Filthy smelling work colleague

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  • Vice.Destroyer 3 Jun 2011 13:51:43 5,827 posts
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    I'm at the end of my tether and need some advice from the eurogamer massive. A work colleague opposite me stinks like a homeless person. It used to be quite bad, but since our office move, we are now seated intimately close. And the stench, is difficult to describe. Bizarely, he doesn't even smell the same every day. Some days he will smell of foul BO. Other days he will smell as if he stepped in dog shit. Other days he smells as if he hasn't washed his hair in weeks.

    It's quite unbelievable how many different bad smells he can produce. But I am not brave enough to tell him to shower before coming to work. What would you guys do?
  • Deleted user 3 June 2011 13:52:40
    Tell him he smells.
  • Dougs 3 Jun 2011 13:52:48 67,167 posts
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    Smear him in butter
  • ecureuil 3 Jun 2011 13:53:18 76,719 posts
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    Stop washing yourself, you'll get so used to your own rancid smell, his won't bother you anymore.
  • graysonavich 3 Jun 2011 13:53:25 7,320 posts
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    Invite him to a communal shower at the nearest public leisure complex
  • thedaveeyres 3 Jun 2011 13:54:49 10,875 posts
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    Stealth "I'm a computer programmer" post.

    D****** ******r

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  • Alastair 3 Jun 2011 13:54:58 15,603 posts
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    /boring answer
    Complain to his manager, or to HR

    Not as nice as I used to be

  • lucky_jim 3 Jun 2011 13:55:25 5,282 posts
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    Speak to his manager. I had to once speak to a member of a team I managed because I was getting complaints about him being smelly.
  • Kosmoz 3 Jun 2011 13:55:33 7,662 posts
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    Aparently when I was in school a girl told her guidance teacher that the boy who sat next to her in class smelled and it was putting her off her work.

    Constantly bring up words like shower gel and deoderant. Ask to borrow some deoderant from him or something, or make a point of putting some on in his presence. Or let out a massive fart and see how he likes it.

    Every girl I ever kissed I was thinking of a pro footballer.

  • TechnoHippy 3 Jun 2011 13:56:53 14,707 posts
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    lucky_jim wrote:
    Speak to his manager. I had to once speak to a member of a team I managed because I was getting complaints about him being smelly.

    This. I've had to do the same with a few people, always a fun conversation.

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  • SYS64738 3 Jun 2011 13:59:12 1,654 posts
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    lucky_jim wrote:
    Speak to his manager. I had to once speak to a member of a team I managed because I was getting complaints about him being smelly.

    This. Assuming that your team isn't just comprised of you two, he won't know who complained and the manager can say 'it has been raised within the team/group' to not make himself look like he has a problem with his odour. Would only go to HR if the manager/teamlead doesn't do anything about it.

    PSN: SYS64738_UK

  • Vice.Destroyer 3 Jun 2011 13:59:38 5,827 posts
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    @lucky_jim and @alastair
    I did that once before. But that was when we were in our old, much larger office. (Edit: We decided that since I could only smell him sometimes and since he had heard nothing else, we would see how it goes. But our new office is so intimate, I am not coping) Even then, I'd get a whiff of it. It will have to be done, because I am not coping with this stench. I'm going home at 4, once all my work is done. Fuck that. And monday a talk will be had.

    @dougs
    If he put me off butter, I'd never forgive him.

    @ecu
    Done. Good shout

    @grayson
    Even better idea than dougs. I can wash him and make a major lifestyle change. Result.
  • Kay 3 Jun 2011 14:00:03 17,816 posts
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    Has anyone else in your office picked up on this smell? If he's as bad as you say he is, I reckon the best idea would be to take some sort of group action, complain to the manager or something.
  • speedofthepuma 3 Jun 2011 14:00:33 13,283 posts
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    Talk to him.

    Fuck that was hard, I'm good at this advice stuff luckily.

    I lurk. If I've spoken to you, I'm either impassioned, or drunk.

