Marriage Page 2

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  • Sharzam 8 Jul 2013 09:51:26 3,194 posts
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    The problem is that all relationships end eventually,† and due to our legal system women want to get married to make them feel safe.† If you divorce as apposed to 'splitting up'† the woman's rights can change.

    Personally I see no reason to get married if your happy but women want the legal security. So when the day comes they have right to take everything from you.† Not saying your safe otherwise as cohabitation laws have become more complicated lately.

    Known as 'Sharzam' in 98.5% of games

  • Deleted user 8 July 2013 09:55:17
    "All relationships end eventually"?

    IT was a celebration of our relationship in front of friends and family. Nothing more. And nothing has changed in our relationship either (after a year). I just refer to her as my wife now (which felt strange at first) and wear a ring which I love wearing.
  • Deleted user 8 July 2013 09:55:54
    And "women want the legal security" is another bullshit generalisation.
  • TheSaint 8 Jul 2013 09:58:50 14,727 posts
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    Remember that in ten years when your shopping around for a one bedroom flat and she is living it up in the house you both paid for.
  • ZuluHero 8 Jul 2013 10:02:24 4,246 posts
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    @kalel It sounds like you had the wedding I actually wanted.
  • thedaveeyres 8 Jul 2013 10:03:47 11,493 posts
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    First rule of Marriage Club - you talk incessantly about Marriage Club.

    Been married for 9 years, it's great rah rah rah. No, it really is.

    XBLA: Hamster Trippin
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    PSN: HamsterTrippin

  • chopsen 8 Jul 2013 10:08:16 16,223 posts
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    Sharzam wrote:
    The problem is that all relationships end eventually,† and due to our legal system women want to get married to make them feel safe.† If you divorce as apposed to 'splitting up'† the woman's rights can change.

    Personally I see no reason to get married if your happy but women want the legal security. So when the day comes they have right to take everything from you.† Not saying your safe otherwise as cohabitation laws have become more complicated lately.
    The other side of this is that if the other one dies and your not married, you're subject to inheritance tax, and may not inherit at all if there isn't a will and you spouses' family are up for a fight.

    And I would take issues that *all* relationships end eventually.
  • robthehermit 8 Jul 2013 10:09:15 4,265 posts
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    Been married 4 years. It's all good.

    GT: robthehermit

    Velim esset mundus iustus futuis procul et mori.

  • Deleted user 8 July 2013 10:22:56
    My opinion is that marriage should be put off until at least 7 or 8 years, at least then you know if you're compatible in the long term. Of course some aren't willing to wait that long for children and if the relationship collapses, starting over again would be daunting...
  • Tryhard 8 Jul 2013 10:27:37 4,225 posts
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    It took me awhile to find the right person.But even then I had to live with her to see how we got on in tight spaces over a year.Once that checked out okay we put the rings on our fingers.

    She is my best friend and soul mate.Probably the only wise move I ever made to date.They say there is somebody out there for everybody.You just have to crawl through the mud to go find them.

    The first time she brushed against me sent a shock down my spine,never felt that before.Later I found out it was the charge off the forklift I was driving and the machine she was using.When we got to the kissing stage we'd get static shocks on our lips.

    I'll stop here before you all get too hot and sweaty.:-P
  • elstoof 8 Jul 2013 10:28:10 8,102 posts
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    Heh, having kids is a much bigger commitment than marriage, do you expect people to wait 8 years before doing that too? What if you don't meet the person you want to have children with until you're 35?
  • Trafford 8 Jul 2013 10:31:46 5,935 posts
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    TheSaint wrote:
    Remember that in ten years when your shopping around for a one bedroom flat and she is living it up in the house you both paid for.
    You also mate?
  • Deleted user 8 July 2013 10:32:26
    mowgli wrote:I just refer to her as my wife now (which felt strange at first) and wear a ring which I love wearing.
    A friend of mine was married 2 years ago and he said the exact same thing. He loves wearing the ring, apparently makes him feel manly (what ever that means).
    Also said he has noticed more women flirt with him now than before he put the band on. Dunno whether that's true or just in his head but I'm sure his missus wouldn't be happy to hear it!
  • JiveHound 8 Jul 2013 10:34:36 2,673 posts
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    I've just recently asked my girlfriend to marry me which blew her socks off as it came out of nowhere and I had always had the same opinion as the OP, probably more militant.

