Weirdos you've encountered

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  • Tonka 25 Feb 2013 08:59:45 20,222 posts
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    I took a long distance bus once and when I got on I saw that someone had left a newspaper in that netbasket thig at my seat.

    I read through it and put it back after 20 minutes or so

    The guy across the aisle from me asked me if he could buy it from me to wich I replied.
    "You can have it if you want. It's not mine, it was here when I got on the bus"

    "No no, that's not what I meant. Here I'll pay you 10SEK for it"
    "It's not mine, it wouldn't feel right to take money from you, take it."
    "No no no. I'm not like that"

    Cue an awkward journey.

    If you can read this you really need to fiddle with your forum settings.

  • mrpon 25 Feb 2013 09:04:16 28,754 posts
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    Ah the old newspaper for SEKs deal.

    Give yourself 5 or gig, you're worth it.

  • Benno 25 Feb 2013 09:08:27 9,843 posts
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    Are you sure he didn't say 'tense sex' ?
  • Tryhard 25 Feb 2013 09:08:55 3,905 posts
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    The leaflet guy who got his hairy ape like hand caught in our letterbox.
  • smoothpete 25 Feb 2013 09:09:53 31,495 posts
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    So many. Just so, so many. I'm like a magnet for the fuckers.
  • Salaman 25 Feb 2013 09:13:01 18,959 posts
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    This guy in the row in front of me on a long distance bus journey turned down paid sex insisting he'd do it for free.
  • Oh-Bollox 25 Feb 2013 09:13:29 5,211 posts
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    Chap who wanders around my work stinking of piss, muttering "I'm fucking mental, me, y'know. I can't be helped. I should go outside and throw myself under a bus."

    I keep wanting to tell him A) Go ahead and B) He's trying too hard.
  • nickthegun 25 Feb 2013 09:14:17 59,450 posts
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    I think I seem it to other people. I waved and mugged frantically to one of my friends across the road the other day who completely ignored me.

    I say my friend, it was, as it turns out, actually her sister who has never met me.

    'There was some fucking weirdo in town on saturday..'

    ---------------------------------------------------------
    He totally called it

  • MrTomFTW Moderator 25 Feb 2013 09:21:17 37,817 posts
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    I've got two stories.

    First, when I was a kid I would be dragged around car boot sales and shops early on a Saturday morning. Charity shops were always a favourite of my dad, but it bored me standing around waiting for him to flick through all the vinyls and what-have-you. One day I was sat outside alone and this man, probably in his 50s approached me and handed me a piece of paper with a date on it.

    He asked "Do you know what this date is?" I did not. "Its the date the prohibition ended in America, and I haven't stopped drinking since." He then staggered off.

    Second story is I got free tickets to a circus, so I went with my girlfriend. It was a bit shit, but the worst act were these two unfunny clowns. I couldn't understand a word the eldest one said, but the younger clown was just shit.

    In the intermission the younger clown came strolling out into the ring, up the bleacher and to me. He asked "Where's the nearest hospital", so I gave him directions as it wasn't far. "Good" he said "because I've broken my leg and I can feel the bone sticking through." Then he turned around and walked back off through the curtain.

    I can't say I enjoyed the rest of the show.

    Follow me on Twitter: @MrTom
    Voted by the community "Best mod" 2011, 2012 and 2013.

  • LeoliansBro 25 Feb 2013 09:22:16 43,811 posts
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    Very old chap with a porkpie hat, a long tweed coat, a zimmerframe and no teeth. Hangs around the Turkish supermarket in Catford telling literally everyone who goes near him that they are cunts.

    LB, you really are a massive geek.

  • elstoof 25 Feb 2013 09:27:13 7,000 posts
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    Put my car up for sale and I've had someone call up and accuse me twice of fiddling with the mileage because I only do 4k per year.

    They haven't even viewed the car.
  • Ultrasoundwave 25 Feb 2013 09:27:50 3,280 posts
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    MrTomFTW wrote:
    In the intermission the younger clown came strolling out into the ring, up the bleacher and to me. He asked "Where's the nearest hospital", so I gave him directions as it wasn't far. "Good" he said "because I've broken my leg and I can feel the bone sticking through." Then he turned around and walked back off through the curtain.
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Those clowns man, they crack me up!! HA!

    i dont get it?

    "The worst part is, I'll have to have the break-up sex with myself!"

  • Zizoo 25 Feb 2013 09:31:20 8,279 posts
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    There was a guy in his boxers sitting outside my regular supermarket last night refusing to leave. Security didn't want to touch him.
  • quadfather 25 Feb 2013 09:31:55 11,979 posts
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    Guy in a town I used to live in dressed up constantly as king arthur. Armour, robe/cape, the lot. No weapon though.

    He'd often be seen wandering around town, shopping, or in the pub etc.

    Mate asked him why he was dressed up like a medieval knight and he just shrugged and said, "It's practical"

    psn quaddy456, Dark Souls tips

  • elstoof 25 Feb 2013 09:34:59 7,000 posts
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    There's a pirate guy who can be seen in Crouch End quite often, used to get the same 91 bus in the morning with him. Not sure if he's a weirdo, but I always wondered if he had an office job to go to when he got off at the Strand.
  • Salaman 25 Feb 2013 09:35:00 18,959 posts
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    quadfather wrote:
    Guy in a town I used to live in dressed up constantly as king arthur. Armour, robe/cape, the lot. No weapon though.

    He'd often be seen wandering around town, shopping, or in the pub etc.

