Killing your husband/wife - hypothetically, obvs...

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  • Deleted user 17 May 2013 12:25:01
    Any ideas of how to do this and not goto jail?
    Divorce means sharing the children and my kids having to have random women pretending to be their mum when he gets new girlfriends.
  • monkman76 17 May 2013 12:26:10 6,939 posts
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    /neilka explodes
  • graysonavich 17 May 2013 12:26:13 7,590 posts
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    Invite him onto the forum and I'm sure he'll kill himself
  • Deleted user 17 May 2013 12:26:30
    What about random men pretending to be their dads?

    Edited by mowgli at 12:26:51 17-05-2013
  • twelveways 17 May 2013 12:26:34 4,881 posts
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    The first thing I would do is post it on a forum.
  • monkman76 17 May 2013 12:26:56 6,939 posts
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    mowgli wrote:
    What about random men pretending to be their dad's?
    Their dad's what?
  • nickthegun 17 May 2013 12:28:07 63,372 posts
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    monkman76 wrote:
    mowgli wrote:
    What about random men pretending to be their dad's?
    Their dad's what?
    Their dad?

    PEDANTRY FAIL

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    funkula

  • Murbs 17 May 2013 12:28:23 22,857 posts
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    Smells like premeditation to me. Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200.
  • monkman76 17 May 2013 12:28:57 6,939 posts
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    nickthegun wrote:
    monkman76 wrote:
    mowgli wrote:
    What about random men pretending to be their dad's?
    Their dad's what?
    Their dad?

    PEDANTRY FAIL
    You've lost me.
  • Load_2.0 17 May 2013 12:29:05 20,607 posts
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    Kill him by meeting up with a man from the internet. Possibly a New Zealander....

    Definitely not Neilka though. Not after the last time.
  • nickthegun 17 May 2013 12:29:55 63,372 posts
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    monkman76 wrote:
    nickthegun wrote:
    monkman76 wrote:
    mowgli wrote:
    What about random men pretending to be their dad's?
    Their dad's what?
    Their dad?

    PEDANTRY FAIL
    You've lost me.
    IT IS I WHO FAIL PEDANTRY. CARRY ON.

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    funkula

  • Deleted user 17 May 2013 12:30:02
    monkman76 wrote:
    mowgli wrote:
    What about random men pretending to be their dad's?
    Their dad's what?
    How fucking fast are you. I noticed the mistake (auto correct) while my phone was loading the comment and edited straight away!
  • sickpuppysoftware 17 May 2013 12:30:07 1,379 posts
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    Is everybody who looks at this post going on a list somewhere?

    You cannot stop me with paramecium alone!

  • monkman76 17 May 2013 12:30:13 6,939 posts
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    \o/
  • nickthegun 17 May 2013 12:30:27 63,372 posts
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    OR HAVE I? DAMN YOU COMMAS!

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    funkula

  • nickthegun 17 May 2013 12:30:51 63,372 posts
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    OR APOSTROPHES EITHER!

    FUCK THIS NOISE!

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    funkula

  • Psychotext 17 May 2013 12:30:54 56,975 posts
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    You are my sister AICMFP.
  • neilka Funniest Forumite, 2014 17 May 2013 12:32:04 16,947 posts
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    I'll need an address and a time

    AVOID

  • nickthegun 17 May 2013 12:32:59 63,372 posts
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    I switched to cruise control. Im back now:

    Drive him to suicide with incessant nagging.

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    funkula

  • Deleted user 17 May 2013 12:34:33
    mowgli wrote:
    What about random men pretending to be their dads?
    I wouldn't let new men meet them. They don't need more than one dad, obviously if it became serious then maybe but not for well over a year.
  • kinky_mong 17 May 2013 12:35:02 11,399 posts
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    Let him catch you offering the builders a "banger in the mouth", then he will possibly kill himself, or try to kill one of the builders and be sent to jail.
  • nickthegun 17 May 2013 12:35:55 63,372 posts
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    How could you date a man for a year without him meeting your litter?

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    funkula

  • b0rk 17 May 2013 12:37:20 3,633 posts
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    Pepsipop wrote:
    Any ideas of how to do this and not goto jail?
    Divorce means sharing the children and my kids having to have random women pretending to be their mum when he gets new girlfriends.
    Play the victim card, say he hit you and get everything.

    obv

    KILL FOR GAIN OR SHOOT TO MAIM \m/

  • TheSaint 17 May 2013 12:38:02 15,560 posts
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    nickthegun wrote:
    How could you date a man for a year without him meeting your litter?
    That's what Premier Inns are for.
  • evilashchris 17 May 2013 12:41:39 7,251 posts
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    Choke him to death with your mimsy. A crime of passion no Judge would put you away for.

    Twitter: @COToole

  • Lethally-Obese 17 May 2013 12:43:06 69 posts
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    - Learn to cook really well
    - Make em fatter and fatter (but remember to say that you still love him/her the way they are, even though that's obviously a lie)
    - Diseases, depressions, heart problems etc. will take care of the rest
    - Make sure he/she has life insurance
    - Profit

    Also, as a tip on the side: You're free to have affairs once they're fat, they won't leave you because they won't be able to get anyone else.
  • kinky_mong 17 May 2013 12:44:26 11,399 posts
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    Anyone else feel really sorry for Revan's husband?

    Working hard all day to provide for his family while she's at home playing computer games, flirting with spoddy nerds online, getting a length from the builders, and now plotting to have him killed.
  • Deleted user 17 May 2013 12:45:23
    TheSaint wrote:
    nickthegun wrote:
    How could you date a man for a year without him meeting your litter?
    That's what Premier Inns are for.
    I don't know but I'd imagine it wouldn't be too hard, just wouldn't be able to see each other more than two or three times a week.

    Wouldn't most men like that?

    I thought mushroom soup, but poisonous ones. I eat a tiny bit too so I have to get admitted to hospital but make his really strong so he dies and I recover. 'he made the soup'.
    Admittedly v risky as there would be no guarantee I would survive.
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