Best "Bad Joke" you know

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  • Seto 13 Dec 2004 15:55:30 671 posts
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    We all have them, so go on share them with the world.


    Two goldfish in a tank.

    One says to the other

    "How do you drive this thing?"


    teehee

    /coat
    /glasses
    /handbag
    /midget
  • Khanivor 13 Dec 2004 15:56:45 40,772 posts
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    It's a new one, so while not the best I can remember it, (ie still on clipboard);

    What do you call an epileptic on a bed of lettuce?

    Seizure salad
  • deem 13 Dec 2004 15:57:19 31,641 posts
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  • Dirtbox 13 Dec 2004 15:57:57 78,209 posts
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    Apologies...

    Two pregnant wimmin knitting baby grows. One turns to the other and says "I hope it's a boy, I've only got blue wool," the other says "I hope mine's a spastic, I've fucked the arms up."

    /waggles bowler hat

    /twirls cane

    +1 / Like / Tweet this post

  • Tiger_Walts 13 Dec 2004 16:02:55 16,593 posts
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    Two ants are sat on top of a cereal box when suddenly one of them gets up and runs to the other side of the box and back.

    "Why did you do that?" asked the other ant.

    Puffing and wheezing the atheletic ant replied, "Because it said 'Tear along the dotted line'."


    Be careful though, bad jokes can kill!

    IT Monkey and StickyPiston Minecraft Hosting Support

  • deem 13 Dec 2004 16:03:38 31,641 posts
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  • deem 13 Dec 2004 16:04:47 31,641 posts
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  • Communal-Toilet 13 Dec 2004 16:05:43 280 posts
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    Person 1 - Are you a bummer tied up ?

    Person 2 - No!

    Person 1 - Bummer on the loose! (Runs around room waving arms in the air)

    :(
  • magicpanda 13 Dec 2004 16:09:50 13,365 posts
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    Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

    A: Snowflakes!!

    BOOM BOOM TSHH!
    (two elephants and a cymbal falling off a cliff!)
  • Retroid Moderator 13 Dec 2004 16:11:58 44,763 posts
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    Best bad jokes:

    Parliamentary democracy
    The Conservative party

    Or is this not what you meant...? ;)
  • Seto 13 Dec 2004 16:13:22 671 posts
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    Good old PVPOnline

    linky
  • Seto 13 Dec 2004 16:14:32 671 posts
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    Hyoushi wrote:
    I liked this one too.

    beat me to it ;)
  • ERG1008 13 Dec 2004 16:19:05 656 posts
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    Hyoushi wrote:
    Best Kiss-related bad joke:

    Guy 1: "Are those Paul Stanley's trousers you're wearing?!"

    Guy 2: "No, they're jeans." (Gene's)

    That is so bad it made me laugh out loud in my dull office annoying the dullards.
    Good work sir. :o)
  • username 13 Dec 2004 16:19:53 848 posts
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    Best Christmas bad joke:

    Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
    He sold his soul to Santa.
  • commander-dixon 13 Dec 2004 16:23:41 879 posts
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    very bad joke ...

    why dogs selflick their balls ?


    because they can :/
  • Singularity 13 Dec 2004 16:24:25 2,445 posts
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    Post deleted
  • Lutz 13 Dec 2004 16:26:10 48,854 posts
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    duncan wrote:
    what's white and streaks across the sky?

    the coming of the lord.
    ROFL! :D
  • Necropolis 13 Dec 2004 16:42:37 896 posts
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    I really want to apologise in advance for this really bad and completely out of taste joke.

    If easily offended (or female), avoid the below......









    ************************************
    Whats the difference between a 75 year old womans pu$$y and a meat pie?

    Nothing, in both cases you have to peel off the crust and scoop out the jelly before you get to the meat...
    ************************************


    (o/

    I'm so sorry.
  • HoraceGoesSquiffy 13 Dec 2004 16:43:32 1,566 posts
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    That is truly foul.
  • Khanivor 13 Dec 2004 16:50:47 40,772 posts
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    /tries to remember
  • boo 13 Dec 2004 17:02:23 11,783 posts
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    Mind Rubbers! Mind Rubbers!
    Get 'em here!

    50p each or three for a pound.

    Just Another Lego Blog

  • Necropolis 13 Dec 2004 17:08:00 896 posts
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    I told you it was bad, gave warning space and everything.

