National Novel Writing Month 2012 Page 28

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  • Carbon_Altered 16 Nov 2012 12:01:36 675 posts
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    @MetalDog - couple of queries/comments on the latest slug of your that I read this morning

    When Sway captures the little oik that made a run for it at the station, there was an odd interchange where the kid moans and Sway points to his badge idicating that he is on Black Hepa. I didn't quite follow that - was the aim to intimidate the kid? Or show him that he knows all about drugs, or something else?

    And Walker outside the hospital, the trap was just a bit too obvious for me. It's fine that a reader sees a trap coming, just in this instance it dented my impression of Walker a little as a man of his experience could surely see it coming, but he walks straight into it all the same? I guess you could explain this in terms of the stress after the bomb, but it just didn't quite sit right with me. This is only a minor quibble though, and partly because I'm having an issue in my own Nano at the moment with how much to actually flag a trap beforehand

    Still loving it, and can't wait for more.
  • Carbon_Altered 16 Nov 2012 12:04:40 675 posts
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    @TechnoHippy - more good stuff as I zip through your effort. What struck me today was how well you write dry technical/computer stuff. I remember thinking the same in the mini-nano you did on first contact. It is accessible while at the still time sounding technical enough to be believable - a neat balancing act.

    Dan is still the stand out character for me. Hope that the demon doesn't punish him too badly for not playing ball with the deal they made!
  • Salaman 16 Nov 2012 13:17:26 19,136 posts
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    Carbon_Altered wrote:
    Belated update from me:

    Chapter 13

    Chapter 14

    I'm a bit naughty in that I give my chapters a quick once over before positing them up. But this is as without it they can be properly unreadable in the bits where my mind raced too fast for my sausage fingers to keep up on the keyboard.
    Hmm. Mystery taking a different turn already than I would have anticipated. =)

    Some typos and stuff:
    fighting a physical and electronic battle needed a different set of intellectual abilities.
    This reads like there was an A-set of intellectual abilities needed before and there now is a B-set of different intellectual abilities needed.
    Where I suspect the meaning is that before there were physical abilities needed and now there's different abilities needed: intellectual.

    cantankerous old which
    witch

    Someone on board was up to something the central AI
  • Salaman 16 Nov 2012 13:29:42 19,136 posts
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    TechnoHippy wrote:
    Chapter 22 puts me over the 23,000 word mark.

    http://zenapocalypse.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/faust-20-chapter-22.html
    Aaah, it's very welcome to have a chapter with the demon around now. Plus the benefit of some insight into it's goals.


    it didn’t like to have them as its own bolthole.
    only?

    Now other matters demanded its attention.
    Now though the demon faced a new challenge.

    Bit odd having these two "now" sentences back to back

    Yea'olde double spaces
    It had been confident of the plan’s success,
    It didn’t want to use that last resort.
  • RobTheBuilder 16 Nov 2012 13:46:58 6,521 posts
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    Two new short chapters.

    20 - Hangover
    Tony recovers from the night before
    http://nanowrimo-theentertainer.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/20-hangover.html

    21 - Acting
    Tony perfects his new character and watches a little TV
    http://nanowrimo-theentertainer.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/21-acting.html
  • TechnoHippy 16 Nov 2012 13:53:14 14,718 posts
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    @Blerk

    Chapter 6:

    One thing strikes me is would there be any effects for transferring energy and/or matter between universes?

    I'm liking the idea of an untainted earth, it makes me wonder what things could be lurking.

    Would there be more concern about not spoiling the new world, so using electric cars and so forth?

    Ok, a mystery here. What did the boy see? Interest goes up a notch.

    As I've commented before I think you need to review your chapters, there's some nice moments which would work well as chapter breaks, for example after the boy insists about what he saw when they get back on the bus.

    I'm surprised they don't have any medical facilities there, most SF units have trained medics. I'd have expected a field hospital at the least considering the investment in personell in the operation.

    Chapter 7:

    The curfew is interesting. What is going on?

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  • TechnoHippy 16 Nov 2012 14:03:21 14,718 posts
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    @RobTheBuilder

    Chapter 20:

    Like it - ends well.

    Chapter 21:

    I like the idea of him trying to play himself.

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  • TechnoHippy 16 Nov 2012 14:04:09 14,718 posts
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    @Carbon_Altered

    Thanks, I think writing design documents has helped me with that :-)

    Dan still has a big part to play!