    What changed my mind was the fact that in the face of everyone around me having failed marriages, I realised that 1. I wasn't everyone else and 2. I really just wanted to make that commitment to her in the end.

    I think it's got to the point where I really couldn't imagine myself with anyone else to the point where if getting it down on paper legitimises the fact then so be it. I'm far more relaxed about the concept of marriage than I was.

    I'm not particularly keen on my family, lot's of water under the bridge and that also factored very much into my initial outlook. I just don't want them around me at any point. A wedding seems to be an invitation for everyone to descend on you in an empty, tacky outpouring of fake ass schmaltzy bollocks.

    That was my one caveat, it's about us. I don't want any other fucker there.

    I am pretty antisocial.

    If I would have any advice to impart I would say just do what feels right for you, make sure you're as open as can be with your partner and you may find you change your outlook. Be open to a change and don't fight your perceptions realigning as you get older and you'll be fine. You may get married, you may not. Don't let any external pressure factor into it.

    Live: Jive Hands
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  • robthehermit 8 Jul 2013 10:35:33 4,265 posts
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    My wedding ring is on my little finger, I've put on a few pounds in the last 4 years.

    GT: robthehermit

    Velim esset mundus iustus futuis procul et mori.

  • Load_2.0 8 Jul 2013 10:35:39 19,526 posts
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    I don't really believe in marriage, I think most people grow apart over time but are so comfortable with the monotony of their lives and the thought of seperating is just too daunting (especially after 50) that people stay together. Very few people like to admit their relationship is anything other than perfect.

    Technology and lifestyles make affairs so easy as well.

    Though I will likely die alone and be eaten by cats so my point is fairly moot.
  • JiveHound 8 Jul 2013 10:36:10 2,673 posts
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    BritishBlue1 wrote:
    My opinion is that marriage should be put off until at least 7 or 8 years, at least then you know if you're compatible in the long term. Of course some aren't willing to wait that long for children and if the relationship collapses, starting over again would be daunting...
    I've held off for 8 years though it wasn't a conscious thing. I wouldn't recommend that for everyone though although I agree with the basis of your argument.

    Live: Jive Hands
    PSN: Jive_Hands

  • Tonka 8 Jul 2013 10:39:35 21,192 posts
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    BritishBlue1 wrote:
    Also said he has noticed more women flirt with him now than before he put the band on. Dunno whether that's true or just in his head but I'm sure his missus wouldn't be happy to hear it!
    See my post on the previous page.

    If you can read this you really need to fiddle with your forum settings.

  • JiveHound 8 Jul 2013 10:39:40 2,673 posts
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    I think the earlier you find your 'one' the better as failed relationships and general life experience make you into a harder person to get along with. We all get far more complex as we age which attributes to friendship groups dwindling over time.

    Relationships then become more and more about compromise and less about true balls deep affection. I know for a fact that me and my betrothed have a far deeper love and understanding than my mother and my stepfather. They both have years of issues that have made them into prickly people and their relationship is testament to that. It's very sad but at least they've found someone else to be with even if it comes across as 'settling'.

    Live: Jive Hands
    PSN: Jive_Hands

  • Tryhard 8 Jul 2013 10:43:14 4,225 posts
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    I don't wear a ring,once it got caught on something and almost ripped my finger off at work.Not really into wearing rings or necklaces anyway.

    We are at the stage where we don't really need to talk,because we just send telepathic messages to each other.How anyone could cheat on someone that close I do not know.She'd see it in a heartbeat if I was ever that stupid.
  • elstoof 8 Jul 2013 10:45:58 8,102 posts
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    @Tryhard

    http://imgur.com/r/gifs/RFHHL
  • ZuluHero 8 Jul 2013 10:48:16 4,246 posts
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    I think its very hard to take a fools advice in this, if you had asked me in 2006 when everything was peachy and we were 3 years into our marriage, I would have given the same answer as many of you, "no regrets, its awesome!"

    Unfortunately its often something that you look back on in hind-sight, which is why after going through everything I went through I can sort of analyse where things went wrong (the first tine around) all those little concessions I made (I say little, we had 150 people at our wedding and our families do not get along) and what basically amounted to stuff going wrong. Add in the self-importance my partner and emphasise she put on the day. It was a recipe for disaster, right from the get go.

