Childlessness

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  • Deleted user 31 December 2012 15:30:46
    I know we have a massive raft of parents and whatnot on here, so I figured I'd seek out thoughts and theories about going childless. My wife and I have no desire whatsoever for a child. Literally none. Not even the slightest stirring. To the extent where I'm seriously considering a vasectomy in the near future so we don't have to really bother with birth control anymore.

    I have basically never had any sort of want for a child. Never had a pang of feeling like I need one in my life, never felt broody or anything like that. Not a single one of my lifetime plans have ever factored in or considered children. It just hasn't entered in the equation. To me, the sleepless nights and years and years of having to clean up shit (literally shit) and lack of personal freedom just outweighs the feeling of love and whatnot you'd get from a child. I'll get (and have got) parents telling me that's bullshit and it's all worth it overall and so on and so forth, and if that's the case in their world then I'm immeasurably happy for them. But I just don't see it at all in mine.

    So I'm wondering if there's any others who felt the same way, perhaps in a similar position of being in a marriage where neither partner wants kids. Or even counterpoints beyond just "you don't know until you have one". Do you think an actively childless marriage is selfish? Beneficial? Have you had a marriage strengthened or weakened (perhaps even saved or destroyed) by the inclusion of kids? Eh? Eh?
  • neilka 31 Dec 2012 15:32:11 14,940 posts
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    Fuck kids
  • Lukus 31 Dec 2012 15:32:27 18,955 posts
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    YOUR WIFE IS BRAINWASHING YOU

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  • MrTomFTW Moderator 31 Dec 2012 15:34:51 36,270 posts
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    I never wanted kids. Now I have two and I love them.

    I totally called it.
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  • sport 31 Dec 2012 15:35:14 12,043 posts
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    But Gremmi, who will post here for you when you're gone?
  • Clive_Dunn 31 Dec 2012 15:35:26 4,762 posts
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    How old are you both ?
  • Deleted user 31 December 2012 15:36:28
    I'm 31, she's 28.
  • Deleted user 31 December 2012 15:37:09
    Me and the missus have a five years down the line plan (more like 4 now). Keep getting broody to fuck though. We've been together 9 years and there has been no pressure so happy to keep waiting! Looking after new puppy helps distil any early baby thoughts!
  • Deleted user 31 December 2012 15:38:08
    Not sure how actively childless could be considered selfish - What am I missing with that point?
  • neilka 31 Dec 2012 15:38:13 14,940 posts
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    She's been breast feeding the puppy hasn't she
  • StarchildHypocrethes 31 Dec 2012 15:38:43 24,557 posts
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    I'd give it a few years before doing anything drastic. It's amazing how quickly a number of friends have gone from not wanting kids at all to suddenly requiring them NOW.
  • StarchildHypocrethes 31 Dec 2012 15:39:48 24,557 posts
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    I'm fairly similar as I and the other half have no desire whatsoever at the age of 33, but you never know down the line.
  • Lukus 31 Dec 2012 15:39:55 18,955 posts
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    Having said that, I have no strong desire either. But part of that is having been basically single for about 3 years. I can't envision a scenario where I'll be in a position where having kids would be right or proper at this point in time. I'm sure if and when I meet the right person and I sort my life out a bit that might change however.

    I get the impression a lot of couples have kids when they've run out of things to talk about... I'm semi serious here.

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  • LeoliansBro 31 Dec 2012 15:40:27 41,863 posts
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    StarchildHypocrethes wrote:
    I'd give it a few years before doing anything drastic. It's amazing how quickly a number of friends have gone from not wanting kids at all to suddenly requiring them NOW.
    Completely.

    LB, you really are a massive geek.

  • kalel 31 Dec 2012 15:41:06 83,853 posts
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    I'd say you're both ten years too young to be so certain. There's really no need to decide whether you will or won't. Live your lives and be happy. If you end up not having kids then cool, but what does actually deciding you're not going to achieve?

