"I've just guffed" confession thread Page 5

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  • Salaman 15 Nov 2013 15:37:21 21,970 posts
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    neilka wrote:
    I think by this stage there's a thread for pretty much every bottom-related mishap that could possibly happen to a person.

    I don't know. There's no "Help I've got XYZ stuck up my bottom" thread yet is there?
    If this guy were an EG regular, would he have a thread he could use for that mishap?


    edit:
    unless he were to find a thread where brooms are in discussion and he sort of hijacks that maybe?

    Edited by Salaman at 15:38:52 15-11-2013
  • neilka 15 Nov 2013 15:43:58 19,003 posts
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    Most threads tend to veer onto the topic of putting things up your bottom at some stage, especially Nintendo ones.
  • boo 15 Nov 2013 15:58:57 12,819 posts
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    kinky_mong wrote:
    Don't we already have a thread for incidents of shitting oneself? Or that one about poor toilet habits?
    But no-one here would ever do anything like that.

    Particularly not on a sofa.

    Oh wait...
  • Moot_Point 15 Nov 2013 16:01:00 5,534 posts
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    @MrTomFTW Nice zoo you work in there.
  • JoeBlade 16 Nov 2013 15:27:10 3,587 posts
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    Since this thread is deserving of a bump and I haven't actually confessed anything allow me to state I'm actually quite the expert of the fart art. Back in my student days a fellow student once claimed that if I were to have a native American name it would mean "he who floats on inner winds"

    Anyhow, my greatest accomplishment would be as a teenager: it was a hot summer morning and I was lying in bed, just having woken up, when a gargantuan cloud beast spontanerously thundered out. Since it was very hot I was only covered by a thin bedsheet and while only ever so slightly, it actually lifted!
    To this day, I feel proud of my achievement.

    Edited by JoeBlade at 15:27:33 16-11-2013
  • FartPipe 10 Jan 2016 12:55:16 5,316 posts
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    I'm going to my mothers for Sunday dinner and I'm farting for England, I hope she doesn't disown me.
  • funkstar 10 Jan 2016 13:33:29 1,572 posts
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    @FartPipe well, you *are* named FartPipe
  • greg_wha 10 Jan 2016 15:59:40 628 posts
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    I once farted with a kitten under the duvet.
  • twelveways 10 Jan 2016 16:10:08 6,586 posts
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    I masturbate with my cat under the duvet
  • mrpon 10 Jan 2016 17:37:34 32,542 posts
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    Because she has smaller claws?
  • DrStrangelove 10 Jan 2016 18:18:29 9,441 posts
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    Drank a lot of beer last night and today my duvet is floating through the room like a hot air balloon

    Edited by DrStrangelove at 18:18:43 10-01-2016
  • Deleted user 10 January 2016 18:19:59
    greg_wha wrote:
    I once farted with a kitten under the duvet.
    I've Dutch-ovened my cats many times... More than once it might have even been on purpose
  • DrStrangelove 10 Jan 2016 18:27:03 9,441 posts
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    How do cats react to farts actually? I only know that dogs find them really arousing and desperately try to stick their nose up your arse
  • Load_2.0 10 Jan 2016 19:29:16 23,976 posts
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    Misread the title, hoping for guffaws got farts.

    Disappointing.
  • Godofporn Most Generous Forumite, 2015 10 Jan 2016 19:39:42 5,951 posts
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    Fartpipe runs this thread
  • DukeSilver 10 Jan 2016 20:52:31 1,595 posts
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    DrStrangelove wrote:
    How do cats react to farts actually? I only know that dogs find them really arousing and desperately try to stick their nose up your arse
    I've not fully studied that but know mine is fascinated by whatever I'm doing in the bathroom. Whether it's washing, using the toilet, brushing my teeth. Anything.
  • Mola_Ram 10 Jan 2016 20:57:10 14,358 posts
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    Is the toilet upstairs or downstairs?
  • challenge_hanukkah 10 Jan 2016 21:00:05 3,175 posts
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    My farts tend to be quite abrupt which sometimes scare my cat.
  • PES_Fanboy Funniest Forumite, 2015 10 Jan 2016 21:22:04 39,936 posts
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    When I was about eight, at swimming lesson at elementary school, my classmate Dale Wilson said "Hey guys! Check this out!" and then loudly shit himself.

    He started crying and then we realised it wasn't on purpose
  • Jeepers 10 Jan 2016 21:30:49 15,443 posts
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    @PES_Fanboy

    I just read that out to Mrs Jeepers and can't stop laughing.
  • PES_Fanboy Funniest Forumite, 2015 10 Jan 2016 21:38:30 39,936 posts
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    He was one of the cool kids up to that point. Then his position in life changed. He should have styled it out and made out that he meant to do it, sadly we'd just got changed and dried so he had to sit on the bus (we had to go to a neighboring school which had a pool) in beshitted pants.
  • FartPipe 10 Jan 2016 21:41:02 5,316 posts
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    Well it didn't go too bad, dropped a couple of brown bombs but they weren't smelly and I tried to ease them out gently, wasn't disowned and live to see another day.
  • challenge_hanukkah 10 Jan 2016 21:41:10 3,175 posts
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    Beshitted.

    I think I'm in love.
  • PES_Fanboy Funniest Forumite, 2015 10 Jan 2016 21:43:32 39,936 posts
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    It's probably beshitten
  • Mola_Ram 10 Jan 2016 21:44:05 14,358 posts
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    I honestly don't know how he could have manoeuvred out of that situation. "Hey guys, look! I can shit my pants on cue!" is hardly a winning gambit, even if you're cool.

    I guess it might be helpful if you were gunning for a career in scat.
  • PES_Fanboy Funniest Forumite, 2015 10 Jan 2016 21:45:10 39,936 posts
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    Post deleted
  • PES_Fanboy Funniest Forumite, 2015 10 Jan 2016 21:46:26 39,936 posts
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    Either way, Dale Wilson, aged 37 or 38 of the Greater Vancouver area, you shit your pants at swim class
  • Mola_Ram 10 Jan 2016 21:47:20 14,358 posts
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    Yeah, I was just trying to imagine a stratagem where he could get away with browning himself.
  • DukeSilver 10 Jan 2016 21:49:30 1,595 posts
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    State loudly that you "font geek so good".
  • PES_Fanboy Funniest Forumite, 2015 10 Jan 2016 21:55:23 39,936 posts
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    DukeSilver wrote:
    State loudly that you "font geek so good".
    Then the next morning claim your mate hacked into your underpants?
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