    If people want me to edit it out, let me know...

    Oh and feel pity for me, I got told that by my driving instructor going 50 through town.
  • Freylis 13 Dec 2004 17:09:47 995 posts
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    Trying to steer us back on course...

    What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?

    Roberto.
  • Stevas-mkII 13 Dec 2004 17:10:47 3,848 posts
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    This is, like, the best joke I ever did hear. I swear, my mate told me it when we left school, and I laughed ALL THE WAY HOME.
    My school was four miles away.
    We walked to and from school, back in my day.

    Anyway. Here it is.

    This dude is driving down a long straight road at night, and he's all sleepy and shit. Only one headlight is working, and it only works every other ten seconds. That is, it's on for ten, then off for ten. He's got the heater cranked up real high, and the road he's on is, like, impossibly flat. It ocurs to him this is possibly the most comfortable journey he's ever had. He settles back in the seat and - WOAH! - almost fell asleep, there.
    Actually, no, he did. He did fall asleep.
    And he wakes up just in time to see the failing light illuminate something crossing in front of him, but then it does its whole "oh, I'm not working for these here ten seconds" and now he can't see a thing.
    He slams the brakes on, and the car still ploughs ever onward. "Shit!" he says, and pulls the hand brake too, but still the car is heading towards a small shadow in the middle of the road. "Bollocks!" he says, and opens his door to lessen the aerodynamic of the car. Still going too fast. "Fuck!" He didn't want to, but he realises he's going to have to steer off the side of the road to avoid whatever it is, and into the darkness. He glances out of the window into the gloom. "Man, I just know I'm going to hit a big rock." He decides to throw caution to the wind, and swings the wheel violently to the side.
    He hits a big rock.
    Now he's pissed. He gets out and checks the damage with a torch. It's pretty bad.
    Livid now, he rounds the car to find out just what the hell it was he saw crossing the road, and he finds - sitting there looking quite oblivious to all the trouble - the largest damn frog in the whole damn world. I'm not kidding. This fucker must have weighed in at about "small human".
    "What the fuck do you think you're doing, frog?" he says. "What the hell are you doing crossing a road in the dead of night like that? What are you anyhow? Some sort of big dumb super toad? Don't you realise I could have killed you there? Don't you know how close you come to losing your big damn super sized fucking life?"
    The frog seemed to take this in. Clearly, being super sized was the least of it's abilities, for it was apparent it could understand English. After a short while, the frog clears his throat, and replies. "You want to buy a wardrobe?"

    If anyone could enlighten me as to why exactly I found this fucking joke so funny, I'd really appreciate it.
  • Stevas-mkII 13 Dec 2004 17:16:11 3,848 posts
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    Yeah. It is. When I say the best joke, I mean the one that made me laugh the most.
    I found it hilarious... when I was 15. Perhaps that has something to do with it.



    I was possibly also high.
  • Freylis 13 Dec 2004 17:19:13 995 posts
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    It's kinda like one of those non-joke-jokes that were all the rage a few years back.

    A man walks into a newsagents to buy some crisps. "Packet of salt and vinegar please mate." The guy behind the counter shrugs his shoulders, "We only have cheese and onion." "It's alright," says the other guy, "I'm on my bike."

    The joke that made me laugh the loudest was probably the one about the wide-mouthed frog. I really can't be arsed typing it all out here, but it made me nearly pee my pants at the pub one night.

    Or the 12 pints of lager made me nearly pee, one or the other.
  • Stevas-mkII 13 Dec 2004 17:22:43 3,848 posts
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    Hey, this thread asked me for a bad joke - okay? So I give it a bad joke.




    And then some.
  • Salaman 13 Dec 2004 17:46:01 19,066 posts
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    ok ok ok.
    I got one.

    Someone ask me wether I'm a tree.

    Go on.
    Ask me.
    Ask me.

    Goan! Goan! Ask.
    Ask me wether I'm a tree.

  • Salaman 13 Dec 2004 17:46:46 19,066 posts
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    nope
  • Salaman 13 Dec 2004 17:48:05 19,066 posts
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    In other miscellaneous bad jokes:

    What do you do when someone has an epileptic seizure in the bathtub?






















    Toss in your dirty laundry



    And what's better than winnign a gold medal at the Special Olympics?




















    Walking.

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