National Novel Writing Month 2012 Page 44

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  • Carbon_Altered 15 Dec 2012 10:35:57 675 posts
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    Thanks Techno - there's unfinished business in this universe for sure. Will recharge my batteries over Xmas then get back into it next year.
  • TechnoHippy 15 Dec 2012 10:44:20 14,708 posts
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    Good man. I've started editing the first contact novel I wrote earlier in the year.

    My books, contests, reviews and author interviews on my blog

  • Blerk Moderator 16 Dec 2012 00:13:18 48,225 posts
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    A blog post? Good grief, it's Chapter 10!

    A day later than promised, but I did get my arse in gear a little better than last time. :)

    Did a nice spot of writing tonight, went rather well. Perhaps I stand a chance of actually finishing this thing after all? ;)
  • TechnoHippy 16 Dec 2012 10:45:40 14,708 posts
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    @Blerk

    Chapter 10:

    Your first few paragraphs all start with "I".

    Your piling the pressure, which is good. Deepens the mystery and adds some peril.

    Minor issue for your edit - you have too many 'was'.

    For some reason I thought the son was younger than 13.

    Another good chapter.

    My books, contests, reviews and author interviews on my blog

  • Blerk Moderator 17 Dec 2012 10:24:16 48,225 posts
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    Cheers, Techno!

    That was possibly the most difficult/prolonged chapter so far, so I'm not surprised there are some language niggles in there. Hopefully it'll be plainer sailing from here now that I'm through the various interruptions. Apart from Christmas. Ahem. :D
  • Salaman 17 Dec 2012 10:57:20 18,959 posts
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    Read it on my ipad and had a few small comments. Then found the length a bit overwhelming when I started re-reading it on the pc to spot the things that I noticed on first reading.

    Off the top of my head, I found the use of "literally" a bit jarring.
    It was so obvious that I literally couldn’t understand why I hadn’t thought of it before.

    if I left it any longer then there was every chance that the military would have time to clear up any remaining evidence properly and there would literally be nothing left to see.

    There was 1 typo but I can't find it anymore now.
  • Blerk Moderator 17 Dec 2012 11:08:07 48,225 posts
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    Yes, I literally hate it when I use that word too. I shall literally remove it from the entire book when I revise. It's on the shit list (along with 'gotten'). :D
  • sunjumper 18 Dec 2012 17:22:44 3,196 posts
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    I'm headbutting my way through a thick plot wall right now.
    As usual the terrible things that need to happen for the story to work refuse to happen and a new main character has entered the scene.

    On the plus side there is a chapter which I would call short and crap that I will post later today, while the new chapter is actually turning out to at least flow well.

    I probably have to do some serious time compression next to get the plot flowing. Also, worst case scenario: instead of showing the bad shit happening I just show the aftermath. Which may work much better dramatically. Who knows.
    Right now I am at the point where all my other stories died. But this time I am fighting back tooth and nail. This time I will win!
  • sunjumper 20 Dec 2012 02:56:38 3,196 posts
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    Are you still there?
    Or have the advancing holidays eaten your souls already?
  • TechnoHippy 20 Dec 2012 07:18:32 14,708 posts
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    I'm still here - waiting for new things to read :-)

    My books, contests, reviews and author interviews on my blog

  • Blerk Moderator 20 Dec 2012 08:40:45 48,225 posts
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    I'm still here too, and still writing when I get the chance. Did a thousand words or so last night, probably throw all the new stuff up on the blog at the weekend.
  • Salaman 20 Dec 2012 08:59:04 18,959 posts
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    Still here. Wiating on Blerk and MD.
    And I want to go back to the start of this thread and check out meme's efforts. No time at the moment though.
  • sunjumper 20 Dec 2012 12:43:37 3,196 posts
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    I'm still working my way through the 'difficult' but which right now refuses to go away.

    I am noticing that once a point become problematic there seems to be a tendency (for me) for it to spiral out of control. I get frustrated and the ideas won't come, when I sit down I am still frustrated working only reluctantly because its such a shitty basis for writing. Which then leads to me to become reluctant to write.
    I guess I have to force my way through this until I become free of that creepy feeling of terror when I return to writing the story.
    How do you people cope with stuff like this?


    I also noticed the symptoms of Blerk's disease.
    I am sitting on an entire chapter and I am not putting it up on the blog.

    So, this one is a bit short but it is still an update.

