National Novel Writing Month 2012 Page 25

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  • MetalDog 12 Nov 2012 13:53:21 23,708 posts
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    The amount of reading and writing you're doing, I'm beginning to think you've cloned yourself as well.

    -- boobs do nothing for me, I want moustaches and chest hair.

  • TechnoHippy 12 Nov 2012 14:33:30 14,698 posts
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    That would be handy :-)

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  • Carbon_Altered 12 Nov 2012 22:19:26 675 posts
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    Chapter 12

    Hit 26k now, but as I'm not around for much of the final two weekends in November I need to build up a bit more slack
  • MetalDog 12 Nov 2012 23:03:14 23,708 posts
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    You can never have too much of a buffer - you're going well.

    Tonight's going to be another bust for me, I feel rubbish. Piss off plague!

    -- boobs do nothing for me, I want moustaches and chest hair.

  • Salaman 12 Nov 2012 23:59:54 18,870 posts
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    Carbon_Altered wrote:
    Hit 26k now, but as I'm not around for much of the final two weekends in November I need to build up a bit more slack
    I was very much behind on your story. But on the upside lots to catch up on in one sitting. Took longer than I thought in the end. :-)

    I started at more to fix.
    The whole scene with Brook is very atmospheric. It brings the to life what it's like to live/work on such a ship.
    I was thinking that earlyon and then you threw in this lovely little gem
    That the same tables and chairs, in the same formation, were also anchored to the ceiling for when gravity reversed during a ship breaking phase gave an unsettling impression. Like a ceiling mirror, except your reflection was missing.
    Perfect example.

    The musings + exchange about Si are good for establishing their relation + back story. The drone in the mysteriously sealed off section makes me wonder whether it was a co-incidence that she bumped into Si earlier on.

    Creepy ending btw!

    The scene with the sergeant is good. Adds more back story to Brook as well as the ship, as it shows off some more of the relations between it's crew.
    It also leaves a neat total of three suspects for the spyder bot. Sarge, who is already guilty in Brook's mind.
    Si, who I suspect based on his presence in the corridors.
    Billington, who seems the most suspicious.

    I sort of look forward now to Brook realising her mistake about the sarge's involvement and having to go and ask the sarge the favour of helping her figure out who has been messing about if not her. She sounds like she'd be able to help. She knows the shop, she seems to hack into anything when she pleases.
    Then there's also the option of either sarge or si being in cahoots with this Billi chap. So many options. Good set-up of the mystery.


    Another cool ending as well. :-)

    Took me a little moment to get my head around the new characters and location. I started off assuming these are other crew from the ship we hadn't seen yet. Interesting set of characters.
    This line just made me laugh: Chen swung his gun round to Kel, who promptly realised that the feeling of calmness was inversely proportional to having a gun aimed at him.

    Seeing Kel referred to as "the companion" in this chapter just made me realise I mis-read the Delilah scene in the previous chapter.
    I assumed everything was on their base around Europa. Although it clearly said "municipal park", I assumed that was some part of the base. A little atrium supposed to look like a park but derelict due to the current state of the station and it's skeleton crew. Sounded like his on-board private retreat. Plus that of the crew when they've had plenty of drugs or want some action.
    I'll re-read it tomorrow to see if I was just tired and missed the obvious or if it wasn't signposted enough in the text.

    Is the last scene a big jump forward in time? it feels like it. (possibly) New crew + they seem to have a procedure in place which they are already having to alter because they've used it quite a few times already.
    Good ending again.

    Very pleasant read so far.

    proof readery stuff:
    Part two more to fix:
    Scraping and ripping, almost as if something was tearing apart

    Brook called back up the ship plan back into her iris augment
    The back up at the start threw me a bit and I had to re-read 2, 3 times to parse the sentence properly in my head once it was stuck on back-up.
    Maybe Brook called the ship plan back up into her iris augment would avoid confusion?

