Annoying Movie Cliches

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  • nickthegun 18 Dec 2012 09:42:52 59,416 posts
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    Prompted by my unnecessarily long review of the new bourne movie, I thought it would be a nice Christmassy thing to do to complain about movie clichés.

    The thing that prompted this was, coming quite soon off the back of watching skyfall, whenever anyone liberates a car or motorcycle, its in perfect nick. If anyone ever tried to steal my car and then thrash it in a high intensity car chase, the clutch would go almost immediately and the hero would just be sat there revving the engine into oblivion.

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    He totally called it

  • sport 18 Dec 2012 09:53:28 12,684 posts
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    A horror/suspense cliche eluded to in Cabin in the Woods, but why the fuck to people split up when faced with some sort of peril. Honestly, stick together, back to back, weapon in hand FFS!
  • elstoof 18 Dec 2012 10:23:13 6,980 posts
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    I liked the car chase in the first Bourne because he went through a few questions with Lola about service schedules and tyre rotations before spanking her Mini up and down the stairs.
  • billythekid 18 Dec 2012 10:25:39 11,103 posts
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    When a car pulls away from a standstill, the tyres will squeal. Even on a fucking dirt road. >:(
  • nickthegun 18 Dec 2012 10:26:19 59,416 posts
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    Obviously the answer to everything anyone is going to post is 'Otherwise it would be a short, boring film', but thanks for entering into the spirit nonetheless.

    ---------------------------------------------------------
    He totally called it

  • sport 18 Dec 2012 10:32:04 12,684 posts
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    I'm sure it's been mentioned before but why don't movie people say "Bye" or some form of farewell message when finishing a phone conversation.
  • elstoof 18 Dec 2012 10:32:27 6,980 posts
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    Whenever you see a clever time bomb that needs diffusing, the villain always handily uses a different colour for each wire.
  • roz123 18 Dec 2012 10:33:01 7,112 posts
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    Sex scenes never end with someone going to grab tissues or trying to position themselves so they aren't lying on bodily fluids.
  • Stickman 18 Dec 2012 10:34:48 29,664 posts
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    The way assault rifles don't blow huge gaping holes in people and explosions don't result in bits of human being spread over a large area.

    If people are going to moan about violence in films at least let's make it realistic!

    THIS SPACE FOR RENT

  • smoothpete 18 Dec 2012 10:38:20 31,484 posts
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    Fireballs in explosions. Don't tend to happen in real life. And diving away from an explosion will not help.

    That said, it is true that cool guys don't look at explosions.
  • LeoliansBro 18 Dec 2012 10:39:36 43,745 posts
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    Handywavy electronic / digital solutions that make absolutely no sense.

    Not looking where you're going when driving, made doubly dangerous by the tracking being out on every car so the steering wheel needs constant adjustment, even in a straight line.

    Guns that hold staggering amounts of ammo and are super accurate / reliable (or inaccurate / unreliable dependent on plot).

    The Last Action Hero approach to injuries.

    Edited by LeoliansBro at 10:40:18 18-12-2012

    LB, you really are a massive geek.

  • LeoliansBro 18 Dec 2012 10:39:56 43,745 posts
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    Sound in space.

    LB, you really are a massive geek.

  • localnotail 18 Dec 2012 10:41:13 23,093 posts
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    Crashed vehicles with heroes in do not explode, or at least remain intact until they are well clear.
    All other crashed vehicles explode violently, instantly.

    Edit: or, what Nick wrote.

    Edited by localnotail at 11:07:08 18-12-2012

    A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

  • graysonavich 18 Dec 2012 10:41:18 7,320 posts
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    When they use American words for things when we have perfectly good British words for them.
  • TheSaint 18 Dec 2012 10:43:10 14,292 posts
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    roz123 wrote:
    Sex scenes never end with someone going to grab tissues or trying to position themselves so they aren't lying on bodily fluids.
    Judging by films a lot of women also leave their tops/bras on during sex. If they do decide to take everything off then modesty will hit the minute they finish and they'll make sure they are covered by a sheet at all times.
  • elstoof 18 Dec 2012 10:49:04 6,980 posts
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    Whenever the group are troubled by an unprecedented terror, dinosaurs, ghosts, zombies, aliens - whatever, there's somehow always one expert in how to deal with them who dies just after they've dispatched a few baddies and saved some lives.
  • nickthegun 18 Dec 2012 10:58:51 59,416 posts
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    Button pressers. Mysterious space ship? Dungeon full of misery? If you see a button, get it pressed.