    Wouldn't get the chop yet though. Bit final (although not completely).
  • sport 31 Dec 2012 15:41:29 12,043 posts
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    Here's the thing, you intellectuals think you're above all of us with your fancy book publishing, your expensive kindle gadgets and trophy american wives, but Tarrick down at Botcherby Estate has 7 kids and counting and he's winning in life, he's beating you whether you like it or not!
  • kalel 31 Dec 2012 15:43:02 83,853 posts
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    Also the whole "I don't want to change nappies and get up in the night" thing is really overstated. It's nothing. Dogs are harder work than kids. The reward is ten thousand times the trouble, which is hugely over dramatised by Eastenders and the like.
  • Vortex808 31 Dec 2012 15:44:05 6,552 posts
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    As a younger man I would never have dreamed of having offspring. We were mid-30's before we eventually decided to have kids, so wouldn't recommend doing anything to your tubes yet!

    I wasn't dead set on having kids, but am glad we did. It is utterly worth it imo. Life has altered very much, but in a good way.
  • LeoliansBro 31 Dec 2012 15:44:08 41,863 posts
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    Why not just boff when you feel like it and see what happens?

    LB, you really are a massive geek.

  • Psychotext 31 Dec 2012 15:44:59 52,774 posts
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    meme wrote:
    So I'm wondering if there's any others who felt the same way, perhaps in a similar position of being in a marriage where neither partner wants kids. Or even counterpoints beyond just "you don't know until you have one". Do you think an actively childless marriage is selfish? Beneficial? Have you had a marriage strengthened or weakened (perhaps even saved or destroyed) by the inclusion of kids? Eh? Eh?
    Plenty of us my good man. Thankfully my wife has always felt the same way so it's not a problem. Funnily enough this thread has been done a couple of times and unfortunately it always ends badly because doting parents vs evil kid haters.

    As for it being beneficial or not... it's just different. Also, if you need kids to strengthen your marriage then your marriage is already over.

    Edited by Psychotext at 15:46:28 31-12-2012
  • kalel 31 Dec 2012 15:45:48 83,853 posts
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    Also FWIW I do know one couple who have decided not to have kids and are now past the point of no return. They're very affluent because of it. That's about the only positive as far as I can see. They don't have much to do with their money and he's now pretty much s total alcoholic.
  • Deleted user 31 December 2012 15:48:36
    kalel wrote:
    Also the whole "I don't want to change nappies and get up in the night" thing is really overstated. It's nothing.
    Bearing in mind I still retch and heave after scooping out the cat's litterbox every other day for over a year, the thought of dealing hands-on (perhaps literally) with human shit a couple of times a day for several years doesn't inspire much confidence in my coping abilities there.
  • Deleted user 31 December 2012 15:49:05
    Life is suffering: it's downright sadistic to create more of it.
  • Deckard1 31 Dec 2012 15:49:31 25,393 posts
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    I fucking hate children, I really do. My girlfriend wants them but the more I think about the more I don't. Which is causing a few arguments now. I just... I just fucking hate them.

    Called it

  • wogsy81 31 Dec 2012 15:49:33 598 posts
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    Isn't that the whole meaning of life. Reproducing and passing on your genes for a new generation etc etc.
    Hideo Kojima knows a lot more about this stuff then me to be honest.

    I haven't got kids myself but i would love a kid before i die, someone to carry on my name, amazing genes etc.

    But its your life. if you and your missus genuienly dont want kids then fuck the haters. It's your life mate.
  • kalel 31 Dec 2012 15:51:35 83,853 posts
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    meme wrote:
    kalel wrote:
    Also the whole "I don't want to change nappies and get up in the night" thing is really overstated. It's nothing.
    Bearing in mind I still retch and heave after scooping out the cat's litterbox every other day for over a year, the thought of dealing hands-on (perhaps literally) with human shit a couple of times a day for several years doesn't inspire much confidence in my coping abilities there.
    Do you manage to wipe your own arse? If so you'd be fine. Somehow when it's your own kid, it's magically ok. Believe me, I was worried about that one.
  • sport 31 Dec 2012 15:52:57 12,043 posts
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    Deckard1 wrote:
    I fucking hate children, I really do. My girlfriend wants them but the more I think about the more I don't. Which is causing a few arguments now. I just... I just fucking hate them.
    It's ok to hate other's kids, just don't hate your own.
  • Psychotext 31 Dec 2012 15:53:24 52,774 posts
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    Whole bunch of hormonal changes go on, otherwise you'd hate your own kids as much as everyone else hates them. :D
  • MrTomFTW Moderator 31 Dec 2012 16:00:18 36,270 posts
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    I still hate kids. My kids are fucking awesome though.

    I totally called it.
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