    Edited by sunjumper at 12:53:53 20-12-2012
  • TechnoHippy 20 Dec 2012 13:38:16 14,708 posts
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    @sunjumper

    Chapter 13:

    "Carved into the stone and steel remains of a sound stage abandoned decades ago by a film studio shredding its own body to bits in its struggle to stay alive." - Nice imagary, but it reads a little forced.

    "Lead the way.” said turner" - Capital 'T' needed.

    I like the difference between air and atmosphere.

    "cTurolour of honey " - Typo.

    Some nice enthusiasm and information on making sound better.

    Another good chapter. More please :-)

    My books, contests, reviews and author interviews on my blog

  • Deleted user 20 December 2012 15:36:37
    I'm still about, but it's finals week at college so I've not had time to actually get involved in things. Final Spanish exam today, then I'm doooooooonnneeee (until mid-January).
  • Carbon_Altered 20 Dec 2012 17:15:54 675 posts
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    I broke up from work on Tuesday and have had a birthday and Xmas prep pretty much halt my reading. Good to see that you're still going though sunjumper.
  • sunjumper 22 Dec 2012 09:31:01 3,196 posts
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    I'll be in Edinburgh for the next week with no idea if and how often I can get internet access. I'll be writing on and reading some more of course but there might be some radio silence from my side.

    Enjoy the holidays!
  • MetalDog 24 Dec 2012 02:51:53 23,697 posts
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    An extremely belated Update

    Still alive, just mightily distracted by the wide open fields of free time, which you'd have thought would make me more productive, not less =P

    /passes Sunjumper a sledgehammer for later

    -- boobs do nothing for me, I want moustaches and chest hair.

  • TechnoHippy 24 Dec 2012 11:32:24 14,708 posts
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    @MetalDog

    Marvellous!

    33:

    Excellent opening lines.

    "There was a certain poetic slant to it." The word slant reads a bit odd in this context - but that could just be me :-)

    34:

    Balestra's driving skills come as a pleasant surprise.

    How close from the end are we?

    My books, contests, reviews and author interviews on my blog

  • MetalDog 26 Dec 2012 17:24:51 23,697 posts
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    Cheers Techno!
    I'm never exactly sure (as you know), but we're now at the point I've been vaguely aiming at from the start, just with added complications and not really sure who's going to kill who yet.

    -- boobs do nothing for me, I want moustaches and chest hair.

  • MetalDog 28 Dec 2012 06:30:08 23,697 posts
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    Another fairly hefty update moving things along.

    -- boobs do nothing for me, I want moustaches and chest hair.

  • Salaman 28 Dec 2012 08:47:37 18,959 posts
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    MetalDog wrote:
    An extremely belated Update

    Still alive, just mightily distracted by the wide open fields of free time, which you'd have thought would make me more productive, not less =P

    /passes Sunjumper a sledgehammer for later
    Good read. Some confusion on the whole black exec violet going to kill you from withdrawal or overdose but "Haha! They don't realise I can't be killed by overdose" thing.

    Edited by Salaman at 08:50:54 28-12-2012
  • Salaman 28 Dec 2012 10:25:44 18,959 posts
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    MetalDog wrote:
    Another fairly hefty update moving things along.
    Moving along indeed.
    The only niggle in this piece is the relative ease with which Doc goes down the tunnels and his terror once the explosion/collapse happens.
    It seems a little underplayed before and overplayed after. Making the transition a bit jarring.
    The only hint of unease prior is him asking if Sway has an extra torch and that's only implied really. It could mean he's just thinking practically although I read it as a sign of some anxiety.
    No hesitation when going down though ...and no seeming unease when down there. Until they appear to be trapped.
    Maybe that can be tweaked a little?

    Typo:
    Alright. Shoot him if he does, he ain't worth the trouble he'd bringing.

    The PC nodded, upholstering his gun, "I will do."
    unholstering? Upholstering is putting some lovely fabric around it isn't it? Or am I mistaken?
  • TechnoHippy 28 Dec 2012 12:30:02 14,708 posts
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    @MetalDog

    "he ain't worth the trouble he'd bringing" - Missing word?Tense confusion?

    The hate men quip made me smile.

    Some good progress, I enjoyed both chapters.

    My books, contests, reviews and author interviews on my blog

  • RobTheBuilder 3 Jan 2013 01:09:24 6,521 posts
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    Finally got my PC back to work, so back into writing mode.