    Part two nearly done
    Find out really if Gumelar kicked my arse quite as hard as Mason told everyone?" if Gulmar really?

    Part three f**king
    Getting those vital fuels and feedstuffs out of Earth's gravity well cost big money (especially as fresh water became ever scarcer), from Europa's weak gravity would be much cheaper.

    The scientists were recalled (the vast investment spent yielding discovery of a few microbes not considered to be VFM) and the conglom AI ran drones move in.

    I started off mistaking "ran" for the verb which made the last 3 words quite nonsensical. Got it in the end, it's just "move" missing a d.

    starring at the stars

    "A bit and piece an quiet round here would be nice for once, without you harping on about space exploration"

    Part three the first space pirate
    The hatchway in which Chen stood in front of.

    I don't want to drag you in to this
    into? Or is in to possible as well?

    Edited by Salaman at 00:02:04 13-11-2012
  • sunjumper 13 Nov 2012 02:51:14 3,184 posts
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    Not even 500 words today.

    But then today was a totally shit day that makes want to return my life force and ask for a refund.

    At least I wrote something.

    As always Techno many thanks for the feedback.
    To you to MD.

    I hope tomorrow will be better.
    I'd also love to get some more reading done.
  • RobTheBuilder 13 Nov 2012 03:04:01 6,521 posts
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    Probably my slowest day, but I've been doing some other stuff... going to attempt to get back into it tomorrow!

    Hit 20k words though :)
  • Deleted user 13 November 2012 05:03:15
    Bam.

  • Deleted user 13 November 2012 05:09:30
    And day twelve.

    Have a vague plan for editing pass now - 1880s and 1940s are going to be rewritten entirely, using the stuff I'll have in this first draft as the backbone. I figure 2003-6 and 2008 will end up around 25,000 words each. The plan is to rewrite the other two so they're closer to 15-20k each in total, then combine everything together in a logical flow. So the second draft should be clocking in around 80-90k or so. But this first draft'll probably be around 55-60, and with plenty of stuff to trim from that too (but also lots to enhance and fatten). Gonna be a busy January.

    Edited by meme at 05:21:01 13-11-2012
  • TechnoHippy 13 Nov 2012 07:46:30 14,698 posts
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    I forgot to post chapter 19 last night, so here it is:

    http://zenapocalypse.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/faust-20-chapter-19.html

    My books, contests, reviews and author interviews on my blog

  • Salaman 13 Nov 2012 10:21:09 18,870 posts
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    TechnoHippy wrote:
    I forgot to post chapter 19 last night, so here it is:

    http://zenapocalypse.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/faust-20-chapter-19.html
    I had some catching up to do on your story as well. So it's 15-> 19.

    15 is very unsettling. So far the demon has been going 'round contacting individual people and offering them something they want in return for a vague "favour which is within their power to provide". And the episode with the trader guy has shown us what that favour is (or can be).
    Now we're on a whole different level though.
    Makes me wonder at the demon's end game. Just cause as much havoc as possible. Harvest souls by corrupting people and off them or get them offed? I was thus far assuming it all ties into some master plan for creating wide scale chaos and destruction. With all the different persons unwittingly setting up a small domino each, which the demon will then at some point set off for a chain reaction of chaos.
    So curious where it's going.

    16
    He looked at the disposable phone he bought from a 24 hour garage.
    Is this like a 24 hour petrol station? Or auto-repair garage? And they sell phones there? It doesn't really matter, just seemed like an odd place. Although maybe that's his genius. Buying it in the most unlikely place. :-)
    So it looks like the demon has a first victim at last? Since the other guy didn't jump off his balcony in the end.
    Still makes me wonder what the demon is after really.
    So far she managed to get Mikhail in jail (or did he do that on his own .. it's been a few days) and out of it and then killed.
    He didn't really do anything for her but die did he?

