Making friends as an adult Page 11

  • Page

    of 15 First / Last

  • Deckard1 2 May 2013 09:12:48 28,266 posts
    Seen 2 minutes ago
    Registered 6 years ago
    Armoured_Bear wrote:
    FWB wrote:
    Feel sorry for you Rightbean. Or perhaps I am just very lucky. I am still making friends, enjoy my job (certainly not there for the money) and have a partner who is really chilled out over what many of you here deem to be outrageous. Amazingly I am able to balance all three, and I am not even trying.

    I also don't understand why these people who are going out to dinner, for drinks or to the movies with people of the opposite sex can't just invite their other half along too.
    You do, but they might be busy themselves or just not fancy what you are doing and vice versa. The movies is an excellent example given that you might have different tastes. Couldn't convince the GF to see Prometheus, so went with some who was interested. It's not something I do all the time, but there are occasions where she doesn't fancy what I want to do or has her own plans. It works both ways.

    Do you invite your GF to every single social event you have?
    You're completely normal, it's the same for me and most people I know.
    I socialise much more with my gf than without but doing stuff with someone else, male or female is no big deal whatsoever.
    Of course if you spent more time with some other female than your gf then that won't go down well but if someone can't socialise alone with another female then the relationship/gf/whatever has real trust and or/insecurity issues.
    Again though, I feel its different for people in a relationship where either or both people in the relationship is attractive. You wouldn't understand
  • Deckard1 2 May 2013 09:13:09 28,266 posts
    Seen 2 minutes ago
    Registered 6 years ago
    Oh hi new page!
  • FWB 2 May 2013 09:13:27 44,671 posts
    Seen 2 hours ago
    Registered 13 years ago
    mowgli wrote:
    How long have you been with your GF FWB? Because there appears to be some semblance of a pattern in who is taking which side in this discussion.
    Three years. Do live together. Number of mates, male and female, who have been together 7-8 years have the same relationship.

    There certainly is a pattern and I understand where you guys are coming from. Went out with one girl for a while who did have your sentiments. She was very insecure.
  • Armoured_Bear 2 May 2013 09:18:08 11,300 posts
    Seen 2 hours ago
    Registered 3 years ago
    THFourteen wrote:
    FWB wrote:
    Do you invite your GF to every single social event you have?
    Depends if its a lads night or a wags night innit.

    Its good to go to one or two social gatherings now and then without your other half. We both do it, and i think thats fairly normal.

    But theres still a difference between her going out with a mixed group of friends and her going on dates with some guy all the time.
    Again, no one is mentioning "all the time" except you.
    Secondly, they aren't dates unless there is clear romantic interest from both sides, i.e. they're not.

    XBL : ecosse011172
    PSN : ecosse_011172
    NNID : armoured_bear

  • Deleted user 2 May 2013 09:30:02
    FWB wrote:
    mowgli wrote:
    How long have you been with your GF FWB? Because there appears to be some semblance of a pattern in who is taking which side in this discussion.
    Three years. Do live together. Number of mates, male and female, who have been together 7-8 years have the same relationship.

    There certainly is a pattern and I understand where you guys are coming from. Went out with one girl for a while who did have your sentiments. She was very insecure.
    It's not about being insecure though (well it can be of course), but more just an unwritten expectation of being in a relationship. I trust my missus fully, and she does me (I hope), it is just an expectation that we both don't go out one on one with people we've only just met (again, this is important as old friends are different) in a situation that any normal person would construe as a date. It's not about worrying about the two getting off, it's just not something I feel is appropriate, as does she. I've met people that are completely different and that's fair enough to them. I've also met people that are in 'open relationships'. Fair enough. But we are different and it isn't about being insecure.
  • THFourteen 2 May 2013 09:41:35 33,626 posts
    Seen 12 minutes ago
    Registered 9 years ago
    Armoured_Bear wrote:
    Again, no one is mentioning "all the time" except you.
    Secondly, they aren't dates unless there is clear romantic interest from both sides, i.e. they're not.
    But the conversation was about people having "really good / best" friends of the opposite sex. I see all my really good / best friends all the time. Hence its easy to infer that you are tallking about "all the time".

