Childlessness Page 5

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  • Psychotext 1 Jan 2013 14:50:50 53,807 posts
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    I'm guessing his missus forced kids on him so everyone else can suffer too. ;)

    Incoming posts from oversensitve parents!
  • ZuluHero 1 Jan 2013 14:50:50 4,019 posts
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    @quadfather the difference is that your wife has had a child and is much older. The way you think when your older than in you 20s is almost a world apart. I don't think people, women in particular, really start think about these things until they're a bit older. I think that's why you get spates of 40 year old women trying desperately to start families.

    I think at 28 it's difficult to say never. So much happens to us over a year that makes us think differently, let alone the rest of our lives

    I also think its way easier for men to say they never want children. A lot of women might say it, particularly when they are young, but as they get older, things tend to change.

    Edited by ZuluHero at 14:51:34 01-01-2013
  • Bremenacht 1 Jan 2013 15:03:42 17,603 posts
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    Tonka wrote:
    Having children is the ultimate indulgence.
    I'd say having children and producing useful, intelligent, productive individuals is the best thing you can do. If you produce children more useful, intelligent and productive than yourself, then you're improving society.
  • Bremenacht 1 Jan 2013 15:06:11 17,603 posts
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    Psychotext wrote:
    Incoming posts from oversensitve parents!
    I'm hoping this develops into a forum war e.g. Dads club vs pointless Pelicans, or something like that.
  • Psychotext 1 Jan 2013 15:07:10 53,807 posts
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    That's a crapshoot though. If we could kill the stupid and feckless ones then we'd be onto a winner. Even the best parents can turn out utterly worthless kids.

    Edit - Is the pointless pelicans group still around? How depressing.

    Edited by Psychotext at 15:07:45 01-01-2013
  • sport 1 Jan 2013 15:10:16 12,543 posts
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    Don't have kids? Fuck off to a different forum! 2013 is the year of the parent!
  • ZuluHero 1 Jan 2013 15:19:57 4,019 posts
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    Bremenacht wrote:
    Psychotext wrote:
    Incoming posts from oversensitve parents!
    I'm hoping this develops into a forum war e.g. Dads club vs pointless Pelicans, or something like that.
    The thing is you don't really get threads entitled "I want kids" then proceed to list selfish and subjective and controversial reasons for wanting them.

    It's almost as if people want justification or reassurance from their lifestyle choices. If you don't want kids that's fine, but why be so public about it? It's bound to bring pretty strong viewpoints to the surface.

    This is why we have a dads club where we can show photos of our little 'angels' without sickening the rest of the forum with it.
  • neilka 1 Jan 2013 15:26:05 15,642 posts
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    There's a group for swapping pictures of children? Why did nobody tell me?
  • Psychotext 1 Jan 2013 15:31:44 53,807 posts
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    ZuluHero wrote:
    It's almost as if people want justification or reassurance from their lifestyle choices. If you don't want kids that's fine, but why be so public about it? It's bound to bring pretty strong viewpoints to the surface.
    Because it's unusual? No-one is going to come out and say "what the fuck is wrong with you / you're horribly selfish" if you say that you're planning on having kids with your SO. It's still currently seen as an odd decision to not have them.

    I've no idea why parents are so defensive about having kids. It's almost never criticised by those who don't want them... but the opposite is rarely true.
  • sport 1 Jan 2013 15:32:46 12,543 posts
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    @Psychotext - STOP ATTACKING US!
  • Psychotext 1 Jan 2013 15:33:36 53,807 posts
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    Also, there are a ton of threads here which were posted when someone has got their other half pregnant... though apparently that's acceptable. :p
  • Psychotext 1 Jan 2013 15:33:50 53,807 posts
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    sport wrote:
    @Psychotext - STOP ATTACKING US!
    Filthy breeder!
  • Deleted user 1 January 2013 15:37:03
    Oo, potentially interesting thread. I don't have children but would probably like some, however I'm a 30 year old manchild and scared of passing my shit on.

    Procreation is the closest to a point for living in my reality, however that's not to say everyone should have children.

    I'm currently wondering whether a decision on not having children will end up tragic for me or not, certainly don't like the idea of me being a lonely old man with no family around me but the thought of potentially having children and fucking up really badly scares me still.

