The many ways porn has lied to us

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  • smoothpete 26 Apr 2013 11:22:03 31,574 posts
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    - Pubes

    - In real life, bums have poo in them

    - Sometimes the washing machine repairman is just there to fix the washing machine. I won't make that mistake again.
  • M83J01P97 26 Apr 2013 11:23:30 6,672 posts
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    - Women want, and enjoy sex.
  • OldCrow 26 Apr 2013 11:23:47 148 posts
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    smoothpete wrote:

    - In real life, bums have poo in them
    Nothing a bit of bleach won't fix.
  • RobTheBuilder 26 Apr 2013 11:24:09 6,521 posts
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    Plumbers DO NOT turn up that promptly
  • LeoliansBro 26 Apr 2013 11:24:47 44,506 posts
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    M83J01P97 wrote:
    - Women want, and enjoy sex.
    Loads do. I'm gusssing it's sex with you that's the problem.

    LB, you really are a massive geek.

  • smoothpete 26 Apr 2013 11:25:18 31,574 posts
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    - Women in fact take their high heels off before sexing
  • M83J01P97 26 Apr 2013 11:26:13 6,672 posts
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    LeoliansBro wrote:
    M83J01P97 wrote:
    - Women want, and enjoy sex.
    Loads do. I'm gusssing it's sex with you that's the problem.
    Seeing as I sleep with men, I think it's my problem really.
  • mcmonkeyplc 26 Apr 2013 11:26:21 39,467 posts
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    People actually have sex?!

    Come and get it cumslingers!

  • morriss 26 Apr 2013 11:26:57 71,128 posts
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    - all women aren't into other women.

    That was a hard lesson.
  • nickthegun 26 Apr 2013 11:27:20 60,452 posts
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    - Their minds never wander and start wanting it to be over after more than 10 minutes on the job.

    ---------------------------------------------------------
    My man gives real loving that's why I call him Killer
    He's not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am, he's a thriller

  • MrTomFTW Moderator 26 Apr 2013 11:27:59 38,686 posts
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    - Everyone lives in really nice, big houses.

    Follow me on Twitter: @MrTom
    Voted by the community "Best mod" 2011, 2012 and 2013.

  • Buztafen 26 Apr 2013 11:29:25 16,351 posts
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    That most women actually enjoy a man slapping an erection against their foreheads and cheeks.

    Although Tulisa kind of ruined this one.
  • Deckard1 26 Apr 2013 11:30:06 28,724 posts
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    - You should always ask before cumming in a ladies face
  • smoothpete 26 Apr 2013 11:31:59 31,574 posts
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    - No straight man should ever knock sacks with another man, even if a lady is involved
  • Deleted user 26 April 2013 11:32:15
    Sex with schoolgirls has consequences.
  • RobTheBuilder 26 Apr 2013 11:32:29 6,521 posts
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    Women don't actually talk in stupid high pitched nasal voices
  • Deleted user 26 April 2013 11:32:43
    - they never have to stop and just read a book because they're keeping the downstairs neighbours awake
  • Tryhard 26 Apr 2013 11:34:08 4,135 posts
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    12 inch penis is the average size for all men,even Mr Bean.
  • DUFFMAN5 26 Apr 2013 11:34:10 14,971 posts
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    Baseball bats are for...baseball

    "Duffman the grey is thrusting in the direction of the problem! Oh, yeah!"

  • morriss 26 Apr 2013 11:36:48 71,128 posts
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    women don't like choking until their eyes water on your penis.

    Another hard lesson.

    Edited by morriss at 11:37:24 26-04-2013
  • thedaveeyres 26 Apr 2013 11:38:36 11,265 posts
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    Ass to mouth isn't going to happen.

    Or ass to ass.

    Mouth to mouth is possible, however.

    D****** ******r

    XBLA: Hamster Trippin
    Steam: thedaveeyres
    PSN: HamsterTrippin

  • kinky_mong 26 Apr 2013 11:39:43 10,438 posts
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    A "squirter" just dribbles a bit of fluid when heavily stimulated, rather than sending jets of mimsy juice flying across the room.

    All the eurogamers who actually play with each other on xbl rather than just post pseudointellectual pc handwringing bollocks on the forums, love the shit out of biggy.

  • MrTomFTW Moderator 26 Apr 2013 11:43:02 38,686 posts
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    morriss wrote:
    Another hard lesson.
    I BET IT WAS!

    Follow me on Twitter: @MrTom
    Voted by the community "Best mod" 2011, 2012 and 2013.

  • Salaman 26 Apr 2013 11:49:26 19,272 posts
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    If you wear white socks you don't get laid.
  • Deleted user 26 April 2013 11:50:23
    English girls are all bosted munters.
  • Deckard1 26 Apr 2013 11:50:45 28,724 posts
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    kinky_mong wrote:
    A "squirter" just dribbles a bit of fluid when heavily stimulated, rather than sending jets of mimsy juice flying across the room.
    Those squirters you see in porn are actually pissing
  • Salaman 26 Apr 2013 11:53:28 19,272 posts
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    Deckard1 wrote:
    kinky_mong wrote:
    A "squirter" just dribbles a bit of fluid when heavily stimulated, rather than sending jets of mimsy juice flying across the room.
    Those squirters you see in porn are actually pissing
    That's quite an impressive feat of willpower and bladder control. I sometimes have trouble getting the flow going standing fully clothed at the urinal because someone else comes and stand (also fully clothed) at the next one.

    These girls usually have some guy enthusiastically shoving something up them right until the second they release the floodgates.
  • Tryhard 26 Apr 2013 11:55:03 4,135 posts
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    You cannot fit a basketball,6 tins of lager, and three fists up one woman's A' hole at the same time.
  • smoothpete 26 Apr 2013 11:58:04 31,574 posts
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    I'm constantly amazed at what people can put up their arses
  • MrTomFTW Moderator 26 Apr 2013 11:59:15 38,686 posts
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    Tryhard wrote:
    You cannot fit a basketball,6 tins of lager, and three fists up one woman's A' hole at the same time.
    What an appropriate username.

    Follow me on Twitter: @MrTom
    Voted by the community "Best mod" 2011, 2012 and 2013.

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