    Also my opinion is that there only needs to be romantic interest from one side and it doesnt have to be clear in order for it to be a date.
  • Armoured_Bear 2 May 2013 09:46:26 11,300 posts
    Seen 2 hours ago
    Registered 3 years ago
    mowgli wrote:
    FWB wrote:
    mowgli wrote:
    How long have you been with your GF FWB? Because there appears to be some semblance of a pattern in who is taking which side in this discussion.
    Three years. Do live together. Number of mates, male and female, who have been together 7-8 years have the same relationship.

    There certainly is a pattern and I understand where you guys are coming from. Went out with one girl for a while who did have your sentiments. She was very insecure.
    It's not about being insecure though (well it can be of course), but more just an unwritten expectation of being in a relationship. I trust my missus fully, and she does me (I hope), it is just an expectation that we both don't go out one on one with people we've only just met (again, this is important as old friends are different) in a situation that any normal person would construe as a date. It's not about worrying about the two getting off, it's just not something I feel is appropriate, as does she. I've met people that are completely different and that's fair enough to them. I've also met people that are in 'open relationships'. Fair enough. But we are different and it isn't about being insecure.
    Does "any normal person" mean "Mowgli"?

    XBL : ecosse011172
    PSN : ecosse_011172
    NNID : armoured_bear

  • LeoliansBro 2 May 2013 09:47:24 44,420 posts
    Seen 50 minutes ago
    Registered 8 years ago
    Here's a question then:

    People are saying they shouldn't go out alone with a member of the opposite sex because they might get really drunk, one thing leads to another etc and BANG. They cheated on their other half.

    If we're saying it comes about because you're so drunk you lose your inhibitions and a sense of what is right and wrong, doesn't that also apply to a member of the same sex. You're out for a drink with your mate, got really drunk, one thing led to another and BANG. He's bumming you.

    If your answer to this is 'I'd never do that because I don't want to', I'd point out that this is exactly why I'm safe going for a drink with a girl who is my friend. I don't want to have sex with them, I'm having a grand time as it is. The implication is that people want to shag around and the key thing is not to get caught. I don't want to shag around.

    LB, you really are a massive geek.

  • Armoured_Bear 2 May 2013 09:47:58 11,300 posts
    Seen 2 hours ago
    Registered 3 years ago
    THFourteen wrote:
    Armoured_Bear wrote:
    Again, no one is mentioning "all the time" except you.
    Secondly, they aren't dates unless there is clear romantic interest from both sides, i.e. they're not.
    But the conversation was about people having "really good / best" friends of the opposite sex. I see all my really good / best friends all the time. Hence its easy to infer that you are tallking about "all the time".

    Also my opinion is that there only needs to be romantic interest from one side and it doesnt have to be clear in order for it to be a date.
    I thought it was about going out alone with members of the opposite sex, not necessarily best friends but maybe I misread something.

    I disagree about a "date", IMO it has to be both sides, without a doubt.

    XBL : ecosse011172
    PSN : ecosse_011172
    NNID : armoured_bear

  • Deleted user 2 May 2013 09:51:31
    LeoliansBro wrote:
    Here's a question then:

    People are saying they shouldn't go out alone with a member of the opposite sex because they might get really drunk, one thing leads to another etc and BANG. They cheated on their other half.

    If we're saying it comes about because you're so drunk you lose your inhibitions and a sense of what is right and wrong, doesn't that also apply to a member of the same sex. You're out for a drink with your mate, got really drunk, one thing led to another and BANG. He's bumming you.

    If your answer to this is 'I'd never do that because I don't want to', I'd point out that this is exactly why I'm safe going for a drink with a girl who is my friend. I don't want to have sex with them, I'm having a grand time as it is. The implication is that people want to shag around and the key thing is not to get caught. I don't want to shag around.
    I don't know who is saying the first part tbh but I may have missed it.

    But playing along for a second, I don't know what world you're living in but getting a bit drunk with some new girl you've just met and losing your inhibitions, leading to sex is in no way, shape or form comparable to going for a drink with your male friend and ending up with a cock up your arse. I'm not sure if you were being serious with this point but fuck me is it a bad one.
  • mcmonkeyplc 2 May 2013 09:53:57 39,464 posts
    Seen 9 minutes ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    If you get really drunk things won't work anyway.

    Duh.

    Come and get it cumslingers!

