Your worst job ever

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  • Dirtbox 27 Oct 2011 06:34:35 88,369 posts
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    Lets get anecdotal up in this bitch.

    My current job is starting to grate a bit due to occasionally having to work some frankly brain bending hours for weeks at a time so I like to remind myself how much worse it could be.

    My worst job (I think) was when I was 16. Early one Monday morning I went to a temp agency with a friend for some quick and easy work. We got into a mini van with what looked like a load of hardened convicts and were driven to a warehouse in some industrial park where we were stood at the end of conveyor belts and told to fold clothes and pack them into boxes. Easy enough, I shared a conveyor belt with a convict named Barry who wasn't the brightest, but he was funny enough to keep me amused while we went about the drudge.

    An hour into it I notice Barry appearing to be in some sort of difficulty, his hand had somehow been trapped down the side of the conveyor, it has somehow caught his ring. And with no small degree of horror, I watched it pull the skin off his finger like a sock, leaving what seems to have been burned into my memory as white bone.

    Didn't work there again.

    Your turn!

    Edited by Dirtbox at 06:36:59 27-10-2011
  • Genji 27 Oct 2011 06:44:43 19,682 posts
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    Working at a Chinese take-away. It was very small; just me at the front counter and the owner/cook, Mao, out the back. He was always angry, barked orders at me, and yelled at me when I fucked up. (this was on my first day)

    I found another job, and quit a couple of shifts afterwards. Later on I heard similar stories about other people that worked for him. Brought a lot of girls to tears.
  • Genji 27 Oct 2011 07:04:33 19,682 posts
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    Oh yeah, and when I was an English teacher I had to teach a class consisting of an autistic girl and her non-autistic younger sister, without any training in teaching kids with autism. It would have been alright if it was just one of them, but as it was the younger one kept getting pissed off at her sister for her failure to understand, and the autistic one spent the class cackling maniacally and chewing her fingernails. And we had to keep going through easy English textbooks that the younger sister had already mastered, so there was a lot of boredom on her part too.

    Another class I had a five-year-old kid with some sort of mental disorder - possibly bipolar, I forget. He had two modes: either he was really meek and tired and unresponsive, or he was the absolute worst nightmare of a child that you can possibly imagine. With the screaming "I HATE YOU" and the biting and the entire class he spent throwing plastic fruit at my head.

    Edited by Genji at 07:10:56 27-10-2011
  • HoraceGoesSquiffy 27 Oct 2011 07:08:14 1,563 posts
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    Vegetable packing factory in Norfolk. Bundled into freezing white van at 3.30am on Sundays. Paired up on the line with a girl who kept trying to stab me in the hand with the knife they had rather unwisely furnished her with. Decided to quit when working on the veg washing line where they were immersed in freezing water - there was no heating and I decided to call it a day when my hands were so cold I couldn't pick up the veg any more.

    Still, you have to have stories to emotionally blackmail your kids with.
  • Vice.Destroyer 27 Oct 2011 07:11:39 7,018 posts
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    How would you emotionally blackmail your kids with stories about your shit jobs?
  • Dirtbox 27 Oct 2011 07:13:18 88,369 posts
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    Seriously? "When I were a lad..."
  • smoothpete 27 Oct 2011 07:15:20 33,901 posts
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    I had to do a lot of quite shitty tasks when I was working as a kitchen porter / general dogsbody in Israel. The worst task by far (which I'm sure I've mentioned before) was the night we had to go collect the chickens for slaughter. It was a kibbutz so was kinda half farm / half industrial commune type thing. They had these huuuge sheds with IIRC 4,000 chickens in each one. Not your nice Rhode Island Red chickens, but your nasty white hormonally steroidically enhanced super-chickens.

    So the score was that at 3am a bunch of us had to go to one of the sheds while the chickens were asleep, put on a mask and gloves, and collect the bastards. I cannot describe the smell adequately but imagine soaking a shit in ammonia then setting fire to it and you're partway there. They put the lights on just ever so slightly so as not to wake them up. We had to reach under the chicken, grab it by the legs, then get more. The idea was that you'd have 3 chickens in your left hand, 2 in your right, then dump them all unceremoniously into cages which were then loaded onto a truck.

    I mentioned the smell - obviously the chickens wake up when you grab them and start flapping their massive wings around to free themselves, which generally resulted in them flapping into the shit covered floor which sprayed shit all over everything, in my face, clothes, everywhere

    And the absolute worst part was occasionally I could feel their legs snapping in my fingers as I carried them. That sound and feeling has most certainly stayed with me. Poor bastards.

    I had to throw all my clothing away afterwards.

