Overweight Women/girlfriends

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  • Deleted user 10 January 2012 15:39:04
    My girlfriend is gaining weight and won’t do anything about it. I need help with my communication. How can I help her?

    I have a wonderful girlfriend whom I’ve been dating now for the past 3 years. Since the day we met she has slowly been gaining weight and is looking less attractive. I brought this to her attention and have even offered to help her develop a new workout that can suit her lifestyle. However, the problem is that every time I talk to her about it she builds resentment and feels as though I am attacking her and do not love her. I workout four to six times a week and I love to stay in shape. She however, says that working out is also very important to her but never does anything about it. She is always finding excuses not to workout and when I say something about it she treats me as though I am one rude, unloving A-whole who just wants to hurt her.

    Now the fact is that I do love her and that I want the two of us to have a future together. But being overweight is not only harmful to her body but it will eventually hurt her self esteem, reduce our intimacy and make me less attracted to her, she hates going for walks now and she's out of breath and panting when we have to climb stairs and forget going on a bike ride on a summers day, which I love to do. Her food portions are bigger than mine and I've tried to encourage her to eat less or at least burn off what she eats.

    Now before you all shout "shallow bastard" I have researched this and it's in our genetic make up to and a part of evolution to be attracted to healthy women who we deem fit to have children with. So I don't feel guilty or bad, it's no more my fault to be attracted to healthy women as opposed to an overweight (or very skinny) unhealthy woman than it is for a woman to be attracted to a taller masculine as opposed to a short feminine man.

    Anyone else have this problem?
  • neilka 10 Jan 2012 15:41:46 16,247 posts
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    FHUTA fit
  • Madder-Max 10 Jan 2012 15:42:53 11,660 posts
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    Pics?

    99 problems and being ginger is one

  • Load_2.0 10 Jan 2012 15:44:04 19,442 posts
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    Boxing is a great way to stay fit.

    Everytine you see her reach for cake, boom jab to the head, extra fries is a kidney shot.
  • TheSaint 10 Jan 2012 15:44:06 14,606 posts
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    lavalant wrote:
    Anyone else have this problem?
    No, my girlfriend is addicted to running.

    /Not much help.
  • askew 10 Jan 2012 15:46:06 12,415 posts
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    Cook her smaller meals.
  • localnotail 10 Jan 2012 15:46:15 23,093 posts
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    Is she on the pill?

    If she is, maybe she should get off it, it's a very common cause of weight gain. This does however mean that you will have to take more responsibility for contraception.

    /placeholder "Show her this thread and then she will leave you, problem solved" suggestion

    Edited by localnotail at 15:46:53 10-01-2012

    A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

  • Madder-Max 10 Jan 2012 15:47:14 11,660 posts
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    :lol:I like the more voluptious female so i dont have this problem.......pics?

    Edited by Madder-Max at 15:47:33 10-01-2012

    99 problems and being ginger is one

  • andywilkie35 10 Jan 2012 15:47:25 5,338 posts
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    Start calling her "Tubs" until she does something about it.

    PSN ID & Xbox Gamertag: Wedjwants

  • TheSaint 10 Jan 2012 15:48:10 14,606 posts
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    I can't think of any possible way you can approach this that won't end in offence. She'll either decide she wants to get fit or keep eating and laying around on the sofa.

    The only other option is to slip those tablets that make you shit out all the fat you eat into her food.
  • Gland 10 Jan 2012 15:49:08 78,442 posts
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    I bought a 7 year relationship to a grinding halt by telling my then girlfriend that I wasn't attracted to her after she gained weight. Basically, if she's not willing to look after herself, then get rid.

    I should add that it wasn't the only thing, there were numerous annoyances for both of us that were putting a boot through what started out as a happy relationship, but that was the final nail.

    You could try talking to one of her more understanding friends about it, but you're never going to come out the good guy for something like that. MTFU and tell her, or get her on another pill.

    Edited by Dirtbox at 15:55:06 10-01-2012

    +1 / Like / Tweet this post

  • Kosmoz 10 Jan 2012 15:49:22 7,709 posts
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    Tell her that she will get fat and die and you don't want her to be just another statistic.

    Every girl I ever kissed I was thinking of a pro footballer.

  • Popzeus 10 Jan 2012 15:50:25 8,361 posts
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    Seriously, if it's that much of a problem for you, then it's probably a relationship ender.

    Currently playing: Standing In A Car Park Simulator 2013

  • roz123 10 Jan 2012 15:51:48 7,113 posts
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    Get her on a healthier diet, it doesn't have to be extreme.
  • X201 10 Jan 2012 15:51:56 15,577 posts
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    Just go on a walk with her on a Sunday morning.
    Not an exercise walk, just a normal walk.