  • Kosmoz 2 May 2013 10:13:26 7,700 posts
    Seen 28 minutes ago
    Registered 7 years ago
    The other night my best friend, who happens to be female, came round to hang out. It was just the two of us. Neither of us are unattractive. At one point in the evening, she went to the toilet. The toilet roll in there is andrex. For those who don't know, they currently have an advertising campaign asking the nation if they srunch of fold*. Me and my friend then had a scrunch/fold based discussion. Now, I don't know about you guys, but I would never have such a conversation with someone if there was even a remote chance of us having sex.

    *seriously, what the fuck?

    Every girl I ever kissed I was thinking of a pro footballer.

  • Benno 2 May 2013 10:20:39 9,935 posts
    Seen 26 minutes ago
    Registered 9 years ago
    This is an interesting read, time for my enlightened contribution.

    If a girl has a really nice bottom, is it possible to just be friends? (as in have the same relationship with her like she was some guy mate). I cant see it. It doesn't matter who she is, how platonic our friendship is, or how temporarily subdued my sex drive is. If she walks away and I see that ass, and i mean the perfect sort of heart shaped, soft bum which gives you butterflies and you could write poetry about: I cant imagine doing anything but getting some extra drinks in and pre-ordering her some new backdoors.

    I'm sorry to sound like a prat, but its one thing that has always held me back. Does anyone in this discussion have good girl mates (which they insist are just mates) with a nice ass? Do you never think about hitting it? I just cant see it, sorry.

    I am an ass man, so please replace ass with boobs or legs or whatever your particular fancy is.
  • LeoliansBro 2 May 2013 10:22:26 44,420 posts
    Seen 50 minutes ago
    Registered 8 years ago
    mowgli wrote:
    But playing along for a second, I don't know what world you're living in but getting a bit drunk with some new girl you've just met and losing your inhibitions, leading to sex is in no way, shape or form comparable to going for a drink with your male friend and ending up with a cock up your arse. I'm not sure if you were being serious with this point but fuck me is it a bad one.
    Because you might do the first but absolutely wouldn't do the second?

    Fair enough, but then is it so hard to see I absolutely wouldn't do the first?

    LB, you really are a massive geek.

  • Maturin 2 May 2013 10:23:32 3,033 posts
    Seen 1 hour ago
    Registered 5 years ago
    Kosmoz wrote:
    The other night my best friend, who happens to be female, came round to hang out. It was just the two of us. Neither of us are unattractive. At one point in the evening, she went to the toilet. The toilet roll in there is andrex. For those who don't know, they currently have an advertising campaign asking the nation if they srunch of fold*. Me and my friend then had a scrunch/fold based discussion. Now, I don't know about you guys, but I would never have such a conversation with someone if there was even a remote chance of us having sex.

    *seriously, what the fuck?
    Well you would if you were married to them, but then er... oh dammit.
  • DodgyPast 2 May 2013 10:41:11 8,479 posts
    Seen 12 hours ago
    Registered 9 years ago
    Benno wrote:
    This is an interesting read, time for my enlightened contribution.

    If a girl has a really nice bottom, is it possible to just be friends? (as in have the same relationship with her like she was some guy mate). I cant see it. It doesn't matter who she is, how platonic our friendship is, or how temporarily subdued my sex drive is. If she walks away and I see that ass, and i mean the perfect sort of heart shaped, soft bum which gives you butterflies and you could write poetry about: I cant imagine doing anything but getting some extra drinks in and pre-ordering her some new backdoors.

    I'm sorry to sound like a prat, but its one thing that has always held me back. Does anyone in this discussion have good girl mates (which they insist are just mates) with a nice ass? Do you never think about hitting it? I just cant see it, sorry.

    I am an ass man, so please replace ass with boobs or legs or whatever your particular fancy is.
    There's something quite puzzling about this kind of thinking.

    I'm surrounded by attractive women be they colleagues, friends or adult students. I have no problems relating to them to them as normal human beings. Even if for some reason I was given some kind of free pass to have sex with any of them I'd turn it down since it wouldn't compare to what I already have from my existing partner.

    Maybe it's a combination of maturity and being satisfied enough with my prior sexual experiences that don't any need to go beyond what I already have and makes me very happy.

    Edited by DodgyPast at 10:46:28 02-05-2013
  • Benno 2 May 2013 11:00:40 9,935 posts
    Seen 26 minutes ago
    Registered 9 years ago
    DodgyPast wrote:
    Benno wrote:
    This is an interesting read, time for my enlightened contribution.

