The pun thread

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  • craigy Staff 3 Oct 2011 20:46:22 7,836 posts
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    The new place where bad puns go to die. I'll go first!



    I had an idea for an online music service for tyrant autocrats. I call it Despotify.
  • Deleted user 3 October 2011 20:48:34
    /readies Tommy Cooper gag library
  • nickthegun 3 Oct 2011 20:49:36 61,305 posts
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    I had an idea for an online acne treatment. I call it despotify.

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    My man gives real loving that's why I call him Killer
    He's not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am, he's a thriller

  • prawnking1980 3 Oct 2011 20:49:40 5,193 posts
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    I wanted to run my own bakers, but couldn't raise the dough.
  • craigy Staff 3 Oct 2011 20:51:05 7,836 posts
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    I had an idea for a dalmation pigment removal cream. I call it Despotify.
  • nickthegun 3 Oct 2011 20:54:18 61,305 posts
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    I had an idea for an online dog euthenasia clinic. I call it despotify.

    ---------------------------------------------------------
    My man gives real loving that's why I call him Killer
    He's not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am, he's a thriller

  • Syrette 3 Oct 2011 20:56:22 44,212 posts
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    Why haven't you banned yourself for this?

    craigy wrote:
    This new game from id software looks like it's testing current gen-hardware to the limit.

    You could say that it's Rage Against The Machine.

  • craigy Staff 3 Oct 2011 20:59:55 7,836 posts
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    I'm firing on all cylinders today.
  • Trafford 3 Oct 2011 21:00:17 5,970 posts
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    My wife is going to Curl up & Dye tomorrow.
  • Razz 3 Oct 2011 21:41:59 61,655 posts
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    During the war, I was a toilet cleaner.

    I still get flushbacks!

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    Steam/PSN/XBOX: Razztafarai | 3DS: 1246-9674-8856
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  • neilka 3 Oct 2011 22:07:23 16,527 posts
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    I had an idea for an online music service offensively marketed to black people. I call it De Spotify.

    BAAANG!!!!! EXPLOTION!!!!!

  • Carlo 3 Oct 2011 22:09:59 18,219 posts
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    craigy wrote:
    I'm firing on all cylinders today.
    It's your exhaust we're more worried about.

    PSN ID: Djini

  • Deleted user 3 October 2011 22:29:21
    I bet my butcher 10 he couldn't reach the meat on his top shelf.

    "No way, the steaks are too high" said he.
  • The_Foo_Fighter 4 Oct 2011 11:08:58 724 posts
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    I was enjoying a nice Chinese meal the other day, when a cockroach crawled over my plate.

    I stormed out with wonton abandon.
  • Deleted user 4 October 2011 11:11:27
    I had an idea for a German streaming music service. I call it DEspotify.
  • LeoliansBro 4 Oct 2011 11:14:16 44,956 posts
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    I had an idea for a blog about Mr. Lynam's private stash.

    Now all I need is a name.

    LB, you really are a massive geek.

  • The_Foo_Fighter 4 Oct 2011 11:15:49 724 posts
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    I had to go to a German barbecue the other night.

    I'd been expecting the wurst...
  • LeoliansBro 4 Oct 2011 11:17:47 44,956 posts
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    I was so excited about my new job as a librarian, I wore my special new trousers. Imagine my horror at discovering they were too long! Luckily I found an elegant solution.

    It was a turn up for the books, let me tell you.

    LB, you really are a massive geek.

  • Deleted user 4 October 2011 11:19:41
    Two piles of sick walking down the street. One of them starts crying. The other turns to him and says "What are you crying for?"

    The first pile responds with "I was brought up here."
  • Deleted user 4 October 2011 11:20:57
    Woman walks into a police station balling her eyes out. "I've been graped!" she cries.
    "Graped?" Says the police officer. Surely you man "Raped?"
    "No" She says. "There was a bunch of 'em."
  • onestepfromlost 4 Oct 2011 14:33:43 2,117 posts
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    i was betting on a snail race the other day and to up the odds we tried removing ours shell to see if it would speed him up but he only ended up sluggish
  • MrTomFTW Moderator 4 Oct 2011 14:50:58 39,761 posts
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    I saw a magic tractor once. I was driving behind it and it turned into a field.

    Follow me on Twitter: @MrTom
    Voted by the community "Best mod" 2011, 2012 and 2013.

  • onestepfromlost 4 Oct 2011 14:55:50 2,117 posts
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    two parrots are sitting on a perch and one turns to the other and says "can you smell fish?"
  • onestepfromlost 4 Oct 2011 14:56:25 2,117 posts
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    two fish in a tank, one says "can you drive this thing?"
  • MrTomFTW Moderator 4 Oct 2011 14:58:48 39,761 posts
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    Two nuns in a bath. One says "Where's the soap" to which the second nun replies "Yes it does, doesn't it?"

    Follow me on Twitter: @MrTom
    Voted by the community "Best mod" 2011, 2012 and 2013.

  • Razz 4 Oct 2011 16:09:48 61,655 posts
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    ewww!!! :D

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    Steam/PSN/XBOX: Razztafarai | 3DS: 1246-9674-8856
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  • xandaca 4 Oct 2011 19:34:47 444 posts
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    A piece of black tarmac goes into a bar and says "Give me a pint and make it quick because I'm hard and scared of no-one".
    Just then, a piece of red tarmac comes up to the bar and the black piece runs out of the room.
    After a while he comes back and says "Has he gone yet?"
    The barman says "I thought you were scared of no-one?"
    The black tarmac replies "No-one messes with him, he's a cycle-path!"
  • darkmorgado 4 Oct 2011 19:39:00 15,598 posts
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    I've invented a new sport. It involves running round currys and listing all the stereo equipment. I call it spothifi.

    Support the Mowgli Dirty Protest!

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