said. "It happens to every marriage, I guess."
  • Ajay 2 Aug 2007 15:58:24 2,412 posts
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    Activision reports sluggish sales of Sousaphone Hero

    "Players may also choose from 27 different fat-guy characters who can be customized with Alpine hats, epaulets, and a mustache editor with a wide array of options."
  • Nasty 8 Aug 2007 21:27:48 4,749 posts
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    Small Town Holds Annual Gay Shame Parade

    The event got off to a rousing start with the Grand Plains High School Cougars marching band playing such classics as "The Star-Spangled Banner" and "Onward, Christian Soldiers." The mood grew palpably more sober during the middle portion of the procession, as members of the Grand Plains Baptist Church marched with folded arms in stony, judgmental silence and stared at the spectators lining the streets as if to ask, "Are you gay?"
  • GrandTheftApu 18 Sep 2007 22:59:16 6,119 posts
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    Description Of Sexual Fantasy Changing With Girlfriend's Reaction
  • StaticKing 27 Sep 2007 12:39:30 300 posts
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    Did anyone read The Onion's Our Dumb Century?
    One of the finest books ever produced.

    Who can forget such headlines as:-

    "The Machine: Will It Replace The China-Man?"
    "Spaniards suspected of Iceberg Placement" (regarding the Titanic.)
    "Ottoman Empire Almost Declares War On Itself: Nations Struggle To Remember Allies"
    "Chaplinesque Rapscallion New Leader Of Germany's National Socialist Party"
    "Holy Shit! Man Lands On Fucking Moon!!!"
    "Martin Luther King declares 'I had a really weird dream last night'"

    All genius.
  • terminalterror 27 Sep 2007 13:05:16 18,937 posts
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    ecosse_011172 wrote:
    Nascar strategy

    :D
  • terminalterror 27 Sep 2007 13:09:13 18,937 posts
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    Some videos that tickled my fancy:

    Situation in Nigeria Seems Pretty Complex


    The White House Announces "Everything is Great in Iraf" :D


    Al Quaeda Also Fed Up With Ground Zero Construction Delays - "It is our goal to create more places where people can mourn their loved ones"
  • terminalterror 11 Oct 2007 09:59:07 18,937 posts
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    Scientists Ask Congress To Fund $50 Billion Science Thing :D
  • Deleted user 16 October 2007 00:50:37
    Reaganomics Finally Trickles Down To Area Man
  • phAge 16 Oct 2007 00:54:18 24,501 posts
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    terminalterror wrote:
    Al Quaeda Also Fed Up With Ground Zero Construction Delays - "It is our goal to create more places where people can mourn their loved ones"
    :D
  • Deleted user 20 October 2007 01:33:23
    Entire Precinct Made Up Of Loose Cannons
  • JediMasterMalik 20 Oct 2007 01:41:55 11,820 posts
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    Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters

    Genius, especially the end.
  • smoothpete 22 Oct 2007 11:22:14 32,029 posts
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    First Orgy After Brian's Death Very Solemn

    "I guess you never realize how much you'll miss someone until you have to manually stimulate your own prostate."
  • Genji 23 Oct 2007 03:10:08 19,687 posts
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    JediMasterMalik wrote:
    Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters

    Genius, especially the end.
    Read the news crawl at the bottom of the screen for added hilarity.
  • Genji 23 Oct 2007 03:25:32 19,687 posts
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    Is the Government Spying on Paranoid Schizophrenics Enough?
  • GrandTheftApu 5 Nov 2007 13:57:35 6,119 posts
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    Fancy man enjoys tea.
  • pjmaybe 5 Nov 2007 14:02:24 70,676 posts
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    GrandTheftApu wrote:
    Fancy man enjoys tea.

    /cries with laughter.

    Superb, as ever.

    Peej
  • glo 5 Nov 2007 14:12:09 3,440 posts
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    GrandTheftApu wrote:
    Fancy man enjoys tea.