    That said, given the choice between doing that every day and going back to being a recruitment consultant, it would have to be the chickens

    edit - on the whole though most of the jobs I had to do on the kibbutz were great fun. Best of all was cleaning the loading bay of the kitchen with the steam cannon. I don't know how this thing worked exactly but it was a thick hose which came out of the wall with a handle and nozzle arrangement on the end of it, I assume it piped steam out of the boiler system in the kitchen canteen building. Fuck me it was awesome though. You had to strap the cannon bit to yourself, think Ghostbusters proton pack handle crossed with the Aliens movie smartgun that Vasquez used, and let rip. It shot a jet of high pressure superheated steam that would literally strip the skin off you if you were dumb enough to get in the way. Cleaning stuff with that thing was amazing. Row of wheelie bins? No problemo. Need a drain cleaned? Sorted, shove the nozzle down it and give it a blast. I wish I had one at home, my house would be spotless. Ok there would be no paint left on anything as I would have destroyed it all but it would be very, very clean

    Edited by smoothpete at 07:23:42 27-10-2011
  • Dirtbox 27 Oct 2011 07:25:17 88,369 posts
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    Don't mean to one up, but that reminds me of the worst part of my favourite job - blocked toilets on passenger boats. It was always the girls toilets and it was almost always a pair of tights that they'd tried to pump away.

    The toilets had these pumps that build up unbelievable amounts of pressure when you pump the handle and not sucking anything through, so before I learned it's intricacies I caused a shit explosion that left a perfect silhouette of myself on the wall (in shit, toilet paper and discarded tights) in the comedy pose of a man trying to escape the cubicle to avoid getting covered in shit.

    Had to stand on the dock while my colleagues hosed me down, laughing hysterically while I was dry retching. In hindsight I should have just lept into the river.

    Edited by Dirtbox at 07:29:24 27-10-2011
  • smoothpete 27 Oct 2011 07:31:03 33,901 posts
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    Thankfully I've only ever been covered in animal shit and not human shit, I'm not sure I could cope with that :)
  • Load_2.0 27 Oct 2011 07:38:48 24,756 posts
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    Dirtbox wrote:
    I caused a shit explosion that left a perfect silhouette of myself on the wall (in shit, toilet paper and discarded tights) in the comedy pose of a man trying to escape the cubicle to avoid getting covered in shit.

    Assembling Venetian blinds for me, the mind numbing boredom of the production line and the soul crushing glances at my watch revealing how many hours were left each day.

    Unloading frozen fish wasn't great fun, hundreds and hundreds of boxes of fish lugged from the ships freezer onto pellets at the dock. Brrrrrrrrrr.
  • smoothpete 27 Oct 2011 07:40:29 33,901 posts
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    The 2nd task that caused me to have to throw my clothes away was the day when they got me mincing garlic. I had to tip buckets full of garlic cloves and oil into a meat grinder and scoop up the mush into other buckets. For hours.
  • Deleted user 27 October 2011 07:43:16
    Paperboy when I was 11. 5am start, 2 to 3 hours each, walking the worst estates in the city. Being chased by feral grey hounds (developed a genuine fear of grey hounds after this, seriously, gone now though), drugged up thugs and drunks. Every. Fucking. Morning. For 10 a week. :/
  • Spong 27 Oct 2011 07:56:37 525 posts
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    Working in a chicken factory. Twelve and a half hour shifts (6:45am to 7:15pm), all of it spent ripping the fat from cold dead chickens (and occasionally bone shrapnel). Shit work, and the company had the audacity to try and sell the workers cheap chicken at the end of the week. Seeing as we knew what it'd been through, no one ever bought it.

    Apart from that, the first job I had when I left school, working at Martins the Newsagents. I was paid the princely sum of 1.73 an hour, can you imagine such riches? I certainly couldn't, that's why I started stealing confectionery, magazines, cigarettes, even cash out of the till in the end.
  • MadCaddy13 27 Oct 2011 09:08:19 2,581 posts
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    /wins thread
  • Tonka 27 Oct 2011 09:11:10 25,201 posts
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    Phone sales man. Trying to trick people into buying shit toners for printers. The job was okayish but the bosses. My god... The room manager actually thought he had a job that was important and would get him places.

    The head honcho had ties with looney tunes characters on them. Honestly. Fucks sake...

    Som of my collegues were proper nutters too. One dressed like he was a hot shot trader at Wall Street and spent his money on monogramed shirts. One day after lunch he was shitting himself with joy because he managedto insult A cashier at McD's so badly that she threw a cheesburgerr at him.

    "I talked to her manager and he promised to fire the bitch!" was what he beamed at the boss with a Bugs on.

    What a fucking shithole of a place.
  • Dirtbox 27 Oct 2011 09:13:41 88,369 posts
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    Oh god, cold calling telesales. That was so utterly dismal that I'd blocked it out. Fuck me, what an awful existence that was.

    Edited by Dirtbox at 09:13:59 27-10-2011
  • JuanKerr 27 Oct 2011 09:34:17 37,705 posts
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    When I was desperate for a job after uni, I got suckered in by a very cleverly worded job advert by The Accident Group. Had to drive to a Marriott hotel off the A1 for some group presentation thing where about 50 other fools had also showed up.

    After the usual corporate bullshit, we were basically told that the jobs in question involved either setting up those stall things in shopping centres/knocking on people's doors in order to find out if they had an accident in the past three years. If so, then they might be entitled to compensation, etc.

