Random Musings Page 942

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  • Addy_B 10 Nov 2017 20:34:23 1,676 posts
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    4 sheets? I use more than that to wipe my cock. I don't count how many i use for my ass but I'm pretty confident it's over 4 sheets.
  • Mfolf 10 Nov 2017 22:00:39 1,426 posts
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    Iím very much going to regret joint this conversation. But how the fuck do you wipe your arse with only four sheets? Are you clean pinching? Every wipe I used at least four.

    Yes yes, something about pillow cushions etc.
  • Your-Mother 10 Nov 2017 22:06:04 738 posts
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    Mfolf wrote:
    But how the fuck do you wipe your arse with only four sheets?
    I'm guessing from him saying that he throws out pants when the skids stop washing out, the answer to that is "not very well".
  • JoeBlade 10 Nov 2017 22:11:00 4,116 posts
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    Mfolf wrote:
    But how the fuck do you wipe your arse with only four sheets?
    I suppose it depends on the definition of "sheet": ?
  • askew 10 Nov 2017 22:13:00 15,571 posts
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    Yesterday we had GoodForm as an odd 'un. Today Mal takes the crown.
  • Decks Best Forumite, 2016 10 Nov 2017 22:15:08 11,008 posts
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    Jesus I thought he meant 4 sheets per wipe. What the fuck.
  • nickthegun 10 Nov 2017 22:16:57 71,922 posts
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    I do it Arnold Rimmer style and use three sheets. One up, one down and one to polish.
  • elstoof 10 Nov 2017 22:17:00 18,653 posts
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    What if your sink isnít tight next t the toilet, do you wipe your arse next to the sink or do you shuffle back and forth between there and the throne for each wipe? The requirement for quick wiping surely adds another dimension to the planning
  • X201 10 Nov 2017 22:18:54 18,222 posts
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    Iím at that nicely drunk stage, fully in control of your faculties, but with the nice warm euphoric feeling
  • JoeBlade 10 Nov 2017 22:22:58 4,116 posts
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    X201 wrote:
    Iím at that nicely drunk stage, fully in control of your faculties, but with the nice warm euphoric feeling
    /takes X201 to the side

    Look, we are seriously invested in ridiculing mal's outrageous wiping habits so could you like, you know, put your euphoria on hold for a while and come back with it at some later time?
  • RelaxedMikki 10 Nov 2017 22:31:39 2,256 posts
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    X201s alright man. He's my good mate. He can. He can. He can erm. He can talk about whatever he wants. He's a good guy. A. Goood. Guy. Man. He's alright. It's just chat.... chatting...

    /stumbles
    Anyway.

    I have been thinking I'd like to move to French speaking Africa. I am working on my French. Seems fun there. YOLO and all that.
  • mal 10 Nov 2017 23:13:55 28,510 posts
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    Decks wrote:
    Jesus I thought he meant 4 sheets per wipe. What the fuck.
    Yeah, 4 sheets for a 'wet' wipe, but two for a normal wipe. No point doing two wet wipes in a row.

    And I'm glad I could serve as the entertainment for tonight :)
  • Mfolf 10 Nov 2017 23:27:28 1,426 posts
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    Just to be clear. Is the last sheet clean? Or are you going on faith here?
  • Addy_B 10 Nov 2017 23:36:58 1,676 posts
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    There is no way I could fully wipe my ass with 4 sheets. I'd have skidders like a melted bar of snickers in my grundies.
  • Psychotext 11 Nov 2017 00:02:03 62,018 posts
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    I scrub till that baby shines like a new penny...

    ...not really sure why you wouldn't.

    (Though apparently there are guys out there that don't wipe their arses; because touching down there is gay.)
  • mal 11 Nov 2017 00:32:57 28,510 posts
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    Mfolf wrote:
    Just to be clear. Is the last sheet clean? Or are you going on faith here?
    Of course, clean and a little bit damp ;)
  • Negan 11 Nov 2017 00:36:39 311 posts
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    Who leaves the wiping on a dirty sheet?

    Surely that shows you need to keep wiping.
  • Trowel 11 Nov 2017 00:39:12 21,659 posts
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    I seem to remember Will Smith is a massive cheerleader for wet wipes.

    And Sheryl Crow is in the one sheet gang.
  • mal 11 Nov 2017 01:13:08 28,510 posts
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    Yeah, I didn't think Sheryl Crow was too bad until she started on that whole 1 sheet thing. Even on my driest, most compacted shits, it's at best been two or three sheets before I'm confident enough to put my keks on again.
  • Your-Mother 11 Nov 2017 01:14:04 738 posts
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    mal wrote:
    But the savings in terms of having to buy new kecks when they gain that specific brown hue more than offset that I'd have thought.
    Can we go back to this wtf moment please
  • FuzzyDucky 11 Nov 2017 02:06:33 2,559 posts
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    Shirley it involves a lot of variables? Forum user mal could have the arse of a lame teenager, so doesn't require much paper.

    I can sometimes get away with one wipe, but if it's messy and there's err, some "entanglement" (my arse is distressingly hairy) or is a bit gooey (I sometimes have GI issues, before ye ask) I could go through half a roll and still have to hop in the shower.
  • FuzzyDucky 11 Nov 2017 02:08:18 2,559 posts
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    Your-Mother wrote:
    mal wrote:
    But the savings in terms of having to buy new kecks when they gain that specific brown hue more than offset that I'd have thought.
    Can we go back to this wtf moment please
    Recently had to chuck one of my fave pairs, no wtf moment.

    This is the real world, yo.
  • Your-Mother 11 Nov 2017 02:24:51 738 posts
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    I have literally never had to throw out underwear because of shit stains. Do you people need pampers or something.
  • Dirtbox 11 Nov 2017 05:15:55 89,298 posts
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    Anal seepage comes with advanced age.
  • GuybrushThreepwood 11 Nov 2017 05:22:29 1,247 posts
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    I thought there was a thread for "shit like this"? Isn't it the poo diaries?
  • Addy_B 11 Nov 2017 06:20:26 1,676 posts
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    Ho Lee fuk this thread has gone to the shitter.
  • elstoof 11 Nov 2017 06:37:13 18,653 posts
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    How many days in a row do you shit streakers wear your knickers for
  • macmurphy 11 Nov 2017 07:09:54 2,510 posts
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    Itís to do with how hairy your arse is. You wipe and it comes away clean. But thereís little bits of pooh matted and interwoven with your bum hair.

    Normally fine but if you do exercise and start sweating it can leach out into your pants.

    Pretty disgusting, but usually only occurs after a really disgusting sticky pooh.

    I once went somewhere with American military toilets - maybe 15 in a row each side with no dividers. I took a particularly stinking pooh and it was taking me ages to wipe. Some (obviously rectally hairless) guy was looking at me like I was having some pokey bum wank, wondering what was taking me so long.

    I think some people really are once up, once down, once to polish. That hasnít been me since I was 12. Itís a fucking battle getting my hoop presentable after a thunderous shit.

    Sometimes itís easier to just do the groundwork then jump in the shower and shampoo it clean.

    Edited by macmurphy at 07:11:43 11-11-2017
  • elstoof 11 Nov 2017 07:25:08 18,653 posts
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    Get the fucking thing waxed and free yourself of this foolishness
  • elstoof 11 Nov 2017 07:29:02 18,653 posts
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    Imagine a life where you can wear white underwear with pride, like the Calvin models do. A life where the only reason you throw a pair away is because theyíve got holes from the washing and tumble drying, not because youíve checked the shade of brown on the gusset against a colour strip and theyíve passed the Rubicon
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