    Probably just being a tad melodramatic about the whole thing due to overthinking every conceiveable outcome.
  • ZuluHero 1 Jan 2013 15:56:14 4,019 posts
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    Psychotext wrote:
    Also, there are a ton of threads here which were posted when someone has got their other half pregnant... though apparently that's acceptable. :p
    That's just like a forum high five for manliness.

    :p
  • Psychotext 1 Jan 2013 16:32:02 53,807 posts
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    I guess if nothing else it's proof you had sex...

    ...or had a missus who was adept with handjobs and turkey basters.
  • ZuluHero 1 Jan 2013 16:42:06 4,019 posts
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    Haha! Maybe that's what'll happen to meme in 10 years time.

    "but how are you pregnant? We didn't want kids and we always used contraception?" As his wife/gf pushes turkey baster out of sight with her foot and tells him that birth control is only 99% reliable ;)

    Edited by ZuluHero at 16:42:32 01-01-2013
  • Tonka 1 Jan 2013 18:33:30 20,011 posts
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    @neilka Funniest thing I've read all year. Literally!

    If you can read this you really need to fiddle with your forum settings.

  • Carlo 1 Jan 2013 18:44:24 17,948 posts
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    neilka wrote:
    There's a group for swapping pictures of children? Why did nobody tell me?
    You really need us to explain?

    PSN ID: Djini

  • Youthist 1 Jan 2013 18:53:41 10,010 posts
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    mowgli wrote:
    morriss wrote:
    Don't have kids, that's fine. But not wanting kids for "what you'll have to give up," and "how much thankless work" it'll be, and "how little you'll sleep" is quite frankly pathetic.
    Why exactly?
    Yeah, one might have to give up spending so much time on here, and that would be a tragedy in itself.

    Think of how stupid the average person is, and realise half of them are stupider than that

  • ZuluHero 1 Jan 2013 19:16:37 4,019 posts
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    neilka wrote:
    There's a group for swapping pictures of children? Why did nobody tell me?
    Aha! I missed this earlier! I've already said too much! :)
  • skuzzbag 1 Jan 2013 20:03:39 5,636 posts
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    Youthist wrote:
    mowgli wrote:
    morriss wrote:
    Don't have kids, that's fine. But not wanting kids for "what you'll have to give up," and "how much thankless work" it'll be, and "how little you'll sleep" is quite frankly pathetic.
    Why exactly?
    Yeah, one might have to give up spending so much time on here, and that would be a tragedy in itself.
    So ironic - from both sides too!
  • kalel 2 Jan 2013 09:49:47 86,329 posts
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    Phattso wrote:
    I had typed out a fairly lengthy response here (as a late 30s non parent) but since the thread is now about mowgli shitting dogs I just PMd it instead. :)
    For some reason this epic post ended up in my in-box. Lucky me...

    Anyway, found myself giving this a fair amount of musing over the weekend.

    I think first off, again, if people don't want to have kids then cool, don't have kids. If that's how you feel in fact, then definitely don't have kids. I absolutely feel no superiority or whatever over people without kids, and in fact I am slightly envious of their freedom and all that. Good luck to the childless out there.

    That out the way, I think this whole idea that it's either an indulgence or a selfless act is a bit of a nonsense. It's neither and both, and you can position it either way if you like, but both miss the point.

    As for the benefits of having kids, it is something that's incredibly hard to articulate, but essentially it's about a relationship. To be corny, it comes down to love. For some, loving people and being loved back is about as rewarding an experience you can have. And the love you have for your children almost certainly results in the most rewarding relationship there is. And that's it in a nutshell, and why worrying about things like sleepless nights or poo can be seen as perhaps small minded or whatever. These are things of such minor significance in the gib picture, although to be fair, you'd have to actually have kids to put that in perspective.

    But sure, other people have things in life which are more important than those kind of relationships. They want to travel, or have lots of partners, or work in lots of different place or I don't, know. Whatever. There are probably lifestyles that make kids impossible to have, so some make that choice, and fine, again. It's all good.

    But I would say to anyone who finds themselves really questioning whether they want to have kids, to think about the most meaningful relationships they have - their best friends, their parents, their wives or girlfriends - and ask whether they'd consider the things in life that they're choosing instead of kids more important than those relationships. Because that is in fact what you're going to miss out on. The most loving and rewarding relationship you can have.
  • LeoliansBro 2 Jan 2013 09:59:16 43,227 posts
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    I find it strange that people want kids while they're single and before they know who they'll have them with. Surely it should be the other way round - that you find yourself with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and then decide that children would be great in that situation?

