"I've just guffed" confession thread

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  • smoothpete 25 Oct 2013 13:48:14 31,748 posts
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    I've just dropped a bad one. Sorry colleagues. I hereby admit that it was me, not Dave like everyone suspects. It's like someone shat in a plastic bag then set it on fire.
  • quadfather 25 Oct 2013 13:52:13 13,204 posts
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    Did one in the lift this morning just I was leaving it and about 4-5 people were entering it. Eat that!

    psn quaddy456, Dark Souls tips

  • kinky_mong 25 Oct 2013 13:52:49 10,750 posts
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    I've just dropped a potent air biscuit as well. Luckily most of the office is still out at lunch.

    All the eurogamers who actually play with each other on xbl rather than just post pseudointellectual pc handwringing bollocks on the forums, love the shit out of biggy.

  • kinky_mong 25 Oct 2013 13:54:14 10,750 posts
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    Argh spoke to soon! They're all coming back and the rotten smell hasn't fully dissipated!

    Edited by kinky_mong at 13:54:57 25-10-2013

    All the eurogamers who actually play with each other on xbl rather than just post pseudointellectual pc handwringing bollocks on the forums, love the shit out of biggy.

  • PazJohnMitch 25 Oct 2013 13:58:48 8,624 posts
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    Dropped a few epics in the last couple of minutes.
  • Mola_Ram 25 Oct 2013 13:59:56 8,007 posts
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    Mine are always SBVs.
  • Alastair 25 Oct 2013 14:00:38 16,322 posts
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    I love farting - it's something I'm really rather good at.

    I dropped an evil smeller at the Pembroke during the Expo afterparty.
  • neilka 25 Oct 2013 14:07:22 16,471 posts
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    Suddenly that table covered in sick makes sense.

    BAAANG!!!!! EXPLOTION!!!!!

  • imamazed 25 Oct 2013 14:07:48 5,903 posts
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    I love cosy nights in after a dinner of cabbage and beans.

    Creating a cacoon of methane underneath the duvet is a delightful treat.
  • cubbymoore 25 Oct 2013 14:09:24 36,503 posts
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    You lot stink.
  • TheSaint 25 Oct 2013 14:11:00 14,727 posts
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    cubbymoore wrote:
    You lot stink.
    Whoever smelt it dealt it.
  • Alastair 25 Oct 2013 14:20:12 16,322 posts
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    neilka wrote:
    Suddenly that table covered in sick makes sense.
    It was ages before that and at the other end of the pub.
  • neilka 25 Oct 2013 14:24:11 16,471 posts
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    A glacial guff.

    BAAANG!!!!! EXPLOTION!!!!!

  • imamazed 25 Oct 2013 14:26:34 5,903 posts
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    TheSaint wrote:
    cubbymoore wrote:
    You lot stink.
    Whoever smelt it dealt it.
    Who ever said the rhyme, did the crime.

    Checkmate.
  • trampstar 25 Oct 2013 14:37:34 70 posts
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    I can confirm an air biscuit has just been floated in my house, basking in the ambience.
  • Tryhard 25 Oct 2013 14:39:24 4,225 posts
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    I was night sorting bread orders in a small warehouse building years ago.I had been eating tuna sandwiches all week.And my gut just blew up like a balloon,and I could not stop farting for hours on end.

    When the drivers turned up at 3 AM to load their lorries the smell of rotting fish almost melted their faces.The three guys who had to work through that next to me never said a word.:-P
  • quadfather 25 Oct 2013 14:44:20 13,204 posts
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    imamazed wrote:
    TheSaint wrote:
    cubbymoore wrote:
    You lot stink.
    Whoever smelt it dealt it.
    Who ever said the rhyme, did the crime.

