I had to do a lot of quite shitty tasks when I was working as a kitchen porter / general dogsbody in Israel. The worst task by far (which I'm sure I've mentioned before) was the night we had to go collect the chickens for slaughter. It was a kibbutz so was kinda half farm / half industrial commune type thing. They had these huuuge sheds with IIRC 4,000 chickens in each one. Not your nice Rhode Island Red chickens, but your nasty white hormonally steroidically enhanced super-chickens. |
So the score was that at 3am a bunch of us had to go to one of the sheds while the chickens were asleep, put on a mask and gloves, and collect the bastards. I cannot describe the smell adequately but imagine soaking a shit in ammonia then setting fire to it and you're partway there. They put the lights on just ever so slightly so as not to wake them up. We had to reach under the chicken, grab it by the legs, then get more. The idea was that you'd have 3 chickens in your left hand, 2 in your right, then dump them all unceremoniously into cages which were then loaded onto a truck.
I mentioned the smell - obviously the chickens wake up when you grab them and start flapping their massive wings around to free themselves, which generally resulted in them flapping into the shit covered floor which sprayed shit all over everything, in my face, clothes, everywhere
And the absolute worst part was occasionally I could feel their legs snapping in my fingers as I carried them. That sound and feeling has most certainly stayed with me. Poor bastards.
I had to throw all my clothing away afterwards.
That said, given the choice between doing that every day and going back to being a recruitment consultant, it would have to be the chickens
edit - on the whole though most of the jobs I had to do on the kibbutz were great fun. Best of all was cleaning the loading bay of the kitchen with the steam cannon. I don't know how this thing worked exactly but it was a thick hose which came out of the wall with a handle and nozzle arrangement on the end of it, I assume it piped steam out of the boiler system in the kitchen canteen building. Fuck me it was awesome though. You had to strap the cannon bit to yourself, think Ghostbusters proton pack handle crossed with the Aliens movie smartgun that Vasquez used, and let rip. It shot a jet of high pressure superheated steam that would literally strip the skin off you if you were dumb enough to get in the way. Cleaning stuff with that thing was amazing. Row of wheelie bins? No problemo. Need a drain cleaned? Sorted, shove the nozzle down it and give it a blast. I wish I had one at home, my house would be spotless. Ok there would be no paint left on anything as I would have destroyed it all but it would be very, very clean
Edited by smoothpete at 07:23:42 27-10-2011