    17
    Sarah writes a tool, runs it on her system and finds nothing and this convinces her it works as it should and she sends it off to all for them to use. I guess it serve to highlight her aptitude/skill and confidence in her own ability but I found it odd that the tool not finding anything gave her any assurance it worked correctly.

    A bit strange that the chap ran the tool on the terror suspect's laptop no? He received it and expected their systems to be infected. He finds this odd as he assumed they would be infected. So he wants to run it on something else and chooses something which he assumes wouldn't be infected at all but .. surprise .. it is. Very much so.
    Seems like an odd sequence of events.

    I learned a new word today. Spoor. Thanks!

    18
    A new character? This far in? That feels a bit odd. The expectation that's been slowly established through the previous 17 chapters is that you introduce thedemon .. and it becomes self aware and "gets to work". You then see a number of people affected by this. Dan, Rob, Mikhail, Dale are all contacted and seduced by the lure of something they want and will be told they need to do a favour in return. We're starting to see how this plays out with Rob and Mikhail. Then there's Sarah as some sort of nemesis. Someone to track down the demon, figure out what's up and shut it down. My expectation at this point would be more elaboration on these characters. This politician comes a bit from left field this far into the story. Maybe it's better he's introduced a few chapters earlier when we're on the "introducing the various characters" bit, before we've gotten into the "resolving what happens with all these characters" phase?
    My concern with throwing him in here this late is that it clashes with where I thought in was in this story in terms of overall progression.

    19
    Will that virus being used feature later on? I think Dan wrote it and wasn't going to let it go and be as destructive as the group had wanted. So presumably that is why they "might not like it quite so much" when they use it? Or has he played a trick and done something else with it that will surprise the group that bought it?

    The 3 paragraphs about Dan being smitten and finding this an odd emotion were a little confusing. I think mainly because the statement " With every new piece of information about Sarah Mitchell he became a little bit more smitten." sounds like this is just an observation Dan makes but is probably intended as a statement from the narrator. The following paragraph then describes how Dan experiences "being smitten",i.e. "He couldn't identify the feeling that disturbed his normal feeling of condescension to the world around him."

    The two back to back were confusing. Dan feeling smitten and then straight after getting confused at a chance in his own world view.

    It only became clear to me in the 3rd paragraph that Dan doesn't realise yet he's smitten. He's just noticing the effect on him but hasn't sussed out what's happening: "Instead of worrying about this odd emotion, he distracted himself by devoting more time to investigating this woman."

    Quite refreshing/shocking to not only see the demon bested ... but actually bested at the time she was coming to cash in on her "favour".


    16
    As far food, only some tinned soup remained.

    I realise you don't care about this level of proofreading but I find it hard not to point out when I spot it.
    It would be dark soon. He could risk
    Double space before "He" :-)
    /feels OC

    I first assumed Dmitri was a typo (instead of Dimitri) but it's Dmitri consistently so I assume that's the spelling of his name.

    17
    new excitement blossomed. This could be the key.
    the rest of the day. She packaged the data up
    Yeah those double space again that you don't really care about but that I have now noticed and feel compelled to report.

    18
    He didn’t, but why should slow him down?

    I shall speak to you in a week’s time. Thank you for speaking with me. We’ll speak again in a week.”
    That's a lot of "speaks".

    19
    Money had not been issue for him in many years.
  • TechnoHippy 13 Nov 2012 11:05:39 14,698 posts
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    @Salaman

    Thanks for the feedback.

    It is a 24 hour petrol station, I should make that less ambigious.

    Mikhail got himself into jail, by being careless with th edrugs, guns and girls. The demon got him out.

    The tools sequence is a bit rubbish at the moment, it'll need significant work in the re-write.

    The demon is working on two levels, the first establishing its own protection and existence, the other to screw people over as it thinks a good demon should. The politician ties more into the first aim, although it likes to do both if it can.

    Maybe I should move that chapter earlier in the story.