    Once this nugget of information was digested by everyone, the people running the thing basically said that if anyone wasn't interested now they could leave. I decided that I wasn't that desperate for a job and left, joined by about 70% of the other people who showed up.

    Just as well I did leave - The Accident Group went into administration in May 2003. It was that lovely firm that informed its workers of their redundancy by text message.
  • Dougs 27 Oct 2011 09:36:02 81,356 posts
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    I've been pretty lucky really, worst was probably having to clean the cutting room whilst working in the butchery dept of a supermarket. Depending who was on the day before, you'd often have to clean out rotting meat from the traps and under the blocks etc. Corner cutting motherfuckers. It was also when I realised I couldn't be a veggie, just the smell of all that fresh meat made me starving. Signing people on wasn't much fun either. Especially New Deal 25+, that was depressing. No shit though.
  • Trafford 27 Oct 2011 09:36:02 7,829 posts
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    I did cold calling, commission only Telesales for 2 years, it gave me the sales balls I have today.
    Despite working for 25 years, I cannot think of a shitty job. Its all work, hence all shit.
  • henro_ben 27 Oct 2011 09:47:42 2,313 posts
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    Obvious answer:

    The worst job I ever had was with Jayne Mansfield. You know, she was a fantastic bird, you know... but I had the terrible job of retrieving lobsters from her bum.

    Actually cold calling when I was about 17 was probably the worst, that and having to deal with the drugged up loonies at the Benefits Agency.
  • Deleted user 27 October 2011 09:54:10
    Chipping at my local chinese
    Cleaning in a sandwich factory
    Car cleaning in winter

    But the worst was McDonalds, I lasted an hour.
  • RichDC 27 Oct 2011 09:55:09 7,319 posts
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    PCSO :cry:
  • VandelayIndustries 27 Oct 2011 11:02:38 1,523 posts
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    I spent a miserable couple of months working as a contract cleaner at Homebase for pocket money when I was a student. The job included cleaning the staff toilets, my god the girls toilets were awful. That warm copperish smell was stomach turning.

    As a sixth form student I spent a summer making and packing 'safety knives'. Every morning shower was excruciating because of the hundreds of tiny cuts all over my hands and fingers. The other guy working there used to fashion ninja stars from the stanley blades we used, he'd bounce them off the concrete floor into cardboard boxes. Fun and games until he planted one into my calf. :(
  • MetalDog 27 Oct 2011 11:11:30 24,076 posts
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    Working for a detective agency when I was about 18. Should have been awesome - very much wasn't.

    For the three days I was there, my job was to find the phone numbers of the targets (people in debt) - easy done by checking electoral roles mostly. Then you had to ring them up and get them to verify their names and addresses by lying to them and telling them they'd won a cash draw prize. Then one of my lovely co-workers would file the confirmation (thus getting the commission for the job instead of me).
    I spent the whole time thinking 'I'm going to Hell for this'.

    Second worst was cold calling telesales, where I also only lasted three days. Both jobs made me cry every morning when I woke up and realised I had to go back - better to be skint!
  • markh 27 Oct 2011 11:13:29 3,599 posts
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    Working at a milk packing factory wasn't very fun. It consisted of taking carton after carton of milk off a conveyor belt and putting them into the metal cages you see in supermarkets. The bending involved from putting them into the bottom of the cage from the conveyor just ruined your back. The little sharp bits of plastic on the back of the carton handles ripped open your hands after a while too.

    The other part of the job was to watch the machine that put the seals on the tops of the cartons to check if they had gone on properly. Mind numbingley boring.

    I only lasted a few days and quit when they asked me to start working the 10pm to 6am shift.
  • Dirtbox 27 Oct 2011 11:20:10 88,369 posts
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    MetalDog wrote:
    Then you had to ring them up and get them to verify their names and addresses by lying to them and telling them they'd won a cash draw prize. Then one of my lovely co-workers would file the confirmation (thus getting the commission for the job instead of me).
    I spent the whole time thinking 'I'm going to Hell for this'.
    While that sucks, I'm going to remember that in case I get any odd calls out of the blue telling me I've won money.

    Edited by Dirtbox at 11:25:45 27-10-2011
  • MetalDog 27 Oct 2011 11:21:54 24,076 posts
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    The more people who know about that little piece of vile fuckery, the happier I am, so spread the word =D
  • the_dudefather 27 Oct 2011 11:21:57 10,218 posts
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    Dirtbox's CV doubles as a suicide note
  • chopsen 27 Oct 2011 11:22:53 19,391 posts
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    But what if you have won money and you can they pay off your debts?
  • opalw00t 27 Oct 2011 11:31:31 12,771 posts
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    Working in a factory when I was 14 on 'holidays'.

    10 a day, spending 8 hours sealing rolls of chemically treated paper inside plastic bags on a particularly dangerous and hot machine, and then building cardboard boxes to put them in. The company was doomed as this paper was used for the precursor to fax machines... IIRC the Met office was responsible for about 75% of orders.

    Riding around on pallet loaders is quite fun though.
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