    Mate asked him why he was dressed up like a medieval knight and he just shrugged and said, "It's practical"
    We got one in my town as well!
  • PhoenixFlames 25 Feb 2013 09:35:17 8,943 posts
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    Many years ago there was a bloke who used to get on my bus with a live snake sitting on top of his bald head. True story.

    That's one way to get a seat to yourself.

    Edited by PhoenixFlames at 09:35:38 25-02-2013

    PSN - phoenix1flames

  • AccidentProne 25 Feb 2013 09:50:13 1,162 posts
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    LeoliansBro wrote:
    Very old chap with a porkpie hat, a long tweed coat, a zimmerframe and no teeth. Hangs around the Turkish supermarket in Catford telling literally everyone who goes near him that they are cunts.
    Saw a fella vaguely matching that description on a bus in Islington. Told anyone near him to "Get back to school you cunt!".
  • Tonka 25 Feb 2013 09:50:17 20,222 posts
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    I remembered another one. Also a commute related story.

    I got on the train one stop before my wife so naturally I made sure she'd be able to sit next to me.

    At her stop some middle aged man gets on and tries to sit down next to me so I say "this seat is taken"
    Oh yeah, by who? He replies
    My wife who is right behind you.

    So he turns around and says."do you have a seat reservation? "

    It wasn't even the last free seat or anything. He just felt like he had to sit next to someone who clearly wasn't interested.

    If you can read this you really need to fiddle with your forum settings.

  • Load_2.0 25 Feb 2013 09:54:49 19,146 posts
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    smoothpete wrote:
    So many. Just so, so many. I'm like a magnet for the fuckers.
    EG meets don't count.
  • AccidentProne 25 Feb 2013 10:03:08 1,162 posts
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    Cambridge has had a pretty good collection of weirdos over the years. There was a bloke that cycled around town all day, blasting out badly distorted heavy metal from a tape player hanging off the handlebars. Also a chap who walked around with things strapped to his head (bread, fish etc.) and of course the legendary Disco Kenny.
  • Waffleaber 25 Feb 2013 10:04:23 394 posts
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    I work in retail so there's too many to list.

    The two "best" reoccuring ones at the moment are firstly the lady who walks straight in touches (sometimes licking her finger beforehand) the back to my laptop and walks out saying nothing.

    Secondly the old guy who, every other day, used to walk really slowly to the back of the shop to get a drink of water from the cooler and then walked out saying nothing. One day we hid the cups and when he came in he stared blankly at where the cups were, turned to me, made the drinky drinky motion, shrugged and walked out never to be seen again.
  • MetalDog 25 Feb 2013 10:10:35 23,697 posts
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    Commutes are great for this sort of thing.

    So far the stand out nutters are the gentleman who was in some way connected to the Royal Opera House and held up the whole train (a slamdoor) at Epsom while he stood half-on half-off the train arguing with me over whether 'the jews' were responsible for it's downfall and indeed the downfall of the entirety of Western Civilisation. He thought they were, I thought he was out of his mind. Either way the train was late.

    The other was the drunken Irishman who decide me and him should run Britain - and we should start by assassinating David Cameron. He said this loudly and often and I'm probably on a list somewhere now.

    -- boobs do nothing for me, I want moustaches and chest hair.

  • elstoof 25 Feb 2013 10:14:08 7,000 posts
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    How about the guy who painted his beard orange. Painted, not dyed. Orange emulsion. All clumped together like on an old paintbrush. He's put a fresh coat on each week.
  • oldschoolsoviet 25 Feb 2013 10:21:22 5,460 posts
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    Years ago, getting the bus home, some nutter in Wehrmacht uniform, long hair, beard, trenchcoat etc shouting and ranting randomly, eventually thrown off by the driver.

    Started uni in Glasgow six months later, and guess who's sitting in the common room..... O_o

    Known as Psycho Allan, total batshit mentalist, still in Wehrmacht getup, but he did have a Sega Saturn, which we'd find him playing between 2-5am coming back from the pub, usually Wipeout 2097. Turns out he couldn't play for toffee, but enjoyed the "colours" and was ever indebted to a few of us as we fired through it unlocking new stuff. Used to rant about conspiracy theories and suchlike, the "fact" that Saturn V rockets during the Apollo missions were mind-controlled by monkeys being a favourite.

    Last time we saw him was after finding him in a dark common room, switching on the lights, and seeing him sitting in blood soaked full Highland dress laughing hysterically. Oh shit. Turned out he fell 6ft backwards falling off the little wall outside the GUU down to the basement access, huge head wound.

    Took all five hall wardens to man-handle him into a taxi, screaming "no fecking doctor is stitching me up ! I'll kill him !"

    Kicked out off halls the following day, for "having too many candles, breaching the fire code". :D
  • elstoof 25 Feb 2013 10:26:16 7,000 posts
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    Sounds pretty standard Glaswegian if you ask me.
  • quadfather 25 Feb 2013 10:27:11 11,979 posts
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    @oldschoolsoviet - Thread winner I reckon :)

    psn quaddy456, Dark Souls tips

  • imamazed 25 Feb 2013 10:29:27 5,534 posts
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    Anyone been acquainted with the Norwich/Yarmouth puppet man?
  • S.J.Rogers 25 Feb 2013 10:32:49 3,557 posts
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    This thread is going to be GOLD..!
  • oldschoolsoviet 25 Feb 2013 10:33:48 5,460 posts
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    elstoof wrote:
    Sounds pretty standard Glaswegian if you ask me.
    Funnily enough, he lives near here, hence my initial encounter ! Haven't seen him since thankfully.

    As for all the commuter stories, sounds pretty normal to me. We say that railway cleaners are so highly paid because they have to clear all the intelligence and common sense abandoned on the platforms..... :)
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