"I've just guffed" confession thread

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  • smoothpete 25 Oct 2013 13:48:14 31,464 posts
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    I've just dropped a bad one. Sorry colleagues. I hereby admit that it was me, not Dave like everyone suspects. It's like someone shat in a plastic bag then set it on fire.
  • quadfather 25 Oct 2013 13:52:13 11,973 posts
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    Did one in the lift this morning just I was leaving it and about 4-5 people were entering it. Eat that!

    psn quaddy456, Dark Souls tips

  • kinky_mong 25 Oct 2013 13:52:49 10,101 posts
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    I've just dropped a potent air biscuit as well. Luckily most of the office is still out at lunch.

    I'll never get my Orc looking the same again.

  • kinky_mong 25 Oct 2013 13:54:14 10,101 posts
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    Argh spoke to soon! They're all coming back and the rotten smell hasn't fully dissipated!

    Edited by kinky_mong at 13:54:57 25-10-2013

    I'll never get my Orc looking the same again.

  • PazJohnMitch 25 Oct 2013 13:58:48 7,962 posts
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    Dropped a few epics in the last couple of minutes.
  • Mola_Ram 25 Oct 2013 13:59:56 7,149 posts
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    Mine are always SBVs.
  • Alastair 25 Oct 2013 14:00:38 15,566 posts
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    I love farting - it's something I'm really rather good at.

    I dropped an evil smeller at the Pembroke during the Expo afterparty.

    Not as nice as I used to be

  • neilka 25 Oct 2013 14:07:22 15,825 posts
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    Suddenly that table covered in sick makes sense.
  • imamazed 25 Oct 2013 14:07:48 5,530 posts
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    I love cosy nights in after a dinner of cabbage and beans.

    Creating a cacoon of methane underneath the duvet is a delightful treat.
  • cubbymoore 25 Oct 2013 14:09:24 36,478 posts
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    You lot stink.
  • TheSaint 25 Oct 2013 14:11:00 14,269 posts
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    cubbymoore wrote:
    You lot stink.
    Whoever smelt it dealt it.
  • Alastair 25 Oct 2013 14:20:12 15,566 posts
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    neilka wrote:
    Suddenly that table covered in sick makes sense.
    It was ages before that and at the other end of the pub.

    Not as nice as I used to be

  • neilka 25 Oct 2013 14:24:11 15,825 posts
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    A glacial guff.
  • imamazed 25 Oct 2013 14:26:34 5,530 posts
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    TheSaint wrote:
    cubbymoore wrote:
    You lot stink.
    Whoever smelt it dealt it.
    Who ever said the rhyme, did the crime.

    Checkmate.
  • trampstar 25 Oct 2013 14:37:34 67 posts
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    I can confirm an air biscuit has just been floated in my house, basking in the ambience.
  • Tryhard 25 Oct 2013 14:39:24 3,848 posts
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    I was night sorting bread orders in a small warehouse building years ago.I had been eating tuna sandwiches all week.And my gut just blew up like a balloon,and I could not stop farting for hours on end.

    When the drivers turned up at 3 AM to load their lorries the smell of rotting fish almost melted their faces.The three guys who had to work through that next to me never said a word.:-P
  • quadfather 25 Oct 2013 14:44:20 11,973 posts
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    imamazed wrote:
    TheSaint wrote:
    cubbymoore wrote:
    You lot stink.
    Whoever smelt it dealt it.
    Who ever said the rhyme, did the crime.

    Checkmate.
    Whoever denied it, supplied it.

    psn quaddy456, Dark Souls tips

  • welshben23 25 Oct 2013 14:45:35 1,080 posts
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    How old are you all?
  • quadfather 25 Oct 2013 14:47:28 11,973 posts
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    Fart gags override age

    psn quaddy456, Dark Souls tips

  • welshben23 25 Oct 2013 14:49:30 1,080 posts
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    quadfather wrote:
    Fart gags override age
    :D The older you are, the smellier the fart.
  • Tryhard 25 Oct 2013 14:49:37 3,848 posts
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    My farts are older than I am.
  • kinky_mong 25 Oct 2013 14:50:09 10,101 posts
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    "There is nothing funnier than an arse noisily releasing gas that smells of shit". Not my words, the words of Stewart Lee.

    I'll never get my Orc looking the same again.

  • Humperfunk 25 Oct 2013 14:51:14 2,072 posts
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    I did a couple last night that smelt like someone had lobbed eggs at a corpse and left it on a farm in the middle of summer for weeks.

    The volume of them was hilarious though, hope my housemates heard so they could admire.

    PSN & NNID: Wedjwants

  • kinky_mong 25 Oct 2013 14:56:33 10,101 posts
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    @Humperfunk Share your funniest "housemate hears you farting" story please. It is hilarious!

    I'll never get my Orc looking the same again.

  • MrTomFTW Moderator 25 Oct 2013 15:13:27 37,669 posts
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    Reminds me of when I was on the plane back from Florida. Someone somewhere was doing farts that I was convinced was going to get the plane diverted to an emergency landing they were that bad. I spent a while pondering if they were farts or something very wrong with the enviromental systems. And no-one said a fucking thing until we were filing off the plane and I could hear people saying "Someone kept dropping their guts".

    Worst of all was my wife turning to me and saying "I thought it was you". Oh well thank you very much!

    No, it wasn't me :(

    Follow me on Twitter: @MrTom
    Voted by the community "Best mod" 2011, 2012 and 2013.

  • Alastair 25 Oct 2013 15:23:09 15,566 posts
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    MrTomFTW wrote:
    Worst of all was my wife turning to me and saying "I thought it was you". Oh well thank you very much!
    This has made me laugh.


    A lot.

    Not as nice as I used to be

  • imamazed 25 Oct 2013 15:23:21 5,530 posts
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    It was you wasn't it, Tom?
  • PeacockDreams 25 Oct 2013 15:24:49 202 posts
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    I recently farted in a customers house. Not realising they were in the same room as me. Awkward.

    I don't know what horrified them more. The fact I would fart loudly in there presence or the fact that when I did fart (not knowing they were there) I laughed to myself and said 'Whammy' a la Champ Kind from Anchorman
  • Grax 25 Oct 2013 15:27:10 2,074 posts
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    talking about large guffs (and becuase i cant be bothered to look for a weather thread)

    Friday 25th October 2013

    AMBER EARLY WARNING of WIND for southern England and southern Wales

    A very intense low pressure system is forecast to run northeastwards across the country early on Monday, bringing the potential for an exceptionally windy spell of weather for southern parts of the UK. At the same time, persistent, heavy rain could cause some surface water flooding.

    There is the potential for gusts of 60-80 mph quite widely and locally over 80 mph, especially on exposed coasts.

    There is some continuing uncertainty in the timing, intensity and track of the low. However, the public should be prepared for the risk of falling trees as well as damage to buildings and other structures, bringing disruption to transport and power supplies.

    Valid on Monday from 0005 to 2100.
  • nickthegun 25 Oct 2013 15:36:46 59,361 posts
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    I inadvertantly crop dusted the entire office the other day. I dropped a bomb while having a wee and then dragged it across the entire office on my way back to my desk.

    It couldnt have been more blatant that it was me if I stood on one leg and scrunched my face up.

    ---------------------------------------------------------
    He totally called it

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