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  • RobTheBuilder 16 Nov 2012 14:04:36 6,521 posts
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    @TechnoHippy Cheers!
  • TechnoHippy 16 Nov 2012 14:05:04 14,718 posts
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    @Salaman

    Thanks for the comments - as always!

    I have been wondering about having the demon more directly narrated in the story, rather than just the interactions with his victims.

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  • Salaman 16 Nov 2012 15:03:08 19,136 posts
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    Yaaay. Go Blerk! Something to finish off my Friday afternoon. =)
    Aaaargh! Bloody cliff hanger ending. Who's Kurt? is he going to provide a welcome hand in his investigation?
    Go on man. Get thee to thine typing machine!
    ;-)


    Not sure if typo:
    “They encrypted,” she said, plainly.
    Does "to encrypt" exist as a verb in this sense? The files encrypted, rather than the files are encrypted?

    typo:
    someone was standing just a few behind me
  • sunjumper 16 Nov 2012 15:14:11 3,197 posts
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    evild_edd wrote:
    P.S. Do decaying corpses breath? Sure I saw something online recently where there was debate as to whether zombies could survive underwater and I think this (extremely important and deeply philosophical) question was at the heart of it all...
    From just the plausibility perspective(Zombies and plausibilitiy... right) if the zombies are truely dead mostof the organs would have either failed or be working at a very low speed, so that they'd be using anaerobic metabolism only. In that case they can amble underwater.
    If ther are infected type of zombies who just lost everything that made them human (they can still deceay through spreading necrosis and what not) they would have to breath to keep the cells going at their normal rate.

    But relly? Fuck that. The moment you try to hard to explain how they work you open the gates of factual flaws.
    Is it better for the story if they need to breath?
    Or does the added horror of them not being stopped by water or poison gas make them even more terrifying?

    P.S. getting soaked in water may accelerate their ratre of decay considerably andcertain fish might see them as a convinient source of food.
  • MetalDog 16 Nov 2012 15:38:36 23,697 posts
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    @Carbon_Altered
    The answer to the first is that it was an intimidation - definitely need to explain that more prior to the event. Any 4L on Black has a lot of clout usually.

    As to the second, you're bang on. I was thinking the same even while I was writing it, both Walker and Johnn need to be a lot smarter in that scene. I wasn't feeling that clever at the time of writing so I take the NaNo pledge I Will Fix It Later(tm) =D

    Thanks for the remarks, it does all get noted for later chainsaw action and helps me fuck up less while I go.

    -- boobs do nothing for me, I want moustaches and chest hair.

  • MetalDog 16 Nov 2012 15:40:37 23,697 posts
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    Oh, and congratulations meme, you machine! *\o/*

    -- boobs do nothing for me, I want moustaches and chest hair.

  • evild_edd 16 Nov 2012 16:13:35 3,123 posts
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    @sunjumper

    Just to clarify, I'm not writing a zombie book - it was just a debate I'd spotted on some random forum (may even have been a EG thread?)..

    I'm with you though, the more you try to explain fantastical things with modern science the quicker it all unravels. Better to leave it deliberately vague or just set the story in a high fantasy setting where you have total control over the rules and laws of your universe.

    I would like to write some sci-fi and/or fantasy at some point, but I keep getting drawn to character drama/literary fiction stories at present.

    Speaking of which, I've had a nice idea for Book Three (post NaNO). I say "nice" but that's probably not the right term: 'wrist-slashingly depressing' would probably be a better way to describe the story. Needs a lot of fleshing out as it's more idea than full plot in my mind, but the central 'hook' is there.....

    BAH - must stay focused on Book Two!!!

    Why look, it's a blog:
    http://www.edwardlaven.blogspot.co.uk

  • Blerk Moderator 16 Nov 2012 16:25:20 48,225 posts
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    Thanks for the feedback again, @TechnoHippy and @Salaman! And the typo highlighting. :)
  • sunjumper 16 Nov 2012 16:45:17 3,197 posts
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    evild_edd wrote:

    I would like to write some sci-fi and/or fantasy at some point, but I keep getting drawn to character drama/literary fiction stories at present.