    Checkmate.
    Whoever denied it, supplied it.

    psn quaddy456, Dark Souls tips

  • welshben23 25 Oct 2013 14:45:35 1,107 posts
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    How old are you all?
  • quadfather 25 Oct 2013 14:47:28 13,204 posts
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    Fart gags override age

    psn quaddy456, Dark Souls tips

  • welshben23 25 Oct 2013 14:49:30 1,107 posts
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    quadfather wrote:
    Fart gags override age
    :D The older you are, the smellier the fart.
  • Tryhard 25 Oct 2013 14:49:37 4,225 posts
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    My farts are older than I am.
  • kinky_mong 25 Oct 2013 14:50:09 10,750 posts
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    "There is nothing funnier than an arse noisily releasing gas that smells of shit". Not my words, the words of Stewart Lee.

    All the eurogamers who actually play with each other on xbl rather than just post pseudointellectual pc handwringing bollocks on the forums, love the shit out of biggy.

  • Humperfunk 25 Oct 2013 14:51:14 2,401 posts
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    I did a couple last night that smelt like someone had lobbed eggs at a corpse and left it on a farm in the middle of summer for weeks.

    The volume of them was hilarious though, hope my housemates heard so they could admire.

    PSN, XBL & NNID: Wedjwants

  • kinky_mong 25 Oct 2013 14:56:33 10,750 posts
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    @Humperfunk Share your funniest "housemate hears you farting" story please. It is hilarious!

    All the eurogamers who actually play with each other on xbl rather than just post pseudointellectual pc handwringing bollocks on the forums, love the shit out of biggy.

  • MrTomFTW Moderator 25 Oct 2013 15:13:27 39,406 posts
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    Reminds me of when I was on the plane back from Florida. Someone somewhere was doing farts that I was convinced was going to get the plane diverted to an emergency landing they were that bad. I spent a while pondering if they were farts or something very wrong with the enviromental systems. And no-one said a fucking thing until we were filing off the plane and I could hear people saying "Someone kept dropping their guts".

    Worst of all was my wife turning to me and saying "I thought it was you". Oh well thank you very much!

    No, it wasn't me :(

    Follow me on Twitter: @MrTom
    Voted by the community "Best mod" 2011, 2012 and 2013.

  • Alastair 25 Oct 2013 15:23:09 16,322 posts
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    MrTomFTW wrote:
    Worst of all was my wife turning to me and saying "I thought it was you". Oh well thank you very much!
    This has made me laugh.


    A lot.
  • imamazed 25 Oct 2013 15:23:21 5,903 posts
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    It was you wasn't it, Tom?
  • PeacockDreams 25 Oct 2013 15:24:49 202 posts
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    I recently farted in a customers house. Not realising they were in the same room as me. Awkward.

    I don't know what horrified them more. The fact I would fart loudly in there presence or the fact that when I did fart (not knowing they were there) I laughed to myself and said 'Whammy' a la Champ Kind from Anchorman
  • Grax 25 Oct 2013 15:27:10 2,296 posts
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    talking about large guffs (and becuase i cant be bothered to look for a weather thread)

    Friday 25th October 2013

    AMBER EARLY WARNING of WIND for southern England and southern Wales

    A very intense low pressure system is forecast to run northeastwards across the country early on Monday, bringing the potential for an exceptionally windy spell of weather for southern parts of the UK. At the same time, persistent, heavy rain could cause some surface water flooding.

    There is the potential for gusts of 60-80 mph quite widely and locally over 80 mph, especially on exposed coasts.

    There is some continuing uncertainty in the timing, intensity and track of the low. However, the public should be prepared for the risk of falling trees as well as damage to buildings and other structures, bringing disruption to transport and power supplies.

    Valid on Monday from 0005 to 2100.
  • nickthegun 25 Oct 2013 15:36:46 61,118 posts
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    I inadvertantly crop dusted the entire office the other day. I dropped a bomb while having a wee and then dragged it across the entire office on my way back to my desk.

    It couldnt have been more blatant that it was me if I stood on one leg and scrunched my face up.

    ---------------------------------------------------------
    My man gives real loving that's why I call him Killer
    He's not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am, he's a thriller

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