I think the real point here is that if you're cooking something for the very first time you generally want to go simple anyway. Experiment with rubs and techniques and charcoal burning and goose fat and smoking and brining once you've actually made it once using a basic method.
"Hi, I want to make some pulled pork. What should I do?"
"Take a honey-imbued ceramic dish and preheat it to precisely 343.3 degrees, then rub a tablespoon of salt (sea salt, grains no smaller than 0.5mm) across the bottom of the dish as it heats. Next take some pork (organic and corn fed Welsh pork only) that's been chilling in a cold room (not a fridge, you'll need an entire room for this so it can breathe) and rub on a mix of spices - it helps if you grow all these yourself in your back garden. Don't buy any from the supermarket, that's just cheating. Anyway, the mix is: gold, dandelion, rosemary, nectar of ghosts, dried cranberries, a box of Frosties from 1987, iron filings, a couple of magnets, peppercorns and ostrich eggs. Combine them all in a bowl that's made of lead and rub into the pork using circular motions for about an hour. If your hand starts to ache, that means the pork's really going to taste good. Then cook for a hundred and fifty three hours"
"Fuck that."
GHOSTBUSTERS
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