    At least that way you'll get her moving and doing regular excise of a sort - and you can increase the length/intensity of the walk at a latter date.
  • TheSaint 10 Jan 2012 15:52:46 14,606 posts
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    Madder-Max wrote:
    :lol:I like the more voluptious female so i dont have this problem.......pics?
    http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2010/11/01/article-1325509-0BDC664F000005DC-164_634x607.jpg"" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">SFW

    Edited by TheSaint at 15:54:10 10-01-2012
  • MetalDog 10 Jan 2012 15:52:52 23,725 posts
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    Well, there's always exercise that's actually fun - horseriding, fencing, etc. Exercise for exercise's sake is the dullest thing on earth.

    Depending on how hung up you are about appearances, it may be better for you to cut your losses now though, for her sake as well as yours. If you feel that strongly about physical appearance, it seems quite likely you'd trade her in for a younger model sooner or later anyway, no?

    -- boobs do nothing for me, I want moustaches and chest hair.

  • Deleted user 10 January 2012 15:53:02
    localnotail wrote:
    Is she on the pill?

    ...it's a very common cause of weight gain.
    Yeah it's definitely the tiny little pill that's doing it. Not the over-eating and lack of exercise. Scrap the pill and eat all you want.

    Problem solved. :p
  • faux-C 10 Jan 2012 15:53:30 9,441 posts
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    Get yourself fat. You'll either learn to love being fat, and thus her too, or you can then go on a joint diet which she won't be able to resent.
  • L_Franko Moderator 10 Jan 2012 15:53:53 9,694 posts
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    Can you not get one of her friends to have a chat?
  • L_Franko Moderator 10 Jan 2012 15:53:55 9,694 posts
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    Post deleted
  • WoodenSpoon 10 Jan 2012 15:57:25 12,290 posts
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    No one can make a reasonable judgement without pics ffs
  • Deleted user 10 January 2012 15:58:22
    Eurogamer suggestions made in the thread so far:

    FHUTA
    Punch her
    Cook smaller/healthy meals
    Remove a pill
    Call her names
    regular exercise

    ... and Madder-Max made two requests for pictures.

    Eurogamer never changes. I've bolded the correct answers.
  • Madder-Max 10 Jan 2012 15:58:23 11,660 posts
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    TheSaint wrote:
    Madder-Max wrote:
    :lol:I like the more voluptious female so i dont have this problem.......pics?
    http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2010/11/01/article-1325509-0BDC664F000005DC-164_634x607.jpg"" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">SFW

    he webpage cannot be found



    HTTP 404
    Most likely causes:
    •There might be a typing error in the address.
    •If you clicked on a link, it may be out of date.

    :cry:

    99 problems and being ginger is one

  • Dangerous_Dan 10 Jan 2012 15:58:45 2,378 posts
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    @lavalant - Interesting place to post this.

    Now I don't think you are shallow. Shallow would be if you go with the politically correct opinion that you have to love your girl unconditionally no matter what.

    Your post reads as if you genuinely have feelings for your girl, which is always a good starting point.
    I'm no expert but maybe I can come up with some interesting thoughts.

    Put yourself in her shoes and now imagine you are in love with that guy (e.g. you). Let's say as a girl you would have 3 things that define you.

    Your level of Integrity (Honesty, Loyalty,...)
    Your level of Giving (are you a giver or are you a taker?)
    Your level of Flexibility (does it always have to be your way?)

    Keep in mind these qualities are what guys usually look for in the long run, not what girls want from their lover).

    It would be awesome if a girl would bring to some degree these qualities into a relationship.
    So let's assume the girl has feelings for you and has some degree of these qualities. If that's the case, she would try really hard to be attractive for you, because guess what, if I have feelings for someone I do want that one to be attracted to me. So if you are supportive and she cares less and less about her weight she either has some issues (that you may not be able to help her with) or she has not that high interest in you.

    Pursue other avenues as well but I would recommend that you consider if she has high interest in you or if she doesn't.

    And if she doesn't have high interest, you can turn the thing maybe around (if it's not after the point of no return) but actually that will need some careful approach - but this is a whole different thing.
  • TechnoHippy 10 Jan 2012 16:00:00 14,719 posts
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    I think we need pics of both parties here to make proper judgement.

    If a bit of weight bothers you that much then you're probably best leaving now while you still can.

    My books, contests, reviews and author interviews on my blog

  • Load_2.0 10 Jan 2012 16:00:14 19,442 posts
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    Secretly saw the legs of all chairs, sofas and beds in the house

    Once fatty has taken a few tumbles she might think twice about those rolo's.
  • kalel 10 Jan 2012 16:00:48 88,377 posts
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    If you do the cooking, then you can make sure she's eating healthier meals and have some control over the portions.

    You might also want to try a different approach to discussing the issue, like writing a letter or something. The problem with conversations like this is they quickly become defensive and accusatory, and it can be very hard to make them productive. In a letter you can be more constructive and take the time to position things so you explain things in a non-confrontational way. It might still upset her, but at least you'll have made sure you've said exactly what you want/need to say.
  • Popzeus 10 Jan 2012 16:01:09 8,361 posts
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    Girl puts on weight = girl isn't that interested in boyfriend?

    o_O

    Currently playing: Standing In A Car Park Simulator 2013

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