    27. Undercover

    Nigel thinks... and talks to Tony.

    http://nanowrimo-theentertainer.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/27-undercover.html
  • Blerk Moderator 3 Jan 2013 08:59:01 48,225 posts
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    I got back on the horse last night too (after a prolonged Christmas break) and somehow managed over 2600 words. Going to try and keep the momentum up now and hopefully actually make it to the end of the story in a reasonable timeframe.

    /insert vague half-promise to update the blog at some point in the future here
  • Salaman 3 Jan 2013 10:22:42 18,959 posts
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    /sharpens stick

    Take your time Blerk. We're all patient readers here.
  • Metalfish 3 Jan 2013 22:52:07 8,818 posts
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    Micro celebration, IvoryPeak has hit 15k. It was only ever going to be a novella, but I'm looking forward to actually finishing something, probably around the 20k mark at the most. It's currently squatting on the blog for chains, that epic fantasy thing I've been writing for yonks and routinely lose faith in.

    Over 100k with the final act inching into view, it's taught me a lot, but I've never been convinced it'll ever be a good story. But I'm going to bloody well finish that thing too and find out. Hopefully before the year is done.

    Edited by Metalfish at 22:52:18 03-01-2013
  • sunjumper 4 Jan 2013 02:21:35 3,196 posts
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    Metalfish have you secretly been updating web of chains?
    Don't tell me that I have been inadvertently ignoring your work again?

    I did not write very much during the holidays but I finished one chapter that turned out different than it should have. I could use the free time to find a way to hopefully overcome my central dilemma problem and I have written another chapter this week.

    So time for an update. Which brings me dangerously close to 64k.



    @MetalDog
    Some feedback because this is also something that I’ve not been doing as much as I would have liked.

    Chapter 32
    (Looks like I missed quite a few updates. Let’s see how far I get tonight.)
    Pepper spray? I like that.

    Full Asses until he is well in the White? This isn’t something a newcomer will get. Although I guess these are the kind of things you can roll with as a new reader as it looks that what this means will become clear soon.

    Just out of personal curiosity. How long does it take until Heppa addiction becomes fatal?

    Who was Harry Stuart again?

    A message to the people of London? Really? How the fuck is that even connected to the companies? I’ll have to wait and see I guess.


    Chapter 33

    Ouch. The pain.

    Walker is speaking a bit to clearly for someone obviously in agony.

    Walker the younger was really a shining pargon of virtue wasn’t he? It is hard to believe that he changed that much after his sexual overdrive was gone. I wonder what changed him from being at best a narcissist to the man he is now.

    Passing out from an erection? How much… er… capacity does he have? I will give you the benefit of doubt on this one assuming that you know your physiology.

    Good chapter as whole. The character of Walker is rather complex. I wonder about his nature but I am confident that things will become clear in time.


    Chapter 34

    Good brisk pacing here.

    Nice to see Drake geting a portion of poetical justice pie to the face.

    Hmm is Drake a traitor?

    Great chapter. Good tension and pacing. Very page turnery.
    The peeper bomb was a neat idea. Immensely frustrating for the reader. You really know how to keep the misery piling on. One of these days I will learn that trick too!


    Chapter 35

    Again. Pain. Etc…

    I wonder would it not have been easier for Walker to just jump on top of the woman? He would break his fall and at least knock the wind out of her.

    By the way as someone who has had some choice fall-on-head moments in his life, if the knock against the head is serious there will not be much flaying and screaming but more confusion and stunned silence. Maybe a bit of moaning. But then maybe I should just read on and see what happens next.

    Hilarious typo: “He started to kneel to try to find the fun again […]”

    Hard chapter with a bit of hope as buffer. The hope is a bit poisoned by knowing your love of killing your babies though. I’d be more surprised if Walker made it out alive.


    Chapter 36

    Bakerloo Line? How nostalgic.

    Not much comments because I am far past bed time.
    Which means that it is so good that it kept me reading.
    Good banter.

    Ah crap. Of course.
    Dead. Dark. Dangerous.

    Ah what a cheery cliff hanger followed by a rock slide end to a chapter.

    Well done as always.

    Edited by sunjumper at 04:02:55 04-01-2013
  • TechnoHippy 5 Jan 2013 12:11:06 14,708 posts
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    @RobTheBuilder

    A bit of soul searching in this chapter, but it doesn't go on too long so works ok.

    My books, contests, reviews and author interviews on my blog

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