    You know there is no rule that says that sci-fi and fatasy can't be works of drama or literary fiction. Actually it would be very interesting to see some cross-polination between these genres as I feel all of them are growing stale.

    Pro-secret: the key to originality is stealing. The best for of stealing is when you steal different kind of things that you tehn recombine into a new hybrid and the greater the apparent difference between the pieces are the more clever you will look.
  • Deleted user 16 November 2012 16:50:30
    The problem is that sci-fi/fantasy tend to revolve around a concept, action or plot device, rather than characters (which is, effectively, what separates genre and literary fiction). It's very challenging to tow the line between the two. Of course, it's possible - Cloud Atlas, IQ84, even arguably 1984 - it's just very very difficult to not end up swinging one way or the other.
  • TechnoHippy 16 Nov 2012 22:26:27 14,718 posts
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    A crazy day at work has hampered progress, but I'm now almost half way there thanks to chapter 23:

    http://zenapocalypse.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/faust-20-chapter-23.html

    My books, contests, reviews and author interviews on my blog

  • MetalDog 16 Nov 2012 23:58:45 23,697 posts
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    I've had a good day for me this year.

    Day sixteen

    Hope your work uncrazies for you, Techno, you've been going hammer and tongs, punch anything that tries to trip you up now!

    -- boobs do nothing for me, I want moustaches and chest hair.

  • evild_edd 17 Nov 2012 00:43:55 3,123 posts
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    w00t!

    Just tipped over the 30k mark. That's me done for the night, and I'll be giving myself a day off tomorrow. Will return to it on Sunday.

    Why look, it's a blog:
    http://www.edwardlaven.blogspot.co.uk

  • TechnoHippy 17 Nov 2012 10:28:53 14,718 posts
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    @MetalDog

    Thankfully the late night sorted the work crazy fora little while - at least enough to have the weekend free :-) Although I have a bit of catching up to. And I have a short story that needs submitting for another anthology I'm taking part in - although in fairness it just needs a read through, it's already written.

    Pleased to hear you've had a good day - I hope you're feeling a bit better?

    Anyway, onto your day 16 update:

    As always a good read.A talking police dog indeed.

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  • TechnoHippy 17 Nov 2012 10:29:19 14,718 posts
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    @evild_edd

    Good work!

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  • TechnoHippy 17 Nov 2012 14:01:08 14,718 posts
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    Chapter 24 puts me across the halfway mark :-)

    http://zenapocalypse.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/faust-20-chapter-24.html

    My books, contests, reviews and author interviews on my blog

  • RobTheBuilder 17 Nov 2012 14:13:22 6,521 posts
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    Finally hit halfway!

    Chapter 22 (part 1) - Episode Five
    Tony James hits the set.

    http://nanowrimo-theentertainer.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/22-episode-five-part-one.html
  • TechnoHippy 17 Nov 2012 14:44:04 14,718 posts
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    @RobTheBuilder

    I'll take a little pause to give this a read. Good job on crossing the halfway point!

    Chapter 22:

    I'm repeating myself, but I don't get a sense of place with your writing. The dialogue and story is great, I enjoy reading it, but it feels like a radio script, but without any of the bedding ambience.

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  • RobTheBuilder 17 Nov 2012 14:51:01 6,521 posts
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    @TechnoHippy Thanks. I think the places are going to be the main thing I work on on the second draft.
    The key things for me right now is getting the story down, but I'll try and focus more on it.
  • TechnoHippy 17 Nov 2012 15:04:13 14,718 posts
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    No worries, as I say it's the only missing thing that I can see. You don't need a lot, just a sketch of the world around the characters.

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  • Salaman 17 Nov 2012 15:15:57 19,136 posts
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    Metaldog, I don't know your main character nor universe very well yet. First story I'm reading.
    This stuck out as a bit out of place though. :-)
    Szwejkowski found a sudden love for her spring to life in his heart,

    I also completely missed where Yew called anyone plod. When she reprimands him I scanned up a few lines and couldnt' see it. Then hit ctrl+f to search. It's quite far up in the chapter. Towards the start. Maybe she can show her displeasure at the term there in some way and then formally call him up on it later?
  • RobTheBuilder 17 Nov 2012 15:24:21 6,521 posts
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    @TechnoHippy Thanks, that's useful to know. Wasn't quite sure how to handle describing the locations that are repeated, don't want to say the same thing over and over.
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