    The reason we got back together was because she grew up a lot in the almost 2 years we were apart, she now knows that a big fancy wedding doesn't make a marriage. She understands that she put too much into a big day and when it failed to live up to her expectations (even though I gave her everything she wanted) her resentment eventually pushed us apart. And over little things too. Like she had this stupidly long trailing veil, that I accidentally stepped on and put my foot through because the material was so delicate, basically ruined the day she said, and she never forgot it either. Over the next few years it ate at her.

    Like I said earlier, things are going well between us again, she doesn't get so frustrated at little things that crop up any more (she's certainly not as absolute these days - for example if one little thing doesn't go her way she doesn't write the whole thing off as "ruined" ) and we don't even need marriage to define our relationship any more either, which is how it should have been in the first place. If we do get re-married it will be a small affair.

    But I'm glad everything is going well for everyone else.

    Edited by ZuluHero at 10:49:48 08-07-2013
  • Tryhard 8 Jul 2013 10:50:05 4,225 posts
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    elstoof wrote:
    @Tryhard

    http://imgur.com/r/gifs/RFHHL
    Don't get all Daffy with me now,it is hot enough already.
  • Tryhard 8 Jul 2013 10:58:05 4,225 posts
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    My wife's Dad died at 54 a week or two after I started going out with her.
    I was at the funeral with her,a shoulder to cry on.My main love back then was playing American Football,everything else was second.I did not want to settle down,was not really looking for anyone.

    But then one day she wore a Dallas Cowboy jersey to work.And I was like a bee round a honey pot.It is like someone grabs hold of your heart and squeezes it,and if it is real they will never let go.
  • Tonka 8 Jul 2013 10:58:39 21,192 posts
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    @ZuluHero Sounds like the wedding was the symptom rather than the illness.
    FWIW me and my wife had a small wedding and saw it more as a chance to show our closest friends that we meant business.

    My wife wanted a beach wedding though and I'm glad I managed to put an end to that. People who lack beach experience tend to have a really weird mental picture of it. I practically grew up on a beach and I'd never use it for anything but something you step off to get into water.

    If you can read this you really need to fiddle with your forum settings.

  • Ultrasoundwave 8 Jul 2013 10:59:41 3,400 posts
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    Definitely know how the OP is feeling.

    I've been with my GF for about 7 years now and we've lived together for about 2 and a half years. We're both happy, we both enjoy each others company and neither of us care a great deal about marriage - like others are saying, its a religious ceremony and neither of us are particularly religious.

    However, social pressure to get married is ridiculous. All our friends are married, pretty much all our family members are married and we do feel like the black sheep sometimes.

    Another thing that doesnt help is Facebook. I'd say 95% of the people i was in school with have not only been married for a minimum of 5 years but most of them also have at least one kid.

    Then theres me and the GF : enjoying our relatively care-free lives, earning decent money, living in a nice three-bedroom house, watching our TV shows and playing The Last of Us and Borderlands 2 together.

    Because of social pressure It feels like we're living our lives wrong, but i cant help feeling we're living our lives absolutely perfectly.

    Who's right, who's wrong?

    Edited by Ultrasoundwave at 11:00:24 08-07-2013

    "The worst part is, I'll have to have the break-up sex with myself!"

  • freddymercurystwin 8 Jul 2013 11:01:27 510 posts
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    If you both donít envisage ever being with anyone else then itís merely a piece of paper to you though more to your future wife. At some point if the aforementioned really is true then you will get married as you will not be able to justify why not. Otherwise it will be held against you forever more.
  • Load_2.0 8 Jul 2013 11:02:11 19,526 posts
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    The whole "The one" thing is bullshit really.

    The "one perfect person" might live 10,000 miles away, already be married or have been killed by a faling piano. The reality is there are thousands of people out there who would be better for you than the person you are married to, you simply did not meet them.

    It seems super convenient that everyone's perfect person just happened to live near them, work with them, go to the same pub/gym/club/uni/school.
  • Deleted user 8 July 2013 11:07:16
    I think "the one" thing is perhaps not used quite as literally as you might think. Most of us just use it as a shorthand for "the one that's so good that I'm prepared to take the gamble on a lifetime commitment even though there's probably better suited people out there for me but the odds are that they're a Chinese peasant and I'm unlikely to ever meet them".
  • Load_2.0 8 Jul 2013 11:07:32 19,526 posts
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    Haha I sound so bitter! Also I am using the above as my vows!

    Edited by Load_2.0 at 11:08:48 08-07-2013
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