    I need to do a better job of Dan exploring this odd emaotion. He's actually falling in love - or what he thinks is love. It isn't really, although it might become so :-)

    The virus will make another appearence, although it's mostly there to provide an expression of how good Dan is.

    Thanks for the typo spots!

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  • Carbon_Altered 13 Nov 2012 11:20:23 675 posts
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    @Salaman - thank you for the feedback, you raise some really good points.

    The whole Delilah and Kel stuff I worried was a bit odd as I jump around the timeline quite a bit - there are essentially two chapters (the intro to how Kel ended up as a companion and how Chen became a pirate) that are almost completely flashbacks. I haven't really used flashbacks before in my writing and I don't think I flagged them well enough - something concrete to work on at the edit stage so your comments were really useful.

    Glad you are enjoying the mystery - I have a few twists in mind for that. Although fitting it all into the wider story within 50k seems unlikely. This story is becoming a bit of a monster!

    Thanks again
  • TechnoHippy 13 Nov 2012 11:27:38 14,698 posts
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    @Carbon_Altered

    Nice work on the word count.

    Another good chapter, had me smiling throughout and ended with a cliffhanger.

    My books, contests, reviews and author interviews on my blog

  • Carbon_Altered 13 Nov 2012 11:28:31 675 posts
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    @TechnoHippy - ok, I'm starting to try and catch up with you:

    Chapters 7-10 thoughts:

    I like Dan as a character, but thought he came to the realisation that he was missing a soul mate a bit quickly. Very mich liked the description of his approach to going about finding one though. And it made me chuckle when he started looking at government databases - I wonder who he might fixate on?!

    Likewise I thought Mikhail came to having a sensible discussion with the mysterious phone caller a bit soon - I thought he'd have started a bit more abusive?

    I like how you are starting to draw some of the plotlines together with Sarah tasked to investigate the Russian's release. I also like how we're starting to get an idea of what the demon actually wants, but with the feeling that there is much more to it.

    The characters are all engaging, so it makes the reader want to know how they are all going to be drawn together.
  • Salaman 13 Nov 2012 11:28:45 18,870 posts
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    TechnoHippy wrote:
    @Salaman

    I need to do a better job of Dan exploring this odd emaotion. He's actually falling in love - or what he thinks is love. It isn't really, although it might become so :-)
    The 2nd and 3rd paragraph do that pretty well.
    It's just the mention of Dan becoming smitten is easily confused with him coming to that conclusion about himself like a normal person in possession of some EQ.

    If you reword the smitten line a little by putting "He wouldn't recognise it as such but..." or something similar. Or maybe even lose the line all together it works.

    Edited by Salaman at 12:58:43 13-11-2012
  • TechnoHippy 13 Nov 2012 11:58:15 14,698 posts
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    @meme

    On to day 12:

    I like the phrase "Under the surface something horrible has grown"

    Wow, I didn't see the end coming.

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  • TechnoHippy 13 Nov 2012 12:01:38 14,698 posts
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    @Carbon_Altered

    Thanks for the feedback. Some of it is a bit rushed (I wonder why? :-) ), but I intend to make the demon have to work for her money a bit more in the edit.

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  • TechnoHippy 13 Nov 2012 12:01:59 14,698 posts
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    @Salaman

    Makes sense.

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  • TechnoHippy 13 Nov 2012 15:45:14 14,698 posts
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    And chapter 20 is now up:

    http://zenapocalypse.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/faust-20-chapter-20.html

    My books, contests, reviews and author interviews on my blog

  • Salaman 13 Nov 2012 18:40:45 18,870 posts
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    TechnoHippy wrote:
    And chapter 20 is now up:

    http://zenapocalypse.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/faust-20-chapter-20.html
    Aaaah. This comes just as I'm getting ready to leave for the movies.
    Had to have a quick read.
    :-)

    One typo:
    By why?
    But why? By whom?
  • RobTheBuilder 13 Nov 2012 23:46:28 6,521 posts
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    Chapter 18 - Meeting Yourself.