    If a girl has a really nice bottom, is it possible to just be friends? (as in have the same relationship with her like she was some guy mate). I cant see it. It doesn't matter who she is, how platonic our friendship is, or how temporarily subdued my sex drive is. If she walks away and I see that ass, and i mean the perfect sort of heart shaped, soft bum which gives you butterflies and you could write poetry about: I cant imagine doing anything but getting some extra drinks in and pre-ordering her some new backdoors.

    I'm sorry to sound like a prat, but its one thing that has always held me back. Does anyone in this discussion have good girl mates (which they insist are just mates) with a nice ass? Do you never think about hitting it? I just cant see it, sorry.

    I am an ass man, so please replace ass with boobs or legs or whatever your particular fancy is.
    There's something quite puzzling about this kind of thinking.

    I'm surrounded by attractive women be they colleagues, friends or adult students. I have no problems relating to them to them as normal human beings. Even if for some reason I was given some kind of free pass to have sex with any of them I'd turn it down since it wouldn't compare to what I already have from my existing partner.

    Maybe it's a combination of maturity and being satisfied enough with my prior sexual experiences that don't any need to go beyond what I already have and makes me very happy.
    I don't think its puzzling. I imagine you completely understand where I am coming from. Lack of threesome aside, I am pretty satisfied with my prior sexual encounters.

    Past your slight condescension, you are probably right. I am 24, so its probably an age thing. Just to be clear, I don't just perve on women like they're a piece of meat (as my post above may have suggested!), but if I spend an extended amount of time with a lass, you can bet I am going to establish the geometry of her ass at some point, whether consciously or not.
  • Benno 2 May 2013 11:00:40 9,935 posts
    Seen 26 minutes ago
    Registered 9 years ago
    Post deleted
  • Armoured_Bear 2 May 2013 11:02:52 11,300 posts
    Seen 2 hours ago
    Registered 3 years ago
    It's possible to admire a woman physically and not be tempted to try something with her ffs.
    What if your mate's wife has a stunning arse, are ou unable to ever be alone with her?

    XBL : ecosse011172
    PSN : ecosse_011172
    NNID : armoured_bear

  • FWB 2 May 2013 11:06:55 44,671 posts
    Seen 2 hours ago
    Registered 13 years ago
    It's an unwritten rule your YOUR relationship, and who am I to tell you what you and your partner expect of one another. But it certainly isn't a social norm. Not that I would say my approach is either. Whatever works for each person. But I do believe it is a security and trust issue, no matter how you might dress it up.

    Of course you might find a female mate attractive, but you can control that, drunk or not.

    How many relationships have you had mowgli?
  • Benno 2 May 2013 11:07:28 9,935 posts
    Seen 26 minutes ago
    Registered 9 years ago
    Armoured_Bear wrote:
    It's possible to admire a woman physically and not be tempted to try something with her ffs.
    What if your mate's wife has a stunning arse, are ou unable to ever be alone with her?
    I could be, and I am not saying I would try anything, no no no. What I am saying, to put it quite childishly, is that I would fancy her, even just a little bit.

    It doesn't mean I would be compelled to do anything, my point is: female friends and male friends are very different, and I couldn't imagine having an extended purely platonic relationship with a girl, without these 'thoughts' coming into my head. Sounds perfectly natural to me.

    I do have a few female friends, and sometimes I do think of them sexually. I would never do anything though, I have never cheated in my life and doubt I ever will.
  • THFourteen 2 May 2013 11:10:32 33,626 posts
    Seen 12 minutes ago
    Registered 9 years ago
    People never intend to cheat.

    However you spend enough time with one person that starts off platonic but feelings can develop as you get to know them and you only see the bad things about your current partner, and see that grass is greener on the other side of the fence, and it's something new and exciting etc etc

    It's how so many relationships end.
  • Armoured_Bear 2 May 2013 11:12:45 11,300 posts
    Seen 2 hours ago
    Registered 3 years ago
    FWB wrote:
    It's an unwritten rule your YOUR relationship, and who am I to tell you what you and your partner expect of one another. But it certainly isn't a social norm. Not that I would say my approach is either. Whatever works for each person. But I do believe it is a security and trust issue, no matter how you might dress it up.

    Of course you might find a female mate attractive, but you can control that, drunk or not.

    How many relationships have you had mowgli?
    Well put, I already asked Mowgli that and he didn't answer so I'm guessing at 1.
    I guess being young and naive can make the world seem different, god knows what shite I came out with when in my early 20s.