    Good one. Particularly enjoyed it as I am a girly ponce who drinks both earl grey and chamomile tea. In fact I just poured myself a cup of earl grey before sitting back at my desk and opening this thread.
  • pjmaybe 5 Nov 2007 14:12:39 70,676 posts
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    glo wrote:
    GrandTheftApu wrote:
    Fancy man enjoys tea.

    Good one. Particularly enjoyed it as I am a girly ponce who drinks both earl grey and chamomile tea. In fact I just poured myself a cup of earl grey before sitting back at my desk and opening this thread.

    'ark at 'er!

    Did it get to your jiggly bits?

    Peej
  • terminalterror 5 Nov 2007 14:17:42 18,937 posts
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    Genji wrote:
    Is the Government Spying on Paranoid Schizophrenics Enough?

    Genius!
  • reality_cheque 5 Nov 2007 14:19:36 7,487 posts
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    smoothpete wrote:
    First Orgy After Brian's Death Very Solemn

    "I guess you never realize how much you'll miss someone until you have to manually stimulate your own prostate."
    "I know that if Brian were still alive today, he would have wanted us to finger-cuff Christine seven ways from Sunday," Brossard said. "That's just the way he was."

    This is made of win by a robot also made of win.
  • smoothpete 9 Nov 2007 09:58:29 32,029 posts
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    BBC Upgrades Flap To Row

    November 9, 2007 | Issue 43•45

    LONDON—The nightly Ten O'Clock News program on Great Britain's BBC One channel upgraded a minor flap in Parliament's House of Lords to an all-out row Tuesday after Conservative Party leader Thomas Galbraith, 2nd Baron Strathclyde, told the Lord Speaker to sod off. "The fortnight-old handbags suddenly exploded into a proper barney when Lord Strathclyde had an eppy and called Baroness Hayman a 'dozy slag' and then buggered off for a Jack Dash in the bog," BBC political correspondent Basil Islington said. "Needless to say, the other geezers went chicken oriental." The BBC said if the tossers don't jam their tarts by late afto, they will be forced to classify the bull and cow as a paddy, though they haven't ruled out the possibility of a total fucking pagger.
  • terminalterror 11 Nov 2007 14:51:02 18,937 posts
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    Female Serial Killer Has To Work Twice As Hard To Achieve Notoriety
  • GrandTheftApu 28 Nov 2007 17:22:25 6,119 posts
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    CIA: America May Have An Unknown Number Of Secret Admirers
    "We currently have no leads as to who exactly has targeted the U.S. for its affections, but we can be certain our admirer's feelings are real and not going away anytime soon. I strongly urge all Americans to be incredibly flattered but cautious."
  • terminalterror 28 Nov 2007 17:39:06 18,937 posts
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    GrandTheftApu wrote:
    CIA: America May Have An Unknown Number Of Secret Admirers
    "We currently have no leads as to who exactly has targeted the U.S. for its affections, but we can be certain our admirer's feelings are real and not going away anytime soon. I strongly urge all Americans to be incredibly flattered but cautious."

    That one is brilliant!
  • smoothpete 30 Nov 2007 11:21:48 32,029 posts
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    Heroic PETA Commandos Kill 49, Save Rabbit
  • Mr_Sleep 30 Nov 2007 11:32:21 17,586 posts
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    Heh, this thread is ancient, awesome!

    Funny thing is that they really don't need to do animal testing anymore, they could use computer modelling for all these things but it's cheaper to test on animals.

    Still a class article though! :)

    You are a factory of sadness.

  • smoothpete 13 Dec 2007 14:24:10 32,029 posts
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    Tiger Woods putts baby into diaper
  • NewYork 13 Dec 2007 14:32:09 24,835 posts
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    Nasty wrote:
    Small Town Holds Annual Gay Shame Parade

    The event got off to a rousing start with the Grand Plains High School Cougars marching band playing such classics as "The Star-Spangled Banner" and "Onward, Christian Soldiers." The mood grew palpably more sober during the middle portion of the procession, as members of the Grand Plains Baptist Church marched with folded arms in stony, judgmental silence and stared at the spectators lining the streets as if to ask, "Are you gay?"
    :D
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