Nice to see an update.
Interesting idea on the environment controllers having opinions and them being suppressed.
Reading on they seem to be a big deal - has there been a previous event I'm not aware of? The Vera Lynn was mentioned, is that the first book - I seem to recall it mentioned in last years book>
Rogue 's' in: "on her desk, then s said, "
National Novel Writing Month 2012 • Page 23
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santashi 4,550 posts
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TechnoHippy wrote:Okay, thanks.
I think so - one side is the real person, the other is the character she plays?
PSN ID: finn1
@TechnoHippy - I'm a little bit behind, on chapter 6. Another rather unsavory character. Actually found myself missing the demon a bit as it went on - was kinda hoping he'd be on the end of the line when Mikhail got his one phone call.
One minor question: "Naturally his guards were armed, but they’d only get a few years for possession" - I presume you mean possession of a firearm? But possession in this context reads a bit like drugs rather than the guns.
I'm at that point where I've reached a bit I'm enjoying, and am trying not to use up so much that it becomes repetitive later...
Think some extra notes have helped...!
More up later I think.
TechnoHippy wrote:Yeah, I had half a memory that I'd stolen that term from somewhere, but couldn't quite place it - was it Firefly?
Companions? Sounds familiar
I wanted to try and make it a bit grittier, but it is hard describing that sort of stuff
Edited by Carbon_Altered at 22:41:06 10-11-2012
MetalDog 23,674 posts
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Still digging myself out of the deficit hole an inch at a time.
Techno, you're going great guns by the looks of it =) I'll try to catch up with you again tomorrow.
Controllers were a major deal in the first one - I'm not anticipating them being make or break in this one, but more about will become clear later.
-- boobs do nothing for me, I want moustaches and chest hair.
This year is harder than last.
Next update. With this chapter 3 is finished and an intermission is done. With this I am almost through the opening chapters. I hope that with chapter 4 things should start to become really interesting.
Official word count is now 12673.
I am seriously lagging.
Edited by sunjumper at 00:39:39 11-11-2012
Just about to pass the 75% mark. Huzzah.
Congrats, meme - that's amazing!
I finally managed to finish chapter 5, so I've uploaded it to the blog for the people who are somehow finding time to read. Thanks in advance for any thoughts and comments!
And now... I'm going to have an earlier night. Word count is 22886, still slightly ahead of schedule.
New chapters (hit 18k)
Tony plots how to get out of his contract.
16. Episode Five
Part one of the plot goes into action.
TechnoHippy wrote:Thanks for the feedback as always.
Onto chapter 3:
I don't quite understand this line - "An apartment in and apartment?"
Some nice description as always.
'to' should be 'too' in "Adrian was to tired to be surprised by the Devil’s sudden "
Yay - Lucifer makes his presence known.
That should had been 'an apartment in an apartment' damn my fingers.
By the way did you read the prologue?
TechnoHippy wrote:Indeed, they're turning out super-long. They are naturally split into scenes, so I might turn each scene into a chapter instead, or split the chapter into numbered sections. Or something.
Good going on the word count.
On to chapter 5 part 3:
I think, come the edit, you could split the chapters up a bit more.
Interesting turn on the discovered world. A similar fate awaits Earth?
TechnoHippy wrote:Thanks! And yeah, I need to sort out the threads. I'm toying with the idea of, in the editing pass, actually scrapping the 1880 and 1945 threads, because I think I've worked out a way to mostly ignore them.
Remarkable word count - I want what you're on
Day 10 feedback:
More good stuff, although I have to confess I'm struggling to keep up with the different threads.
In fact, I may think about dropping the 2012 framing as well and shift 2008 to modern day. But this is all just 'what ifs' at the moment. Need to see how it is once it's completed. But it definitely needs tidying up at the moment - my writing right now effectively consists of "what part do I feel like writing now?" so there's some logical disparity between shifts.