    XBL : ecosse011172
    PSN : ecosse_011172
    NNID : armoured_bear

  • FWB 2 May 2013 11:14:25 44,671 posts
    Seen 2 hours ago
    Registered 13 years ago
    Or you appreciate your partner more cos you see how great they are compared to others.
  • localnotail 2 May 2013 11:14:37 23,093 posts
    Seen 7 months ago
    Registered 6 years ago
    Thread has turned into this thread. With extra added ecosse-baiting.

    It's ok to find other people attractive when you are in a relationship. You don't have to do anything about it. They might not even want you to, but just in case they did, you could just smile and let it go. Be a grown-up. Then have a wank later. It's rarely worth ruining a good thing over a fling, IMO.

    To return to the OP, I'll be your friend, Leolian, and not just in a Stuart Hall kind of a way. Having said that, do you like films about gladiators? ;)

    A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

  • LeoliansBro 2 May 2013 11:17:10 44,420 posts
    Seen 50 minutes ago
    Registered 8 years ago
    BACK OFF LOCAL YOU MONSTER HE'S MARRIED.

    LB, you really are a massive geek.

  • Deleted user 2 May 2013 11:50:15
    FWB wrote:
    It's an unwritten rule your YOUR relationship, and who am I to tell you what you and your partner expect of one another. But it certainly isn't a social norm. Not that I would say my approach is either. Whatever works for each person. But I do believe it is a security and trust issue, no matter how you might dress it up.

    Of course you might find a female mate attractive, but you can control that, drunk or not.

    How many relationships have you had mowgli?
    Of course in MY relationship. We are all different, which is why you're lucky enough to find someone that thinks like you and I am lucky enough to find someone that thinks like me. There is no point talking about a fixed guide to relationships as it just doesn't exist. And no I don't believe it is a security and trust issue, it is too easy to dismiss as that but it isn't. It just so happens that in our relationship we feel that type of thing to be inappropriate (going out with a girl you've just met), while going out with a girl you've been friends with for years is fine (while other couples might be different on this point). It's just an odd, abnormal (for our way of thinking) situation to be in. It isn't that she is worried about me cheating on her, if anything it is that it is just such an strange thing to do (in our way of thinking) that is any cause for concern.

    This is my only serious relationship, so one. Been together for ever and I wouldn't change a thing and it is this shared trust and respect that is the reason.

    Edited by mowgli at 11:52:04 02-05-2013
  • Deleted user 2 May 2013 11:50:53
    Ecosse, go please change your profile picture.
  • Ziz0u 2 May 2013 12:01:22 8,399 posts
    Seen 20 seconds ago
    Registered 5 years ago
    It's just asking to be shopped.
  • Armoured_Bear 2 May 2013 12:05:33 11,300 posts
    Seen 2 hours ago
    Registered 3 years ago
    mowgli wrote:
    FWB wrote:
    It's an unwritten rule your YOUR relationship, and who am I to tell you what you and your partner expect of one another. But it certainly isn't a social norm. Not that I would say my approach is either. Whatever works for each person. But I do believe it is a security and trust issue, no matter how you might dress it up.

    Of course you might find a female mate attractive, but you can control that, drunk or not.

    How many relationships have you had mowgli?
    Of course in MY relationship. We are all different, which is why you're lucky enough to find someone that thinks like you and I am lucky enough to find someone that thinks like me. There is no point talking about a fixed guide to relationships as it just doesn't exist. And no I don't believe it is a security and trust issue, it is too easy to dismiss as that but it isn't. It just so happens that in our relationship we feel that type of thing to be inappropriate (going out with a girl you've just met), while going out with a girl you've been friends with for years is fine (while other couples might be different on this point). It's just an odd, abnormal (for our way of thinking) situation to be in. It isn't that she is worried about me cheating on her, if anything it is that it is just such an strange thing to do (in our way of thinking) that is any cause for concern.

    This is my only serious relationship, so one. Been together for ever and I wouldn't change a thing and it is this shared trust and respect that is the reason.
    If you have all this trust and lack of suspicion, why is it such a strange thing to do?
    What is so strange about having something in common with and enjoying the company of someone of the opposite sex?
    Here's a hint : It's not strange.

    XBL : ecosse011172
    PSN : ecosse_011172
    NNID : armoured_bear

  • Page

    of 15 First / Last

Log in or register to reply