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    He totally called it

  • LeoliansBro 18 Dec 2012 10:59:55 43,745 posts
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    Romcoms are exclusively populated by people with a lot of free time in the day.

    LB, you really are a massive geek.

  • TheSaint 18 Dec 2012 11:01:24 14,292 posts
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    Women all work for magazines while men tend to do unspecified jobs in modern spacious open plan offices.
  • smoothpete 18 Dec 2012 11:03:12 31,484 posts
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    All computers beep constantly
  • kalel 18 Dec 2012 11:05:31 86,901 posts
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    I think there's a bit of a difference between "total reality not being accurately portrayed in films" and film clichés.

    For example, the latest Bourne film (again) had the classic "woman being chased around a Middle Eastern market place" sequence which I swear to god I've seen in twenty different films. I was just waiting for her to either grab a headscarf and blend into the crowd, hide in a basket or duck into a dark alleyway to wait for the pursuers to run past without thinking to look in the dark alleyway where she would obviously be hiding (she went for the latter).

    This isn't typical convention like L-shaped sheets to cover boobs, or unrealistic one-sided phone conversations. It's just pure laziness.

    Edited by kalel at 11:05:55 18-12-2012
  • smoothpete 18 Dec 2012 11:09:01 31,484 posts
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    @kalel, OK I'm with you. So as a precursor to set that middle eastern market scene, there is typically a panning helicopter shot of an old mosque or old building or something like that so the viewer thinks "oooh this place is old and middle eastern, and very foreign so must be dangerous", thereby setting the scene and tone for your market chase. Would you count that as a cliche?
  • JuanKerr 18 Dec 2012 11:09:24 36,239 posts
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    graysonavich wrote:
    When they use American words for things when we have perfectly good British words for them.
    I could care less about that.
  • Kangoo 18 Dec 2012 11:10:10 1,016 posts
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    Talking while driving, seriously if I can't take my eyes off the road for more than 2 seconds, how can people drive without looking at the road for 20 seconds without hitting anything/veering etc.

    So petty but so irritating for me.

    /feels better now

    PSN: Adwab2

  • Stickman 18 Dec 2012 11:11:17 29,664 posts
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    smoothpete wrote:
    @ kalel, OK I'm with you. So as a precursor to set that middle eastern market scene, there is typically a panning helicopter shot of an old mosque or old building or something like that so the viewer thinks "oooh this place is old and middle eastern, and very foreign so must be dangerous", thereby setting the scene and tone for your market chase. Would you count that as a cliche?
    Usually with a middle eastern woman on the soundtrack going "Aayaaaaaaheyaaaaamalundaaaaaa...."

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  • kalel 18 Dec 2012 11:12:23 86,901 posts
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    smoothpete wrote:
    @ kalel, OK I'm with you. So as a precursor to set that middle eastern market scene, there is typically a panning helicopter shot of an old mosque or old building or something like that so the viewer thinks "oooh this place is old and middle eastern, and very foreign so must be dangerous", thereby setting the scene and tone for your market chase. Would you count that as a cliche?
    Hah, yeah :)
  • RobTheBuilder 18 Dec 2012 11:15:35 6,521 posts
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    Heroes have robotic super steady pinpoint aim, and the enemy has jittery trampoline drunken aim. 800,000,000 rounds later and he hasn't even hit them once.
  • localnotail 18 Dec 2012 11:18:27 23,093 posts
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    Meals / drinks are weird in films. People are always ordering / making stuff and then abandoning it. So wasteful, plus foolish in the long run - you'll probably need the energy, so finish it or at least take it with you. I have no idea why this bothers me. Probably because "starving children in Africa would love to eat so well" etc.

    A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

  • nickthegun 18 Dec 2012 11:18:31 59,416 posts
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    The new Bourne has them all:

    The destructive, consequence free car chase around a foreign city.

    The junk thats actually more like a 4 star thai hotel.

    ---------------------------------------------------------
    He totally called it

  • elstoof 18 Dec 2012 11:19:55 6,980 posts
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    Stickman wrote:
    smoothpete wrote:
    @ kalel, OK I'm with you. So as a precursor to set that middle eastern market scene, there is typically a panning helicopter shot of an old mosque or old building or something like that so the viewer thinks "oooh this place is old and middle eastern, and very foreign so must be dangerous", thereby setting the scene and tone for your market chase. Would you count that as a cliche?
    Usually with a middle eastern woman on the soundtrack going "Aayaaaaaaheyaaaaamalundaaaaaa...."
    Genuine chuckles there. Thumbs up.
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