    I guess I get children in that situation? But the 'urge' or 'desire' or 'drive' to have children without first ensuring they'll have a happy home life sounds a lot less wonderful when you point out it's due to a hormone imbalance.

    LB, you really are a massive geek.

  • kalel 2 Jan 2013 10:11:05 86,329 posts
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    That's like saying you don't get why someone would want to have sex until they find the person they want to have sex with or why they'd feel hunger until they've found the thing the want to eat.

    But again, if you don't "get it", then cool. You don't need to.
  • LeoliansBro 2 Jan 2013 10:16:25 43,227 posts
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    I don't get people who go out just looking for sex. I do pity them though.

    Fair enough on the food thing. I know this is a mental block for me.

    LB, you really are a massive geek.

  • nickthegun 2 Jan 2013 10:16:56 58,782 posts
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    Some of the best, most sorted parents I know had kids completely by accident.

    Its glib, but you really dont know how you feel about kids until you have them, unfortunately.

    ---------------------------------------------------------
    He totally called it

  • S.J.Rogers 2 Jan 2013 10:21:47 3,557 posts
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    meme wrote:
    I know we have a massive raft of parents and whatnot on here, so I figured I'd seek out thoughts and theories about going childless. My wife and I have no desire whatsoever for a child. Literally none. Not even the slightest stirring. To the extent where I'm seriously considering a vasectomy in the near future so we don't have to really bother with birth control anymore.

    I have basically never had any sort of want for a child. Never had a pang of feeling like I need one in my life, never felt broody or anything like that. Not a single one of my lifetime plans have ever factored in or considered children. It just hasn't entered in the equation. To me, the sleepless nights and years and years of having to clean up shit (literally shit) and lack of personal freedom just outweighs the feeling of love and whatnot you'd get from a child. I'll get (and have got) parents telling me that's bullshit and it's all worth it overall and so on and so forth, and if that's the case in their world then I'm immeasurably happy for them. But I just don't see it at all in mine.

    So I'm wondering if there's any others who felt the same way, perhaps in a similar position of being in a marriage where neither partner wants kids. Or even counterpoints beyond just "you don't know until you have one". Do you think an actively childless marriage is selfish? Beneficial? Have you had a marriage strengthened or weakened (perhaps even saved or destroyed) by the inclusion of kids? Eh? Eh?
    Hello meme...

    I feel exactly the same as you and to be honest I really do not like kids at all. I see no point in spending all my time, effort and money on something I would resent.

    I have always had the fear of accidentally getting a girl pregnant and have had to end 3 long term relationships because my partner decided that they wanted kids.

    I had wanted a vasectomy for many years and first asked for one when I was 25 (I am now 36) but I was told that as I was childless, I could not have one till I was at least 35. At 35 I booked a vasectomy and had mine just under a month ago.

    My partner is fine with this and had no desire for kids of her own (I am well aware that she could change her mind) and I will be MUCH more comfortable and happy once I get the test results next month.

    As I said I really do not like kids at all and having a vasectomy is the BEST decision I have EVER made..!
  • nickthegun 2 Jan 2013 10:26:28 58,782 posts
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    Not to dispute your caps emphasis, but having kids has not changed my opinion on children. i love my own but hell is other peoples kids.

    I really cant abide any child other than my own.

    ---------------------------------------------------------
    He totally called it

  • localnotail 2 Jan 2013 10:26:44 23,093 posts
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    Surely as a species, having children is the only important thing on the world? I realise that extended lifespans and improved medical care and living environments have allowed the development of the individual, but to question why people might know they want to have children in the future seems a bit daft to me. It's a major point of existence, it is a unique experience with potentially great emotional reward. If anything, it's like a desire to travel far from home, but with no destination as yet in mind.

    There are other points to existence than parenting, but none so common and well-established, globally.

    A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

  • nickthegun 2 Jan 2013 10:29:59 58,782 posts
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    The thing is, its something we, as a species, hopelessly over analyse.

    We agonise whether we should, whether its right, whether we like kids and all that.

    its actually fairly simple. You have kids, you cope. Yes, its hard for the short term, but you manage. Yes, it impairs your ability to act like a child yourself for the rest of your life, but you work around it.

    Its the most natural thing in the world and we make such a fucking drama about it.

    ---------------------------------------------------------
    He totally called it

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