  • BinaryBob101 3 Jun 2011 14:00:51 22,637 posts
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    Do all that, then FHUTA.

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  • captainrentboy 3 Jun 2011 14:02:01 977 posts
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    Leave a printed note on his desk 'You smell like Holy Fuck, have a bath you cretin!!!'
    It's the cowards way out but at least he'll know. :)
  • SYS64738 3 Jun 2011 14:02:28 1,654 posts
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    Or ask him to become your flatmate, that way you'll get used to his stench eventually.

    PSN: SYS64738_UK

  • cianchristopher 3 Jun 2011 14:03:05 6,360 posts
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    I dunno, murder him? At least he won't be showing up to work anymore, and if your description of him is fair, then he deserves it...

    I'd behead him with a dull blade, myself - but if you wanna go old-school and just shoot him in the face, point-blank, with a shotgun, I'd understand.
  • dogbot 3 Jun 2011 14:03:30 2,272 posts
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    Tell your line manager, get them to have a word.
  • kalel 3 Jun 2011 14:03:46 86,955 posts
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    Make it HR's problem.
  • SYS64738 3 Jun 2011 14:05:07 1,654 posts
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    Buy a water pistol. Fill it with Chanel no 5. Lock and load.

    PSN: SYS64738_UK

  • speedofthepuma 3 Jun 2011 14:05:08 13,283 posts
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    Yet again it takes cianhristopher to be the only sensible person.

    By the way my spellchecker changes your name to CIA Christopher. Thought you might like that.

    I lurk. If I've spoken to you, I'm either impassioned, or drunk.

  • L_Franko Moderator 3 Jun 2011 14:06:09 9,694 posts
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    Go and get a stack of air fresheners and hang them all over his desk and chair. See if he gets it.
    Edit: The smelly cunt.
  • thedaveeyres 3 Jun 2011 14:06:57 10,875 posts
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    Come to work on Monday dressed like this

    D****** ******r

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  • MrTomFTW Moderator 3 Jun 2011 14:07:43 37,795 posts
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    FHUTA

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    Voted by the community "Best mod" 2011, 2012 and 2013.

  • Lamargo 3 Jun 2011 14:16:08 1 posts
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    Get a bunch of magic tree air fresheners and string them up to create a "wall of purity", then place it between you both. If he doesn't get the hint from this take it as gratis that you can just tell him he's a smelly fuckwad without insulting him, as he'd be too thick to understand anyway (possibly explains the random smells: "Did I shit myself? Dunno." *dribble from chin*).

    To be honest though, speak to him. If I came to work, oblivious of a reeking shitty smell that followed me, I'd be glad of the headsup from a discrete co-worker.
  • Vice.Destroyer 3 Jun 2011 14:17:11 5,827 posts
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    SYS64738 wrote:
    Buy a water pistol. Fill it with Chanel no 5. Lock and load.

    I like that suggestion. I like it a lot.
  • bigshot316 3 Jun 2011 14:27:02 23,571 posts
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    Wow, I have the exact same issue with 2 people in my office!

    One is a 48 year old man who rides his bike to and from work every day (8 miles).
    He doesn't bring a change of clothes or deodrant and he doesn't brush his teeth (he has cream cheese teeth).

    The worst thing about him is the coat he wears every single day. It has spores growing on the outside, and I cannot even describe the stagnant stench that pours out of it into the atmosphere- it's like.... It's a whole new smell!

    I was in the toilet the other day having a piss, and the smell had filtered from the cloakroom to the toilets and I was wretching and then puked my guts up in the bowl.

    Then there's this new guy who is fat with long hair and a mongey face.
    He just smells like my mates old first bedsit- a mixture of super stale sweat, unwashed hair, BO and cum.
  • JuanKerr 3 Jun 2011 14:35:02 36,239 posts
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    Do you work in a homeless shelter?
  • kalel 3 Jun 2011 14:37:21 86,955 posts
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    Everyone I sit with smells of designer fragrances and general awesomness, but I have to hold my breath when I walk past new media. And don't get me started on the IT room.
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