    Tony James learns about the new Tony James, and meets Abbie for drinks and a meal.
    May include jazz hands.

    http://nanowrimo-theentertainer.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/18-meeting-yourself.html
  • MetalDog 13 Nov 2012 23:55:41 23,708 posts
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    I am still firmly in the 'something better than nothing' camp. Fingers crossed either blood tests ID the source of current ineptitude or I find the ability to man up more.

    Day thirteen


    The Clock Of Doom can now tell you exactly how far behind you are at any given moment, which is nice =E

    -- boobs do nothing for me, I want moustaches and chest hair.

  • Deleted user 14 November 2012 00:42:15
    MetalDog wrote:
    The Clock Of Doom can now tell you exactly how far behind you are at any given moment, which is nice =E
    Or how far ahead you are!

    /ducks bricks, tomatoes, bottles of piss etc
  • sunjumper 14 Nov 2012 02:08:37 3,184 posts
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    Today I'm doing research. Which is kind of relaxing and fills my creative batteries. I am still going to get something written today.

    My sleep cycle is dead anyway, so I might as well make the best of it.

    Look at that the research thingy helped.
    Had nothing to do with what is happening in chapter 5 at all but I have put more words onto the page in the last sleepy half hour than yesterday in threeish teeth grinding hours. (Where I was constantly distracted by things because I was not getting anywhere.)

    It's hardly enough to be posted but it is a neat little fragment that works on its own merits I think.

    Thus: A small up-date

    Edited by sunjumper at 04:17:19 14-11-2012
  • Deleted user 14 November 2012 05:10:08
    Day thirteen. Slightly rushed, more than a bit clunky, and not that happy with it, but was a section I needed to get through, so there we go.

    Just over 7,000 words left to the NaNo finishing line.

    Edited by meme at 05:11:33 14-11-2012
  • MetalDog 14 Nov 2012 07:54:43 23,708 posts
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    meme wrote:
    MetalDog wrote:
    The Clock Of Doom can now tell you exactly how far behind you are at any given moment, which is nice =E
    Or how far ahead you are!

    /ducks bricks, tomatoes, bottles of piss etc
    And ahead with such good grace! ;)

    We're almost at the halfway mark, so it would be good if people would shoutout their status if they haven't done so already, I would like to figure out who we can eat for the second half.

    If you have written /anything/ in the first two weeks, you are ahead of your pre-November self \o/

    -- boobs do nothing for me, I want moustaches and chest hair.

  • Blerk Moderator 14 Nov 2012 09:17:48 48,225 posts
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    Haven't posted anything to the blog for the last few days but I have been trundling along. Current tally is 28,913 words and I have a horrible nagging feeling that I'm going to need more than 50k to finish my story again. :)

    Will post the latest stuff tonight.
  • Carbon_Altered 14 Nov 2012 11:38:05 675 posts
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    Blerk wrote:
    Haven't posted anything to the blog for the last few days but I have been trundling along. Current tally is 28,913 words and I have a horrible nagging feeling that I'm going to need more than 50k to finish my story again. :)

    Will post the latest stuff tonight.
    Pretty much exactly the same for me:

    28k ish
    Gonna probably need more than 50k
    Latest update to come tonight
  • Salaman 14 Nov 2012 12:12:26 18,870 posts
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    MetalDog wrote:
    I am still firmly in the 'something better than nothing' camp. Fingers crossed either blood tests ID the source of current ineptitude or I find the ability to man up more.
    That's poor timing to be getting sick. Sounds like it's more than just a little flew or cold. Good luck and get well soon.

    I hadn't read the last update yet.
    I learned something new again today
    "rocked too close to the wall" I'd never heard of before.
    I suspected it might mean thick but did a google search anyway to be sure.
    /adds to insult-like-a-native list =)

    Holy car bomb out of left field! Quite and ending to that scene.


    Typos:
    rocked to close to the wall
    too
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